Island Kisses: A Billionaire Love Story (The Kisses Series Book 9) (17 page)

I
sat
down at my computer and clicked on the Internet. It was always the first step in starting a new blog post and I could almost feel the writer’s block start to set in as a blank window popped up on the screen and began loading.

It had been just over two months since the breakup and about a month and a half since I had introduced Brian.

Brian was a tall guy with a toned body, dark hair and eyes bluer than an open sky on a summer’s day. He was funny, smart, a hard worker in his career as a physical trainer, a huge sports fan and… completely fake.

I had decided to create Brian in order to appease my Mother and to use as a marketing tool for the blog. After my readers had obsessed over my relationship with Gabe, Brian was designed to be Gabe 2.0 and to carry the burden of a new and passionate relationship. And completely fabricating a fake relationship was
much
easier than actually getting consumed by one.

Brian took me on elaborate dates to all the exciting places around town without ever a boring moment. His father had a boat that was perfect for evenings on the water. He was a great cook and had gone to culinary school before shifting his passion to physical training. He had even gotten me into exercising and we liked to take runs on the beach. It was amazing how easy a relationship could be when you dictated every single thing about it.

And already Brian had been a huge sell for the blog. My readers loved him, and it was hard not to. I had created him that way. Every post brought in more hits than the last and I had even gained readers since his introduction.

Part of its success was the work of Cora, who had assumed the duty of using Kindling Dating to go on dates as fodder for the blog. I didn’t want to completely scrap the concept that had made the site what it was, and Cora was more than willing to do the dirty work. We called it “Tactless Tuesday”.

Between Brian and “Tactless Tuesday,” The blog was booming.

Initially, I was a little surprised. Cora's stories were entertaining, well written and extremely hilarious. She was already a sarcastic person and the notion of ranting about guys came to her like water to a fish. She had already gone on numerous dates and had passed on her anecdotes to be used as consistent filler for the blog. As if the model of dating as an assignment wasn’t already enough, Cora was hooked the second she saw the feedback from her first Tactless Tuesday post. My readers loved her.

I had also continued to accept reader submissions for ‘Worst Wednesday,’ which had developed a small popularity of it’s own. Occasionally, I came across a submission that seemed obnoxiously fake. There were certain things that made for pretty obvious clues. I’d laugh, and I never posted one that seemed
too
phony, but the irony occasionally caused me to stop and think; was I not guilty of the same thing?

Perhaps I was just better at concealing my crime.

But my crime of lying about dates had made a positive impact all around. Mom couldn’t be happier that I was in a new ‘happy relationship’ with a great guy. Rosie had reluctantly promised not to spill the secret to Mom, though with her new baby she was usually too exhausted to even threaten the possibility. Cora was enjoying her new role, and my readers continued to voice their complements on the site.

All was well. Except me. I was not well at all.

I was still miserable and my memories with Gabe were like the relentless clouds of a storm. Everyday came a sort of rain that was inescapable, no matter how hard I tried. I no longer bothered Cora with my depressing outbursts and I had lost Rosie as an outlet as soon as I invented Brian instead of trying to fix things with Gabe.

How can I still be this upset
.
How can I still be upset after a period of time that was almost longer than we had dated for?
I thought.
Is this what heartbreak is like? How many more bottles of wine do I need?

I started to wonder if the ‘relationship’ I had invented with Brian was more about compensating for the void that Gabe had left. But I rejected the idea quickly.
I’m not a therapist,
I thought,
and I’m not going to start psychoanalyzing myself now. Or my blog.

Besides, it was just a blog and my tactics were becoming tremendously successful.

I had been sitting blankly in front of my computer for several minutes before the chaotic spiral of my thoughts had reminded me that it was time to work. The blog needed a new post, and more than that, it needed a new spark. Making up fake dates was kind of fun at first, but it was getting old. I needed something fresh, something riveting, some sort of twist.

Where am I even going with this
, I thought and then said aloud to myself.
Sure, I can give it another spark, but how am I going to get out of this mess?
The thought was heavy in my head. I was deep and I knew it. I had hinted more and more that things between ‘Brian’ and I were getting serious.
How am I ever going to end this?

But beside the challenge of completely terminating an intense relationship on the blog, there was no answer for breaking the news to my mother. I knew I could completely end it online and maybe even use it’s ending beneficially for the blog, but there was no way I could tell my Mother that my entire relationship had been one big lie. She was already demanding to meet him, and had been for weeks. Luckily, Brian was a busy guy who was constantly trying to make room for me in his schedule. Rosie had also helped to assure Mom that all was well and Brian was a tremendous guy who was simply very busy. I had been able to stay afloat this long, but I knew that the water was rising.

Maybe I’ll get hit by lighting during the next gulf storm or something,
I thought.
That way I’ll get a free pass out of this mess.
I decided that was probably the best-case scenario.

I became frustrated as I looked back at my computer and realized I had gotten absolutely no work done in the past half hour. Time was ticking. Cora was in town in Miami for a business conference. She was desperately hoping for a promotion to escape the grind of trying to fill shifts and maintain staffing. We had planned to meet for dinner later that night, and I had expected to use the day to write up a new post about Brian.

“
Where am I going with this,” I whispered aloud once more. “What are we doing next? Huh Brian?” I was beginning to talk anxiously to the computer screen. “What else do you have in store?”

I sat for a few more moments as I attempted to answer the questions for myself.
You’re a sweet guy and things are starting to get serious,
I thought, tapping my finger restlessly on the desk.
Maybe it’s time for you to take things to the next level?

Sometimes as a writer, you use details that seem to be readily available, and my dinner with Cora was the perfect chance.

“
Maybe it’s time for you to propose?” I murmured the words ominously and then began typing.

I
paused
and reread the last few sentences I had just finished typing. As I wrote every post I wondered whether or not Gabe would read it. My blog had been a partial reason for our breakup and I wondered if he remembered it with more anger or curiosity. I wondered if he had ever been inclined to sneak a peak, searching for an indication on how I had moved on. I wondered if he knew about Brian.

Probably not
, I thought in a way that forcefully derailed my train of thought.
Why would he? I wouldn’t if I were him.

Still, I sat with the idea for a moment longer. I wanted to think he was reading; I wanted to think he
had
been reading. It was part of the reason that Brian was such an amazing cook. I wanted to think that he looked on the blog with a sort of nostalgic jealousy. Mostly I wanted to know that he was hurting like I was.

I slowly forced my attention back to the screen in front of me. If there was
any
chance that he was reading at all, I was going to make it count, and I picked up where I left off.

I
almost deleted
my last sentence, but I decided against it. I had just used the same phrase in conversation with Rosie and I employed it again as a bit of a shout-out, though I knew she wouldn’t
really
like that I had made light of my lie in such a way.

But if I was going to use and commit to this Brain thing, then I was going to do so entirely.

I
wondered
how an outright lie could sound so whimsically romantic. It was just one of the many enigmas of life, I decided. Something I didn’t need to decipher in that moment. There’s too many ironies in life, like the fact that I would be going out to dinner with my best friend instead of a dreamy guy who’s about to get down on one knee and propose. But that didn’t stop me from running with it. I liked how the post was coming together. I knew my readers were going to absolutely eat it up and I wanted to give them as big a dose as I could.

I was forced to stop and laugh for a moment.
Anonymity is a beautiful thing,
I thought. I was fabricating a massive fib and if there were any reader out there looking to steal a peek into the life of my alter ego, they would be looking for a happy couple gawking soppily at each other, not two lunatic friends obnoxiously talking at a level that was slightly above their surrounding compatriots.
I might even deserve a trophy for this one,
I thought before returning to work.

I
took
a punctuating breath in the same way that I always did upon finishing a new post. My eyes glossed over the ending and I cringed as I reread the words
next time I post.
The thought of my next post made me tense and I noticed I had clinched my hands into fists.