It's A Shame (11 page)

“Well, we are hoping to have him back here with us in August.  He is recovering
, albeit slowly.  The heart attack scared the heck out of all of us,
and obviously him
. It was touch and go there for a while, we thought we were going to lose him.”  She looked between Michelle and me. “They still don’t know what brought it on, he had just had a physical, and the doctor told him he was healthy as a horse.” She stared at us both shaking her head, “I went to see him two nights ago and he seemed to be in good spirits and getting around well.”

“
Gretchen, I’m sorry to add to your worries, it’s just that since the whole…Jonathan incident…I…we haven’t been ourselves.”  I pointed to Michelle and myself.  “I..”

“No need to explain anything. It was a
n inexcusable lapse of security on our part and I will personally see that it does not happen again. I know it is not acceptable, and…” She turned to Michelle, “I’m sorry Miss Maloney, I truly apologize. I will make a report and will have it ready for your signatures later today, then forward it to the building supervisor for further review.”

“Thank you
Gretchen.  I appreciate that.”  I looked at Michelle.

“Thank you ladies. Th
ank you for your time and, again, please accept my apology.  Enjoy your day.” Gretchen pulled out a form and clipping to the clipboard she held, started to fill it out. We turned and walked out the door held open by Pat, who had the good sense to avoid looking directly at us. 

No harm no foul
I guess
.

As we sat down in at our table at 21 Club, Michelle turned to me.

“Okay.  You need to tell me now…”

“Shelle, I opened the door in my bathro
be…my bathrobe! With my hair wrapped in a friggin’ towel.  I must have looked like a total rube.”

“Funny
…I love the image,” she smirked. “And
you
could
never
look like a rube.”

“She was stunning.  I mean really beautiful
,” I groaned.

“Grace, don’t make me smack you upside your pretty little head.” She leaned in. “There’s a reason he left her and there’s a reason he’s with you
,” she interjected.

“I know all that, but why wouldn’t he tell me she was in town.”

“Because he doesn’t talk to her, so he most likely doesn’t even know she is here,” she explained. “He did break it off with
her
right?”

“Hey, whose side are you on?” I inquired.

“I didn’t think I had to take sides, but yours, always yours. You know that.”  She looked up as our waiter came over.

“Good afternoon, how are we today?  My name is Nick, I’ll be taking care of you, may I get you water for the table?”

“Yes, bottled still please,” I asked.

“Very well, and would you like
to start with something from the bar?”

“I would love a glass of Pinot Noir, Nick. So if you could bring me the wine list that would be
awesome,” Michelle said looking at me.

“I’ll have a Mint Julep, Nick, thank you.”

“Right away.” 

As he walked away Michelle turned her head to look at me.

“Well, what are you going to say to him?” She ran her fingers through her hair slipping it behind her ear.

“What
can
I say?  ‘Hi darling, your ex-fiancée came to visit and she would just
love
to get together with you and re-spark the romance.  Oh, by the way, here’s her number so feel free to have incredible sex, oh, and if I haven’t already told you, I’m jealous as all hell, and would love to smash her face in,” I said facetiously.

“Smart ass
,” she retorted.

Nick returned and poured two glasses of water
then set the bottle on top of the pewter coaster, and handed Michelle the wine list. After taking all of two seconds she looked up.

“I’ll have a glass of the Belle Glos Pinot Noir
, please.”

“Very well.”
He turned to leave.

“So what do you think?”
I asked her, when he was out of hearing range.

“You really
want to know? I’m not going to blow smoke…” she tipped her head to the side.

“Yes.
Tell me what you really think for a change.” I said sarcastically interrupting her. I braced myself.  Michelle was a ‘no holes barred’ kinda girl and I was half afraid of what she would say.

“I think you both rushed into living together
,” she said. Seeing the distraught expression on my face, she quickly continued, “I know you love each other, but you really don’t know each other…yet. It feels, to me, like you’re moving too fast, Gracie. You both needed time to get over what happened…to us all.” She looked directly into my eyes. “You know I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t think it.”

Her words cut into me. I could feel the tears build
ing, threatening to spill down my face.  I lowered my head searching for a tissue in my purse.

“Gracie…please…don’t.” She took hold of my hand. “You know I love you like a sister…no actually more than that.
” She squeezed my hand, “ Just listen...” 

I swiped at my eyes with the torn,
crumbled tissue I found.  I knew in my heart she was right, but the words cut deep nonetheless.

“Shelle…”

“Let me finish what I have to say,” she interrupted me. “You’ve known each other for such a short time. Love is great, you two are great, but you need to grow into yourselves before you can share with each other. The Jonathan thing…was painful to deal with, both emotionally and psychologically. He really fucked us up, made us all ‘head-jobs’. You both just need to take some time, step back and take a look at what you really want from your relationship.

“
I truly believe in my heart you will both end up together. Really, I have no doubts, but right now you both have so much to learn about the other.  You are both damaged, in your own way. Fuck, we’re all damaged. You need time to heal.

“
Then when you come together there won’t be anymore doubts, no more questions…and no more surprises.” She smiled wryly.  “I’m just saying, take your time and get to know each another. It’s not like he’s gonna take off running towards the hills. Relax.”

I know she was only thinking about me, but what she said left me feeling empty inside.

Chapter 9

I
couldn’t stop thinking about what Michelle said for the rest of the day. In my heart I knew she was right about one thing, there was so little I knew about Cole. I knew about the major things that shaped him into who he was today, but I still needed him to fill in between the lines.  What happened with Lauren?  Why did he end the engagement?  I knew nothing of his family, other than how they died, and I had no clue if there were other family members other than an aunt he mentioned in passing once…his mother’s sister, I believe, and her family. I know he saw a psychiatrist for several years…but was it to help him get over the deaths of his family, or was there more to it than that?

I was so involved with my own issues and problems that I never
really paid much attention to his, and he was more than content to keep them to himself.  Too afraid to rock the boat and upset the great thing I had going with Cole, I left well enough alone. Only now well enough, wasn’t good enough. I was literally uncomfortable saying anything, not wanting to seem too inquisitive. I didn’t want him to think I wanted to drag all the bad memories out of him to satisfy my own curiosity. I was obviously not riding high on self-confidence these days, not to mention I was trying to deal with too many issues of my own. 

Lack of self
-assuredness was definitely at the top of my issue list. I had spent a good portion of my life using men and letting them use me. I was so unwilling to put my heart out there. There were many times I thought I didn’t have a heart anymore, since it was torn from my chest when Craig died…was murdered, which brings to mind another one of my issues, guilt.

This was the first real relationship I had since
that other lifetime so long ago, and there was nothing I wanted more in the world than to make it work. The thought of spending a night without Cole was too painful to think about let alone a lifetime. I was literally terrified of losing him. Just thinking about it now caused my stomach to roll violently.

I changed into my terry
cloth shorts and tee shirt and contemplated dinner.  I wanted to make something simple.  Quick and easy, something that would satisfy my carb-crave. I was expecting my period and craved pasta and bread in the worst way.  Chicken Parmesan with linguini was my go to comfort food.  My dad and I made it together all the time when I was young. It was one of my fondest memories with my dad. Which earned it the number one spot in my heart as my favorite comfort food. And right now, I definitely needed a little comfort.

I took out my meat hammer and was pounding the chicken cutlets thin when
I thought I heard the door open behind me.  I turned my head but didn’t see anyone and the door was closed.
That was weird
.  A cold chill settled in my gut. My senses automatically shifted to hyper alert.

I had the feeling
someone standing behind me, and a chill coursed through my body as goose bumps rose on my arms. I spun around quickly, mallet in hand. When I saw Cole standing there I screamed…loud.
Really loud
.

“Jesus Christ!” I
shrieked.  “What the fuck?” I said grabbing my chest.

He must have seen the
terror in my eyes because he took a step towards me his arms extended.

“Grace, baby,
I’m sorry.  I thought you heard me come in.”

“That was seriously fuc
ked up Ace… seriously not funny. I looked at the door and no one was there!” I reprimanded, physically pushing him backwards.  My breathing was ragged, and my heart felt like it was about to pound through the walls of my chest.  “After all the shit that’s been going on, you didn’t think that was a total dick move?”

He
stepped closer and pulled me to his chest, holding me tight. I could feel the pounding of his heart.  Apparently we were both rattled.

“I’m sorry babe
,” he repeated although I could hear the laughter in his words. 

“Yeah right
,” I trailed off pushing against him again.

“
It feels good to hold you.” He rested his chin on my head. “It has been one shitty day. But this—having you in my arms—Ummm.” He kissed my forehead then reached down and lowered his hands until they rested on my ass and squeezed. 

“Damn,
” I looked up at his face. Trying to shake it off. “I’m sorry for getting so freaked out.” I placed the meat hammer down on the countertop. “Ace, can you pick out a wine and decant it please? I’m making chicken Parmesan and, after
that
I could use a glass of wine.” I glanced towards the door and shook my head.

“Sure. 
Italian…mmm, what do we have…?” he inquired. “How about a Barolo?”

“Whatever you think.  I made
Fra diavlo
sauce and garlic toast. So just open what you think goes best.”

I turned my attention back to the pounding of the chicken as my heart rate slowly returned to normal.

After I dipped the cutlets into an egg wash, I covered them in breadcrumbs and placed them on a plate. Then started the heat under the sauté pan and waited for the olive oil to get to the right temperature. As I lowered the chicken into the pan, I turned to see what wine Cole had chosen. A bottle of 2000 Roberto Voerzio Cerequio Barolo stood next to the filled decanter. When he was done pouring, he held it up to the light, admiring the dark purple color, then turned to me.

“I’m
going to change.  Anything you need me to do before I jump in the shower?”

“No, I’ve got this.
Go shower.”

I turned my attention
back to the chicken sizzling in the oil and turned the heat on under my sauce then added salt to the pot of water for the pasta.  Several minutes later I was draining the chicken on a plate covered in paper towels and putting the fresh pasta I picked up today into the boiling water.  I poured a small amount of the Barolo into a water glass and took a tentative sip as I stirred the pasta.  The wine was still a little tight and needed more time to open, but the flavors of black cherries, black berries and caramel slipped over my tongue, giving me a small taste of what was to come.

I finished cooking and
was setting the table when Cole walked out of the bedroom. He crossed over to the cabinet above the sink, and pulled out two wine glasses. After inspecting them under the light he poured us each a glass and handed me mine then took a sip of his. He swirled the glass in his hand then stuck his nose inside the rim.

“Wow, that opened nicely.”

“Sit down, dinner
’s ready.” I pointed to the dining room table.

I removed the salad plates from the fridge and
Cole carried the Caesar salad to the table, filling our plates.  After grating a little cheese on the salads he turned to get the platter I just piled with the Chicken Parm and linguini placing it in the center of the table.  Bringing the wine glass and decanter to the table, I set them down and took my seat.

Cole sat down
and without a word we both made our plates.

“How was lunch?” he asked
just before shoving a forkful of chicken into his mouth.

“Okay, I guess. Ho
w was your day?” I looked at him, hoping for answers to the myriad of questions swimming around my brain.

“Grace…” he paused, “I don’t want the
re to be any secrets between us.”

Oh shit, here it is.
  My stomach lurched.

“
Lauren Buckley, my ex-fiancée, showed up at my office today. She’s in New York.” He looked directly into my eyes, when I didn’t say anything he continued, “I don’t know the reason why…I didn’t speak to her. I instructed security not to let her up and from what I was told, she left the building.” He continued his gaze firmly planted on me.

“I know
,” I said, almost a whisper. I was so relieved at that moment I could have danced. “She rang the bell here this morning…” his sharp intake of air was the only indication I got that he’d heard me. “I opened the door dressed in my robe thinking it was Michelle.”

He put his fo
rk down and reached out to grab his glass, and slowly lifted it to his mouth, obviously contemplating what I just told him.

“I’m sorry…if I had known she would be so
blatantly ignorant as to come here after she left my office, I would have warned you.”

“Why do you think she
is
here…I mean, it’s obvious she wants to see you. She told me she needed to talk to you, said it’s important.” I just lost whatever appetite I had. My nerves were pulled tight. I got up and walked over to the table near the door where I left the card Lauren had given me. “Here, she gave me this.”

“I could not even f
athom what her motives are, and whatever she’d tell me I wouldn’t believe, she’d rather lie than breathe.” The venom in his voice took me by surprise. I’d never heard him angry before. He took the card from my fingers and glanced at it.

“I never did ask you
what happened between you two.” I lowered my head as I sat back down. I began twirling pasta onto my fork in a never-ending circle. “I think I need for you to tell me now.”

He lifted his wine glass to his mouth
and quickly tossed it back, draining its contents.

“It’s pretty cut and dry.
I met her through her father, Stan Buckley. We were in talks to merge our two firms. Stan wanted to form what he thought would be the largest properties acquisitions firm in North America.

“
During a business dinner at his home he introduced me to Lauren.  She was charming, funny,
polished, and very beautiful.

Every compliment he paid her twisted the knife
deeper into me. I was suddenly sorry I asked. I watched as several expressions flitted across his face. He lowered his head and, to me, it looked like he was embarrassed. I cringed.

“
She fell in love with me, or so she told me. She was, is, a very strong willed woman and her persuasion eventually wore me down. Before I knew it, we were engaged, and the date for the wedding was set.”

He poured wine into his glass and took a small sip,
swishing it around in his mouth.

“
I was content to be alone…live alone. I didn’t want to get married, but I didn’t
not
want to either.” He looked directly into my eyes, “I guess I convinced myself it was a good thing…not spending the rest of my life alone. I figured, why not spend the rest of my days with someone I at least had a good time with and she agreed with me when I told her children were not an option for me. I had no intention of having a family. It’s just not in my DNA.”

When I heard those last words I was surprisingly saddened. I hadn’t thought about children seriously before. Never pictured myself as a mother, but as I fell deeper in love with Cole, I
did
picture us as a happy family, with children…growing old together.

He pushed his plate away and turned his eyes toward me again. “We were months away from the day we were to be married and I
walked in on her fucking a man who I had just fired for embezzling over a quarter of a million dollars from me.” He shook his head and hung it shamefully.

I gasped loudly raising my hand to my mouth.  This was something straight from the script of a soap opera.

“Yeah, crazy right?” he asked. “She asked me, as a favor to her, to hire an ‘old friend’ of hers.  Told me he’d been down on his luck and needed a chance to pull himself back up.  I gave him a job and in six short months he managed to steal over two hundred fifty thousand dollars from me. When I found out I confronted him. The stupid bastard didn’t even have the good sense to look apologetic.  He stood there defiant, challenging
me
. Crazy son of a bitch.” He shook his head and stared at the wall, emotionless.

“
I immediately fired him and called the police. He took off running as soon as he found out the police were on the way. I got nervous and drove straight to Lauren’s house thinking he might go there. After all they were ‘old friends’. I didn’t want him threatening her. Using her relationship with me as leverage. When I got there, I saw his car and went around the side of her house. I opened the door and walked through the kitchen into the living room and found them.” He shook his head, looking pitiful. “There was the little lady, my blushing bride to be, with her legs in the air, panting out in gusts how he was the best fuck she’s ever had.” Cole smiled wryly.  “Guess you can say I learned a few lessons that day. Don’t hire friends of friends, and, I wasn’t the best fuck Lauren’s ever had.” He laughed cynically.

“I called off the wedding of course…” he shook his head, “
and to top that total shit show,
she
was angry. Said I was making her look like a fool calling off the wedding so close to the date. Blamed me for not giving her what she needed. Citing I was the reason she looked for emotional and physical support outside our relationship. Guess she needed a little more than I could give her. Unbelievable…” He shook his head again.

I reached for his hand and he squeezed my fingers.