It's in the Rhythm (16 page)

“I can't go back, Mother.”

“What do you mean you can't go back? I'm sure Brian will forgive you. He's a good man. He's been good to you and Taj. You need to do what is best for your family.”

“I am doing what is best for the family.” She hugged herself and waited for the fallout that was sure to come from her news. “Mother.” She took a deep breath, and then dove in. “I'm gay.”

The room went eerily quiet.

For a long, confused moment, Ginger just stared at her. “What did you say?”

Tamara held her shirt top closer to herself for strength. “I left Brian for a woman.”

“Are you telling me you like women?” Ginger glared at her daughter like she had lost her mind, wondering how it could be true. There weren't any signs. She was married. She had a child.

“Yes.”

Ginger looked at Tamara with a confused expression, her stomach churning inside. “How long have you known?”

“Since high school.”

“You never said anything to me. What about Brian? Does he know? If you're gay, then why were you with Brian?” She fired question after question, trying to fathom the logic behind her daughter's revelation. “This is all my fault.”

Tamara reached out, taking her mother's hand in hers. “Mom, it's not your fault. I was trying to tell myself that I wasn't. I was worrying about what society and my family would think about me.”

Ginger shook her head. “I don't believe it.” She stood, looking down at her daughter.

“Brian thinks you left him for a man. You didn't tell him?”

Tamara watched her mother. She looked strong, invincible, but Tamara knew she was hurting inside. She didn't mean to hurt anyone. She hoped and prayed to God that the family would understand. She kept the secret carefully guarded because of them. When she married Brian and had Taj, she felt obligated to continue with the charade for appearances. When she met Nina, it all changed.

Her marriage was over now. All that was left to do was file for divorce. She wanted custody of Taj. But once Brian found out the truth, she was certain he would fight her for custody. It could be a long, nasty court battle. She loved her son and didn't want to put her son through the ugliness of a custody trial. Trying to explain to him why mommy and daddy weren't together anymore wouldn't be easy.

“I couldn't.”

“I can't accept this,” Ginger said as she sat back on the sofa. “Come to church and let us pray for you.” Her hands clasped together tightly. “It is not natural for you to be attracted to another woman. There is no way you are—” She couldn't say the word.

“Prayer isn't going to change anything,” Tamara exclaimed.

Ginger lifted her chin in defiance. “There is nothing prayer can't change. What about Taj? Have you thought about what this will do to him?”

“Of course I have. He's all I have been thinking about.”

“Have you? I don't believe you have. If you did, you wouldn't put him through this.”

Tamara opened her mouth, ready to snap at her mother. She quickly caught herself, remembering who she was speaking to. “I know what is at risk, Mother.”

“Is it worth losing your son?”

Tamara was quiet for so long that Ginger's heart sank. She stared at her daughter, wondering why she didn't answer right away.

“I don't want to lose my son, Mother, or my family.”

“Then go home. Work this out.”

“Do what, Mother? Pretend I'm not gay? That's what got me in this mess. I just couldn't pretend anymore.” She pressed a well-manicured hand to her chest. “This is who I am.”

“That's a lie of the devil. You have got to fight him. If I taught you nothing else, I taught you how to do that.” As a spiritual adviser, Ginger had counseled men and women on numerous issues but never imagined she'd have to dig down deep to find inner strength to save a member of her own family. “No weapons formed against you will prosper. Put Satan behind you.”

Tamara raised a hand in mid-air. “Please, Mother, no sermons.” She walked past her, reclaiming her seat on the couch. She put her head in both hands. She felt exhausted. “No scriptures. Talk to me as my mother, not a preacher, please.”

“I have to tell you God's words. Running away isn't going to solve anything. You have to face it. The first thing you have to do is tell Brian the truth.”

She wrung her hands together. “I know you're right. What about Dad?”

Ginger looked her daughter in the eyes. “I honestly don't know how he'll react.”

Chapter 13

Garrett was blown away by Trinity's ability to twist and bend notes to the lyrics of “Heaven.” He wrote the song several years ago and wanted to get a feel for how it would be received by the public. The Gospel Explosion would be the perfect arena. The way Trinity was singing with such assurance, confidence, and warmth, it was sure to be a hit. He wondered if she would consider singing it on his next CD.

She held nothing back as the other choir members sang the upbeat chorus with as much excitement as Trinity.

When Trinity completed the song, the choir members and spectators in the pews shouted and cheered. Garrett joined them. She blushed with embarrassment as people acknowledged her talent.

“So how did I do?” Trinity asked Garrett. “Did you like it?”

“You know you sang that song,” he teased. “I was thinking that maybe I'd like to add it to my next CD. How would you like to sing it?”

Trinity was too startled by his suggestion to offer any objection. “Stop playing, Garrett,” she squealed. “Me on your next CD?” Her face beamed.

Garrett loved to see her smile. “ I'm serious. We have worked together before.”

“But never on a professional level.”

“That is about to change. I'm thinking of talking to Father about the choir joining me on some concert dates. It will give you and the choir some exposure.”

“Are you serious?”

“You know I am, beautiful.”

She blushed at the compliment. “I don't know what to say, Garrett. It's an awesome opportunity, not only for me, but also for the choir. When will you discuss it with your father?”

“As soon as possible. I want it to be a surprise. So don't tell him.”

She touched her lips with one finger. “Your secret is safe with me. He always had big dreams for the choir. His dream will finally come true, through his son.” She didn't look away.

“I know what it's like to want something.”

Trinity knew he was referring to her. Her face flushed with emotion and her heartbeat skyrocketed. “Garrett, let's talk.”

“Hello, Trinity.” Darius's voice came out of nowhere as he came and stood next to her. He leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

Garrett's heart dropped into his stomach. Darius's timing couldn't be worse. He glanced at Trinity, whose mouth gaped open. “Darius, we're in church. What are you doing here?”

“I'm here for Bible study.” Darius pointed to the black Bible tucked underneath his arm.

“I don't believe it.” When they were dating, she couldn't talk Darius into attending Bible study.

Darius smiled. “Believe it. I'm just trying to be a better man for you.”

Trinity looked over at Garrett. The happiness that was on his face a moment ago had evaporated. “Darius, this isn't the time or place to talk about this.”

“I'm crazy about Trinity.” He glanced over at Garrett. “I don't care who knows it.”

Garrett didn't move.

“Darius!” Trinity elbowed Darius in the chest. She wanted to reach out and smack him upside the head.

“What?” Darius refocused on Garrett. “What did I say? I'm sure Garrett can relate to what I'm saying.”

Garrett didn't miss a beat. “I can relate.”

The two men sized each other up. Garrett was struggling to keep his emotions in check. There was nothing going on between them. Darius didn't want to take “no” for an answer. Garrett didn't blame him; women like Trinity were hard to find.

“Darius, please. Not here,” Trinity pleaded.

“Okay, I won't embarrass you. How was choir rehearsal? I hate I missed hearing you sing.”

“It went well,” Trinity said, downplaying the moment.

“She's just being modest,” Garrett chimed in. “She has the voice of an angel.”

“Don't I know it.” Darius reached out and gently touched her on the shoulder.

Trinity pepped up. She focused on Garrett. “Can I tell Darius the good news?”

Garrett nodded in approval.

Darius curiously looked from one to the other. “Tell me what?”

Happiness filled her as she spoke. “I'm going to sing on Garrett's next CD.”

Darius's eyes widened. “You're kidding. What are you going to sing?”

“The song is called ‘Heaven.' Garrett wrote it.”

Congratulations.” Darius refocused on Garrett. “It's good that you have an interest in Trinity's music career. Or is it something else you're interested in?”

Trinity gasped. She wanted to slink away. She couldn't believe Darius would say something like that. He was usually pretty easygoing.

If Garrett was fazed by Darius's comment, he didn't show it. “I invited Trinity to sing on the CD because she's very talented.”

“No one knows that better than I do,” Darius said. His eyes never left Garrett's. “She's also very beautiful.”

“Cut it out, Darius.” Trinity placed a hand to her forehead.

“I can't argue with that,” Garrett answered in a calm tone. “Singing on the CD will be great exposure for her and the choir.”

Darius frowned. “What about the choir?”

“Garrett would like the choir to go on some tour dates,” Trinity added.

“Go on tour?” Darius repeated. He'd moved back to town to rekindle their relationship. A singing career and going on tour would jeopardize his plan. “What about your job? Your students?”

Trinity shrugged. She didn't have time to think that far ahead. All she knew was that Garrett had given her the opportunity to make her dream come true. If she had to take a leave of absence, she would. She was sure her friends and students would be behind her.

Trinity clasped her hands together, her adrenaline pumping. She couldn't wait to share the news with her father and Leigh. “I will take a leave of absence if I have to. I'm sure my students will be behind me,” she said excitedly. “I can't wait to tell Leigh and Dad the news.”

“I'll see you later,” Garrett said. “We can discuss it some more.”

Darius waited until Garrett was out of earshot. “You really are going to go on tour?”

“Why not? You should be happy for me.” Trinity strolled behind the choir stand and picked up her purse and light jacket. “An opportunity like this doesn't come along every day. You know how long I have waited for this chance? I'm not going to let it slip away.”

“I am happy for you,” Darius argued.

She came and stood in front of him. “Well, you have a funny way of showing it.” Looking into his eyes, Trinity thought she detected a look of hesitation. It happened so fast she thought she might have imagined it. She hiked the purse strap on her shoulder. “What is it?”

He formed his lips as if he wanted to say something, but then thought better of it. “Nothing. Let me walk you out to your car.”

A hot, starry night welcomed them as they strolled outside. There was no breeze to stir the air.

“Garrett seems cool,” Darius began saying. He cautiously glanced over at Trinity. He was trying not to be jealous of the famous singer, but there was an unmistakable attraction between Trinity and Garrett.

“He's very down to earth. The fame and fortune didn't go to his head.”

“Women all love him.” Darius looked over at the group of female choir members, laughing and grinning at Garrett as he headed to his vehicle. He waved at them.

Trinity returned the wave. “Garrett is not like that,” she said, defending her friend. “If you got to know him, you would see that. His head is on straight. You met his girlfriend, Imani. She's beautiful, talented, and successful. They make a great couple,” Trinity said, although she seemed to be trying to convince herself as much as Darius.

“I didn't pick up on them being a great couple. I get the feeling they are together because of status. Something is missing from that relationship.”

She cocked her head to one side. Darius was very perceptive. Garrett mentioned their relationship wasn't solid. Imani was nowhere to be found tonight. Maybe she had returned to California. “You're wrong,” she lied.

“Then you're blind. Garrett has eyes for you.”

Trinity leaned against the side of her car, staring at Darius for a moment as she thought about Garrett confessing his feelings to her. The feel of his lips on hers and his hands on her body had set her insides aflame. He made her feel good just by holding her in his arms. The memory of them together made her heart race.

Trinity took a deep breath. “Our relationship has always been professional, Darius, and you know that.”

“I don't know anything. I'm not Stevie Wonder. I can see very well. Is he the reason we're not together?”

“Wassup with you? Ever since you have been back, you have been throwing out accusations.” She was defensive. “You are the reason we are not together, not Garrett.”

Silence fell between them. “I know,” he finally said. “I have been trying to make it right. This is funny. I came back hoping for us to get back together, and tonight you tell me you're going on tour with Garrett and the choir. I feel like I'm losing you all over again.”

“This is not about Garrett, the choir, or me.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “This is about you and your attitude.”

Darius leaned back. “Sweetheart, I'm not the one with the attitude.” His voice rose an octave. “You're the one that has been acting stank.”

Trinity gave him a look that cut him in half. “How dare you! You hurt me, took me for granted. And because I didn't run back into your arms like some lovesick puppy when you rolled back into town, I have an attitude.” She turned to get in her car. “You know where you can go.”

Darius knew he'd said the wrong thing the moment the words left his mouth. He never thought it would be so difficult to win back Trinity's heart. They were so much in love once. That should mean something. But since he'd been back, she was acting as if their love meant nothing. Now he knew why—Garrett Martindale.

He halted her escape with a firm hand on the arm. “Trinity, I didn't mean that.”

She promptly smacked his hand away. “The hell you didn't! Why don't you do both of us a favor? Go back to Chicago. There is nothing for you here.” She slid behind the wheel, turned the key in the ignition, and pulled out of the parking lot, burning rubber.

* * *

Garrett entered his bedroom at his parents' house. He threw the briefcase of music on the bed with extra force. Sitting on the edge of the mattress, he covered his face with both hands. He fell back on the bed. It had been a good day. He didn't want to ruin the mood going back to the hotel to argue with Imani. He wasn't going to make the situation better when he told her he was going to spend the night at his parents'. He hoped Imani would take it as a sign that their relationship was at its breaking point and she should head back to Los Angeles. He doubted it. She always wanted to talk about it. He didn't want to talk about it, tonight or any other night.
He likes to run away
, she'd said.
Not confront
problems.
Maybe she was right. The one thing he knew for sure was that he didn't love her. Staying in the relationship was hurting them. It was time to end it.

Opening the briefcase, he removed his cell phone, flipped it open, and punched in the number to Imani's cellular. She answered on the third ring.

“Hello, Imani,” Garrett said in a flat, low tone.

Imani couldn't read what mood he was in. She hoped he was in a better mood than when he left the room earlier. She wasn't sure he was coming back to the hotel. She thought about leaving. They had argued again about Trinity, and they both needed space to cool down before someone said something they would regret.

“Are you in a better mood?” she asked.

He sighed. “Not really.”

Imani was quiet a moment. She didn't want to rub him the wrong way. “Are you coming to the hotel?”

“No,” he answered without hesitation.

Imani closed her eyes. She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to her next question. “When are you coming back?”

“I'm not coming back, Imani. What's the use? Nothing will change between us.”

“Nothing will change because you don't want it to change,” she said, her voice cracking. Their relationship was known for being off and on, but this time she had a feeling it was off for good. She couldn't let that happen. “Let's talk about this.”

Garrett clutched the receiver more tightly. He wondered how long it would take her to get around to her habitual spiel.

“We had a fight. We always fight.” She held the phone to her ear with her shoulder. “But we always make up.” Her voice lowed to a seductive tone. “That's the fun part in breaking up.” She removed an expensive white silk blouse from the hangar and tossed the garment on the bed.

“Not this time. I don't understand why you keep denying the truth, Imani. The relationship is not working. It hasn't been working for a long time. Let's end it before it turns ugly.”

“Oh, it can get ugly,” she said, walking to the bathroom mirror that stretched the length of the vanity.

“What does that mean?” Garrett didn't believe Imani was vengeful. He'd seen firsthand from other male friends how vindictive a scorned woman could be. He believed Imani was above that.

She tried not to cry as she began tossing lipsticks and compacts inside the cosmetic bag. Contents spilled out, rolling to the floor. “I'm the best thing that ever happened to you.”

“Imani, let's be adults about this.”

“Don't call me childish.” She reached down, placing the makeup in the bag.

“Don't put words in my mouth,” Garrett fired back. “I did not say you were childish. I said let's be adult about the breakup.”

“Garrett, I don't want it to end like this. We need to discuss this face-to-face. I want to look in your eyes. I need to know if you really mean it's over,” she sniffed.