Intimate (14 page)

And though they'd used a condom, he carefully bathed between her legs, so carefully that she didn't even feel embarrassed—well, not too embarrassed, though she'd never had a lover do anything like that. She watched him as he washed her, and when he looked her way, his expression wasn't what she'd expected.

She felt like laughing. Like doing backflips through the vineyard. But Jake looked so serious. As if something had happened that he hadn't quite figured out yet.

Neither had she. Kaz stared after him as he walked back to the restroom with the washcloth. She'd never felt more confused in her life, but one thing she was sure of—she really wanted to know where they went from here.

*   *   *

Stunned didn't come close to covering the way he felt. Jake rinsed the washcloth off in the bathroom sink and hung it over the edge of the hamper. He'd grabbed his pants on the way back. Now he slowly put them on. What an idiot—he could procrastinate all he wanted, but he couldn't avoid going back in there. Back to Kaz.

It shouldn't be this hard, but he hadn't expected the connection they'd made. Not last night, and certainly not this. Not now—not with all his baggage. Not when he carried around enough secrets to overload an airport carousel.

His phone vibrated in his back pocket. He pulled it out, then almost dropped the damned thing. With his gut clenching in a painful knot, he read the brief text.

Hey, RJ. You always were a fast son of a bitch.

Fuck.
Who the hell was this bastard? And fast, how? Swimming?

Kaz? Having sex with her so soon after meeting?

Had that shadow on the window been more than a branch? Was the bastard actually watching them? His hand shook as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. He took a deep breath, waited a moment longer until his racing heart had quieted, and walked back to the stall.

Kaz was already dressed, though he liked the fact that her face was still flushed, her hair still a tousled mess. He glanced at the windows, skin crawling, heart pounding once again.

Kaz watched him, a wary look on her face.

“Here, you missed some.” He pulled a couple of pieces of straw out of her dark waves.

She raised her head and gazed at him, and then just as quickly looked away. That hesitation, the way she couldn't look him in the eyes, disturbed him. He caught her chin with his fingertips and turned her to face him once again. He really had to think of Kaz. This wasn't all about him. Not at all.

“You okay?”

She smiled, nodded. “I am. Better than okay.” Her hesitant smile turned into a full-fledged grin, but it wasn't enough to hide the blush that slowly suffused her face, her throat, the exposed part of her chest. “That was, um … pretty spectacular.”

He should have said something flip and funny, something to diffuse the tension in the air. He didn't think. He reacted, cupped her face in both his palms, held her, kissed her.

Okay. He really shouldn't have done that. He couldn't believe that just one kiss would have him hard again. Especially this soon, especially with the threat of someone watching, knowing what they did, but he couldn't deny his body's reaction. Or Kaz.

“Beyond spectacular, if you want my opinion.” He stared at her a moment and sighed. “Which is why I put my pants back on. This is supposed to be a work day, but all I could think about was coming back here and doing it again.”

She shrugged, blushed again, and glanced away. “It could have been work. You know, getting your model in the mood to sell sexy jewelry? It's your job, isn't it? To make sure I can feel the vibe, act the part? You know…” Her smile turned into full-throated laughter and she did a little swivel that started at her hips and ended at the top of her head. “Feel the heat?”

“Any more heat and I'd self-combust.” He muttered the comment beneath his breath but Kaz obviously had excellent hearing. Instead of coming back with a quip, though, she stopped her dance and just looked at him for a long, slow moment.

He had absolutely no idea what was going through her mind, but he wasn't sure he really wanted to know. He was such a fucking coward, waiting for the next text, hoping like hell it never came. Wanting Kaz. Knowing he couldn't have her. “C'mon.” His words were sharper than he'd intended, but he barged ahead. “We need to get back to work.”

“Yeah.” Such a softly spoken word before she turned away, but he caught the glittering shine in her dark eyes. Damn, he was acting like an absolute bastard.

He really should apologize, but what was the point? Had the ground shifted for her, too? He wasn't used to this … this … whatever this was. Too much, too fast. His head was spinning. He wanted her again. He had to get away from her, put as much distance between them as he could to keep her safe. His presence in her life, the danger of someone watching him, could spill over onto Kaz.

It scared the crap out of him. He hated it.

Jake raised his head and she was right there, as beautiful, as perfect as no woman had a right to be. She was everything he'd ever wanted, but he'd screwed himself out of ever having a woman like Kaz in his life. Not now, not ever.

Not when his past included the deaths of two innocent people, and almost six long years behind bars. Not when someone who knew of that past was bringing it all back, making it so much worse. He really thought he'd finally pulled his life together.

He'd always pushed the ugly memories away, but they never went far enough—a constant reminder that the bad choices of his past had totally fucked his future. The messages merely underscored his stupidity.

He'd handle it. He always handled it.

Only now he knew what he'd be missing, and it hurt. A lot.

Kaz still watched him. “I have to go comb my hair, get my model face on. Do you still want to get some shots near the creek before we shoot in the vineyard?”

All business. Voice sharp, body totally in control. How the hell did she do that when he was a twisted mess inside? “Yeah.” He glanced at his watch, more to stall than to check the time. He knew exactly what time it was. “It's only a little after two. We'll get shadows in the valley early, because of the hills on the west side, but we've got time to get a few shots in that overgrown area by the creek. The emeralds should work in that light.”

She smiled, but it wasn't the free, natural look he'd come to expect from her. Had they totally blown their working relationship? Even more important, what of their growing friendship? It didn't make sense. How could the best sex he'd ever experienced screw up anything?

Except it wasn't the sex screwing things up. It was him. All by himself.

“I'll be back in a minute,” she said.

Then she was gone, leaving Jake standing in a stall filled with straw and a rumpled blanket. And memories he knew would haunt him for a lifetime.

*   *   *

Kaz stared at her rumpled self in the mirror and frowned. “Okay, Kazanov. What the fuck just happened?”

She had no answer, obviously, but something had certainly shifted between them. What did he mean about self-combusting? It could have been a joke, except he hadn't said it like he thought it was funny. It might have been flirtatious, except he'd sounded absolutely furious—but with her or himself? And why?

Then telling her they had to hurry and get back to work? Who the hell was he, treating her like a cheap lay? Because that's exactly how he'd made her feel. But why?

She got her hair wet and combed it back. He'd said earlier he'd liked the look, and she might as well go for it now. She tilted her chin, and checked for razor burn. Other than her lips looking fuller than usual from all the kissing, she looked okay.

Adding just a small amount of lip gloss, she grabbed her things and left the bathroom. Jake wasn't in the barn, so she stepped outside into the warm afternoon sunlight. He waited by the Escalade, leaning against the side of the big SUV, staring out across the vineyard.

She'd wadded up her thong and stuffed it in the side pocket of her handbag rather than put on a pair of wet underwear, and now, as pissed off as she was, she still had to worry about the rush of moisture from merely thinking of their lovemaking.

No. Not lovemaking. Sex, pure and simple. It was just sex.

“You ready?” Jake stepped around to the opposite side of the SUV and grabbed one of his camera bags and a heavy tote bag out of the back.

She nodded.

“I'll lock the barn. Got everything you need?”

“Did you want me to take makeup?”

He paused and stared at her. She felt more naked under his assessing look than when they'd been fucking. That's how she'd think of what they'd done. Fucking. That's all it was.

At least, that's what it had to be.

“No. You're okay like that.” He shook his head, abruptly turned away, and locked the barn door. Clicked the key lock on the Escalade and hoisted his heavy camera bag over his shoulder, along with the other bag filled with equipment for the shoot.

She didn't offer to help him carry anything. Not this time. Instead, she followed him down the trail, both hands free. He walked fast. She hurried to keep up, realized what she was doing and slowed her pace. Damned if she'd run after him. He led her a little farther than they'd gone earlier, to a patch of emerald green grass surrounded by ferns and willows covered in new, brilliant green leaves. Tiny yellow monkey flowers grew along the edge between the grass and a patch of wild blackberry vines.

He dropped the tote and stared at the place he'd chosen. Without looking her direction, he said, “Watch for stickers. Blackberry vines are everywhere.”

All business, to the point of being insulting. None of the laughter they'd shared. None of the camaraderie. Just as well. She could do this.

Jake pulled a towel out of the tote. “Sit on this. I want to concentrate on the earrings and the stud in your nostril, but with you low enough that you'll have the ferns for backdrop. We'll use the emerald set.”

He opened the box and held it steady. She lifted the pieces out. This time he didn't offer to help her, but that was okay. She didn't want him touching her. Not like this. Cold and distant, not even making eye contact; he was acting like a total jerk.

She glanced at Jake and caught him watching her, but this time he didn't look away, and she really couldn't stand it. Not knowing was making her crazy.

“Jake? What the fuck happened?”

He let out a long, pent-up breath. Glanced away, and then turned slowly and focused on her. “You don't mince words, do you?”

“Should I? We had great sex. Really great sex. Then you turned into…”

“A jerk?”

“Yeah,” she said. “An absolute jerk.”

He shrugged. Looked away, up this time, as if he needed to assess the treetops. Then he turned, and this time he didn't turn away, but he didn't look very happy. “Truth? It was good. Too good. I like you, Kaz. A lot. But you were looking at me like…”

“Like I wanted to do it again?” She planted her hands on her hips and glared at him for a couple of heartbeats. “Is that what made you so uncomfortable?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Stupid, I guess, but I wanted you again. I still want you. I can't do that.”

“Can't have sex, or can't get involved?” She stepped close enough to breach that personal space bubble most people had. “Well, Jake, I thought I'd made that clear. I don't want to get involved, either. I'm trying to build a career and I don't have the time, energy, or interest in a long-term relationship. Yes, I want to get back into living, but the last thing I want is to get seriously involved with anyone, including you. Especially you, if this is how you act after sex.”

She stepped back and stared at him for a long moment, long enough she could tell he was feeling uncomfortable. Good. He deserved it. “That doesn't mean I don't want to have sex with you again, because I do, but not if you're going to freak out and think I plan to tie you down. Yes, while I'm with you I certainly expect it to be exclusive, but I'm not looking for a serious boyfriend, nor do I hear wedding bells, okay?”

He watched her for the longest time. Maybe she'd overdone it, but to be perfectly honest, she was still pissed off. She'd never said anything to make him think she wanted more from him than he was willing to give. Not a thing, beyond telling him the sex was good.

And he'd agreed.
Beyond spectacular,
he'd said. Well, damn it, it was.

Finally, he frowned. “You're okay with that? With an exclusive relationship that's not going anywhere? Just while we're here on the shoot?”

Okay, so he wanted a limit. She could do this, but he looked so serious, so conflicted, she laughed. “You are such a dork. It's called friends with benefits. And yes, that's all I'm looking for.”

Giving her a wide-eyed, innocent look, he slapped his hand over his heart. “You call me a dork and then you expect exquisite sex? I don't know about that.”

“I didn't ask for exquisite. That's the platinum package. I'm only asking for spectacular.” She finished putting the jewelry in place, but she had to bite back a smile. It felt as if they were slipping back into that comfortable space she thought they'd lost. He pointed to a dry spot on the grass, and she posed with the brilliant green ferns behind her face.

“I see.” Jake adjusted his camera, pulled a portable light stand with a battery pack and a reflector screen out of the bag, adjusted it, and checked with his light meter to make sure all was the way he wanted it. He concentrated on his equipment. Didn't even glance her way. “We're running a special this week. You can get the platinum service for the same price as the gold.”

“And that is?” She tilted her head, better to show off the gold chain snaking from her earlobe to her left nostril.

Jake took a couple of quick shots, adjusted the light, and then flipped the strap from her cami off her left shoulder. Frowning, he ruffled her damp hair a bit, bringing a few tendrils down across her brow. Kaz held the pose.