Is That What People Do? (42 page)

“The process of detection,” Arnold said sententiously, “is merely the accumulation of minute discrepancies and infinitesimal inconsistencies, which are immediately apparent to the trained eye.”

Gregor and the trained eye put the office into order. At eleven o’clock they met Jameson and Myra at the ship, and without further incident they departed for Coelle.

III

Ross Jameson was president and chief engineer of Jameson Electronics, a small but growing concern he had inherited from his father. It was a great responsibility for so young a man, and Ross had adopted a brusque, overbearing manner to avoid any hint of indecisiveness. But whenever he was able to forget his exalted position he was a pleasant enough fellow, and a good sport in facing the many little discomforts of interstellar travel.

Myra’s Hemstet 4 was old and hogged out of shape by repeated high-gravity takeoffs. The ship had developed a disconcerting habit of springing leaks in the most inaccessible places, which Arnold and Gregor had to locate and patch. The ship’s astrogation system wasn’t to be trusted, either, and Jameson spent considerable time figuring out a way of controlling the automatics manually.

When Coelle’s little sun was finally in sight and the ship was in its deceleration orbit, the four of them were able, for the first time, to share a meal together.

“What’s the story on this hermit?” Gregor asked over coffee.

“You must have heard of him,” Jameson said. “He calls himself Edward the Hermit, and he’s written a book.”

“The book is
Dreams on Kerma,”
Myra filled in. “It was a bestseller last year.”

“Oh,
that
hermit,” Gregor said, and Arnold nodded.

They had read the hermit’s book, along with several thousand others, while sitting in their office waiting for business.
Dreams on Kerma
had been a sort of spatial Robinson Crusoe. Edward’s struggles with his environment, and with himself, had made exciting reading. Because of his lack of scientific knowledge, the hermit had made many blunders. But he had persevered, and created a home for himself out of the virgin wilderness of the planet Kerma.

The young misanthrope’s calm decision to give up the society of mankind and devote his life to the contemplation of nature and the universe—the Eternals, as he called them—had struck some responsive chord in millions of harried men and women. A few had been sufficiently inspired to seek out their own hermitages.

Almost without exception they returned to Terra in six months or a year, sadder but wiser. Solitude, they discovered, made better reading than living.

“But what has he got to do with Coelle?” Arnold asked.

“Coelle is the second planet of the Gelsors system,” Jameson said. “Kerma is the third planet, and the hermit is its only inhabitant.”

Gregor said, “I still don’t see—”

“I guess it was my fault,” Myra said. “You see, the hermit’s book inspired me. It was what decided me to live on Coelle, even if I had to do it alone.” She threw Jameson a cutting glance. “Do you remember his chapter on the joy of possessing an entire planet? I can’t describe what that did to me. I felt—”

“I still don’t see the connection,” Gregor said.

“I’m coming around to it,” Myra said. “When I found out that Edward the Hermit and I were neighbors, astronomically speaking, I decided to speak to him. I just wanted to tell him how much his book meant to me. So I radioed him from Coelle.”

“He has a radio?” Arnold asked.

“Of course,” Myra said. “He keeps it so he can listen to the absurd voices of mankind, and laugh himself to sleep.”

“Oh. Go on.”

“Well, when he heard I was going to live on Coelle, he became furious. Said he couldn’t stand having a human so close.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Arnold said. “The planets are millions of miles apart.”

“I told him that. But he started shouting and screaming at me. He said mankind wouldn’t leave him alone. Real-estate brokers were trying to talk him into selling his mineral rights, and a travel agency was going to route its ships within ten thousand miles of the upper atmosphere of his planet. And then, to top it all, I come along and move in practically on his doorstep.”

“And then he threatened her,” Jameson said.

“I guess it was a threat,” Myra said. “He told me to get out of the Gelsors system, or he wouldn’t be responsible for what happened.”

“Did he say
what
would happen?” Arnold asked.

“No. He just hinted it would be pretty extreme.”

Jameson said, “I think it’s apparent that the man’s unbalanced.

After the talk, these so-called Skag incidents began. There must be a connection.”

“It’s possible,” Arnold said judiciously.

“I just can’t believe it,” Myra said, gazing pensively out a port. “His book was so beautiful. And his picture on the book jacket—he looked so soulful.”

“Hah!” Jameson said. “Anyone who’d live alone on an empty planet
must
be off his rocker.”

Myra gave him a venomous look. And then the radar alarm went off. They were about to land on Coelle...

The Skag Castle dominated Coelle. Built of an almost indestructible gray stone, the castle sprawled across the curved land like a prehistoric monster crouched over Lilliput. Its towers and battlements soared past the narrow limits of the planet’s atmosphere, and the uppermost spires were lost in haze. As they approached, the black slit windows seemed to stare menacingly at them.

“Cozy little place,” Gregor commented.

“Isn’t it wonderful?” Myra said. “Come on. I’ll show you around.”

The three men looked at the castle, then at each other.

“Just the ground floor,” Arnold begged.

Myra wanted to show them
everything.
It wasn’t every girl who became the owner of an alien birthplace, period house, and haunted castle, all rolled into one. But she settled for a few of the main attractions: the library—containing ten thousand Skag scrolls that no one could read—the Worship Chamber of Ieele, and the Grand Torture Room.

Dinner was prepared by the auto-cook Uncle Jim had thoughtfully installed, and later they had brandy on the terrace, under the stars. Myra gave them all bedrooms on the second floor, to avoid as much climbing as possible. They retired, planning to begin the investigation early in the morning.

The partners shared a bedroom the size of a small soccer field, with bronze death masks of Scarb princes leering from the wall. Arnold kicked off his shoes, flopped into bed, and was asleep immediately.

Gregor paced around for a few minutes, smoked a last cigarette, snapped off the light, and climbed into his bed. He was on the verge of sleep, when suddenly he sat upright. He thought he had heard a dull rumbling noise, like the sound of a giant walking underneath the castle. Nerves, he told himself.

Then the rumbling came again, the floor shook, and the death masks clattered angrily against the wall.

In another moment the noise had subsided.

“Did you hear it?” Gregor whispered.

“Of course I heard it,” Arnold said crossly. “It almost shook me out of bed.”

“What do you think?”

“It could be a form of poltergeist,” Arnold answered, “although I doubt it. We’ll explore the cellar tomorrow.”

“I don’t think this place has any cellar,” Gregor said.

“It hasn’t? Good! That would clinch it.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I’ll have to accumulate a bit more data before I can make a positive statement,” Arnold said smugly.

“Have you any idea what you’re talking about? Or are you just making it up as you go along? Because if—”

“Look!”

Gregor turned and saw a gray and purple light in one corner of the room. It pulsed weirdly, throwing fantastic shadows across the bronze death masks. Slowly it approached them. As it drew nearer they could make out the reptilian outlines of a Skag, and through him they could see the walls of the room.

Gregor fumbled under his pillow, found the needler, and fired. The charge went
through
the Skag, and pocked a neat three-inch groove in the stone wall.

The Skag stood before them, its cloak swirling, an expression of extreme disapproval on its face. And then, without a sound, it was gone.

As soon as he could move, Gregor snapped on the light. Arnold was smiling faintly, staring at the place where the Skag had been.

“Very interesting,” Arnold said. “Very interesting indeed.” “What is?”

“Do you remember how Myra described the Undead Scarb?”

“Sure. She said it was nine feet tall, had little wings, and—oh, I think I see.”

“Precisely,” Arnold said. “This Skag or Scarb was no more than four feet in height, without wings.”

“I suppose there could be two types,” Gregor said dubiously. “But what bearing does this have on the underground noises? The whole thing is getting ridiculously complicated. Surely you must realize that.”

“Complication is frequently a key to solution,” Arnold said. “Simplicity alone is baffling. Complexity, on the other hand, implies the presence of a self-contradictory logic structure. Once the incomprehensibles are reconciled and the extraneous factors canceled, the murderer stands revealed in the glaring light of rational inevitability.”

“What are you talking about?” Gregor shouted. “There wasn’t any murder here!”

“I was quoting from Lesson Three in the Hepburn School for Scientific Detection Correspondence Course. And I know there was no murder. I was just speaking in general.”

“But what do you think is going on?” Gregor asked.

“Something funny is going on,” Arnold said. He smiled knowingly, turned over, and went to sleep.

Gregor snapped out the light. Arnold’s course, he remembered, had cost ten dollars plus a coupon from
Horror Crime Magazine.
His partner had certainly received his money’s worth.

There were no further incidents that night.

IV

Bright and early in the morning, the partners were awakened by Myra pounding on their door.

“A spaceship is landing!” she called.

Hurriedly they dressed and came down, meeting Jameson on the stairs. Outside they saw that a small spacer had just put down, and its occupant was climbing out.

“More trouble,” Jameson growled.

The new arrival hardly looked like trouble. He was middle- aged, short, and partially bald. He was dressed in a severely conservative business suit, and he carried a briefcase. His features were quiet and reserved.

“Permit me to introduce myself,” he said. “I am Frank Olson, a representative of Transstellar Mining. My company is contemplating an expansion into this territory, to take advantage of the new Terra-to-Propexis space lane. I am doing the initial survey. We need planets upon which we can obtain mineral rights.”

Myra shook her head. “Not interested. But why don’t you try Kerma?” she asked with a sly smile.

“I just came from Kerma,” Olson said. “I had what I considered a very attractive proposition for this Edward the Hermit fellow.”

“I’ll bet he booted you out on your ear,” Gregor said.

“No. As a matter of fact, he wasn’t there.”

“Wasn’t there?”
Myra gasped. “Are you sure?”

“Reasonably so,” Olson said. “His camp was deserted.”

“Perhaps he went on a hike,” Arnold said. “After all, he has an entire planet to wander over.”

“I hardly think so. His big ship was gone, and a spaceship is hardly a suitable vehicle for wandering around a planet.”

“Very clever deduction,” Arnold said enviously.

“Not that it matters,” Olson said. “I thought I’d ask him, just for the record.” He turned to Myra. “You are the owner of this planet?”

“I am.”

“Perhaps you would be interested in hearing our terms?”

“No!” Myra said.

“Wait,” Jameson said. “You should at least hear him.”

“I’m not interested,” Myra said. “I’m not going to have anyone digging up my little planet.”

“I don’t even know if your planet has anything worth digging for,” Olson said. “My company is simply trying to find out which planets are available.”

“They’ll never get this one,” Myra said.

“Well, it isn’t too important,” Olson said. “There are many planets. Too many,” he added with a sigh. “I won’t disturb you people any longer. Thank you for your time.”

He turned, his shoulders slumping, and trudged back to his ship.

“Won’t you stay for dinner?” Myra called impulsively. “You must get pretty tired of eating canned food in that spaceship.”

“I do,” Olson said with a rueful smile. “But I really can’t stay. I hate to make a blastoff after dark.”

“Then stay until morning,” Myra said. “We’d be glad to put you up.”

“I wouldn’t want to be any trouble—”

“I’ve got about two hundred rooms in there,” Myra said, pointing at the Skag Castle. “I’m sure we can squeeze you in somewhere.”

“You’re very kind,” Olson said. “I—I believe I will!”

“Hope you aren’t nervous about Undead Scarbs,” Jameson said.

“What?”

“This planet seems to be haunted,” Arnold told him. “By the ghost or ghosts of an extinct reptilian race.”

“Oh, come now,” Olson said. “You’re pulling my leg. Aren’t you?”

“Not at all,” Gregor said.

Olson grinned to show that no one was taking
him
in. “I believe I’ll tidy up,” he said.

“Dinner’s at six,” Myra said.

“I’ll be there. And thank you again.” He returned to his ship.

“Now what?” Jameson asked.

“Now we are going to do some searching,” Arnold said. He turned to Gregor. “Bring the portable detector. And we’ll need a few shovels.”

“What are we looking for?” Jameson asked.

“You’ll see when we find it,” Arnold said. He smiled insidiously and added, “I thought
you
knew everything.”

Coelle was a very small planet, and in five hours Arnold found what he was looking for. In a little valley there was a long mound. Near it, the detector buzzed gaily.

“We will dig here,” Arnold said.

“I bet I know what it is,” Myra told them. “It’s a burial mound, isn’t it? And when you’ve uncovered it, we’ll find row upon row of Undead Scarbs, their hands crossed upon their chests, waiting for the full moon. And we’ll put stakes through their hearts, won’t we?”