Jeremy (Broken Angel #4) (3 page)

O
pening thick mahogany doors
, he stepped into the dim room. Candles lined the walls. At the far end of the vast room, sitting high on a three-tiered platform, was a high-backed chair made of rich wood. The plush red velvet cushion gleamed beneath the dozens of candles surrounding the seat of judgment. He’d been in the room dozens of times with Lash, and sometimes with other angels who’d fallen. He always stood off to the side, watching as Michael passed judgment, wondering what it felt like to be kneeling in front of the powerful archangel, vulnerable, pleading for forgiveness and to be taken back into Heaven. Though he bent the rules from time to time, he’d never entertained the thought to go against Heavenly law to the point he’d be banished. Why would he? He’d had everything he’d ever needed or wanted . . . until now.

The flames flickered as he walked swiftly to Michael’s chair and knelt before it. His head dropped to his chest. He didn’t have to wonder anymore about how the others felt in this position. He felt it in every single part of his body. His chest grew heavy as the past few weeks filtered through his mind. Fighting Lash, desiring his brother’s wife, dreaming of a life where his brother didn’t exist just so he could have her.

“Forgive me, brother.”

His heavy voice echoed in the silent chamber. He’d fought so hard to win back in Lash’s trust. He didn’t want to lose his brother again. Yet, the thought of leaving and never seeing his family or Naomi again was tearing into his chest, stripping away his heart piece by piece. He couldn’t stay. He couldn’t leave.

“Help me find a way.”

A cool breeze washed over the back of his neck, followed by a touch on his shoulder. He jolted to his feet and spun around.

“Gabrielle!” Why was she here? Angels didn’t go into the room unless they had to.

“I was . . . uh, I was . . .” He brushed a hand through his hair as he scanned the room, looking for an excuse. “I was looking for an extra candle.”

He snatched one from the shelf, cursing when the hot wax sloshed on his hand. Rubbing his hand, he looked at Gabrielle. His stomach twisted at the expression on her face. It was the same look Naomi had given him—pity.

Had Naomi told her what had happened? He couldn’t think of any other reason why Gabrielle, who was always all business, would look like that. How pathetic. Even the most hardened archangel pitied him.

“Oh, man, sorry about that.”

Why did she keep standing there?

Say something. Reprimand me. Toss me out the door. Anything.

“It’s been a while since this bod’s had hot wax on it.” He flashed his dimples, hoping she’d pick up on his innuendo and kick his sorry ass out of the room.

“Jeremiel.” She let out a slow breath. Her dark lashes closed for a moment, then lifted. Soft emerald eyes held his with tenderness. She was afraid he’d break.

He took a step back, grinning so hard he though his teeth would crack.

Come on, Gabrielle. Tell me off. Punish me. Just don’t look at me like that. I can’t take it from you too.

Silence filled the room. His heart pounded in his ears, ticking away time as he waited for Gabrielle to respond.

“For someone who’s a great poker player, you’re a terrible liar,” she finally said.

“Yeah, I’ve been told that before.”

“I didn’t mean to disturb you. If you need a few moments alone, I can have someone stand guard at the door to make sure no one enters.”

“No, I’m done here.” He let out a breath. She didn’t ask any questions as to why he was alone, kneeling like one of the fallen in front of Michael’s chair. She was too polite for that. It was the one thing he liked about her.

Her lips curled into a soft smile. If he wanted to ask her permission to stay on Earth, he should do it now. He opened his mouth, but the words caught in his throat.

“Is there something you wanted to ask me?”

Ask her, moron.

His mouth grew dry, afraid he’d have to explain why he was asking. As an archangel, he didn’t need permission to go to Earth, but for any extended stays, he had to get approval from her or Michael. Gabrielle was his best bet. She was strict when it came to following angel law, and she was always bound to her duty, but she didn’t pry. The first time he’d left after the fight with Lash, she’d been the one to tell him to leave. Somehow she’d known he needed to go. And when he’d returned, she’d never questioned where he’d been.

“I, uh . . . ” He gazed at the candle in his hand, nervously rolling it between his thumb and finger.

He couldn’t do it. He knew he should go, but he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Naomi and not seeing her every day. And Lash . . . his throat grew thick again. Naomi was right. After all he and his best friend had been through, it would break his heart. Lash was finally happy, and he didn’t want to be the one to tear apart his happy world.

“Let me help you.” Gabrielle stepped closer and placed a delicate hand over his.

His eyes drifted up and gazed into her stunning face. He’d never been this close to her. He took in the way her cream-colored gown hugged her curves and the way her golden locks hung like fine silk. Her eyes were so vivid. They were a kaleidoscope of yellow and shades of green. He looked deeper into her eyes. It was as if a veil had been lifted, and he could see into the depths of her soul. There was great strength in her . . . and sadness.

Slowly, he lifted his hand and caressed her cheek. She was lovely. His hand didn’t hum with electricity the way it had when he touched Naomi. But there was a certain peace as he stood with her. She understood him. Maybe they were meant to be together, bound by their unrequited love—hers for Raphael and his for Naomi.

I wonder.

He dipped his head. His lips brushed over hers in a feather-light kiss.

T
here was nothing
. No fire rushing over his body. No stomach quivering with anticipation of something more. It was like kissing his mother.

“That’s not what I meant, Jeremiel.” She bowed her head, stepping away.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” He sat down on the bottom step of the platform and ducked his head onto his hands. He was making a mess of everything. Was this what he could expect from now on—making inappropriate gestures in the most holiest of places? He’d kissed Gabrielle, for crying out loud!

He shook his head. There had to be something he could do about it. Somehow Gabrielle had managed to keep herself together, and she’d been doing it for centuries.

Slowly, he lifted his head. She had the answers. She had to tell him what to do.

“How did you do it?”

“Excuse me?”

“How did you do it, seeing him every day, knowing Raphael didn’t . . .?”

Pain flashed across her lovely face. He sucked in a breath at the sight of her anguish. All the years he’d worked with her, he’d never seen her like that. Her brow furrowed as she struggled to school her face and push back centuries of hurt and longing. Before he could apologize for bringing up Raphael, she held up her hand, silencing him.

“You know,” she said.

He nodded.

She closed her eyes a moment, thinking. When she opened them, she took a hesitant breath, as if she were undecided about asking a question to which she desperately wanted an answer. After taking that breath, the words spilled out.

“Does anyone else know?”

“I don’t think so.”

She gave a small nod, then turned and paced the floor. Her gown billowed as she moved. She wrung her hands, muttering, “I need to do better. Everyone will know.”

That’s just great.
Now he’d made things worse. He shouldn’t have brought up Raphael.

“I won’t say anything about you and . . .”

She froze, her expression horrified.

I should shut up now.
He grimaced and clamped his mouth closed.

“I’m not worried. I trust you. I thought . . . never mind.” She shook her head as if clearing whatever was worrying her and let out a slow breath. “So, you want to know how I do it?”

“Yes.”

She was silent for a moment. Her beautiful face changed from longing to happiness to pain, and then finally to the familiar stern expression.

“You just . . . do.”

“That’s it? There’s nothing else?” There had to be something. He’d try anything.

“There is nothing else. It gets better with time, or so I’ve heard from human philosophers. I’m not sure it applies to angels. Humans’ time is finite, whereas for angels it’s . . .”

“Forever,” he groaned. Reclining back against the steps, he gazed at the vaulted ceiling. Shadows from the candlelight danced on his handsome face as he studied the intricate gothic designs covering the vast hall. It was funny how humans wanted to live forever. If they only knew what living forever was really like.

What was he going to do?

“So the first time you left didn’t help you at all?” she asked.

“Yes . . . no . . . I don’t know. It was difficult at first to forget Naomi. I thought about her every day, and I didn’t know why I couldn’t let go of her. Knowing about our past together made it even—”

He stopped and turned his head to Gabrielle as she sat herself on the step next to him.

“What are you doing?” Her eyes widened as he leaned in close, inhaling.

“That scent.” He closed his eyes, smelling her neck again. It was a mixture of jasmine and coconut.

“It’s the lotion you brought me when you returned from your stay on Earth, remember?”

“Yeah, right.” Leaning back, he placed his elbows on the steps, letting his mind wander as he remembered his time on the garden island. Memories of trees heavy with plumeria blossoms, white sandy beaches, and surfboards ran through his mind.

“So your time on the island . . . I thought it helped you to be away.”

“Yes, it did.” So much had happened since he’d returned from Kauai, it seemed like it had been years. Actually, it
had
been years, in Earth time.

“You seemed to have had fun while you were away.”

He jolted up. What had she seen? Most of his time there he’d been moping around, walking the beaches until he’d met Sammy and Leilani.

He smiled, reminiscing. What a pair those two had been. A few weeks with them and he’d been back to feeling like his old self again, until . . .

He swallowed thickly, quickly turning his attention back to Gabrielle.

“You saw?”

“Of course I did. I gave you as much privacy as I could, but Michael wanted me to keep an eye on his most prized archangel. There are so few of us. He didn’t want to risk losing another. Besides, I’d never visited Kauai. It’s a beautiful island.”

“Yes, it is.”

She studied him for a moment, taking in the casual black shirt and jeans. It was so different from the fine tailored suits he used to wear. “You’ve changed so much since you left. You made a couple of human friends, too.”

“You saw that.”

And here we go
. He waited for her reprimand and warning. Angels, especially the archangel of death, should never be close to humans. Don’t be friends with humans, and above all, don’t fall in love with them. It clouded their judgment and prevented them from doing their duty. He didn’t have to be reminded what could happen when an angel got too close to a human. All he had to do was look in the mirror.

“Yes, I did—some of it. My favorite part was the bubblegum. She’s an endearing girl. What was her name?”

He raised an eyebrow, surprised by her reaction. Either she was becoming more lax with the rules, or he really did look messed up and she didn’t have the heart to—what did the humans say?—kick a man when he’s down.

“Leilani.” As the name rolled off his tongue, he was surprised by the warm sensation in his chest. It was as if he were transported back to Kauai to Leilani and Sammy.

“You want to go back.”

“I . . .” He didn’t know how to answer. Emotions warred within him. Should he stay with his family where he was the poor schmuck in love with his brother’s wife and have to live with seeing pity in Naomi’s eyes? Or should he go to another place where he was looked at with admiration?

“I’m not sure.”

“I don’t see any reason why you couldn’t leave for a day or two. We all need a break from time to time.”

He knew why. If he left, he’d probably never return. It was so tempting to go to a place where he could forget about Lash, Naomi, everyone. Maybe even forget he was an archangel.

“That’s generous of you. I’ll think about it. So tell me, what did you want to see me about?”

Gabrielle pulled out a paper from her pocket. She paused, tapping it against her palm, and then folded it into her hand. “The assignment can wait. I’d like to hear more about your time in Kauai.”

She’s smiling.

He furrowed his brow. Why was she smiling? Gabrielle never did small talk with anyone, even with Raphael. She was all business.

“Well, it is paradise on Earth, for sure. Like I said, it took a while for me to snap out of it. It took a special friend to knock some sense into me before I could enjoy myself.”

“Leilani?”

“Yeah, Leilani.”

“So was it the surfing or your face smacking into the sand that snapped you out of it?” Her eyes twinkled.

“Ugh, I can’t believe of all the time I was on the island,
that’s
the moment you decided to peek in on me.”

“I’ll be honest, I needed a good laugh, too, especially after you and Lash . . .”

The room grew quiet as they looked at each other. He didn’t realize the fight with his brother had affected her so much. Of course, it had been more than a fight. It had been the beginning of a new life for him—a life where his eyes were finally opened.

Ducking his head, he closed his eyes and remembered the moment when his life changed, the moment Archangel Raphael revealed he’d been more than a mentor and dear friend, the moment memories of an ancient past emerged from the deepest recesses of his mind.

It was the moment his heart first betrayed his brother.