Invincible (A Kingpin Love Affair Book 3) (26 page)

For some reason, what Zerro said hit me. Devon had always tried to be the good guy. He didn’t want to drag me into this mess, but he hadn’t realized I was already there. I had been there the entire time. If I gave up now, it would be my fault. I would be just like my mother.
A quitter.
The tears that would come would be because I didn’t try hard enough, and when I ended up unhappy years from now, I would have to look in the mirror every day and know it was because of me.

“I—” I didn’t get to finish because Zerro’s eyes sucked me in.

“I don’t want to hear you say you can’t. I know it and you know it as well…you can and you will. If you don’t try and you lose him, you will be the one to blame. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t be the reason for your own unhappiness. Fight and if you feel like you aren’t getting through to him…fight some more. Sometimes our toughest battles keep us from something we want only because we choose not to fight.” Zerro spoke with his own personal knowledge. In his eyes, I could see the turmoil that had once ruled his life.

I didn’t say another word, or even think about saying no.
I couldn’t.
Not when he was right, and I was just looking at my fears. Isn’t that what I wanted? Love? If I didn’t fight for it, it wasn’t worth it. I deserved a slice of happiness and that’s exactly what Devon was to me.

He was my battle.

He was my fight, and I would go to war if it meant making him see that for us—not being together was no longer an option. I would give us both the time we needed to think everything over, but if he didn’t come to me, then I would go after him. This time, I wasn’t letting him walk away. I would fight. For myself, for him, and for our future. He was my own personal dream and there was no way I wouldn’t try to turn us into a reality.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Devon

LOVE IS A funny thing. Sometimes it puts you through the wringer. Sometimes you fuck up—no, you almost always fuck up, but isn’t that what makes your journey even better? What makes it beautiful? My journey with Tegan was anything but easy, but it was worth it. It was worth it because, to her, I meant the world, and to me, she was my world.

When I thought back on everything I had ever done, I knew I would regret not taking a chance on us, on her. She was my chance.

My chance at love.

My chance at redemption.

My chance to give us both everything we never had growing up.

I couldn’t walk away from my chance again.

After leaving the station, we were escorted to the same hotel. I don’t know how I managed to stay away for a full day, but I did. I wanted to wait a couple of days, give us both the time we needed to think, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to see her.

I knew what I was going to tell her, and after contemplating it over and over again, I knew if I didn’t do it today, I never would.

The numbers stared back at me as I raised my fist to knock on the door.

Room 203. 

My knuckles beat against the wood as I stood there awkwardly waiting for her to answer.
If she answered.

I had caught wind of the news that Frank was her father. My boss, the father of the woman I loved. It was so fucked up, even more so because, when I made the choice to leave Tegan, it was based on Frank’s words. He told me if I had someone, leaving now would be easier than leaving later.

Frank was unable to find Teg or her mother. His exact words were that somehow, the bitch had managed to stay off the grid for years taking jobs that paid under the table. When it came time for Tegan to start school, I figured he had stopped looking. The look on his face when he told me he basically gave up was one I had seen more times than not. It was a look that mirrored my own. A look of regret. Looks like Frank and me were alike in more ways than one.
Two regretful fuckers seeking forgiveness.

“Who… who is it?” she asked in a groggy voice.

“It’s me. Let me in,” I responded, the vulnerability of what I was feeling evident in my voice.

“Devon…” Her voice was full of sleep as the sound of her unlocking the door met my ears, right before she swung it open. She had small bags under her eyes and wrinkles formed on her forehead as she openly yawned in my face. Gliding my eyes over her body, I noticed the little boy shorts and cami that she had on. Fuck, she was adorable. No, she was beyond adorable. Far more than I could’ve ever asked for.

“Can I come in?” I asked, holding back my smile. She hesitated briefly before stepping back and allowing me to come in. I was a bundle of nerves as I slipped through the door, an uneasiness flowing through me rapidly. I wasn’t sure what she would say. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if she kicked me right out of the fucking room.

“What’s going on?” I could hear the fear in her voice. Her vocal cords tight and her words rushed. She was just as nervous as I was if not more. We both had been through so much, tormented by the demons of our past. But that’s exactly what it was—the past. Words wouldn’t do what I needed to say justice. In all honesty, no amount of words could even begin to express what I felt for this woman. There was no way one could possibly come up with enough words to cover our history. Words were just that… words. They were spoken, but who was to say what was being said was true? Tegan and I had hurt each other back and forth so many times with our
words.

What I needed to do was touch, to feel, to erase every hurtful thing I had ever said to her. To make her see there was more than ‘I love you’ that needed to be said. I needed to worship her and the ground she walked on.

Without even thinking about it, I stepped into her space. I took notice of the way her eyes grew big with curiosity and the small gasp that left her lips as they parted. I took her in for who she was, for what she was.
Everything.

Bringing my hands up to her face, I cupped her cheeks in my palms and brought my face toward hers. Her eyelashes fluttered closed just as my mouth pressed against hers. The softness of her lips against mine seemed to stop time. There was no FBI, there was no past, and there was no pain. For this moment in time, there were only us, just her and I. Breathing, kissing—becoming one with one another.

Her lips didn’t move against mine for what seemed to be the longest second in my life, and then something snapped in her as the air around her changed. Her teeth bit into my bottom lip and I smiled to myself. She was devouring me like I was a cool glass of water that she hadn’t tasted in months and I was. For her, I was the first rain after a long drought. A wilted flower that had finally been watered and brought back to life.

“Please tell me you came to stay… Please tell me all this means you want us. That this is the end of the past and the start of something else. Please tell me, because if not… if not, I can’t do this,” she pleaded, her lips still against mine.

Our lips and my hands on her were the only things touching. It was the most intimate thing in the world because I couldn’t have felt more connected to her than in that moment. It was as if the air around us was connected to an unwavering current.

I pulled away from her putting as much space between us as I could, a tiny whimper escaping her lips, and I understood her frustration. She was my everything as was I to her, but we had to find a way to get over the agony we had unknowingly caused one another. Death would come someday, and if I had nothing worth living for, what was holding me back from leaving this Earth today?

“I have…” I paused before starting again. I felt like I was grasping at straws as I tried to calm the emotion running through me. “I was a fool to think I could make a decision for both of us. I was wrong for taking the decision away from you. Wrong for thinking I could walk away from you again because I wouldn’t have been able to. Not with what I feel for you. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much. I want to make up for lost time and stop time all at once because that’s what you do for me. You stop time, baby, and you allow me to truly feel what it feels like to be loved by someone like you. And I want to do the same for you. I don’t want to be the one who turned his back on you anymore. I want to be the man you always wanted because you have always been the woman I have needed.”

Her beautiful blue eyes filled with tears that leaked over the rim of her eyes. From there, those tender tears slid down her delicate cheeks causing the hole in my chest to ache.

“I—” She was so full of emotion she couldn’t speak. Maybe she didn’t think I would actually choose us. Maybe she was hell bent on thinking I would walk away a second time without a backward glance or that I was stubborn enough to let her go.

In my eyes, she deserved more than me, but in her eyes… in her eyes, I was everything to her, and I would be damned if I took that away from her again.

“You don’t have to say a word, baby. I get it and I know how you feel. I know because I feel it, too. Your eyes, the rise and fall of your chest, your reaction when I touch you… it all tells me that you feel it, too. We have a chance and I want that chance. I want that chance more than anything and I want it with you.”

I wanted to kiss her again. God, I just wanted to place my lips on hers and then never stop.

“I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. For fucking us up. For not being there when you needed me. For being selfish. For thinking that I was protecting you when all I was really doing was hurting you. I can’t take back the time we missed, the things that I said, or the past in its entirety, but I can alter the future. I can promise to never stop loving you, and I can take every memory we share, rather good or bad, and cherish them for what they are. A part of our journey.”

“Are you asking me if I want to be with you?” she asked in awe as fresh tears traveled down the same path as the previous ones.

“Are you seriously shocked I would want to be with you? Have you seen yourself? You’re beautiful, smart, and sassy as hell, and you have a heart so worthy of love. I just can’t…” I shot her a grin that earned me a sexy smile.

“I just didn’t think you would be the one to come to me. So many times, it was you who walked away. I just…” It was as if she was at a loss for words. “I just never expected you to be so upfront about it. To be standing here confessing your undying love.”

I understood what she meant, and with that, I felt a warmth radiate through me. She knew me well enough to know I had no intentions of trying. Once I was set on something, I never changed my mind. All I wanted was to protect her from everything I stood for.

I was set in my ways.

That is until Zerro showed me how big of a fucking coward I really was.

Until I realized Frank was her father, and if she could give him a chance to be the father she missed, then what was stopping me from taking a chance? The only thing holding me back was my fears. I knew if I walked away, they would still be there and they would haunt me just like before. The only way to make them go away was to dive head first, immersing myself in love so deep that every one of my fears would miraculously disappear. After all, hadn’t she lived through enough shit? Why would I want to add to that? And the truth was I didn’t want to. I wanted to be her reason, her happiness… She deserved to be loved and cherished, and she would be. She was my sea of flames burning bright and setting my soul on fire.
Now, how could a man live without that?

“Zerro and your father might have had a slight play in it. I like my dick, and I also like breathing.” I laughed jokingly. Her eyes stirred like a wildfire. “I’m just kidding, but really, they talked some sense into my thick skull.”

I had watched Zerro fight his feelings for Bree, and then I had watched him embrace them with his entire heart. He was tough as nails, and a ‘balls to the wall’ kind of guy, but he loved with his whole heart. The person he was and the person he is now are two very different people. I wanted that. I wanted to look back years from now and see the change in myself.

“Of course, they did.” Her eyes shifted to my face. I still looked and felt like shit, but the meds they gave me had helped immensely. Plus, being able to be up and walking around, just to see her right now made every ache in my body disappear. It’s like her love was healing me from the inside out, keeping me high and dulling the pain.

Time passed between us as we stared in awe at one another, allowing every word we had spoken to sink in.

“How do you feel? Are you okay?” she asked, her voice so warm and inviting.

“I feel fine… Even better now that I’m here with you. I forced myself to stay in my hotel room for the past twenty-four hours. I couldn’t stay away from you anymore. I needed to come see you. To tell you how I felt and now that I have done that… I need to show you.”

With a light touch of my fingers, I was moving us until the back of her knees hit the edge of the bed. I was more than ready to ravish her. Every inch of my body ached for her. Little to no effort was needed as I pushed her onto the sheets that covered her mattress, my body blanketing hers.

“We can’t do this right now… Look at you,” she squealed. She had no idea what she was in for. She was so naive to think I would have to do all the work when it came to sex. No way. I was gonna make her pretty pussy ride my cock until morning. I craved her like gasoline craved a fire. Like plants needed water, and like my lungs needed air.

“We can do whatever we want.” I knew this wasn’t an apology and nothing would make up for the things that had happened, but being close to her brought me comfort. It reminded me she was still here and that she was mine.
Mine for the taking.

“Devon.” She sighed as she said my name. I slipped the strap of her cami off her shoulder and laid a soft kiss against her skin. She shivered into me, her body molding with my own. Once I thought what I was doing was right and how protecting her was what needed to be done. When, actually, all I should’ve been doing was loving her. Being with her like this was perfect. I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate the rekindling of our relationship.