Jealousy (11 page)

“
What about you?” Kenny asked Peter.  “Are you staying as well?”

Peter shook his head.

It was Justin that Heather needed, but it would have been nice if Peter offered.  Even though Justin already said he was spending the night, she needed confirmation.  She bit her lip and looked at him with a wrinkled brow.  “You’re not leaving, right, Justin?  You’re gonna sleep right here next to me all night, right?”

“
Of course, sweetie.  I’m not leaving you.  As long as you’re here, I’m here.”

She exhaled and gave him a small, relieved smile.

“Did you eat tonight?” Justin asked.

“
I had some Jell-O.  I’m really not hungry.”

“
You should try to eat a little more,” Kenny said. “You need your strength.  Tomorrow’s a big day.  I’ll get you a bowl of soup.”

“
What’s happening tomorrow?”

“
They’re removing the catheter and some of these lines, and you’re going to get out of bed.”

Everything was happening too fast.  She wasn
’t ready.  She was still too weak.  Frightened tears filled her eyes, but she held them back.  “How am I supposed to get out of bed?  I can barely move.”

“
You’re just going to sit in the chair.  You’ve been in the bed for almost three days.  We need to get you moving.”  Kenny patted her leg.  “Don’t worry.  You’ll do fine, honey.”

She liked Kenny.  He called her
“honey”, just like her mother used to, and it comforted her.

Heather often thought about her mother, but she always remembered the happier times, when her mother was healthy.
Right now, the sad memories of her mother’s final moments in the hospital before she died were suddenly undeniable and very vivid in Heather’s mind . . .

#

“It’s only a matter of hours, Miss Drakos,” the doctor told Heather, “but I can assure you, your mother isn’t in any pain.”

Heather was prepared, well, as prepared as anyone could be, for their mother
’s death. The cancer devoured her mother’s body over the last six months. It robbed her mother of both her strength and her beauty. Once a strong, vibrant woman, her mother was now a mere shadow of her former self. Her mother’s frame withered down to a frail 92 pounds, and the chemo robbed her mother of her thick mane of dark hair. Her mother’s complexion, once warm and rosy, and her lips, once plump, now shared the same ashen hue.

Heather nodded at the doctor with a solemn face.  She tried to contain her tears as she slowly walked down the long corridor in the hospice.  She paused in the doorway to her mother
’s room and watched Justin hold her mother’s hand. He was closer to Heather’s mother than to his own and he felt the loss just as much as Heather.  Heather remained in the doorway and listened to her mother’s slow labored breath. The gasps for air inside the oxygen mask resembled the sound of a steam engine. A thin layer of fog covered the inside of the plastic mask with each long hiss of her mother’s breath.  With a frail, shaking hand, her mother reached for the mask and tried to remove it from her face.

“
Don’t take that off,” Justin said. “You need it to help you breathe.”

She ignored him and slowly pulled it away so she could speak.
Each breath was heavy and taxing, and she wheezed loudly between words.

“
You’re . . . a good man . . . I love you . . . like a son.” She brought the mask back to her face for a fresh breath of oxygen so she could continue. “You’ve been like . . . a brother . . . to Heather.”

Her lack of oxygen triggered
an alarm on the monitor.

It startled Heather, but she r
emained frozen in the doorway.

Justin quickly reacted.
“Please don’t talk, Mrs. Drakos. Put the mask back on. You need oxygen.” He helped her bring the mask to her mouth and nose, and she strenuously inhaled.  The monitors calmed as her oxygen level was replenished.

Heather closed her eyes and let out a deep breath.  She braced herself against the door frame for support, but she knew her relief was only temporary.
She knew that, very soon, the monitor would go off and it wouldn’t return to its normal state. Its loud beeping wouldn’t calm. It would escalate out of control. It would scream for help, and no one would answer.

She knew that the Do Not Resuscitate order her mother signed was logical and rational, but Heather still tried to talk her mother out of it.
It was impossible to change her mother’s mind, though. Her mother was strong-willed and independent, the exact opposite of Heather. If Justin wasn’t with her at her mother’s bedside every moment, Heather would have easily collapsed by now.

Another round of loud beeping from the monitor caused Heather to stiffen and hold her breath.
Her mother had pulled the mask away again.

“
Take care . . . of Heather,” she told Justin. She paused for another breath of air, and again pacified the monitor. “She needs . . . you.”

“
I’ll always be there for Heather, Mrs. Drakos. I’ll always take care of her.” Justin smiled at her with reassurance. “Heather’s never getting rid of me.  You know that.”

“
Promise . . . me.”

“
I promise.”

“
Thank you. Thank . . . you.”

Heather
’s mother was too weak to hold the mask and her hand fell to the bed.  She coughed and choked on fluid in her throat.  Heather ran to her mother’s side and called frantically for the doctor.  Her mother made a feeble attempt to wave her away, but her mother’s arms were too heavy. Heather’s mother barely lifted them more than a few inches off the bed before they collapsed on the mattress with a soft thump.

“
Mom! Mom!” She thought her mother drew her last breath, and Heather began to weep. “Mommy, I love you!” she cried.

Her mother mustered enough strength to pull the mask away.
“It’s . . . OK, honey. I . . . love you.”

“
Oh, Mom, you scared me!”

“
Don’t . . . be scared, honey.” She pulled the mask away again. “I want to . . . tell you . . . something.”

Heather put the mask back over her mother
’s face. “Please, Mom, you need to keep this on. You can talk through the mask.”

Her mother took several deep, congested breaths, and spoke a little easier from under the mask.
“You need to . . . be strong now, honey. You need . . . to be independent.”

“
I don’t know how to do that.”

Her mother
’s rapid, shallow breaths whistled in her throat and she gasped for air so she could continue. “Justin will help you, and I’ll always be with . . . you . . . always by your side . . . when you marry . . . Peter.” Her mother gasped again and her chest rumbled. “By your side . . . when your children . . . are born. I’ll always be with you, honey . . . in your heart. I’ll watch over you . . . I’ll be your . . . guardian angel.”

Exhausted, Heather
’s mother rolled her head to the side and quickly fell into a deep sleep.

Heather
’s mother never regained consciousness and passed away less than an hour later.

#

Heather’s mouth bowed into a quivering frown, and she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

“
What’s wrong, honey?” Kenny asked as he placed a bowl of soup on a tray in front of her.

She shook her head.
“It’s nothing.”

He patted her hand.
“Have some soup and get some sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

Chapter Twenty:

A nagging pain in Heather
’s lower back prevented her from sleeping for any length of time. She squirmed but was unable to reposition herself. She lifted her head up enough to look at the clock on the wall but it was too dark.  She could barely see it. The light filtered in through the glass and her eyes adjust enough to read the time. It was after midnight.  She put her head back down on the pillow, but she couldn’t lie on her back any longer.  Between the painful bruise on her left leg and the incision on her right side, she was unable to turn in either direction. She whimpered and called to Justin.

He jumped off
of the stretcher that had been his bed for the last few nights at the sound of her voice. “I’m right here. What’s the matter?”

“
My back.”  She moaned. “It hurts.”

Kenny was at her bedside in an instant to see what was wrong.
“What is it, honey?”

“
Her back hurts,” Justin answered.

“
Where? The incision?”

“
No.” She cringed and wiggled in the bed. “I don’t know.  I think it’s just my back.”

“
I’ll take a look at your chart to see what I can give you for the pain, but first I need to check your incisions and take your temperature.”

Kenny turned on the light above her bed, and
Heather squinted at its brightness.

“
You’re going to have to turn on your left side,” Kenny said. “Can you do that for me, honey?”

“
No. I can’t. It hurts.” She whimpered again. “I can’t move.”

“
We’re going to help you.”

Kenny enlisted Justin
’s help and they gently rolled her onto her side. A sharp pain centered in the small of her back and reverberated across her body.  It felt like her insides were being ripped apart, and it caused her to cry out.  She held Justin’s hand as tight as she could while Kenny checked the incision on her back. He helped her roll back onto the bed, and the pain continued to burn deep inside her gut. She squeezed her eyes shut and clenched the sheets in her hands, while Kenny carefully checked the surgical site on her belly.

“
Everything looks fine.”  Kenny covered her with the sheet and smoothed it around her body.

“
Can I see?” She couldn’t believe the words left her mouth. She was afraid to look at the damage done to her body by the accident and hadn’t looked under her gown yet, but curiosity got the better of her.

“
It’s fine, honey, you don’t need to look at it.”

“
I want to.” She got the feeling he didn’t want her to see it. Now she wanted to look.

Kenny stared at her without saying anything.
She looked to Justin, but he was looking at Kenny as if they knew something she didn’t.

“
What’s wrong?” she asked.

“
Nothing,” Kenny replied, “I don’t want you to get overwhelmed, that’s all, but I’ll show you.” He carefully folded the covers down and paused before lifting her gown to expose her incisions. “Just remember, honey, it’s fresh. When it’s all healed, you’re barely gonna see it.”

She knew it was bad, but she wasn
’t expecting the road map that traveled across her body. A neat row of sutures ran single file down the center of her upper abdomen where her spleen was removed. A matching, longer incision started on her lower right side and ran over the arch of pelvic bone and down the lower right side of her back where her kidney used to reside. That, comingled with the three fractured ribs and multiple contusions, left her torso a virtual area of destruction.

She stared down at her belly and bit her lower lip.  She tried to remember what Kenny said –
‘When it’s all healed, you’re barely gonna see it.’ She kept repeating it to herself over and over again. When it’s all healed, you’re barely
gonna see it.  When it’s all healed, you’re barely gonna see it.  Her silence must have scared Justin, because he sounded frantic as he called her name to get her attention.

“
I’m OK,” she answered, but as soon as she looked into his eyes, she burst into tears.

He held her and rested his cheek on top of her head.
“It’s OK, sweetie. It’s OK,” he whispered. “It’s not that bad.”

“
Oh, honey,” Kenny said. “I knew you were gonna get upset. Take it easy.”

While Justin held her, Kenny rubbed his hand up and down her arm, and she suddenly felt foolish.
She could be dead right now. She should be thanking God to be alive. She should be thanking Justin for staying with her, and thanking Kenny for being kind and sympathetic. The scars were superficial and could be easily hidden under her clothing.  She dried her eyes and sniffled.

“
Are you alright, sweetie?” Justin asked.

She nodded and tried to offer him a small smile, but the corners of her mouth wouldn
’t cooperate.

After she gulped down her pain medication and drank some water, she felt a little better.

“Are you OK now?” Kenny asked.

Heather furrowed her brow and her eyes filled with tears again.
“No. My back still hurts. I wanna lie on my side.”

“
Are you sure?” Kenny asked. He sounded hesitant.

She nodded, and a tear slipped out
of the corner of her eye and into her hairline.

Kenny let out a deep breath, and smiled at Justin.
“It’s Justin, right?”

Justin nodded and smiled back.

“Can you give me a hand again? Same as before?”

They repeated the previous maneuver to turn her on
to her side, and Kenny adjusted some pillows around her. “Is that any better?”

She paused before answering to make sure she didn
’t need to be moved again. ”Yes.” Her voice started to quiver. “Thank you.”  Then she wept into the pillow.

“
What’s wrong now?” Justin asked.

“
Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?” Thoughts of her affair with Dominick haunted her. She thought the accident was inflicted upon her by some kind of cosmic karma, or the wrath of God as retribution for her sins.

“
You didn’t do anything to deserve this,” Justin said, as if he knew exactly what she was thinking. “Don’t cry.”

“
I’m sorry.” She wiped her face on the pillow. “You’re being so good to me, and I’m being so difficult.”

“
I’ll leave you two alone now,” Kenny said, softly. “Do you need anything else?”

“
No thank you,” Heather answered, still wiping her eyes.

Kenny patted her leg.
“Just concentrate on getting better, honey. You’re gonna get through this.” He smiled at Justin again. “What about you, Justin? I can get you a pair of scrubs to sleep in so you’ll be more comfortable, if you want.”

“
Thanks, but I’m fine.”

“
Get some sleep, then, both of you.”

Kenny turned to go back to his station, but Justin called after him and thanked him.  They paused and smiled at each other for a moment, before Kenny left them alone.

“Go to sleep, sweetie.” Justin kissed her forehead.

“
Stay with me.”

“
I’m not leaving. I’m gonna be sleeping right there.”  He pointed to his bed a few feet away.

“
No, lie down next to me and hold me.”

“
I can’t do that.”

“
Please, Justin.”  She begged him to stay. “I need you.”

He cautiously l
ay down next to her and gently cradled her in his arms. “Am I hurting you?”

“
No. You’re making me feel better.” Even though every part of her body ached and she was never more scared in her life, she felt safe and protected within Justin’s embrace. She wished Peter was more like him, and then felt guilty for comparing the two. She knew she could never replicate her relationship with Justin.  She only wished Peter could provide her with the warmth, comfort and love that she desperately craved – the same warmth, comfort and love that Justin readily offered her, without the slightest bit of hesitation.

#

Heather slowly opens her eyes and squinted at the daylight that brightened the room. When her vision focused, Kenny’s face loomed over her.

“
I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“
I thought you were Justin.”

“
Where is he?”

Heather glanced at the empty bed next to her.
“He must be in the bathroom.”

“
You mean he goes to the bathroom?” Kenny’s smile lit up his entire face. “I haven’t seen him leave your side since my shift started.”

“
That’s Justin. I don’t know what I would do without him, especially last night. I’m sorry I was such a big baby. You would’ve had your hands full if Justin wasn’t here.” She lowered her eyes, embarrassed at her dependence on him. “I can’t seem to handle anything without him.”

“
He takes good care of you.”

“
Yes, he does. He means the world to me.”

“
I can see that.  So, you look like you’re feeling better this morning. How’s your back?”

“
A little better. Everything’s sore and it hurts to move. I feel helpless. Thank you again for everything. You’re very sweet. Do you treat all your patients this good?”

He winked at her.
“Just the special ones. Go back to sleep, honey. My shift’s over. I’ll be back tonight.”

She was sad to see him go.
She found him soothing and comforting, and she looked forward to seeing him again later that evening.

Chapter Twenty-One:

Justin yawned and stretched as he walked back to Heather
’s room.  He barely got any sleep last night in the cramped hospital bed he shared with Heather, but at least she slept peacefully after she took her medication.  He saw Kenny down the hall, standing outside Heather’s room.  Something must be wrong.  Justin walked faster, but then Kenny smiled at him, and he wondered if Kenny was waiting for him.

“
Good morning,” Kenny said. “She had a rough night, but she seems better today. How are you holding up?”

Justin sighed.
“I’m alright now, but those first two nights were pure hell. I don’t even know what day it is anymore.”

“
She’s lucky to have someone like you. My shift’s over. I was just waiting around to let you know that I’ll be back tonight.”

“
You’re a great nurse, Kenny, and you’re wonderful with her. She can be a lot to handle sometimes.”

Kenny let out a small chuckle.
“She’s already informed me of that. Well, I better go. If I hang around here too long they’ll never let me get outta here – not that I’d mind staying if you needed me.”

“
I think we’ll be OK.”  He gave Kenny a crooked smile.  “Just make sure you come back tonight.”

“
I will.” Kenny touched Justin’s upper arm and squeezed it lightly. “Good luck with her today.”

Kenny
’s hand was still on Justin’s arm.  Justin glanced at it, then back into Kenny’s sexy cat-like green eyes. “Thanks.  I’ll see ya later.”

Justin jumped on
to his cot, clasped his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t stop smiling, and he was too excited to sleep. “Heather, you awake?”

No answer.

“Heather?”

She stirred.
“What time is it?”

“
It’s 8:00 o’clock.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “I have a crush on your cute boy nurse!”

“
Kenny?”

He grinned from ear to ear.
“Yeah.”

“
Me too,” she said, with a sleepy smile. “He’s cute, and can you believe how green his eyes are?”

“
They’re gorgeous!”

He st
ayed awake to think about Kenny, while Heather went back to sleep. Justin wondered if it was inappropriate to ask Heather’s nurse out for a date. He laughed to himself. Of course it would be inappropriate. Kenny’s a professional. He was probably just being nice.