Introduction to Tantra: The Transformation of Desire (18 page)

Remain alert and feel that this alert consciousness is the wisdom embracing the universal expanse of clean clear space. In this space the self-pitying me, crying and complaining about this and that, is nowhere to be found; it is completely nonexistent. Allow the mind to stay in this spaciousness, which is free of all relative puzzles and all false functions, recognizing it as the actual dharmakaya experience. It is a clean and clear natural state without even a speck of rubbish thinking, completely empty of all complicated ego conflicts. It is reality and you merely allow your mind to dwell there alertly.

Perhaps you feel uncomfortable with this explanation of the clear light experience. Intellectually you might argue, “Wait a minute, Lama Yeshe! If you are saying that emptiness is nothing but the emptiness of space, you are wrong.

You have over-simplified a very complex subject. This is not Nagarjuna’s view; this is not the Madhyamaka philosophy. True emptiness is not the same as merely pretending to dissolve into space!”

You can argue in this way. You can debate all the fine philosophical points and prove that dissolving into space is not what is meant by emptiness—but actually this is a garbage argument. Why? Because such an intellectual approach to emptiness often becomes an obstacle to discovering the actual experience of emptiness. You can write a whole book conclusively refuting emptiness-as-space, or argue and debate for an entire lifetime, but it would be a complete waste of time.

It is true that in our studies we try to gain as philosophically correct a view of emptiness as we can so that we can understand it exactly as Nagarjuna and all the other great scholar-meditators have understood it. But now, during this meditation, we are not concerned with studying and analyzing; we are concerned with acting. And in the context of actualizing the dharmakaya clear-light experience, all Indian and Tibetan gurus have stated that space is the number one example for comprehending nonduality, or emptiness.

To gain the true emptiness experience you have to begin somewhere. You have to have some experience, some taste of what it is like to go beyond the mundane, ego-generated puzzles of this and that. This is the main point.

Somehow we have to let go of all the gross, concrete, and limiting concepts keeping us trapped in an unsatisfactory, mundane view of ourselves and everything else.

From a philosophical point of view, it is said that in emptiness there are no forms, no sounds, no smells, and so forth. Such a view can be translated into actual experience by allowing everything to dissolve into space by means of the death process absorptions. In that moment of dissolution your mind has no way to magnetize contact with the accustomed sensory world. In the clear-light space of emptiness there are no colors, odors, sensations, and so on. All narrow dualistic puzzles disappear and, as a result, the natural state of your mind is allowed to radiate, to embrace the entire world of reality. You stay as long as you can in this spacious, nondualistic state, and feel that by doing so you have reached the actual dharmakaya: the completely unobscured wisdom of full enlightenment.

REAP EARANCE

Now, how do you move to the sambhogakaya experience? While floating in the space of the dharmakaya you let go until there is nothing left to disturb your mind—nothing at all. Then, after some time, the puzzles of relativity will start to reassert themselves, somehow beginning to magnetize your mind, drawing your attention to them. This is the time for you to move from the dharmakaya to the sambhogakaya experience. Only you can know when; no one else can tell what is going on in your mind.

When this dualistic shaking arises in your mind, remember your compassionate wish to benefit others and make the strong determination to arise in a form to which others can relate. Then within the space of nonduality —the clear-light space of emptiness—something begins to appear. This is like a small cloud suddenly appearing in the expanse of clear sky. The shape and the color of what appears in the spaciousness of your mind at this point depends upon the type of practice you are doing. In many sadhanas it is a syllable or letter symbolizing the main deity. Or it can be a squiggle, or a seed, or some other shape. But whatever it is should be understood as a subtle manifestation of your consciousness itself. It is not something that you are watching from the outside; instead, you should feel completely unified with it. It is the shape of your own emerging mind.

Then, just as you strongly identified the spacious clear light as the actual dharmakaya experience, you should now recognize this subtle, transparent form—which is similar to the immaterial body we possess when in the ordinary bardo between death and birth—as the actual sambhogakaya experience. It, too, should be experienced as the indistinguishable unity of great bliss and nondual wisdom, now identified as the actual enjoyment body of buddha. Think: “This is the real sambhogakaya; it is who I really am.” For a while maintain the clear appearance of this seed-syllable and the divine pride of being the sambhogakaya, thereby transforming the ordinary intermediate state experience into the path of the enlightened enjoyment body.

When you are ready, bring to mind your bodhichitta motivation to work for the sake of others and make the strong determination to arise in a form to which even more beings can relate. With this compassionate motivation the seed-syllable suddenly transforms into the transparent rainbow body of the deity itself. Understand this as being the actual emanation body of full awakening that replaces the gross physical body of ordinary rebirth and has the nature of simultaneous bliss and wisdom. Once again, identify strongly with this appearance by thinking, “This is the real nirmanakaya; it is who I really am.” In this way, then, ordinary rebirth is taken into the path as the emanation body of a buddha.

When you see yourself as a deity, you should feel that you are the real emanation of the deity. Don’t think that you are just pretending; you should be convinced. Then, like the actor who remains in character even after the play is finished, you might surprise yourself to find that you have actually become the deity. Such divine pride—the strong sense of actually being the deity—is crucial. With it, tantric transformation will come naturally and be very powerful. Those people who think that tantra is only involved with pretending to be a deity are completely mistaken.

LETTI NG GO

Although during your meditation you may be trying your best to stay in a conscious, open state of nonduality, you may easily become distracted by the arising of various superstitious thoughts. When this happens, instead of fighting with these superstitions it is often best to simply imagine yourself strongly as your particular deity—as Tara, for example—and develop a deep awareness of great love and compassion. Stay within the space of this deep awareness and just let yourself be Tara.

If again you find yourself distracted by concepts of this and that—suddenly you are thinking about eating a pizza!—do not give them a lot of energy.

Instead of entering into conversation in your mind—“How I wish I had a pizza! Instead of sitting here miserably in meditation I could be enjoying myself”—start to say Tara’s mantra, om tara tuttare ture svaha, until you settle down again. This is much more skillful than letting yourself get carried away by the worldly mantra, pizza, pizza, pizza.

Too much expectation is another great hindrance to successful meditation.

This superstitious attitude prevents us from being satisfied with our meditational experiences and continually forces us to compare these experiences with some imagined ideal. We upset ourselves by thinking, “According to the teachings I have received, at this point I should be experiencing great bliss, but what I am feeling now is hardly blissful. I must be a failure!” We make ourselves so tense anticipating the expected experience that it never comes. This is easily understandable; how can bliss ever arise in a mind that is worried and uptight?

The only solution is to let go. Realize that expectations are a hindrance and let go of them as soon as they arise. In other words, we should be a little looser in our approach. Sometimes we put too much energy into our practice or we discipline ourselves too severely, thinking that this will bring us more quickly to the desired realizations. But too much effort often has the opposite effect; it prevents our progress instead of helping it.

Think of new drivers who have not yet learned to relax behind the wheel.

Because they are anxious to do everything correctly they are constantly busy, adjusting their steering, speed, and so forth. The result is a jerky, uncomfortable ride. Instead of being a pleasurable experience, driving becomes a chore. Experienced drivers, on the other hand, are relaxed. Although they remain aware of what is going on, they have learned to let go, and allow the car to drive itself. As a result their ride is smooth and effortless and it sometimes feels as if the car were flying blissfully through the air rather than bouncing noisily along the road! If we want to experience a similar bliss in meditation, we must learn to let go of our expectations and decrease our excessive, self-conscious efforts.

DI VI NE P RI DE AND CLEAR AP P EARANCE

The generation stage training in the divine pride of a deity is very important.

Our normal tendency is to feel dissatisfied and to criticize our body, speech, and mind. “My body is out of shape; my voice is unpleasant; my mind is confused.” We are so caught up in this pointless, neurotic habit of criticism that we disparage others as well as ourselves. From the tantric point of view this is extremely damaging.

The way to counter this tendency is to cultivate a sense of divine pride, the strong feeling when entering the nirmanakaya experience, for example, that you are the actual fully enlightened emanation body of a buddha, that your mind is completely free of all superstitions, all limitations. Otherwise, if you continue to hold onto the idea that you are basically confused and angry, you will manifest as a confused and angry person, certainly not as a blissful deity.

You can stop this destructive way of thinking about yourself and avoid the negative, self-defeating consequences by concentrating on the oneness of your own fundamental consciousness and the wise, compassionate qualities of the guru-deity. In this way you open yourself up to the great waves of inspiration that can transform your life completely. The more intensely you concentrate on this feeling of divine pride, the more profoundly will you experience freedom from all forms of limitation and dissatisfaction.

The practice of highest yoga tantra—rather like an excellent Christmas pudding, which is rich, wholesome, and quite delicious—should have three special flavors: one, the appearance of oneself and of all other beings should be that of the deity; two, one’s mind should be inseparable from nondual wisdom; and three, every experience should be of great bliss, great joy.

Don’t just pretend to be the deity, as I have already said. That is not what you are doing when you visualize yourself as the deity. Instead, you should feel from the depths of your being that you are Heruka, for example, that you and he are an inseparable unity. The more you cultivate this unity, the more powerful your experience of transformation will become. This is completely natural.

You should also practice seeing all appearances as illusory, lacking concreteness as something “out there” separate from your mind. In other words, you should recognize all appearances as arising from emptiness, as having the very nature of emptiness, of nonduality. Finally, your experience of empty, illusory appearance should be of an exceedingly blissful nature. This is accomplished during the completion stage of highest yoga tantra by bringing your attention inside in such a way that you become intensely aware of the blissful kundalini energy pervading your nervous system. This enables you to blend all your experiences with this great blissful energy.

As an aid to the process of transformation, certain physical exercises, such as those contained in hatha-yoga, play a very important part in the practice of the completion stage. But they are not merely exercises designed to improve our posture or better our health. Their ultimate purpose is to increase our blissful kundalini energy. This blissful energy pervades our entire nervous system, but the problem is that we don’t recognize it. Through the proper practice of hatha-yoga we can learn to get in touch with and even increase this blissful energy and learn how to communicate with it so that we can bring it anywhere we want to. This is not for the purpose of gaining ordinary pleasure but rather to gain control over the subtlest levels of our body and mind.

However, when performing any of these exercises it is essential to maintain mindfulness of oneself as a deity. We must put away our limited self-image and all our self-pitying ideas, for only then will these exercises become truly effective. Through proper practice there will come a time when merely touching a part of our body will cause great bliss to arise. As the body starts feeling lighter and more flexible, physical energies that before were a source of pain begin to activate sensations of extreme pleasure. Tantric transformation then, is not merely a matter of imagination; our physical being is profoundly transformed as well.