Jolted (Conflicted Encounters #1) (15 page)

"He always does," I said. "Let me up, dear?" Kallie's death grip released. I climbed off and turned to look at her.
 

She was watching Caleb swear and kick his bike, knee deep in mud. She wore a half smile and her eyes danced with amusement. Hair from her braid had blown loose and locks of hair framed her face. She looked more alive than I had seen her in days, and yet I still felt she was barely here. She caught me watching her and cocked her head to the side in curiosity.

"Look at you," I teased. "All outside and shit."

"Shut up," she laughed, smacking my leg. "How is he going to get out?"

"We'll pull him out. Logan has the winch," I told her.
 

Logan started his bike back up and rode through a dry path. We learned at a young age to build bridges through the deepest parts of land. Once on the other side of the mud pit, he backed up close to Caleb. Caleb was covered in mud as he pulled the winch cable over and hooked it on his front grill. He got back on and gave it some gas while Logan did the same and pulled him loose from the mud. Caleb raised his arms in victory once he was finally in the clear.
 

"We have to go through that?" Kallie asked me.

"Well, not that part, obviously," I smirked. "You scared?"

"No," she said quickly. I could tell by the way she was eyeing the creek that she was lying.
 

"Do you trust me?" I asked.
 

Her head jerked to look at me. "No."

"Good. Either way, you won't get hurt," I said, getting back on. "Maybe a little muddy."

"Ryder!" she scolded.
 

Before she could whine anymore, I took off down the hill. She held on tight as I maneuvered around the wettest ground and rode through some mud, making it to the other side. I gave it more gas to make it up the hill. The guys were waiting at the top when we made it up. They both cracked up laughing when I pulled to a stop. I looked behind me and saw a very pissed off Kallie.

Specks of mud spattered her face. A big smudge of dirt covered her cheek and her eyebrows were pulled together to glare at me. I couldn't help but laugh at her. I could hear her huffing with anger as I tired to hold back the laughs. I reached up and wiped a small glob of mud from her forehead, holding it up so she could see it.
 

Suddenly, she bubbled with laughter. Her body shook with the laughs and she held her stomach. When we were all out of breath and tears were no longer falling from our eyes, we finally calmed down. Kallie's laughs slowly turned in to soft giggles. She tried to wipe the mud off her face, spreading it even more.
 

"Stop," I said, short of breath and grabbing her hands. "You're only making it worse."

She smiled back at me. Her eyes were deep blue and glistening back at me. I held her hands down and examined her face. She looked like a totally different person than the girl that had been dragging around my apartment for the past few days.
 

"You having fun?" I asked her. I held my breath, waiting for her answer.
 

"Yes," she said. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me," I said, turning back to the handlebars. "I'm not the nice guy."

"I know," she whispered. "But still."
 

I started the engine and rode off. I followed the guys over rocks and through mud puddles. Kallie laughed in my ear and held on tight the entire time. We came to a wide open field where Logan and Caleb raced each other. We laughed and cheered them on. When they argued about who won the race, I decided to sneak off.
 

"Where are we going?" she asked in my ear as I pulled away from the couple.

"I'll show you, Princess."

I rode on the familiar path along the edge of the field. It had been so long since we all rode like this that the tire paths were almost covered. I could make this trip with my eyes closed, though. When we first started bringing Scarlett along with us, she found this spot when she got separated from us and lost. We found her sitting here, crying her eyes out.
 

I turned off the engine at the edge of the railroad bridge. I climbed off and offered my hand to Kallie. She stared at it long enough that I almost pulled my hand back. I was never nice, never polite, but I was trying to prove a point. She didn't need to make me work so hard at it. When I helped her down, she pulled me back.

"Is it safe?" she asked.

"Pretty much," I told her. "These tracks haven't been used since the seventies. If you walk back that way, it's actually disconnected," I told her, pointing behind her.
 

She looked back and nodded. She followed me down the train tracks and onto the bridge. You could see the river under us from the gaps in the wood. When we reached the middle, I sat down and dangled my legs through a gap in the planks. She debated for a moment before finally sitting beside me. She kept her feet up on the bridge.
 

"We used to come here all the time as kids," I told her, looking out over the river.
 

"You sure we won't get hit by a train?" she asked as she looked behind us.

"Yes," I laughed.
 

"A little dangerous for kids. Your parents let you come out here?"

"Well, they didn't necessarily know," I admitted. "Can I ask you something?"

"Maybe."
 

"Why are you here?" I turned to watch her face.

"My car broke down," she said shortly.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," I quipped.
 

She sighed and leaned back on her hands. She let her legs dangle down with mine and looked up at the sky. I knew she was hiding something. Most of me didn't really care, but seeing her everyday, seeing her being eaten alive, was driving me crazy. I had to do something. If not to help her, then to at least stop reminding myself of what it felt like to hold something so terrible inside.
 

Logan and Kallie became my pet projects today. I couldn't help myself, so I will fix them. Seeing them in pain, with guilt and hate burning them up, just reminded me of everything I felt inside. Everything I was trying so hard to bury down. They didn't deserve it. I did. They were good people.

"I just had to get away," Kallie said, breaking my train of thought. "My parents, everybody, they wanted me to be someone I just can't be right now."

"So, you ran away?"

"Not exactly," she said. "I just kinda went for a drive. A very long one. And ended up drunk and waking up in your bed." Her face reddened with embarrassment. "Now, I have disappointed them and became a disgrace. I don't think I can ever go back now."
 

"Well, that's bull shit," I blurted. "I doubt you could ever disappoint them so badly that they wouldn't take you back. You're perfect. You're smart, beautiful and will probably end up doing something amazing with your life."

"Right," she snorted. "Running a jewelry store isn't amazing. Makes the Adams a ton of money, that's all."
 

"Then don't do it. Do something you want to do."

"I don't know what I want anymore," she sighed, sounding defeated.
 

"You wanted me the other night," I teased, pushing her playfully. Too much heavy talk.

“Oh, stop," she said, covering her face. "I'm
so
sorry about that."
 

"Don't be."
 

"I don't know what came over me. I've never done that before, or anything like it," she said, mortified.
 

"Really? You looked experienced to me," I joked.
 

She glared at me and punched my shoulder. I grabbed her hand and held it to my chest. Her skin felt warm, signs that life was in her and she wasn't a walking corpse.
 

"Please don't tell anyone about that," she begged seriously.

"Shit. I posted it on Twitter," I said, wide-eyed. Her eyes popped out of her head and I couldn't hold back anymore. I cracked up laughing.

"Asshole," she muttered, then quickly put her hands over her mouth.

"Wait, what was that? Was that a bad word I just heard come from the Princess's pretty little mouth?" I yelled. "Hurry, tell the kingdom. We must revolt!"

She laughed with me and leaned back to lay on her back. When her laughing finally subsided, she mockingly glared at me.
 

"You never really swear?" I asked.

"Not in front of people," she admitted. "Not very lady-like, or so I'm told." She rolled her eyes.
 

"I think you're lady enough. Felt like it to me,” I joked.

She laughed and sighed, closing her eyes. I stared down at her face. Turning her away that night was the hardest thing I had done in a long time. I wanted nothing more than to bury myself inside of her, but the look in her eyes stopped me. They were empty, black and void of any of the light and fire I saw days before. I saw that look before.
 

I saw it in the mirror; I saw it in Logan and in my sister. I have seen it in my mother and father. She wasn't here; she was trying to hide behind the person making the moves for her. If I were to have her, I would need all of her, because I was a selfish ass like that. I was somehow sure anything less would never compare to the real her.
 

Kallie

We sat on the bridge in silence until we heard the guys pull up behind us. I was hesitant to go when Ryder first tried to get me to leave the apartment. I just didn't have the energy or heart to argue with him, so I followed. Like I always do, I followed. I climbed back on the four-wheeler and held on to Ryder.
 

I had no idea why he decided to drag me along today. I had no business with mud and dirt, and I didn't need him to feel sorry for me. We rode slowly back to barn, taking the same path we took earlier. I enjoyed the fresh air and the wind blowing through my hair. I closed my eyes, leaned my head on Ryder's back, and breathed in the cool air.
 

I spent days feeling sorry for myself and locked up in a stranger's apartment. I forgot what it felt like to be in the world again. I was never going to figure out how to move on while hiding in bed all day. I wasn't going to miraculously become a different person by cutting myself off from the outside. I was so wrapped up with everything going on inside of me that I hadn't even realized that summer came. I usually didn't get to spend my summers outdoors. I should be enjoying it.
 

When we got back to the barn and they put the toys away, I was buzzing with energy. I felt renewed and exhilarated. I wiggled my leg impatiently and played with my charm bracelet on the ride back to the apartment.
 

"You okay?" Ryder finally asked me.
 

"Yep. Just energized now," I said. "Thanks. For today." His playful joking and laughter made me feel lighter.

"Don't mention it," he said, watching the road. I stared at his profile, noting the few days of scruff growing in. I almost wanted to touch it, feel the scratching under my hands. I promptly scolded myself and pulled my eyes away. I shouldn't be thinking of someone else. Not yet and not about someone that was so confusing.
 

When we pulled into the parking lot, I was relieved to see Scarlett's car. She's been coming and going for the past few days, and the times I did see her, I didn't feel like talking. We walked up the stairs in silence and I took the muddy boots off before we headed in.

"There you guys are. Why is she covered in mud?" Scarlett asked as soon as Ryder opened the door.

"We were at Caleb's," he told her.

"Oh," she said surprised. "And you went willing?" she asked me with a smile.

"Not really," I laughed. "I'm gonna shower."
 

"Good. You need to," she quipped.
 

I went to Scarlett's bathroom and turned on the water. I looked in the mirror and smiled at my mud-speckled face. My braid was coming loose and I didn't even bother putting on makeup when I left today. I worked my hair loose from the braid and peeled the muddy clothes off me. I stepped under the spray and let the water wash over.
 

I imagined all the worries and pain washing down the drain with the water. I imagined a new and improved Kallie appearing beneath the old Kallie, who was melting away with the hot water. I pictured each and every overbearing thought being watered down and eventually, washing away along with the dirt on my skin. I pictured every droplet falling as an unshed tear, disappearing.
 

When I finally felt renewed and cleaned, I wrapped a towel around me and went to Scarlett's room. She was lying on her stomach on her bed, drawing a detailed feather on her sketch pad. I rummaged through my pile and changed into fresh clothes.
 

"Where you been?" I finally asked her.

"Just out and working," she said, not looking up from the paper.
 

"Out?"

"Yeah. I went out with some people from work a few nights. Met some guys," she winked. "You and my brother seem to be getting along better."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused. I didn't see us as getting along or not. We coexisted.
 

"I swear I could cut the tension around here with a knife," she said, laughing.

"Oh. I was having a rough few days," I said. "So, you left me here, alone with him, thinking we weren't getting along?"

She looked up at me surprised. "Oh shit. I didn't really think of it like that. I feel like such an ass," she rushed, sitting up.

"It's fine," I lied. "I just don't know anyone except you."

"We can change that," she said with an evil smile.
 

"You are full of bad ideas," I scolded her mockingly. I flopped down on the bed next to her. "So, I never slept with him."

"Who?" she asked, laying down next to me.

"Ryder," I clarified. "I assumed I did that first night, but I didn't. Just stayed the night, I guess."