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Jason looked to the woman who he now realized wore a black pair of scrubs, the white badge on her chest too far away to read. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Um, I’ll have to get the nurse for you. I’m just supposed to sit.” Sit? What did that mean?
He paid little attention to her hasty exit, and tried to get some sort of reaction out of Sabrina. Lifting his hand to stroke her cheek, he tried again. “Sabrina? It’s Jason. What’s going on?”
A little sigh escaped her mouth and she leaned into his touch. Anyone who walked into the room this very second might have assumed they’d interrupted an intimate moment. He almost believed it himself.
The skin of her cheek was soft, fleshy and a flash of memory reminded him of her smile. The way her cheeks rounded and pulled a similar smile from him. For a second he thought about tracing over her cheek and running his fingertip over her ear. Maybe cup her head between his hands and stare into those beautiful hazel eyes.
In this moment, she looked young. Innocent.
Beautiful.
On one hand that thought surprised him, but on the other, didn’t. Yes, he’d given in to a kiss with her, another intimate moment taken advantage of. But in retrospect, he realized he couldn’t be certain if he truly found her attractive. Of course some men would, but she wasn’t his type. For one, she was black. Dating outside his race had never crossed his mind, the reception they would receive by his family questionable.
The thing about it was kissing her just about blew him away. But that night, it had been natural. She pressed her mouth to his and he just let himself enjoy it. His body responded in the only way it knew how around a woman who stoked his lust.
Her lips moved, bringing him out of reverie. Leaning closer, he tried to listen. The words escaped him and he leaned closer still, bringing his ear so close to her mouth, the hot brush of her breath sending a shiver through him.
“Home,” she whispered softly.
He pulled back. “I’ll take you home. Let me find the nurse, okay?” Nothing in her glazed eyes indicated she heard him. Her lips continued their insistent movement. Now he recognized the single syllable they formed. The same word, “home”, repeated over and again.
As if on a cue, a gaunt woman with a horselike face pushed through the curtain.
“Are you Mr. Raines?”
“Yeah, I’m Jason. Laura?” He rose and extended his hand.
She nodded, gripping his hand in hers. The young girl in black entered and resumed her previous post across from Sabrina. “Can you tell me what’s going on here?
She won’t tell me what’s wrong,” he said.
Laura’s eyes narrowed. “How well do you know Sabrina?” For some reason, her tone put him on the defensive. “How well do you?” 35
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Her eyebrow arched, but she ignored his question. “Sabrina’s been off her meds again.”
What kind of…ah. The voices. So all the rumors about her hearing voices had a ring of truth to them after all. Maybe “hearing the dead” actually related to a medical diagnosis.
Who to believe though? Sabrina or the nurse?
“Listen, we need to know if there’s someone who can guarantee she’ll be taking the meds prescribed to her. One day something bad’s gonna happen, and she’ll end up in jail or worse, instead of here where we know her.” Her hand slipped into her pocket and retrieved a slip of paper. “She’s got to take these medications. Can you convince her?”
He glanced at the prescription she just passed to him. “I…”
Don’t know her like that.
Did he really want to take on this woman’s problems? Out of the clear blue someone expected him to ride up like some kind of knight on a white steed and rescue her. But that wasn’t him.
Shit. Wasn’t this the same thing he’d asked of Sabrina over a week ago? “I’ll get her home. That’s where she wants to go.”
Laura stopped short of rolling her eyes. “That’s always where she wants to go.
Before getting her there, please stop and get those meds filled. Follow the directions and make sure she’s taking them.”
Sabrina paid no attention to their exchange, her mouth still forming that same precious word. Her balled fists clenched tight against he didn’t know what. Eyes squeezed shut, she writhed in the chair, her expression twisting against some sort of torment.
She didn’t look as if she should go anywhere, but he’d have to trust their judgment.
Then again, he had to wonder still… Why him? “Did she give you my number to call?” A flash of guilt softened Laura’s long face. “Uh, no.”
“How did you get it then?”
“Mr. Raines, we’re short-staffed. We could keep a sitter here for a little while, but she’s needed elsewhere. Sabrina isn’t a danger to herself, per se, but she shouldn’t be left alone. As such, I made an executive decision.”
“An executive decision?” The woman was giving him little to work with.
“Yes, I went through her purse to find a cell phone or an address book or something. I didn’t find any of those things, but did find your number on a balled-up piece of paper.”
Mystery solved then, but it made him angry. “Is that really your decision to make?
To call up random numbers and hope one of them sticks?” Laura’s stance widened, her sensible shoes planted firmly on the ground. “If that’s what it takes to ensure her safety, yeah, it is. Sabrina is a nice lady with a bad lot in life.
If she’ll take her meds, she’ll be fine. If she ends up in my ER again, I’ll know you’re not 36
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the person I should have called. And believe you me,” she said, hands on hips, “I won’t make the mistake twice.”
She would have bore a hole in the middle of his forehead if she could. Jason hated to drag his attention away from her and admit defeat in this standoff, but dropped his gaze to look at Sabrina again. If she had any idea of the turmoil surrounding her, he couldn’t tell. She was lost in her own world.
He held his hand out. “C’mon, Sabrina,” he called softly. “Let’s go home.” He couldn’t stop looking at her on the drive there. What was going on in her mind?
She didn’t answer even the most simple questions, just kept up the incessant conversation with some person or persons he couldn’t see.
Laura suggested trying to anchor her back in the real world by talking to her until the prescription could be filled. Since she hadn’t been dangerous, but coherent enough, they had to honor her refusal of medications dispensed by the hospital. He didn’t though, she reminded him.
“
Get her those meds. Her mind will never come back and stay in the world of reality without
them
.”
So, he needed to talk to her. Except what to say?
“I think you would have liked Thad,” he tried. “He was a good guy despite his faults. I think I mentioned that he swam like a fish, but, Sabrina, you should have seen him. There wasn’t a stroke he didn’t master.”
He remembered attending swim meets with his parents, his heart swelling as he watched his brother stretch ahead of the other swimmers. Making it seem as easy as breathing.
“And there wasn’t a person he didn’t like. He was so popular in high school, the kind of guy everyone wanted to be around. The thing was, you couldn’t even envy him.
He deserved to have people fawn over him. I remember this one time these younger kids were picking on the class loser. Michael, I think. Thad handed me his stuff and stepped in between them. Didn’t say a word. Just stood there.” Jason paused, remembering that day. Thinking his brother was going to be toast in about two seconds.
“I don’t know what made them leave, but they did. He didn’t exactly befriend Michael afterward, but it stopped the jeering and that made that kid look up to him like a god.
“I’m not like him. Never was. Thad saw beneath people’s exterior and knew the heart of them. Me? I have to take forever to get to know someone. Although I try to tell myself not to judge a book by its cover, I don’t have his ability to see the true person beneath, you know?”
He kept talking, stories of Teddy spilling from his mouth and making his chest hurt. The buildup of memories. Of his brother’s unrealized potential. If he’d gone with him that day. All his brother had wanted to do was talk. A conversation with his younger brother that might have stopped him from leaving this world.
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Jason’s eyes burned with the need to shed tears, but he blinked them back and kept talking. He told the woman who didn’t hear him of the pranks they’d played. The girlfriend who was Thad’s and then Jason’s later.
Her words became more coherent now. Home. Help. Him. An alliteration that made him smile. What was going through that mind of hers right now?
Laura said she wasn’t a danger to herself or to others. Just perhaps incapable of fending for herself and needed monitoring in this state. He wondered about her family.
If she had friends.
He couldn’t recall pictures around her apartment, anything to clue him in that she had a social life. He’d never seen her in the company of anyone else. Always by herself with her nose buried in a book, perhaps.
“He’ll help me.”
Jason risked a glance at her. “Who, baby? Who’s gonna help you?” A moment of surprise followed his questions. Baby? It was the endearment he used with previous girlfriends. To use it with Sabrina, well, her sad state coaxed it out of him. That had to be the explanation.
“Love’s lost and never to be found again. Murderers to be caught. Babies mourned.”
Her gibberish made him sit up from his slump. He had a thought. “What are the voices telling you? Are they telling you to hurt yourself?”
“Take me to him.”
The car turned the corner on the road to their building. He’d see her upstairs and try to locate a twenty-four-hour pharmacy. He spoke slowly, methodically. “We’re going. But first, I need you to tell me about the voices.”
“Felice needs you.”
A chill shivered down his spine, and every single hair on his arms rose. That name.
He recognized the woman’s name and it was too coincidental that it would appear on the automatic writing note, as well as for Sabrina to speak it now. “How do you know that name, Sabrina? Where did you see it?”
“I can’t help them,” she mumbled, facing away from him.
“Tell me about Felice. Who is she?”
“He’s lonely there.”
“Felice. Concentrate on that name.”
She folded her arms over her chest, saying nothing more.
Jason mentally urged the cabbie to go faster, the urgency to get her home spiking his adrenaline. His palms grew sweaty, but he gripped the seatback in front of him harder. Who was Felice and why did her name resurface again to Sabrina?
He didn’t doubt his neighbor had some connection to the world of the dead, but something in him suggested her name was important. If the automatic writing had been 38
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an attempt to contact Teddy, and if they’d been successful, there was a message in that name he needed to decipher.
I need some help here, bro. Who is Felice?
The car lurched to a stop and he jumped out, heedless to cars swerving around the illegally loitering cab. Jogging to the passenger side, he pulled open her door and squatted in front of her. “Hey, Sabrina? Look at me.” He nudged her face gently when she didn’t. “Tell me what the voices are saying to you.” She looked past him, her gaze climbing the exterior walls of their home. “He’s waiting for me.”
Pulling back the curse simmering his blood, Jason tried again. Felice and this guy she kept referring to. They were important. He knew it. “Tell me what they’re saying.
Help me understand what you are hearing and I will get you to him.” He fell flat on his ass when she shoved him aside. Scrambling to his feet, he swiveled to find her. “Sabrina!”
She whirled, swaying as if she’d spent the night drinking instead of under the watch of ER nurses. “I need him!”
“Goddamn it, wait!” He started to sprint after her, but yelling made him turn back.
“Hey! You still owe me for the ride!”
Cursing a blue streak, Jason’s trembling hands retrieved his wallet. He lifted two twenties, balled them up and tossed them at the growling cabbie. “Keep the change!” he shouted as he took off after Sabrina.
Thank God it was the middle of the night. Anyone who saw him chasing her inside might get the wrong idea. Hell, for all he knew, the cabbie might get curious and call the police. Whatever. He’d deal with that later.
Faster than he thought possible, Sabrina took the stairs two at a time. Her legs moved like an athlete’s, the climb to the fourth floor barely a hindrance. By the time he hit the second floor, he was already winded and had no idea how she managed to keep going without slowing.
Forcing down the burn, he kept moving, stumbling on a few steps, but keeping himself upright with a death-grip on the banister. “Sabrina!” It didn’t matter who heard him bellowing in the stairwell now. Laura’s damn words echoed in his thoughts.
“Her mind will never come back and stay in the world of
reality without them. Get them to her.”
Why did he insist on bringing her home first? He should have gotten those meds.
Somehow made her take them.
Then again, if he had, would she have said Felice’s name? Maybe this way she’d remember what was said in the morning. It was a bitch of a way to think, but desperate times called for desperate measures. He’d never purposefully withhold her medications, but his conscience would have to live with taking advantage of a defenseless woman. Way to be an asshole, but the guilt he’d have to deal with later.
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He lost sight of her when she reached the fourth floor. She threw open the stairwell door and ran through the opening, heedless to his cries. He was only twenty seconds behind her, his chest heaving from exertion when he pulled on the handle. For a split second he thought he might have triggered some sort of alarm, because a vibratory boom thundered down the hallway toward him. “Sabrina!” he called over the noise, at once fearful for her.
The sight that greeted him sent goose bumps racing over his flesh. Sabrina pounded on the door of her apartment with double fists, spreading that awful ruckus down the hall, no doubt waking everyone on the floor. She threw her weight into every one of those swings, the force hard enough to probably break her bones against the unyielding metal.