Into the Deep 01 (10 page)

“Charley, despite what I just said to Rick, this is me you’re talking to. I came home from Dublin to find my baby sister a wreck. What happened with Jake changed you and I never got my old Charley back, so you can say you’re fine to everyone else, but not to me. Okay?”

Her words automatically called on the lump in my throat and I looked away from the screen, fighting tears. I failed and swiped at them. “I’m not doing this again,” I told her harshly. “I already sobbed my guts out to Claudia after the party.”

“Good.”

I looked at my sister as if I’d just discovered she was the devil incarnate. “What?” I snapped.

“I know you think tears make you less badass but screw that. You can’t bottle that stuff up. I know everyone told you to get over him, that he was just puppy love, but your family—never. We never said it because we never believed that. You were young but it was real, and I wanted to hunt him down and kill him for breaking your heart. A heart, I might add, that has never quite been the same since. Look at you and Alex.”

“I’m not talking about Alex,” I groaned.

Andie held up her hands in surrender. “Okay, we won’t talk about Alex. But I will say that I think you are crazy if you spend time with Jake. It would be crazy anyway, but even crazier because he’s there with his girlfriend.”

I nodded glumly. “You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right. I’m a psychiatrist.”

“You’re not a psychiatrist yet.”

“I know. Only two more years.” She grimaced. “God … I don’t think I’m going to make it.”

I thought of the next nine months and spending it avoiding Jake and the knifelike feeling in my chest every time I saw him. “I know what you mean.”

It was almost the end of week one of classes and I was already feeling the weight. Papers were due, tutorial materials were needed. I would actually have to do school work while I was here. The induction week in a foreign city had kind of lulled me into a false sense that I was on vacation.

With classes up and running, Claudia and I had agreed to put our heads down and get organized. We could go back to having fun once we were settled into our academics.

Settling in for me would usually mean my brain was too cluttered with thoughts on classes to be able to concentrate on anything else, but not this time. I hated to admit it, but Jake Caplin was taking up way more of my thoughts than I’d like.

While running my finger along the books in the reserve section of the university library in search of material I needed for an upcoming tutorial, I heard his voice right beside my ear. I jumped, thinking I’d actually conjured him.

“Jesus,” Jake cried out softly, dodging my flailing arm.

I glared up at him, my hand now pressed to my chest as I tried to get my heart rate to normalize. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know the words ‘Hey, Charley’ were considered lethal.”

“They are if you sneak up behind me and practically whisper them in my ear. It’s creepy. Creepiness often precedes death.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he replied in a strangled voice.

“You do that.” I turned back to the bookshelf so I didn’t have to look at his gorgeous face, which happened to need a shave. When Jake needed a shave, he looked beyond hot. It was so unfair.

I felt his head dip close to mine. “Whatcha looking for?”

“The equation for time travel. Some guy just gave me permanent heart failure and I’d like to go back in time and change today so that I’m lying on a beach in Guam being waited on by a hottie named Han with heavy footsteps and an aversion to whispering.”

Jake chuckled and I felt the deep sound in every one of my erogenous zones. “Still a smart-ass, I see,” he said.

I looked up at him and ignored the fact that he was wearing another tight-fitting, long-sleeved shirt and that he obviously worked out. His shoulders and biceps were broader than they used to be and I realized belatedly that even his face was a little different. It was sharper, harder, the softness of youth having melted away.

He was quite possibly more beautiful than he used to be. Wonderful.

My gaze shifted past him and I shrugged casually. “Some things change. Some things don’t.”

“You have and you haven’t.”

His comment brought my eyes back to his. I frowned. “What do you mean?”

It was now Jake’s turn to shrug. “You’re still a smart-ass, still cocky, but you’re quieter about it, more reserved. You’re not … you don’t seem as open to people as you used to be.”

Finding myself in dangerous territory, I deflected his observation with sarcasm. “I was never open to people, but I live in a small town and was given little choice in the matter.”

Jake ignored the sarcasm. “Come grab a coffee with me.”

I felt an uncomfortable flip in my chest. “Now?”

“Yeah. There’s a café across the main forum of the library. It’s two seconds away. We’re here. It’s there. We could be drinking coffee or juice or soda, milk even, or tea, or you know they have food there too …”

“Jake Caplin, are you rambling?”

He nodded, his warm eyes alight with humor. “I’m rambling. I’m a rambler now.”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I tilted my head with an arrogant smile. “Are you nervous around me?”

His mouth curled up at the corner and he gave me a little nod. “I’m nervous you’ll say no. Our last coffee didn’t go so well.”

I hadn’t thought it had gone poorly. I made a face. “Didn’t it?”

“You walked out after taking three sips.”

“I was making a statement.”

Jake shrugged, all humor suddenly gone from his expression. “Well, I didn’t like it. I don’t want you to repeat that statement.”

I knew by the rapid fluttering in my chest that agreeing to have coffee with Jake was a bad idea. Andie would also think it was a bad idea. However, the whoosh in my belly—a consequence of Jake’s intense focus on me and worry that I’d reject his friendship—was something I hadn’t felt since we’d been together. It was a sudden reminder how addictive the belly whoosh I got from Jake’s attention was.

And I found myself giving in to temptation. “I could do coffee.”

His slow smile caused another big whoosh and I told my belly to get a grip as I walked out. I followed Jake across the crowded main entrance of the library, a forum that students had turned into a hangout, and we let ourselves into the perplex security gates to the library café. The place was packed, so I found us a spot to sit near brightly colored bean cushions while he got us coffee.

Five minutes later I looked up and watched him coming toward me with the tray in his hands. The belly whoosh went to war with the ache of the loss of him in my chest. I forgot how much I loved the way his tall body moved. The pleasure of watching him was so familiar.

It amazed me that the residual feelings from our eight months together felt like an album of memories compiled over years.

Taking a seat across from me, Jake smiled. “So, it looks like we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other over the next few months. I think we should try to get past the weirdness.”

What a conversation opener. “Straight to the point.”

“The Charley I knew was a straight-talker. Has that changed too?”

I blew over my hot coffee and replied before taking a sip, “What do
you
think?”

Jake snorted. “I’m thinking that hasn’t changed.”

We drank from our mugs, silence falling between us. I knew Jake was waiting for me to lead the way, telling me that the ball was in my court and he was happy to go along with whatever I wanted. In the interest of keeping our new group sweet, I put my mug down and relaxed back into my chair. “How are your mom and dad?”

Relief visibly traveled through Jake’s body and he too relaxed. “They’re good. We moved back to Chicago and Dad got his old job back. Mom was happy to be back with all her old friends. They’re doing a lot better. What about your family?”

“They’re okay. Dad’s busier than ever at work but Mom’s store hit troubles. The basement has some really dangerous mold growing in there, so she’s had to close down while they deal with that. It’s expensive in a lot of ways but you know Mom, you can’t keep her down. She’s working from the house. It’s driving Dad nuts.”

Jacob’s eyes brightened and he nodded. “I’ll bet. What about Andie?”

I smiled now as I thought of Rick. I was so happy my sister had found the right guy. “She’s great. Living in Chicago. Postgrad psych, doing her internship, and she’s engaged to a rugged police detective.”

“Who you’ve bribed into being your mentor,” Jake guessed drolly.

I felt another pang in my chest at the reminder of how well he knew me. I shrugged it off as if it wasn’t a big deal he knew all the simple stuff about me that made me
me
. “I tried. He’s too concerned with impressing Mom and Dad to commit, but I’ll wear him down.”

Jake gave a huff a laughter. “I have no doubt.”

Brushing off the moment, I asked about his brother Lukas.

Jake instantly grinned. “Oh, he says hi.”

“Tell him I say hi back.” It occurred to me Jake must’ve mentioned he’d run into me, and I wondered if his whole family knew. I also wondered how they felt about that.

“He said to say that he saw the picture of you and Lowe on Facebook and you’re looking, and I quote, ‘hotter than ever.’”

Remembering Lukas’s crush on me, I laughed. “He hasn’t changed. He was worse than you. I imagine he’s breaking hearts all over a college campus as we speak.”

“Well, yeah, but he tells me he’s met ‘the one.’ He slept with her first week in and she’s an even bigger player than he is and doesn’t feel like settling down with the first freshman she banged. So Lukas’s game plan is to outplay her in some weird, modern mating ritual.”

Laughter bubbled between my lips as I attempted to ignore the fact that I had a new ache from missing Lukas too. In my intense pain over losing Jake, I’d almost forgotten how much I cared about his little brother.

We yammered on for a while about family and then somehow, the conversation got turned around to my dating life.

“Am I in a relationship?” I repeated Jake’s quiet question and then slowly shook my head. “No. I
was
back in freshman year. Since then, though, I’ve not really been looking for anything serious. I’m just focused on college and my friends.”

Jake nodded thoughtfully and then asked, “What happened to the guy from freshman year? Were you together long?”

“About ten months.”

This appeared to surprise Jake, and not in a good way. I still knew him well enough to know that the flicker of hardness in his dark eyes meant he didn’t like something. I pushed it aside. “That’s a while,” he finally responded, taking a long sip of his cooling coffee.

“Yeah.” I didn’t say anything else because I didn’t want to talk about it. Especially not with Jake. “So,” I drew in a deep breath, hating that my stomach churned just at the mere thought of my question, “how long have you and Melissa been together?”

He stared at me a moment, perhaps trying to gauge if I could really handle the answer to my question. He put his empty coffee mug down and sat back. “We were friends first. We met sophomore year at the study abroad meeting, actually. Our friends started hanging out and uh, Melissa wanted to date but … um, well, we finally got there at the end of sophomore year so that takes us to six months of actual dating.”

“She’s beautiful. And she seems really nice, Jake,” I said. And I meant it. I didn’t like it, but I meant it.

Jake’s expression softened. “I almost forgot how kind you are.”

“Our history is not her fault.”

Our eyes locked and the air around us grew so thick and hot, it felt like even my skin couldn’t breathe. I stood up, exhaling heavily, like I’d just come out of an oppressive sauna after being trapped inside for days. “I’ve got to go. I need to hit the gym.”

“You work out?”

I nodded, watching as he unfolded himself from the chair and stood to tower over me. “I still haven’t given up on the idea of applying to the police academy after college, and I think a cop should be in good shape.”

“Of course. I work out too. We should go together.”

I opened my mouth to say no but as soon as I looked up into his warm, eager eyes, I melted. “Okay.”

I was such an idiot.