Joe Speedboat (36 page)

Those who stayed behind stared at the wreckage in silent amazement. P.J. stood there like a billowing spinnaker of lace and silk amid the ruins of her wedding day. It was as though she couldn't decide between anger and hilarious laughter. My own laughter wouldn't stop, and in fact it has lasted until this day. P.J. looked at me, then at the colourful ribbon of wedding guests chasing a white horse across the fields, and shook her head slightly. She poured two glasses of champagne from one of the only tables left standing, ticked the glasses together, poured one of them down my throat and knocked back the other one herself in two gulps.

‘Whore of the century,' she said pensively, wiping her lips. ‘Whore of the century. Man oh man . . .'

Two weeks later P.J. gave birth to a son, that autumn they moved into the house where they still live. The little boy I saw for the first time as he was bicycling down Poolseweg beside Christof, an orange flag swaying from the back of his bike. Christof raised his hand in greeting, the fat little boy ploughed on. He didn't look like Heinrich Himmler.

Technically speaking, it's even possible that the little boy is my son, for P.J. and I never stopped sleeping together. And my balls are in perfect working order. Says P.J. She comes by when Christof is off travelling. Pa always closes the living-room curtains, on days like that she is there in full. P.J. is getting little wrinkles of age beside her ears, my love for her has never cooled. She is still my only reader.

The passages where I wrote about Joe, the things that happened and how we lost our souls make her uneasy. ‘He was a dreamer,' she says, as though that explains or justifies anything.

Sometimes she asks me to pick her up with my good arm, I put my hand under her arse and she keeps herself in balance on my shoulder, so I can slowly lift her off the ground. Then she sits briefly on my hand like on the saddle of a racing bike. When I lift her I am, for a moment, as strong as a bear and she feels as light as a feather. This gives her a great deal of pleasure. After that we fuck like animals.

I still make my village rounds and occasionally drop in on Hennie Oosterloo in his garden house behind the Little Red Rooster. He sets his elbow in the middle of the table, because he will associate me with arm wrestling for the rest of his dimwitted life, but I shake my head and sometimes I almost start crying. I think about seppuku, the clean, straight cut, but in the end that is not in my line. I didn't lose my honour, I gave it away while in full possession of my senses.

The E981 has opened. A glacier of asphalt came grinding in, steamrolling new times before it, and we have disappeared behind a towering sound barrier of earth and plastic. And indeed, we hear nothing, just as little as we are heard. From the corner of their eye, drivers zipping by may catch a glimpse of the tip of our steeple poking up above the wall, atop it the cock
that showed its pluck; otherwise the world has hidden us from view. But behind that we have not passed away, nor have we changed our shape. We are still here.