Into the Storm (27 page)

“
Elizabeth.”

The one word woke me instantly. Brian was standing in front of me, holding a tray and looking displeased. “You have been crying.”

“
I, ah, I get a lot of headaches. Someone … someone said it could be my mind trying to remember things,” I whispered, feeling nervous.

“
Stop trying then. You’re home. That’s all that matters.”

I was stunned at his attitude. He didn’t
want
me to remember?

He sat down on the edge of the bed. “I brought you dinner, but you didn’t drink your tea.”

I looked at the salad with no appetite and shook my head. “It was rather bitter. I think I would like it better with sugar.”

He snorted. “You don’t take sugar. In anything. I can see you’ve gained some weight. Obviously from laying around doing nothing. We’ll get you back on your regular diet right away. Maybe even cut back a little so you can lose those extra pounds.”

“
My regular diet?” I asked, my voice quivering, feeling a bit hurt at his comment, and confused about
that
being the detail he was concentrating on. Not my memory, my meagre weight gain.

“
Yes. You follow a very regimented diet. You also work with a trainer to maintain your weight.”

I waited but he didn’t add anything. I noticed he had a folder in his hand. “What is that?”

“
I had Randy prepare this. It’s a list of your charitable work. Some information on people we socialize with. Your schedule. Upcoming events. My expectations.”

My hand froze in midair while reaching for the folder. “Your … expectations?”

He regarded me for a minute.

“
I hold a very important position within this community, Elizabeth. I expect you to remember that at all times and act accordingly. Your behavior reflects directly on me.”

I started to tremble. Something about this conversation felt very familiar, as if I had heard it many times.

“
I realize you will not be able to simply pick up where you left off before you were … taken. But I won’t allow you to slack off either. As my wife, you have responsibilities.”

Slack off?

Before I could react, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a narrow gold ring. “I noticed your ring was gone. I assume it was taken from you.”

I looked down at my hand. I had no idea.

Without warning, he grabbed my hand and forced the ring down on my finger. I gasped at the uncomfortable sensation. “I think it’s too small,” I whispered.

“
Then I don’t have to worry about it coming off again,” he said curtly, ignoring any discomfort I might be feeling.

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat.

“
Do I work outside the house?” I asked quietly, sensing not to push him on the ring.

“
No. Twice a week you volunteer your time at the local library. Books are a great love of yours so I allow you to donate your time there. You run a reading program. You also donate some time at the children’s hospital and are active with other charitable works. It’s all in the folder.”

He leaned forward, holding out the folder. I reached out again to take it from him, my hand trembling, the light glinting off the unfamiliar ring.

“
Are you frightened of me, Elizabeth?” His voice was low, but there was an undercurrent to it. “Is that why you’re trembling?”

I looked at him. “I’m nervous because I don’t know you, because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” I answered.

His face softened and, for a minute, he looked like the man I had seen on TV.

“
I understand. Randy told me downstairs I needed to be more helpful to you. I’m rather out of my element here. You’ve always been the more … open of the two of us. I know this is all overwhelming to you, but it’s not that easy for me either. I am not sure how to connect with you.”

Abruptly, he stood up, taking the tray with him. “If you are not hungry, I will return this to the kitchen. If you need me, my room is across the hall.”

I drew back in surprise. ”We don’t … ah … share a room?”

He shook his head. “No. You are a very light sleeper and informed me not long after we were married that I was keeping you up and you preferred to sleep alone. My room is across the hall.”

And he left.

I stared after him, feeling sense of relief at his departure. But I was confused; Joshua never said anything about me being a light sleeper. It seemed to me that I slept quite deeply when I was with him. I liked sleeping in his arms. He always made me feel safe.

What kind of relationship did I have with Brian that I would not want him close to me?

I sat alone in the strange, cold room. My thoughts were jumbled and, I felt frightened and lost, my head aching with a constant dull pounding. I wanted Joshua and Bear. I wanted the warmth of the cabin and the feeling of Joshua’s arms around me. Trembling, I stood up, and went into the closet and wrapped myself in Joshua’s hoodie, breathing in his scent. I spent the rest of the night rocking myself on the floor of the closet, my fingers twisting and turning the ring on my hand that felt so wrong there.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Joshua

A hand was stroking my head. “Joshua.”

I sighed in relief. Rabbit was here. It had all been a horrid dream. I reached up for her hand and frowned. This hand was bony and had rings on it—a lot of rings.

I opened my eyes and looked up at Cecilia, the light searing my eyes. I groaned. “Go away, Cecilia.”

“
No, I won’t go away. What the hell have you been doing, Joshua? The place smells like a distillery. Bear has broken into his food bag and there’s kibble everywhere! Why is it so fucking cold in here?”

I sat up, my head aching and my stomach rolling.

After I had finally gotten off the bed, I went directly to the cupboard. My writer’s imagination had taken over and image after image pounded my brain of a joyous reunion between Elizabeth and Brian. As I laid here holding her Rabbit-scented pillow, he was lying
there
beside her, breathing
her
in, making her his again. I couldn’t stop the visions. It was a never ending loop. I grabbed the tequila and started drinking. I didn’t stop until the liquor ran out. I vaguely recall stumbling around getting Bear his food and water and, opening the door for him to go outside. I guess I left the door open. I wasn’t even sure how long I’d been drinking; it was as if when Rabbit left, time stopped.

Cecilia stomped down the hall and I heard a door slam. I winced. Nope, guess I didn’t close the door. She stomped back and I leaned my head back, my arm over my eyes shielding them from the bright light. “Please, Cecilia, not so loud. I’m in pain.”

“
Which you deserve. God, you stink! And, you look like shit. Go have a shower.” She stomped even louder into the kitchen and I heard bottles being banged around.

“
What day is it?”

“
Monday. You’ve been wallowing for four days. Now go.”

Four days? I’d been drunk for four days?

I went into the bathroom, not wanting to risk anymore of her rage, and stripped, catching sight of myself in the mirror. I grimaced. She was right; I looked like shit. The hot water felt good pounding against my skin and I reached for the shampoo. My fingers touched something and I pulled the object off the bottle. It was a hair tie. Rabbit’s. My heart clenched and the pain of her leaving rolled through me again. I lowered myself to the floor as the agony hit me. My stomach tightened and I heaved repeatedly. Finally, I struggled to my feet and cleaned myself up. The last thing I did was wrap her hair tie around my wrist. My watch would cover it. I got dressed and made my way to the kitchen.

Wordlessly, Cecilia sat a mug of coffee in front of me. I looked behind her, wincing. The counter was covered in empty bottles. I had drunk every drop of liquor in the house. I looked at Cecilia who was standing against the counter. Her expression was no longer angry, just sad. I looked away, muttering I was sorry.

“
I understand, Joshua. I know you’re in pain. I hate to see you going through this.” Her hand waved towards the counter. “I do know this isn’t the way to handle it. It’s not like you, Joshua.”

I nodded. She turned to the counter and started gathering up bottles. “Leave it, Cecilia. I’ll do it. It’s my mess, I’ll clean it up.”

She stopped what she was doing and grabbed some toast. She set it in front of me silently and sat down. I stared at it for a minute, and then looked at her. “Not really hungry…”

“
Too fucking bad. Eat it.”

I picked up a piece and chewed, my stomach protesting loudly. It was not gonna stay in long. I took a sip of coffee and grimaced. Cecilia’s coffee had always reminded me of tar, and after drinking Rabbit’s, it tasted even worse than before. I looked up and saw the expression on her face and wisely kept drinking.

The silence was deafening.

I threw the toast down.

“
Just fucking
tell
me, Cecilia.”

“
What?”

I stood up, pacing rapidly. “Tell me! He walked in and she looked at him and that was it. Right? Her memory came back and now it’s happily ever after for them. Right? RIGHT?” The last word was roared loudly.

She stared at me.

“
No, Joshua. That’s not what happened at all.”

I sat back down, exhausted.

“
Tell me,” I begged. “I need to know, Cecilia.”

“
She didn’t remember him at all. She didn’t have exactly the most … positive reaction to him,” she said quietly.

“
What happened?”

“
She, ah … she threw up on him.”

I stared at her.

“
Just like that?”

“
Yes. He reached over and took her hand, and she threw up all over his shoes.”

I felt my lips quirk.

“
Then what?”

“
Rab ... Elizabeth passed out.”

My humor vanished. “Did she hurt herself?”

Cecilia shook her head. “Daniel moved really quickly and he caught her before she hit the floor.”

I stood up, instantly angry again. “
Daniel
caught her? What the fuck was Prince Charming doing while his wife was about to hit the floor?”

“
Jumping back and cursing about his shoes,” Cecilia looked at me knowingly.

“
He cursed her?” I snarled. “He was more upset over his splattered shoes than his wife, the one he begged to be returned to him?”

My mug shattered against the wall where I threw it forcefully, coffee dripping down the walls. The plate of unwanted toast followed, the plate exploding in hundreds of shards as it hit the wall.

“
Joshua! Calm down!”

I swung around, my breath laboured. “Don’t tell me to calm down, Cecilia! Fuck! I made the wrong fucking decision! I never should have sent her back!”

“
Joshua! Maybe he had a thing about being thrown up on! Maybe he was just so shocked, he didn’t think. You can’t immediately jump to a conclusion like that. He apologized afterwards.”