Invoking Darkness (48 page)

When Galen thought of how he'd felt standing before the rulers of their order for the first time, that experience seemed to have nothing in common with this one. Then, he had faced what he'd believed were the best of the mages, figures almost legendary in power and deed, determined to uphold the mages' traditions, drive them to the highest achievements, and encourage their commitment to good.

Now the Circle was diminished. While he respected those seated before him, they were not the accomplished figures whom they had replaced. At fifty-six, Herazade, youngest member of that previous Circle, was the oldest of this one. The rest were under forty.

With their order's oldest and wisest weakening, dying, the mages had turned to those younger and stronger for leadership. Apparently they did not want to lose any more of their leaders for many years.

Of this new Circle, only Miostro scoured his head and wore the traditional black robe. He represented Blaylock's followers. Tzakizak's militant outlook and short temper had earned him the votes of those angry at the Circle's secrecy. Celaene had been endorsed and supported by Herazade. She voted with Herazade on most things. The final member of the circle, elected after Blaylock's death, was Fed. Only twenty-four, still officially an initiate.

It was a sign of the growing power of the younger mages, who formed an increasing percentage of their failing order. With his new position, Fed had not changed his loud clothing or tamed one wild hair on his head.

As Galen faced them, he realized the mages were entering a new age, their final age, the one that would oversee their decline and their passing. Over the last two years, their order had not only lost the most experienced among them, they had also lost, in the fight against the Shadows, some of the bravest and most skilled, and in the pressure cooker of the hiding place, those closest to the tech – and the chaos – within them.

Of those who survived, many had suppressed or redirected their destructive impulses, while others possessed mild-mannered natures that provided poor ground for the seeds of anarchy the Shadows had sewn.

He greeted the Circle with a short nod. He felt none of the dread he'd experienced when facing punishment before. What he'd done was right, and whether they agreed or not, he was at peace with it. They had no power over him.

"We have concluded our deliberations," Herazade said.

"Your role in the destruction of Z'ha'dum was a critical one. Without your participation, Captain Sheridan's plan would have failed, and the Shadows' home would have gone unharmed. We acknowledge that the destruction of Z'ha'dum accelerated the course of the war, and helped lead to the exodus of the Shadows and the Vorlons.

"Yet you had no authorization to take such drastic action. The parameters of your task were clearly established. In discovering how our tech was created, and then destroying those means, you made a decision that rightfully belonged to the Circle. You violated both solidarity and knowledge. It's now unlikely we will ever learn the details of the tech's creation."

In some ways the Circle had changed, but in others, Galen realized, it had not changed at all.

He bit out the words.

"I have told you enough of that process. Would you have preferred that I returned with complete information, so you could capture outsiders and kill them to create more tech?"

Herazade's face froze, and as she folded her hands together on the tabletop, he could see her trying to contain her fury. She fixed him with her gaze.

"You shall remain silent and hear our judgment."

After a moment, she continued.

"The methods used by the Shadows in the creation of the tech were atrocities in which we would never participate. Whether some more humane method might have been discovered to produce the tech, we will never know, because of you. We sent you in trust from this place as our hand, and you betrayed that trust. You took an action that will likely end our order. For that, the Circle reprimands you as a traitor and a disgrace, the worst the mages have faced in five hundred years. You have broken the Code – not for the first time – and flouted the authority of the Circle."

She separated her folded hands and raised one, with a flourish revealing the small blue lump between her fingers. She set it on the table.

"You seem to believe that you are in control here, that you are free to do what you will. Make no mistake, Galen, you are not. You live only through our goodwill, and that goodwill has now been exhausted."

She would have preferred that the atrocities continue, if they gave the least bit of hope to the mages. She cared nothing for the tech or the beings in slavery on Z'ha'dum, or for their sacrifice. Anger resonated through him.

"We are aware that some in our order mistakenly view you as a leader of some kind. If we sense that you are undermining our authority in any way, action will be taken against you.

"Should you release your destructive impulses again, without our permission, have no doubt that you will be flayed. You are not greater than others here, but lesser, having failed to abide by the principles of our order."

Herazade pressed her palms flat against each other.

"We hope that you will go forth in humility. Behave as Elric would have wanted you to behave, with a commitment to solidarity, above all. Devote yourself anew to the Circle and the Code. Do your share to make our time here as pleasant and productive as possible. That is the way back into our goodwill."

Our time here. Galen couldn't believe it.

"We will not leave the hiding place, then?"

This upset him far more than the reprimand.

"We shall remain here until we are certain the Shadows have truly gone and will not return. And until we are certain no servants of theirs will attempt to take their place as our masters."

Galen wondered how they could ever be certain of that while they still remained in the hiding place, and the Shadows' servants believed them dead. Herazade stood, indicating the conversation was at an end.

"While we are here, you will continue to serve us with your observations of events outside."

They studied him, anxiously, in silence, waiting for him to accept their pronouncements and leave, and he realized that underlying their callousness to those enslaved by the Shadows, underlying their reprimand, their anger, their decision to remain in hiding, was one single, overpowering force: fear. Galen looked from one to the next as he spoke.

"I am happy to aid the mages as I can. And yet, I feel I can best aid you by pointing out the truth. Remaining in the hiding place is a mistake. You operate from fear, when there is no need to fear. You fear for the future of our order, you fear the uncertainty of a universe without Shadows, you fear losing control – of the mages, of yourselves. But your fear should not be. The disaster is not that our order will end. The disaster is that our order will end without reaching its fullest potential, without finding all the answers it could find, and asking all the new questions those answers pose.

"That fear need not come to pass. Preventing it is within our power. Our future is uncertain, yes, as is the galaxy's. But we should rejoice in that uncertainty, in the power, at last, to be free, and to find our own destiny.

"Elric taught me that most intelligent beings prefer to live in certainty rather than uncertainty. We mages use that foolish trait in others to manipulate their perceptions, for certainty is an illusion. The universe is uncertain, and only when we accept that can learning, creativity, and growth occur. Or as some would call it, transcendence. This is our opportunity for transcendence.

"Blaylock believed that we should try to be the best agents of the universe that we can, to follow its will. The universe simply wants to understand. We techno-mages are among those who can best help it do so. That is our purpose. Not seeking ways to prolong our order through alliance or atrocity. Not hiding from a universe that may at times seem harsh and chaotic, or hiding from ourselves. Even in our passing, we can carry out that purpose, by embracing life, and seeking understanding, and fighting for good, for as long as we're able."

Fed's beard spread with a smile, but the others were grim.

Herazade spoke.

"You could have run for the Circle, as I'm sure many suggested to you, so that you might have a say in such decisions. But you did not. We do not appreciate being lectured to by one who has now twice been reprimanded. We have made our decision, Galen. You will abide by it."

Would he abide by it? He looked from Miostro to Tzakizak, Herazade, Celeane, Fed. Perhaps they needed more time to grow accustomed to this new galaxy that surrounded them. Perhaps, eventually, they would be ready to stop hiding. Perhaps, if he stayed with them, he could find a way to teach them what he had learned, to conjure nothing. That desire resounded through him.

He would like to free more tech. And if the mages remained cloistered away until then, they would not spread their chaos. He longed to leave this place, to fly among the stars, to learn. He would wait, though, until they were ready to go with him.

Galen gave a single nod, turned, and left. Outside, the sounds of celebration enveloped him once again. But he was eager to begin his new life, to observe, and question, and learn. He could at least visit the stars, if he could not yet move among them.

He went to the observation room. As he paused at the door to visualize the key, Fed glided up to him on a platform.

"Figured I'd find you here," Fed said.

The door opened, and Fed dissolved his platform and followed Galen inside. He was still smiling.

"I always knew you had something to say. I just had no clue it might be something like that. You certainly managed to get Herazade angrier than I've ever seen. The others weren't too happy either."

"And you?" Galen said. Fed shrugged.

"I agree with you. I'm ready to pack up and go. But I don't think most of them can handle the idea."

From the menu in his mind's eye, Galen began to access one probe after another. He knew only small bits of what had happened since he'd returned to the hiding place, and he was excited to see how the universe was entering into its new age of uncertainty.

"So you'll stay with us, then?"

"Do you ask for yourself," Galen said, "or the Circle?"

"What do you mean?"

"Since I discovered the spell of destruction, that has been their main concern."

"Can I just ask you as a Human being?"

"But you are not a Human being. That is only part of what you are."

"Then as a techno-mage, then. A techno-mage who is your friend."

Galen nodded. "I will stay, and I will help the techno- mages, and I will watch. If ever the Shadows return, or their tech is used by others, then I will leave here and I will stop it."

"What if the Circle refuses to release you?"

"When I want to leave," Galen said, "there will be no power here that can stop me."

"That's dangerous talk," Fed said.

"Dangerous to speak to a friend, or dangerous to speak to a member of the Circle?"

"A friend."

Herazade had called him a traitor, and perhaps she was right. Elric had once asked him what he was, a techno-mage or a traitor; one who killed or one who did good; one in control or one consumed by chaos; one who brought darkness or one who brought light. He actually believed he had become all of those things. Galen sat in the single chair in the center of the room.

"Optima asked that you go to her as soon as the Circle's meeting was over."

Fed went to the door. There, he hesitated. "You said the universe wanted to understand. Understand what?"

"Exactly," Galen said.

"Who. What. Why. Above all, why."

Fed released a heavy breath.

"Okay. Enough responsibility for one day. Time to celebrate. I don't suppose I could talk you into joining me?"

"I am celebrating. In my own way."

Fed nodded, left.

And then, the Eye of the mages, Galen was free to roam the universe.

On Babylon 5, John, Delenn, Michael, Stephen, and others sat around a long table covered with food and drink, taking joy in the end of the war. Though John smiled, his face seemed tense and tired.

Z'ha'dum had taken his youthful energy. On Regula 4, Alwyn and G'Leel laughed as they exchanged jokes to soften their parting. They had participated in John's great victory, helped to vanquish the Shadows.

G'Leel was returning to Narn to help them rebuild. Alwyn had faced the demons of his home and decided to remain. He looked happier and more relaxed than he had been since Carvin's death.

On Centauri Prime, Vir made one more trip into the Imperial Palace's gardens to visit Morden's head, which sat impaled on a pike. Galen had hoped Morden might gain both his freedom and his life, but it had not been possible. Morden had held to his promise, and the Shadows had held him to that promise, until he could serve no more.

Now Morden was free.

On Zafran 8, Cadmus Wilcox and the staff of the Strauss Hotel ejected a troublesome group of guests and shared a bottle of champagne.

On Soom, Jab marched through driving rain on low, powerful legs, approaching a barn of stacked stones. Dust in the atmosphere had turned the temperature several degrees cooler and increased the frequency of storms. It would be many years before the planet healed itself.

Jab pushed through the barn's unsecured door. Within, she found a bit of shelter, and a variety of animals ripe for her sting.

As he flipped through the probes with increasing speed, there were images upon images, beings, places, movement, stillness, nature, technology, stars, and the void.

Life here, death there, joy and despair and triumph and failure and hate and love and atrocity and goodness and ignorance and insight and beauty and terror.

Isabelle had believed the universe offered opportunities for transcendence, and it had, at least to him. She'd told him he needed to transcend himself in three ways: open himself to others, open himself to himself, and open himself to God.

In joining with the tech, Galen believed he may have, in his own way, done all three. He had once hated the universe for having no justice, no order. He realized now how horrible it would be if the universe had those qualities, if it possessed the answers and imposed them on all those within. But the universe carried not answers, but questions.