Authors: Piers Anthony
Tags: #Humor, #Fantasy, #Science Fiction, #Young Adult
“I see.” For now the demoness had assumed a form even more luscious than Nada's, which was a feat only a supernatural creature could accomplish, and she surely couldn't maintain it for long.
“She just appeared!” he protested. “She said she needed—”
“I can guess.”
“Oh come on, Nada,” Electra said. “You know he loves only you.”
Nada was taken aback. “You mean I was getting jealous? Woe is me!” Then she laughed.
Dolph suspected that she was teasing him, but he wasn't sure. He also didn't know how to respond to Electra's remark, because of course Electra was the one who loved him. So he got away from that subject as fast as his tongue could take him. “I mean, who are these goblins?”
One stepped forward. “I am Godiva and these are my henchmen, Moron, Idiot, and Imbecile. We abducted the centaur foal, but also helped rescue him from the horde.”
“Well, I came to rescue Che,” Dolph said. “And I know Nada and Electra did too. So you can go now, because we're taking him back to his dam.”
“You've got it mixed up,” Electra said. “We made a deal with Godiva. The horde is after us all.”
“A deal?” he asked, befuddled.
“Arrangement, bargain, pact, pledge,” Metria said.
“I know that! I mean, just which side are these goblins on, anyway?”
“Ours, now,” Nada said. “We can't just take Che home. We have to settle with Godiva. But first we all have to get away from the horde.”
“I can become a roc and carry you all away,” Dolph said. “Except the goblins; four extra is too many. What deal did you make?”
“That we would work together to rescue Che and the elf from the horde, then decide who would get to take Che.”
“What about Jenny?” Dolph asked. “Who takes her?”
“How do you know my name?” the elf girt asked, surprised.
“Sammy told me.”
“But Sammy can't speak!”
“He can't speak human,'” Dolph told her. “I talked to him in feline.”
“He does that,” Electra told Jenny. “He can talk the languages of the animal forms he assumes. But it's a good question: once we decide where Che goes, what about you? Are you going back where you came from?”
Che turned to the elf. “Oh, please don't do that, yet, Jenny!” he protested. “You have been such a friend to me, I do not want to lose you so soon.”
“She can't go home,” Metria said. “We blocked the hole.”
“The hole?” Electra asked.
“The hole in Xanth through which she came,” Dolph said. “I had forgotten. Monsters were coming through, so Metria and I blocked it. Jenny can't go back, because we closed it. So I guess she'll have to stay with us for a while.”
Jenny hugged Che. “I didn't want to leave yet anyway,” she said.
“We can't stand around talking,” Godiva said. “The horde will catch us.”
“Let's settle this fast,” Nada said. “We'll decide where Che goes, and if we win, you goblins help us take him to his mother, and if you win, we'll help you take him to Goblin Mountain.”
“Now wait!” Dolph protested. “We can't give him to the goblins!”
“We made a deal,” Electra said. “We may not like it, but Godiva did help rescue him by distracting the horde.”
“Yes, she did,” Che agreed. “I saw her dancing. When she distracted them, then Jenny's magic caught them and we were able to escape. 1 will go with whoever wins. It is fair.”
“But these goblins abducted you!” Dolph said.
“True. But they did not harm me.”
“We can work out those details later,” Nada said. “Right now we need a fast, fair way to decide. What do we do, guess numbers?”
“But we're all on one side or the other,” Electra pointed out. “Someone could cheat.”
“I know a goblin game,” Godiva said. “I think it would do, because it's clear who wins.”
Dolph realized that they were determined to settle this before running from the approaching horde. “What game?”
“It's called godo,” Godiva said. “We make a little noose of string, like this.” She brought out a length of string from somewhere in her long hair and nimbly twisted it into a loop. “Then one person buries it in sand, and others try to poke sticks through it. The one who first succeeds, wins.”
Dolph looked at the others. “Does that seem fair?”
“I think so,” Nada said. “But the one who buries it shouldn't play. In fact, the one who buries it shouldn't be present, because he might signal a player.”
“I'll bury it,” Metria said. “Because I don't care who wins. I just like to be amused by the action.”
“She's right,” Dolph said. “She doesn't care about any of us. So who plays?”
“I will,” Godiva said.
“I will,” Electra said.
“Give me the noose,” Metria said.
Godiva gave her the noose. The demoness took it, and turned into a dark small cloud. There was a stir of dust. Then she reappeared. “It's done. Choose.” She presented small sticks to Godiva and Electra.
There was a smooth patch of sand; somewhere under it lay the noose. “Wait!” Dolph cried. “How do we know when someone pokes through it? Maybe she'll win and not know it!”
“She just lifts the stick and the noose is on it,” Godiva said, making a gesture as of twisting and lifting.
“I want something more certain than that,” Dolph said. “I mean, the noose could slip off or something.”
“Sammy can find it,” Jenny said.
Dolph looked at the cat. “How?”
“I'll tell him to find the noose with the stick through it. He won't move until it's there to find.”
The roar of the approaching horde was getting louder. They did not have time to waste. “Okay, I guess,” he said.
“Who tries first?” Nada asked.
“She does,” Godiva said, “because I chose the game.”
Dolph was impressed. Not only was the gobliness a remarkably comely example of her kind—he wished he could see more of her, but her hair somehow always managed to fall into the path of anything interesting, obscuring it—she seemed both sensible and fair.
Electra took her stick, pondered the dirt briefly, and poked it in. She glanced at the cat, but Sammy seemed to be asleep. So much for that aspect! Electra twisted her stick and brought up the end, but there was no string on it. The way she had done it, she probably would have brought up the noose, if she had speared it.
Godiva stuck her stick in another place, but came up similarly empty.
Electra tried again, and missed again. So did the gobliness. The smooth patch of dirt was getting messed up by the failed attempts, but that did not necessarily make future prospects easier, Dolph realized; the loop might be right alongside of a failed effort, under the stirred-up dirt.
As the game went on, and the hullabaloo of the approaching horde grew, Dolph had a disreputable thought: suppose Metria was having her idea of fun with them? Suppose she had put the noose somewhere else so that it would never be found no matter how long they dug—until distracted by that, they allowed themselves to be caught by the horde? What a laugh!
Yet the demoness knew that Dolph alone could hold off the horde. He had done so before, by assuming the form of the Gap Dragon. He could do it by becoming a huge sphinx, threatening to step on them, or an invisible giant, whose mere stink would gag them, or a salamander, setting fire to them. So the horde was no longer a real threat. So it made no sense for Metria to do that. She would get more amusement from watching the party settle its conflict of interests in a civilized manner. Demons did not understand civilization, having none themselves. She would also be entertained if Godiva won, because then he would have to help take Che to Goblin Mountain, and he wouldn't like that at ail, and she knew that. How fascinating she found his trials of conscience!
Could she have somehow rigged it so that Godiva would win, then? Dolph didn't see how. So he just had to assume that she was playing it straight, and hope.
Electra came up with something. She squealed with girlish excitement—she was sort of cute when she did that, he noticed with mild surprise—and brought up her stick. There was something hanging on it. But it was a root.
Play continued. Then Godiva put in her stick—and Sammy the cat jumped. It was so sudden that it startled them all. He landed on the stick, knocking it out of Godiva's hand. The end flipped up—and on it was the noose.
“See?” Jenny Elf said. “He only looked asleep. He doesn't move when he doesn't have to. He found the stick with the noose!”
He had indeed. And Godiva had won the game. They couldn't even signal the other search parties, because that would interfere with delivering Che to the goblin home.
“All right,” Dolph said heavily. “It was the deal. We'll help you go to Goblin Mountain. But that was just the deal Nada and Electra made with you. Che's mother didn't, and she's going to be coming to rescue her foal, no matter what.”
“That can't be helped,” the gobliness said. “I will worry about it when we get to the mountain. Right now I have to figure out the best route.”
“North,” Metria said.
Godiva glared at her. “What do you care, demoness? What's your motive to help us at all?”
“She finds it entertaining,” Dolph said. “So far she's told the truth.”
“Why go north when Goblin Mountain is east?”
“Because the goblins of the horde are coming in from east and west, and there's more of them to the south.”
Indeed, the noise was now almost deafeningly loud. “North it is,” Godiva said curtly. “But we've been up all night and on our feet. We can't make good time.”
“I could carry some of you,” Dolph said. “If I assumed roc form, if I had clearance to fly. But I can't take off in this jungle.”
“Turn sphinx, and we'll ride on your back,” Nada said.
Anything she asked him made immediate sense. There were both winged and wingless sphinxes, as there were with the dragons, but the wingless ones were much larger. He changed to monstrous landbound sphinx form and lay slowly down, so that they could climb up on his back. Even so, it was a struggle. Nada finally assumed her largest serpent form, which was still much smaller than the sphinx, and coiled in such a way as to form a series of tiers that the others could climb until they stepped off on his back.
Che and Jenny went first, she carrying Sammy, followed by Godiva and her three henchmen. All of them stood about the same height, though they were centaur, elf, and goblins. Then Electra took hold of Nada's head and held it while Nada became a small snake in her hands. They were all aboard.
Just in time. The first of the horde goblins burst into view, screaming.
Dolph could not change, because he was carrying nine people, counting Sammy as a people; he didn't want to dump them. But it was no easy thing to get up suddenly, either, because he didn't want to cause them to slide off his back. So he labored slowly, and hoped that not too many goblins arrived too soon.
The first goblin charged right up to Dolph's haunch. “They're here!” he yelled. “Riding a stinks!”
“That's sphinx!” Dolph rumbled, annoyed.
“You heard me the first time, bulge-bottom!” the goblin said, holding his nose. Then the goblin flew into the air, waving his arms and legs. What was happening?
“Godiva's using her magic wand,” Electra explained, evidently catching on to his confusion. “She can loft folk here and there.”
A magic wand. That was interesting. How did a goblin come to have something like that?
Another goblin charged in. In a moment this one too was flying faster and enjoying it less. Godiva had no mercy on her own kind! But if she could handle only one at a time, that wand wouldn't help much when the main body of the horde arrived. That could explain how Che had gotten taken by the horde in the first place.
Dolph finally made it to his feet. Now he could do something about the goblins himself. But he didn't want to step on them; they would squish under his feet and be all messy. So he simply forged forward, shoving trees out of the way, and left the goblins behind.
The horde did not give up. The goblins followed, more and more of them appearing as they came in from left and right. Dolph could see them back there when he turned his head. But all they had was sticks and stones, and there were not enough to break his bones. So he moved slowly onward, though to the goblins it was a swift pace.
“Now we can sleep,” Electra said. “What a relief!”
“What a relief!” Godiva echoed.
Soon all of them were silent. They were sleeping. Dolph had been up all night, too, but he couldn't sleep. Well, maybe his turn would come later.
“Pretty dull, eh?”
It was Metria. For once he was glad of her company. It would help keep him alert. But he knew better than to let her know that. “Are you still here?” he asked with simulated irritation. “Everything's been decided, so you might as well float off by yourself.”
“Nothing's been decided,” she asserted. “Once you deliver the sacrificial foal to the gobs, the real fun will begin. Just wait till the winged monsters arrive!”
“What winged monsters?” he asked, looking nervously around. A flying dragon could swoop low on a strafing run and toast his passengers. That would be a problem.
“The ones Cheiron Centaur is gathering to rescue his foal. They won't equivocate around, you know.”
“They won't what?”
“Sidestep, hedge, weasel, shuffle, feline paws—”
“Pussyfoot?”
“Whatever. They will demolish that Goblin Mountain tunnel by tunnel. That's a show I wouldn't miss for anything!”
She was probably right. Chex Centaur was a relatively gentle creature, seldom getting her tail in an uproar. But her mate, Cheiron, was a stallion, and he brooked little if any interference in his business. His foal was certainly his business! “There will be abyss to pay!” Dolph muttered.
“What to pay?”
“Blazes, underworld, Hades—”
“Oh no you don't!” she said, laughing. “You won't get me to tell you that bad word you want! I know you don't know it.”
“Darn!” he swore.
“Mend, sew, repair?” she asked solicitously.
“Will you go away, you—you whatever?!”
“Of course not, sweetie. I love tormenting you. I think I'll drop in on your wedding night and watch you try to figure out how to summon the stork.”