It Had Been Years (48 page)

I feel so fucking deranged but the drugs keep me warm

One little hit and you start to bleed

But you keep saying No but I just take what I need.

My life’s so pornographic

But still it makes me happy

Don’t be so trite and jaded

Now that your youth has faded”

“Nice song.”  Deb stated directed at Vince.

“I like the rhythm, great guitar tones.” 

Deb looked at him “Did you even listen to the words he’s talking about raping a woman.”  Vincent just looked at Deb as she asked, “What kind of party is this?  Vincent?” 

He laughs, “I told you she was eclectic, and a little bit wild. I tried to warn you.” 

But no sooner than he finished talking Tiff came bounding up to greet him, her chest bouncing with each exaggerated stride.  The band now taking a break made it easier to talk even with the din of the room picking up.

“Nice rings” Vincent said pinching at her nipples.  Deb just stood in shock.  Tiffany introduced herself and despite the odd greeting she
received
from Vincent and her strumpet like behavior Deb liked Tiff.  She seemed genuine and friendly.  Tiff asked in the course of small talk, “How do you know Vin?”  Deb replied, “We’ve been friends for a long time.” 

Tiff pressed for details sharing her own Vincent experiences however limited and Deb began to relax, sipping a black martini and feeling slightly more at ease, the pair mingled through the predominately female crowd Tiffany was a more than gracious guide and they both actually laughed along the way enjoying
themselves
.  At one point Deb admitted, “When Vincent told me the dress was erotic chic
,  I
thought it was just something he made up hoping I’d dress like a whore before taking me to some boring business function.”  Tiffany approaching
Steph
at the time “I can lend you some clothes if you
need,
I wasn’t sure what I was going to wear.”  Deb politely declined.

Vincent found his way to the third floor a drink in hand, the band beginning to play again.  this time the song slower and haunting, it’s melody floating through the air as he spots
Nadrea
in her Sexy white suite. The singer begins again this time his voice smooth and haunting as the second verse began

             
“
lines
on the bed when I wake up in the morning

there
are words in my head still from the nights before

a
body next to me and I’ve known her for years now

the
storm is over its calm and I’m bored

and
the past is just history and the future is wasted

but
I long for poisons of the lusts I once tasted

addictions
closing in on me, my demons not gone now

I thought they were but I guess I was wrong”

Nadrea
turned slowly toward him “your friend where is he?”  She
ask
already knowing that it was not a
H
e,
Nadrea
knew every guest and across the hall she spotted Tiff and
Steph
with a woman she didn’t know.  “
it’s
a she, her name is Deb.”  Vincent casually replied. 
Nadrea
closing in on him, locking her arms around him licking the top of his chest.
  “Sharing is it out of the question?”  Vincent just waited knowing by now
tha
Nadrea
had something else to say.  “Sharing her with me?  It could be a lot of fun.  It’s always better when it’s not a random stranger and I bet she’s so cute that we wouldn’t be strangers for long.”  Vincent laughed as
Nadrea
continued.   “Or doesn’t she share?  Maybe she won’t want to share you with me?” 
An obvious trap that he knew not to enter.
 

The trio approached
Nadrea
  “
this is Vin’s friend Deb”. 
Nadrea
had slithered her way around him, intertwined in his limbs, locked inside of his arms straining to kiss his neck as she flashed her deepest darkest eyes.  Eyes that made mere mortals love her instantly, the kind that made old women jealous fearing for their husbands of more than 50 years.  A look and movement so alluring that she might have tempted a lesser soul in to whatever she was inclined towards at the moment. 

Deb leaned in to kiss her cheek, “lovely party” and as
Nadrea
began to unwind herself thinking that Deb was about to be pulled into her fold she realized that it was just a gesture so that Deb could position herself on the other side of Vincent.  The scene is reminiscent of an adult daughter vying for a father’s affection rather than allowing him to share himself with his new wife. 

Nadrea
flared in a subtle controlling way that only she could, her glare defiant, her pulse racing, she viewed Vincent as hers and did everything she could with refined subtly except make a circle around him while pissing on the floor to mark her territory. 

Deb was un-phased and unrelenting her position in Vincent’s life had long since been secure and
Nadrea
in her mind was just another passing chapter.  The party escalated in intensity and in substance consumption, most of the party goers would find their way to a club party by nine, Vincent passed through the room, socializing with everyone in sight, flirting mercilessly with every woman that caught his eye, around 7:30 Deb left leaving Vincent alone in a domain where he felt little competition. 
Nadrea
eyed him like prey throughout grateful that Deb had left and certain that Vincent was under her spell.

After several hours at the clubs Vincent dancing with Tiff,
Steph
, Mira and of course
Nadrea
. 
Nadrea
offered
“ you
can have us all tonight if you want.”  Vincent just looked at her and laughed
,  “
what makes you think that’s what I want.” 
Nadrea
not pausing “because what man wouldn’t want that.”  Vincent continued to dance soon after excusing himself for the evening.
Nadrea
offered to go with him and he accepted her invitation.  Sitting in his living room the pair were alone, no sounds or lights or others in the distance to entertain and distract them. 
Nadrea
finally fell into a deep
slumber,
Vincent carried her to his bedroom and laid her gently on the bed.   

Left to their own devices

Vincent was sitting alone in the dark except for the soundless images; images that the LCD projector were making on his screening wall.  His boots had been kicked off and landed askew two thirds of the way from the first row of couches toward the screen. Like ominous shadows of crumpled men.

As
Nadrea
entered he is sitting alone in the dark, in the silence in the still of the night, his leather pants turned inside out and still drenched in sweat, discarded in the aisle way between the two sets of theater seats in the second row.  She didn’t know what to say.  She just stood in the doorway watching him sitting in the darkness staring
ats
soundless images from some god forsaken early sixties science fiction movie.

“
you
can come in.” his words breaking the silence.  “I fell asleep.”  She replied walking through the light on the screen and heading towards him.  He just sat there.

“Look I know I’m more than a little fucked up.” She said sitting down next to him wrapped in a towel. 
Continuing on “We all have our days.
  Really if I’m out there floating then what the hell does it matter?  Maybe I just like myself more as a train wreck.”

  “Nice self image!”  
he
said in tone that almost let a shred of genuine concern show through.  “You don’t really know me, very few people do.”
Nadrea
stated almost mystified as if the thought had never occurred to her before.  “Let’s play a game.”  She asked.  “
it’s
too late or too early.  You pick but I’m not in the mood.”  Vincent said talking to her but he still hasn’t looked in her general direction.  She might as well not have been in the room.  “
ok
then I’ll play by myself!” she said not missing a beat, “but you can join

in
any time you like.  Ok?”  “Sure” Vincent said indifferently. 

“The game is called if my life was” he didn’t move but he was listening. 
Nadrea
began “if my life was a flower it would be a rose, beautiful but still dangerous.  Cliché and common even among other roses and hated by the daisies not because I was so
beloved but because I loved no one back”
Nadrea
had never done this before but she needed to define herself not just to him but for her own edification. 

She continued on “if my life was a poem it would be tragic and dark, I would meet an untimely end.  People who despised me would mourn the loss of something they hated and celebrate my departure all in one
breath
. 

If my life were a play it would be Dr.
Faustus ”
  she looked at him he was listening, he was processing.  Vincent had not yet spoken and his reaction was becoming apparent. “I would be surrounded much like I am by abilities and a charmed life but would renounce all of it for something no man can have, exchanging my soul for what I believe to be of great importance.  The things I’ve surrendered can be taken back but I am blinded by the tempters and can’t find my way back until all has been lost and it is far too late even then my four demons taunting me.  Sex, Vanity, Pleasure and Love, they are no less tempting to others but insanity ensues when they can’t be had, there is no compromise, no deal that would not be made but in my vanity so long ago lying emotionally naked and alone I learned to separate sex from love, something so many can’t do.”

Nadrea
continued “If my life were an album it would be Kiss Me, Kiss me, Kiss Me. It would be slow and dark and tortuous, lost, and angry, and confused but somehow at the same time it would be delicate, and gentle. It would be loving and beautiful but in the end it would be alone. The good times serving as nothing more than reminders of the bad, of the things I had and lost, misunderstood and misconstrued.”

Vincent looked at her for the first time since she had entered the room. Not truly understanding what she was saying or even what she was thinking or feeling but for the first time since they had met he was starting to understand just a little about who she really might be.  She understood all too well at that moment that his feelings for her were no deeper than for any childhood play thing,
a favorite toy, a beloved doll but not ever intending to be anything more.  Something time would eventually cause to be cast aside no matter how beloved the item.

Finally knowing that the moment had come, that none of her impassioned pleas or heart wrenching confession had stirred him to his core she asked the only thing she could.  The one question she had never expected to need to ask let alone care about the answer to but suddenly did.  “Are you in love with her?” 

He looked away from
Nadrea
, unable to meet her eyes, as if the lack of his glance might make the difficult an
swer somehow easier to accept “
I always have been”. 

Nadrea
stood and gathered her things, as she packed her bag downing gulp after gulp of straight vodka Vincent just sat there, in the dark motionless and silent, not offering any explanation, not attempting to comfort her or converse.  She lingered but he didn’t move
,
she hoped he would explain, perhaps clarify something, share that he had a feeling or any kind of genuine emotion for her.  That what she had come to feel for him wasn’t just a lone desperate sensation of a depraved deluded foolish lover. That if nothing else she mattered somehow in some insignificant way in his world,
that Deb’s arrival was nothing more than a cruel twist of fate that altered the path they were on.  Instead he sat silent and motionless staring into an abyss of prerecorded images from decades ago.   These were the words she long for and deep within her guarded soul very much needed to hear.