Jaded (The Butterfly Memoirs) (4 page)

My mother let out a short laugh while running a hand over her low cut waves. “Well, you won’t have to worry about hair.”

Yasmine took a moment to appraise my mom before she spoke again. “I love your hair style. The short locks are very becoming. It highlights your cheekbones and opens up the lovely heart shape of your face. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you had a wonderful head of hair once, but this cut allows the world to see the real you.”

Damn, the woman was amazing with words. I glanced at her; she was sincere.

My mom’s hand settled at the nape of her neck. “Why, that’s the loveliest thing I’ve ever heard. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, do you have somewhere we can get started?”

“Is my bedroom okay?” Yasmine nodded and picked up her bag. “Okay, follow me.” Mom rose from the couch and led the way to her bedroom. I followed them both with Yasmine’s bags in tow.

In the bedroom, Yasmine glanced around. “This is a beautiful space, open and inviting. I love the big windows.”

“Thank you.” My mom sat on the corner of the bed. “Now, where do we start?”

Yasmine glanced over her shoulder. “For starters, Zack can go hang somewhere else and let us ladies talk.”

“Sounds good to me. Bye, Zack.” My mom didn’t hide the laughter in her voice. “Don’t forget to close the door.” She waved goodbye as a devilish grin flashed in her eyes.

Leaving Yasmine in a closed room with my mother who was hell bent on seeing me married soon was a lethal combination. What had I done?

***

Two hours later, I sat on the front porch in the swing my father had built for my mother. I tried to distract myself by watching a movie on my iPad, but to no avail. From the moment I left them alone, laughter floated through the house, forcing me outdoors. I could only imagine what my mother told her; stories about my childhood, no doubt.

Yet, the sound of her laugh mixed with my mother’s was appealing. It made me warm on the inside. It had been a while since my mother joked that way.

Another peal of laughter found its way outdoors.

Yasmine…she had a beautiful smile with her full pouty lips and eyes that brightened when she was happy. I wondered if I could say or do something to make her laugh. Would she react the same way if she were naked, lying beneath me? Would she laugh like that when I found her ticklish spot?

“Zack?”

Startled, I faced her. Yasmine stood with her hand resting on the back of the swing. I took a moment to appraise her from head-to-toe; the woman could dress. I wasn’t a clothing expert, but the pants she wore with their wide-pants legs, fitted high waist across a flat belly, and the high-necked collar of a snug sleeveless shirt made me wonder what was beneath.

My imagination was running wild. Now that she stood close, the seductive fragrance of her perfume conjured up a fantasy. Would her skin be the same shade of cream all over? Would her nipples be brown as a chocolate drop or a pale pink like her lips? What would she taste like?

Judging from the expression on her face, my thoughts must have been visible.

I sat up and covered the crotch of my pants, thankful for the size of the iPad. “Is everything okay?”

After a moment, a smile spread across her face. “I think you’ll be pleased with the results. Come on.”

Yasmine led the way into the kitchen—another bad idea since my eyes went straight to her butt and memorized the seductive movements. My mother turned around and I brushed my selfish fantasy aside.

Yasmine was worth her weight in gold.

For the first time in months, the bags under my mother’s eyes were not as pronounced, and her skin sported a hint of a healthy glow. Her amazing smile lifted the corners of my heart.

The outfit looked nice, too.

“Mom…you’re beautiful.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“I know, thanks to Yasmine.” She hugged her then stopped to wipe falling tears from her eyes.

“Thank you,” I stuttered to Yasmine.

“You are more than welcome. Thank you for allowing me to come into your home and share this day. Now, if you’ll give me a few minutes to pack up, I’ll get out of your way.”

“Oh no, you can’t leave. I want you to come to dinner with us,” my mom said smoothly. She cast her eyes at me, daring me to challenge her.

“You don’t have to invite me.” Yasmine looked between us.

“Oh, Dear, I insist. Besides, you’re a part of my birthday present.” She grinned mischievously.

Oh crap. “Mom, her service was the present, not her,” I joked nervously.

She waved my comment off with her hand. “I know, but I’d love to repay her for the lovely work she did. Besides, it’s been a while since a young woman accompanied us. We’re going for Chinese; it’s tradition. So what do you say? Will you join us?”

“Um…sure, if Zack doesn’t mind.” She turned to me.

“It’s not Zack’s birthday; his vote doesn’t count.” She waved me away before I could speak, linked her arm with Yasmine’s, and walked down the hall. More laughter ensued while Yasmine packed her things.

I stood in the kitchen feeling like an idiot. By the time my mom got finished with her, I would never hear the end of it.

Well, at least she was happy.

Chapter 5

Dinner with Zack and his mom was interesting, to say the least.

I appreciated his willingness to overstep the bounds of his work schedule to help me, so helping him with his mother was nothing; she was a gem.

When I reached her age, I hoped to be just as beautiful.

It was obvious Ms. Belinda wanted to set us up. Zack was a nice guy and there was no denying he was attractive and personable. Several times during dinner I found myself imagining what it would be like to spend some one-on-one time with him. Since I wasn’t looking for any kind of relationship, I forced that thought out of my head. Gone were the days of hooking up for the physical benefits of being with a man. I didn’t want to risk anything that allowed my emotions to get in the way.

Like most women, falling in love, getting married, and starting a family were what I longed for. Unfortunately, every time I tried my hand at love, it went wrong.

Starting with Carlos Vasquez.

Carlos was my first love, the one who promised me the world and broke my heart. We met during my second year in college; I was a sophomore and he was a senior. Carlos was one of the most handsome men in the senior class. He was Latino, with skin the same color as mine, and long wavy hair that rested on his shoulders. Whenever he said my name, desire ran up and down my spine.

We dated for a year. Carlos swore his love and promised to marry me once he graduated, got a job, and could provide for the both of us. I spent the summer planning my dream wedding, waiting for the day he would come bearing my ring, and professing his love to my parents.

Three weeks into my junior year, rumors began to spread about Carlos showing up at various girls’ dorm rooms during the week. I didn’t live on campus so I didn’t know who to question. Then one night I went to his apartment and discovered him in bed with his ex-girlfriend.

My dream extinguished, I realized men were the ones who got away with sleeping with who they wanted, when they wanted. Why couldn’t women do the same? Why were we the ones wondering why our man stayed out late? Why did men get to have a little black book and we had none?

Why were women who slept with who they wanted called ‘ho’s, but men who did the same were called studs?

And since I was griping, why did women hate me and men find my mixed heritage attractive? I didn’t choose who my parents were. I had nothing to do with the texture of my hair or the natural color of my eyes.

As a teenager, I tried to ignore the comments made behind my back. I used to dream of escaping negative remarks and stares. I wondered if being the ugliest person on earth or having the darkest skin would allow me a chance of finding happiness.

Since that would never happen, I decided to stop trying to find ways to please everyone around me.

The color of my skin, the kind of man I slept with…it didn’t matter. I know who I am. I know what I want. I don’t owe anyone an explanation for how I live my life.

Buried deep within my desk was my little black book of numbers. Well, it was actually red, but it held the numbers of men I’d been with over the years. Each was chosen for a specific reason.

Though now, I’m not sure if I’d be able to tell the difference between a good man and a man who was a liar.

If I had, I would never have gotten involved with Javan. Zack was different. I wondered what category he’d fit in?

It was late by the time I returned home to the two-story brick house I shared with my roommate, Kaitlyn Rodgers. Her boyfriend’s car sat in the driveway. Light from the living room filtered through the open blinds, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t walk in on them making out on the couch.

Steeling myself to be ready for anything, I grabbed what I could carry from my car on the first trip and unlocked the front door.

“Hey,” they said in unison.

I risked a glance; the two of them sat fully clothed - thank God for small favors - next to the coffee table littered with pamphlets.

“Hey, yourself.” I kicked the door closed behind me, deciding to worry about the other bags in the morning.

Kaitlyn glanced up from what she was reading. “Do you have a minute?”

“Sure.” I set my bags at the base of the steps.

“Can we talk upstairs?” Her normal Texas twang sounded a bit awkward.

My internal alarm went off.

Kaitlyn grabbed one of my bags and followed me upstairs. I went into the room serving as my home office. It used to be our friend Ebony’s bedroom until she moved in with her fiancé. I missed her but was glad she’d found happiness. Not to mention I enjoyed being able to work from home.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked once I set my bag in the corner of the room.

Kaitlyn closed the door. “Well, our lease is up next month and we have to let the landlord know if we want to renew.”

I sat at my desk. “Yeah, time flew by so fast. What are you thinking?” I kicked off my heels and rubbed my aching feet.

Kaitlyn wrung her hands, a clear sign of nervousness. “I’m thinking we don’t renew. It’s just you and me in this big old three-bedroom house. Even though we can split the bills, it’s beginnin’ to affect my wallet.”

I nodded in understanding. “I agree. You think we should find something smaller?”

Her hesitation caught my attention. I looked up in time to see her bite her bottom lip. “No…not really,” she murmured.

I sighed and settled in my chair. “Oh, I should have seen this coming.”

“Luke asked me to move in with him, and I said yes.” Her green eyes were aglow with love.

Poor thing.

“Does his invitation include a ring?” I couldn’t keep sarcasm from dripping from my words.

“Well, no, not yet. He wants to wait a little while longer. His internship at the law firm will be over soon, and he’ll have a better job makin’ more money in a few months. He doesn’t want to propose until he can afford the ring he wants to get me.”

How expensive was the ring? I bit my tongue in order to keep from hurting her feelings. And what the hell kind of excuse was that? The words ‘marry me’ had obviously been spoken or else that lame excuse wouldn’t have even been said. Every part of me wanted to walk around the desk and shake some sense into her blond head. Hadn’t she learned anything from my previous relationships? She’d been part of the team of friends who helped me regain my self-esteem after Carlos’s and Javan’s betrayal.

“Kaity, that doesn’t make sense. Luke wants you to move in with him, but doesn’t want to marry you, or at least put the offer on the table?” I shook my head. “It’s obviously been talked about. I mean, come on. That’s like asking the farmer to borrow the cow before buying it. Isn’t that how you say it in Texas?”

Her eyebrows creased as her eyes narrowed. “You’re not one to talk, you know.”

Well, if that wasn’t a slap to the face.

“I’m not trying to judge, Kaity. I knew what I wanted in a relationship, sex without strings. You’re not like me.”

“Exactly, I’m not like you. Besides, you jumped at the opportunity when Javan offered you more than you asked for,” she said sourly.

Oh no, she did not go there. A moment of anger filled me so fast I nearly reached across the table and slapped her. Even though she had every right to question my remarks after what I’d done, it still stung.

I breathed deep, fought to ignore my irritation and keep the peace; Kaitlyn was my friend, a very dear friend. She didn’t deserve my reaction. From her point of view, I probably sounded like the vindictive bitch, whose heart got stomped on, chewed up, spit out, and didn’t want anyone else around her to find happiness.

All true except for the last part.

I leaned forward, rested my elbows on the desk, and rubbed my eyes. “I’m sorry, Kaity, that’s not what I meant. What I’m saying is, learn from my mistakes. Yes, I slept with Javan for fun and got caught up. He asked me to marry him and I didn’t think about what his true intentions were. I fell in love with the idea of getting married and didn’t realize the lies he told until it was too late. My point is this: know what you’re getting into. Luke appears to be a decent guy. If you love him, and you’re sure he loves you then…by all means, move in with the guy.” I waited until she faced me again. “But as your friend, one that’s been hurt too many times to count, I want you to be sure.”

Kaitlyn stared at me for a moment before her defiance dissipated. I could tell something I said hit the mark.

“I’m sorry, Yaz, I shouldn’t have come at ‘ya that way. It’s just… this feels right. I want him, and he wants me back. I think it’s what’s best.”

I nodded but didn’t agree with her. It was her life. I shared my opinion, but in the end, the decision would be hers. Besides, I didn’t have a leg to stand on in the ‘I told you so’ department.

“What are ‘ya gonna do?” Worry was in her voice.

I shrugged. “I’ll figure something out; I always do. How soon are you going to move?”