Into the Storm (13 page)

Rabbit stood up and took the dishes into the kitchen, coming back with the bottle of wine to fill our glass. I pulled her down beside me, wanting her closer, and she leaned into me, her head resting on my shoulder. Affectionately, I nuzzled the top of her head, amazed, once again, how well she fit into my side. My hand gently stroked her arm while her hand rested on my knee. I closed my eyes, enjoying a tranquillity I had never experienced before. It was as if everything I needed was in this very room and the sense of emptiness I always felt had vanished.

I heard Bear get up and walk around and then felt the sudden impact of his large body jumping on the sofa. I cracked open one eye and saw he was now sitting beside Rabbit, his huge head in her lap as she stroked him. He sighed deeply and rested his head on his paws, soaking up the attention. I grinned as I leaned over, scratching his neck. “Spoiled dog,” I muttered as I glanced at her. She smiled at me and flexed her hand on my knee.

“
How long have you had him?”

“
Just over three years.”

“
And he has, um, helped you?”

I sighed. “Yeah, he has. Leaving the house before he came was almost impossible. When I got him, I realized he would have to go outside and be walked and the only one who could do it was me. We learned to go outside together. He hated it as much as I did at first.”

“
He’s been your only … resource?” she asked timidly.

I leaned over and stroked her cheek. “Ask me your questions, Rabbit. I won’t get angry.”

“
You said you had some counseling. How did that work … exactly … if you couldn’t leave the house?”

“
Ah. The same way I conduct a lot of things in my life. Via webcam.”

She looked at me incredulously. “Really? I didn’t know that sort of counseling … existed.”

“
I don’t know how common it is. When I was finally able to leave the hospital and I came here, it was just going to be for a while. I didn’t plan on staying here. Maggie had been my doctor at the hospital and I kept in contact with her. I’d been here for a couple of months when one day I realized I hadn’t been outside for weeks. When I tried I found it wasn’t just that I didn’t
want
to go outside.
I couldn’t
. I knew I was in trouble.”

“
What did you do?”

I laughed humorlessly. “Nothing. I figured it was just a delayed reaction to the attack and I kept quiet. I just found more and more excuses to stay here. I didn’t have to go anywhere. One click of the mouse brought almost everything I needed to me. For a while it was so bad I didn’t even go to the door. Whatever was delivered was dropped off in the mudroom and I would get it after they left.”

“
What changed?”

“
My assistant, Cecilia. She acted as a liaison between me and my publishers, brought me things I didn’t want to order online, checked up on me, and so many other things, I don’t think I could list them all. I thought I was fooling her. I thought I was fooling everyone. But she showed up on one of her bi-weekly trips with Maggie, and it all came out. The next week the webcam was installed and I started sessions with Maggie again. She also sent a local person in that I talked to and who could monitor my medications and work with me in person. Actually, it was his idea to get Bear.”

Rabbit looked at me quietly for a moment, and then squeezed my hand. “And things got better?”

“
Not right away. It was all baby steps. But, eventually, I was able to leave the house and move around the property. I got to know the delivery people and was able to go out and greet them without a panic attack. I could walk Bear around freely. Work in the barn. Mow the grass. Simple things I couldn’t do before.”

“
But you still can’t leave?”

I sighed and shook my head. “Every attempt has failed. Badly.” I stood up and began to walk around. “Maggie died a couple years ago. I tried other therapists but none of them were right. Dave still comes to see me and we talk but nothing else has changed. After all this time I don’t think it ever will for me.”

“
What about … doctors, vet visits, that sort of thing?”

“
Cecilia takes Bear for his checkups. I get house calls from the local doctor and even the dentist. Unorthodox, yes. But, at the risk of sounding like a snob, you can do anything when you have the money to pay for it. And, I have the money.”

She was quiet for a moment, and then looked at me, her brow furrowed.

“
Don’t you get … lonely, Joshua?”

I sat back down and picked up her hand. “I do, occasionally. Really though, I was never much of a social person, Rabbit. I was always a loner. Even my chosen vocation, before this happened was done alone for the most part. And, really, when things are up and running around here, I see and talk to people all day on the computer. I talk with my publishers, editor, Cecilia, other people. I write and edit. Occasionally, a friend comes to visit. Cecilia is still here every couple of weeks. At night I read, listen to music, watch TV, sometimes play a game on the computer; do what most people do with their downtime. I just don’t leave my property. This is my life, Rabbit. I’ve come to accept it and I’m okay with it … most of the time.”

For a few minutes, there was silence. Her voice was husky when she spoke up again. “Do you have any family?”

“
No. I was an only child. My parents died when I was in university. There’s … just me.”

“
Ah,” was her quiet reply.

She stood up suddenly, causing Bear to huff in displeasure at being disturbed. “I’ll be right back,” she murmured, as she left the room. I looked down at Bear, who was staring directly at me.

“
She’s not going to the bathroom is she, boy?” I asked. His great head shook as he snorted at me before jumping down and moving closer to the fire.

I got up and followed Rabbit. As I suspected, she was in the bedroom, standing in the dark, crying. I pulled her into my arms. “Don’t, Rabbit. Don’t feel sorry for me. Please.”

She shook her head against my chest. “I don’t. I just … I can’t stand the thought of you alone. I’m sorry about your parents. About losing Maggie. For what those bastards took away from you.”

Stunned, I held her closely, rocking us. Her simple words sank in. She didn’t start to lecture me on trying to overcome my phobia again. She didn’t tell me to try harder. She just offered me her quiet comfort and acceptance. She could no more stand the thought of my being alone as I could the thought of someone hurting her.

I sighed.

We were both in over our heads.

But neither of us was willing to stop.

Chapter Fourteen

Joshua

“
This won’t work if you don’t relax, Joshua.”

“
I’m trying, Rabbit. It’s just … not working.”

“
It worked before. You enjoyed it, in fact. You groaned … loudly.”

I sighed. “I know, Rabbit, but it was different then.”

“
Different? How?”

“
I didn’t really … know you as well.”

Rabbit’s hands stilled. “So ‘knowing’ me more means you can’t relax and let me massage your leg?”

I shifted a little in the deep water. “‘Knowing’ you makes me, ah, keep thinking of somewhere else I would rather your hands … massage me. It’s hard to, um, relax.”

Rabbit looked down, her cheeks pink. I watched her bite her lip and then glance up at me from under her lashes. I held my breath as she leaned in closer to my face, her hands slowly drifting higher on my leg. “Are you saying you’re aching elsewhere, Joshua?” she breathed softly into my ear. “That there is somewhere else you’d rather my hands … stroke?”

My head fell backwards at the huskiness of her voice. I felt her lips gently caressing my earlobe and her hands gradually, painfully slowly, inched their way to my now rigid, throbbing cock. A growl escaped my lips as her hands finally reached their destination and wrapped around me.

“
Here, Joshua? Is this where your ache is?” she whispered, her hands moving and stroking in the hot water.

“
Fuck. Yes. Right there, Rabbit … just like that … yes …” I moaned.

Her lips made their way over from my ear, her tongue sweetly dancing along my lips. Groaning, I pulled her mouth to mine, winding my hand in her hair, holding her closely as our tongues stroked and tasted each other. Her hands continued to play with me, stroking, teasing, fondling, as the moans in the back of my throat grew louder. She pulled back from my lips, watching me. She leaned forward again, whispering in my ear again. “Is this how you handled your
aches
on your own, Joshua? With your hand?”

I grunted my acquiescence, not able to form words at this point. I tried to pull her lips back to mine. She resisted me. “Maybe … I should show you a … different way of easing your … ache,” she growled softly, her hand stilling. I stared at her as her meaning became clear. My eyes widened as a surge of pure desire shot through me. I knew I should tell her no … that she didn’t have to … that I didn’t want her to … but the thought of her mouth on me suddenly became an urgent, pounding need. One I couldn’t survive without having.

She backed away, pulling me with her. “Stand up, Joshua,” she instructed quietly. Shuddering with desire, I did what she asked. “Sit on the edge of the tub and lean back.” Keeping eye contact with her, I sat down, the air outside the hot tub cold on my skin. But that wasn’t the reason for the shivers I felt run through my body. It was the thought of her … and then it was there. Her mouth, wrapped around me, warm and wet. Her tongue stroking, tasting, swirling. My head fell back against the wall. “Fuck … Rabbit, yes … baby … yes …” I gasped lowly. Pleasure I hadn’t experienced in years tore through me as she worked me with her mouth. The intimacy of the moment was overwhelming. And all too soon, I could feel my orgasm start to build. My hands pushed on the hard tiles beside me, my hips thrusting up, my cock needing, yearning for more of her mouth, her swirling tongue. I wanted to be deeper, desperately craving her warmth.

“
I’m close, baby, so close … stop … you need to …” I groaned, my voice trailing off. But she didn’t. Instead her hands gripped my hips tightly, the gentle sucking becoming rhythmic. I stiffened, my body caught in a stretched arch, shouting loudly as I came, my body shaking with intensity. I sat breathless, shocked at the power of my release when I felt a pulling on my hips. Opening my eyes, I looked down at Rabbit, smiling shyly up at me as she silently urged me back into the water of the hot tub. I lowered myself back into the hot water and instantly reached for her, gathering her into my arms. I lifted her chin and kissed her deeply, tasting myself on her tongue. I groaned at the taste mingled with hers and then buried my face into her neck, trying to calm my racing heart and gasping breaths. Her arms came around me, holding me to her as her hands stroked the back of my neck.

I pulled away and looked at her tenderly. “That was … incredible. Thank you,” I whispered. I watched her cheeks turned pink as the vixen that had suddenly taken charge melted away, and, she once again became the shy, endearing woman I was captivated with. I stroked her warm cheek, smiling. I adored every side of her that I discovered. Leaning forward, I nuzzled her neck, slowly trailing my lips up to her ear. I felt her subtle shiver as I nipped softly at her lobe. I was surprised when she pulled away and drifted back into the corner of the tub. “Can I massage your leg now?”

I blinked. “What?”

“
You must be relaxed now…?” her voice trailed off.

I moved through the water, resting in front of her. “I am.
Totally relaxed
. Maybe I could do the same for you, Rabbit?” I suggested, smiling as I raised my eyebrow at her suggestively.

“
No,” she shook her head. “I want to make your leg feel better.”

“
My leg is good. Promise,” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around her, drawing her closer. “What’s wrong?”