Jockblocked: A Novel (Gridiron Book 2) (20 page)

“Like this?” He shoves them in hard, this time it’s three of them. I shriek at the pure pleasure.

He adds a thumb down the front of my pants, and I come like a rocket. When I float back out of the clouds, down to earth, I find that I’ve two chunks of Matty’s hair in either hand, and I’m suffocating him against my chest. I slowly force myself to release him, gently brushing his hair back into place and rearranging the mess I’ve made of his clothes. He grins the whole time.

“You like that?”

I nod. “Best sledding trip ever.” I reach down between us to cup his gigantic hard-on. “Let’s get home so I can take care of you.”

He licks his lower lip. “Best after-sledding trip coming up.”

T
he following Friday
, I wake up to the sound of the shower. Matty is gone, but the bed is still warm. The sheets are an utter disaster, and I don’t know how I fell asleep on them because that kind of messiness drives me nuts.

Oh right, Matty fucked me into unconsciousness.

I stretch a bit and revel in the soreness of rarely used muscles. I wouldn’t have to do my daily walk today because I’ve had enough exercise to last three days, at least.

Sutton and Charity have declared that Matty’s good for me, and I won’t deny that I’ve never been happier. These past couple of weeks have been a revelation. I thought dating Matty would be hard, but it isn’t. Despite school, work, and mock trial, there’s always time for each other. And it’s a relief that he’s as busy as I am.

In fact, starting next Tuesday, he’ll be even busier because spring practice starts. When he said he’d do all the work and I just had to enjoy the rewards, he wasn’t kidding.

The only thorn is Ace. He finally apologized, but he did it via text. I’m sorry for him, but I’m not going to be his punching bag. When he’s ready to be an adult, I’ll talk to him. Until then, he’ll have to stew in his own juices.

I should get up and test my blood sugars, but I don’t want to. I want to stay here in bed, wrapped up in the warmth of Matty’s body and the scent of us together. In fact, if I close my eyes tight enough, I can even conjure up a slow-motion replay of my favorite part of last night. I think it might have been at his desk where he bent me over and took me from behind, all the while whispering dirty things in my ear.

Lord, that boy has a mouth on him.

“That’s a smug sex smile if I’ve ever seen one.”

I flick my eyes part way open to see Matty strolling out of the bathroom using his towel to dry his hair. His dick hangs free between his legs looking quite delectable.

I give him a lazy smile as he pulls on a pair of sleep pants. “Don’t worry, babe. You’re playing a starring role in my fantasies.”

“I’d be worried if I wasn’t, cuz that would mean I’m not doing a very good job of rule number one, which is to make sure you have a damn good time.”

“If I had a better time, I might not be conscious.”

Concern immediately falls over his face. “You feeling okay?”

“I’m feeling pretty awesome, thanks.”

“Good.” He presses a knee into the side of the bed. “I’m going downstairs to get something to eat.” I make a motion to get up, but he presses me back. “I’ve got this.”

I allow him to leave, then heave myself out of bed. My monitoring kit is in my backpack, which got flung onto Matty’s desk. There’s a folder, a notebook, and some papers lying on the floor. We must have knocked them off in our haste to undress.

I stoop down and gather everything up. The notebook’s partly open and I take a quick peek. In it is a list of plays. Various offensive schemes. I chuckle a bit. Matty’s a serious student but his number one topic is football. Which makes sense. We’re all studying so we can get a job out in the real world, and Matty’s working toward a potential multimillion-dollar-a-year job after college. It shouldn’t surprise me his primary focus is football.

I stack the loose papers on top of the notebook and grab the folder. I pick it up by the wrong end and the contents flutter out.

“Crap.” I’m making a bigger mess than what I started with. As I’m gathering the stuff, I spot my name on one of the papers. An awful sensation starts churning in my stomach. With trembling fingers, I pick the paper up. Two notebook sheets with precise printing—the kind you see on architectural drawings—are headed with my name in big block letters. I scan it. It lists my major, where I work. That I have two roommates.

I’m only bringing this to you because I think it’s right.

My work schedule at the Brew House is printed out. Wednesdays, Thursdays, five to close. Saturdays, open to noon. All of my classes are listed as well.

L
ucy Watson
, junior.

Major: Public Policy

Job: Brew House

Extracurricular: Mock Trial

I
rip open the folder
, but the only thing in it is a sticky note with seven scrawled names. I nearly vomit when I make out the first one. It’s a guy from the Sigma Chi frat that I hooked up with in my freshman year. Four other names are either of boyfriends I had or hookups. Two I don’t know.

I look down at my body with horror. I’m wearing Matty’s shirt. The shirt of some guy who has spent weeks romancing me for no apparent reason. Just out of the blue, a guy who hates coffee, shows up at the coffee house. Flirts with
me
. Follows
me.

I tear the shirt off, my tears wetting the fabric as I struggle to get it off me. I can’t stop crying. The water drips out of my eyes and splashes onto the paper, smearing the ink but the words are all embedded into my brain.

In all the different risk scenarios I had played out in my mind, not one of them had ever, ever included a betrayal like this. That he might cheat on me? Yes. That he might forget me? Also yes.

But those were normal. Those were things anyone could overcome. But this? The pain slices through me. I wrap my arms around my waist and bend over to hold it in, to keep myself together.

How could he do this to me? How could he be so sweet? Should I have somehow guessed? Wasn’t it really odd how he’d sit through those wedding shows without complaint? Ace wouldn’t do that and we’ve been friends for over a decade. And how he was so patient with me? How he didn’t make fun of my cautiousness?

I pull my backpack from the desk and onto the floor because I don’t yet have the strength to get up. My hands are shaking so much it’s hard to open the zipper, and it takes a couple of tries. I shove my
dossier
into it. Matty doesn’t get to keep this. He doesn’t get to keep any of these.

I look around for my clothes. My panties are lying obscenely in the middle of the floor, mocking me. I snatch them up and stuff them inside my backpack too. God, I have to get dressed and get out of here.
Come on
! I shout to myself.
Stop sniveling and get out of this hellhole!

Dimly, I can hear myself making awful sounds. I hold a hand up to my mouth to silence the moans before anyone can hear me. I’ve got to get out of here. I’ve got to go.

Matty breaks into the room and rushes over to me. “What’s wrong, Goldie? Did you fall and hurt yourself?”

Fall and hurt myself
? Yeah, I guess I did. I flinch when he lays an arm around my shoulders. I can’t stand his touch. It makes me sick.

“Are you injured?” he says in concern, trying to turn me around so he can inspect me.

And suddenly I’m enraged. He’s concerned I’m not going to do his dirty work.

“You’re just going to accept my no?”

“I have to, don’t I?”

Right. He’s just going to accept a no. I knew that sounded like a trick when he’d said it, but I wanted it to be true, so I accepted it. I didn’t listen to my internal warning system. I threw away all my careful assessments and what happened? I let Matty eviscerate me. He couldn’t have done a better job of tearing me apart if he’d put my heart through a wood chipper.

“Don’t touch me,” I snarl and scuttle backward. My feet hit my jeans. I drape them over my lap. Behind me is a blanket, and I wrap that around me, too. If I had to rip down a curtain, I’d do that as well. Anything to cover myself up.

“What’s wrong, Luce?”

Matty is wearing a completely bewildered expression, as if he doesn’t have the first clue what’s going on. As if he and his little team didn’t completely research every facet of my life. I was just another challenge for them to conquer.

“How’d you get picked?” I ask. “Draw the short straw? Was it hard to abstain from fucking a different girl every night, or did you do that anyway while lying through your teeth about being only turned on by
me?
”

God, all the lines, all the things I fell for. I couldn’t be more humiliated if I had to walk through campus nude. That eight minutes of silence I experienced my freshman year? Even
that
didn’t make me feel as low and dirty and awful as I do now.

“What are you talking about?” he barks out and then, as if realizing he’s supposed to be nice to me, he gives me a strained smile. “I’m sorry, but I’m working blind right now. I know you’re angry, but I don’t know why. Is it about the Ace thing? Because you seemed to be okay with it.”

“Seemed to be?” I say. To my disgust, my words come out shrill and quavery. “Before today I didn’t know how long you’ve been plotting this out. How you and whoever went around and compiled a more thorough background check than the FBI. When did you figure out that Ace and I were friends? Was it that first night you came to the Brew House? Was it before then? After? When?” I’m screaming at the end. Literally screaming. I stand up and start dressing. It doesn’t matter what he answers. I’m not going to believe him.

I can’t believe I slept with him. I can’t believe I let down all my defenses. I can’t believe I didn’t listen to myself. I knew he was a risk.
I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

But I let him talk me into bed. Hell, I jumped into bed with him. I told
him
it was for one night and then went back for seconds and thirds. We’ve been carrying on this charade for nearly three weeks! He was so damn clever.

“I don’t know what in the hell you’re talking about!” Matty yells back. “If you’d tell me, I’d give you an explanation. Hell, I’d apologize, but I don’t know what the fuck is going on!” His hand goes to the back of his neck. A classic Matty sign of frustration.

I struggle into my T-shirt and then stomp over to my backpack and pull out the folder. I thrust it into his hands.

“This. This is what I’m talking about. You knew my class schedule, where I worked. That I was in mock trial. You even have a list of my fucks! I’m surprised you don’t have my goddamned medical records in there. Or did you know all along I was diabetic and were planning on using that against me, too?”

Matty’s face pales. He flips open the folder that is empty except for the note stuck to the back flap. He reaches in and crumples it up. Then the whole manila folder folds in on itself as he fists his hand. “Goddammit, no. I didn’t use any of this shit. I didn’t even know you and Ace—” He breaks off. “Fuck, I hate saying your names together in one sentence. I’m so fucking lost on you that I get irrationally jealous when your names are linked together because you don’t belong to Ace. You belong to me.”

“I don’t belong to anyone. Least of all you!” I jab him in the chest.

That was a mistake. He grabs my hand and pulls me into his arms, banding his muscle, bones and tissue around me like strong rope. I struggle, but he doesn’t release me. We look ridiculous. Like some black-and-white silent film villain and weak maiden.

“When did you know?” I choke on the words. “When did you know? Did you intentionally seek me out? Did you sleep with me to persuade me to talk to Ace? Did you?” I pound my fists on his chest, and he stands there and takes it. I pound and pound and pound and scream and cry until I’m too exhausted to say or do anything else but collapse in his arms.

He picks me up and carries me to his chair by the window.

“I didn’t know,” he says in a strained voice. His arms are loose around me, but he’s tense everywhere else. Ready, I suppose, to capture me if I try to flee again. Right now I’m drained. “I didn’t know until a day or two before you came to stay at Ace’s place.”

“Before we had sex,” I mumble into his chest. When I gain my second wind, I’m going to get up and leave.

“Yeah, before we had sex.”

“So you used me,” I say dully.

“No, goddammit. No. I fucking…no.”

“What were you going to say?” I feel like I’ve heard everything at this point and believe nothing. Nothing that I don’t see with my own eyes, at least.

He’s quiet for a long time. His chest rises and falls as he takes these giant gulps of breath, as if he’s preparing for something big. He better tell me the truth. I hope that’s what he’s gathering his courage to do.

“I think I’m falling in love with you. So, no—I did none of those things you say I did. But I don’t blame you for thinking them. I didn’t ask for that stuff to be done, and I’m sorry it was. But I’m not sorry I met you. I’m not sorry we made love.”

“Love?” My head’s spinning now. It’s a good thing I’m sitting down, even if it is on Matty’s lap, because I’m seriously confused.

“Yeah. I mean, do I know what love is? Probably not, but I can’t stop thinking about you. I grin at odd times during the day like a goddamn fool when I come across something you said or did. Sex with you is off-the-charts amazing. Kissing you. Just kissing you make me horny as hell. Other women walk by and I know in the past, pre-Lucy, I’d be attracted to them, but now they are like oatmeal to me. Bland and uninteresting. You’re the sugar in my life. So yeah, I’m falling in love with you.”

I have no response to that. We haven’t known each other for that long. Only a few weeks. It doesn’t make sense to me.

“I know it’s crazy, right?” he whispers into my hair. “For Masters, he said it was immediate. First time he saw Ellie, his wife, he told me the earth moved. I didn’t realize the earth was moving when I saw you the first time. I didn’t realize everything in my life was changing because it happened slowly. One meal, one conversation, one kiss at a time.”

My cheeks are wet again. I’ve never had anyone say these words to me before. I don’t know if they’re false. They don’t feel false. But can I even trust my instincts anymore?

He sighs again, and the breath ruffles my hair. I dig my face into his chest because I don’t want to talk. I don’t have the words for what I’m feeling right now. Happy, angry, sad, confused, elated. They are all inside of me, fighting for domination. The cocktail of strong emotions is making me dizzy and weak.

Matty rubs my arms slowly. “I swear to you on a stack of Holy Bibles, my grandmother Betty’s grave, and the Outland Trophy I won for last year’s season that I did not know who you were when we met at the Brew House or when I ate with you at Crowerly’s. I knew who you were when I found you baking cookies that night at Ace’s place, but I slept with you because I wanted you, not because of Ace. I hate that you have a relationship with Ace. It makes me jealous as fuck. And I’m not thrilled I’m in this position with Ace, but Coach laid it on me.”