Japanese Slang (49 page)

•   
M
nandemo ii karat Senju kannon ogamashite kure!
I don't give a damn anymore! I'm going to pray to Kannon of the Thousand Arms!

Another fish that could cost a cleric his Buddhahood is the sumptuous sweetfish, which appears ominously in the priestly slang as
kamisori
(razor blade). Even more ominous is the sea bream. Priests refer to it as
shuza
(execution block).

•   
Yoku minna no miteru mae de kamisori o nometa mon da!
Right in front of everyone, he just swallowed that razorblade!

•   
Shuza o itadakemasu ka na. Hara ga herimashita na.
Pass the execution block. I'm starving.

The stricter the monastery, the more inspired the words for food became. As the slang's vocabulary snowballed throughout the Middle Ages, even the meatless dishes served in monastic dining rooms were given cloak-and-dagger names. Some priests called tofu
shiratori
(white bird), others
terasakana
(temple fish). In temple-school slang the boring but wholesome devil's root paste that is served up day after day after day became known as
amidaky
(Buddha's sutra, i.e. very long and very repetitive), and scallions are called
kannushi
(Shinto priests). Even the Buddha's bones
(shari)
were not spared; up to the late Edo period
shari
was an exclusively clerical word for rice. As the priests became more emancipated, affably socializing with the gangsters and criminals who hung out in downtown restaurants,
shari,
along with many other very private Buddhist words, hit the streets and was absorbed into the Yakuza mob's lan-guage.

Women and Wine

As priests fervidly swallowed “horse shoes”
(kanagutsu
—horse steaks), “dancing girls”
(odoriko
— eel), or snatched with their chopsticks at “rolled paper”
(makigami
—dry mackerel-shavings), many capped their sins with large swigs of
ten
(heaven) or
alcohol. Nakamura Rengyo, in his
Bukky
D
go Jiten
(Lexicon of Buddhist Language) blames a stanza in the eighth century
Nihon Shoki
(Chronicle of Japan) for sparking in ancient schoolboys the naughty equation of heaven and alcohol.

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Konohanasakuya-hime ga Sanada no ine de ten no tamusake o kamoshita.
Princess Konohanasakuya with rice from Sanada created heaven-licking (extremely tasty) sake.

When a priest is said to be
tench
(a heaven addict) or
tenmei
(living for heaven), he is an alcoholic with little or no chance of ever reaching nirvana, the state of perfect blessedness. The only possible salvation would be what clerical slang calls
futen
(anti-heaven), giving up alcohol altogether. Priests, however, who enjoy their liquor have developed their own string of heavenly words.
Tenya,
(heavenly shop) is a bar or liquor store;
raten
(silk heaven) and
reiten
(cold heaven) both mean “chilled drink.” If a wine has an exquisite bouquet, the word is
noten
(adept heaven), while if it is no more than a foul grog the verdict is
hiuten
(negative heaven). If a priest runs out of alcohol, especially at night, and, desperately stalking the, streets, finally manages to replenish his supply, the heavenly elixir obtained at such great personal risk is called
onten
(blessed heaven).
Fud
ten
(stock still in heaven), means “completely inebriated.”

•   
Anta wa kono hiuten de washi o korosu ki ka ne?
Are you trying to kill me with this foul grog?

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Oi! Chotto, chotto! Konna tokoro de onten nanka motette daij
bu kai?
Hey! Wait a sec, wait a sec! D'you think it's OK to bring the blessed heaven in here?

•   
Mappiruma kara fud
ten ni naru nante omae-san ni wa akireta yo.
I just can't believe it's only noon and you're already totally stock still in heaven.

As this slang was flooded with “heavens” of every shape and caliber, circumspect monks invented a more esoteric set of alcoholic expressions. Discussing tea was one easy solution.
Ocha o itadakimasu ka na,
“I think I'll have some tea now,” accompanied by a nudge, served as a clear signal to priests in the know.
K
cha
(black tea),
bancha
(green tea),
mugicha
(barley tea), and
kobucha
(seaweed tea), are all expedient decoys.
Gyokuro,
a high-grade green tea made of an expensive blend of leaves, signals that the liquor under discussion is of the highest quality.

•   
Moshi anta ga ato itteki demo kocha kuchi ni shitara, osh
san ni iitsukemasu yo!
If you take one more sip of that black tea, I'm telling the head priest!