Interrupted Vol 1 (3 page)

Rolling over on my side, my eyes train on the bathroom door. I rush out of bed and quietly go in. Keeping my eyes on the shower curtains, I slowly kneel down and reach into his chino pocket taking out his phone. I slide the unlock feature, inputting his password, and going straight to his text messages and call log.

Nothing.

There’s nothing weird, but then again he could’ve deleted the calls and messages. Sliding the phone back in the pocket, I look inside the other for another phone. Usually cheaters have two phones, but not this cheater. Straightening, I creep out of the bathroom and back into bed. The nagging feelings won’t go away. For now I have to shut it out and smile. No one can know what I’m really feeling. No one will understand.

When people look at me, they think she’s the girl with everything. She’s the girl with the successful husband, the mansion in the bluffs, a nice car, beautiful clothes and a smile that’ll bring any man to his knees. I’m the girl who gives to charities and volunteers at the children’s hospital because I want kids to feel special. But if you really look at me you’ll see a girl trying to fight through the pain and stay above the water. There are so many times when my lungs fill with water, and I can’t breathe. Somehow I find the strength to fight through it and move on. I’d like to think I’m happy, and the choices I made in life have been right.

There are always two choices with each decision. The best thing I can do is hope I picked the right choice, but sometimes when faced with the wrong decision there are two things you can do: take that to your advantage, or change the situation and break through it. Here I am taking advantage, but it’s only a temporary happiness.

Forever lost.

That’s what I am. Sure I have the luxuries women dream of, but the only good things in my life are my friends, Beverly, Dylan, Natalie and Taylor. They are my stable ground, and keep me busy so I don’t have time to think about what’s going on in my personal life with Henry.

I look at Beverly and Dylan and try not to get jealous. They’re getting ready for their first born, my goddaughter, Gretchen Rose. I’m so happy for them, but a piece of me is envious. Henry and I were trying for a baby, but for now I’ve placed that on hold. We have one more IVF appointment, and I don’t want to cancel it. A part of me does want to be a mom. Sure, I wish my husband wasn’t a cheating asshole, but as long as I get a child and I have
his
money, we’ll be fine.

So while my husband, the successful infertility doctor, works and creates miracles for other couples, I’m left in the dark, alone. When I’m alone, my mind goes to the good place, a place I sometimes visit when I need a boost, but I always come back terrified. It’s a place where I’m happy and everything is where it should be, but then I come back to reality and remember people always leave. They say they’ll be with you forever, but that’s a lie. No one keeps their promises anymore. It doesn’t matter. I’ve been through enough in my life that nothing surprises me anymore.

I’m not weak though. Being weak means you can’t handle stress, that you let your emotions run your thoughts and actions. You take action before thinking and later regret it. You say something before thinking and later wish you could take it back. When you’re weak, you let the world crumble and walk all over you. You stay in the dark and cry because something isn’t going your way. I’ll stand on two feet and handle whatever life throws at me. I smile in the crowd and hold in my emotions. Everything inside me is a bottle. I won’t explode. I won’t fall.

I won’t fall.

• • •

The next morning, Henry and I get out of bed and he takes me in his strong arms. I let out a breath and close my eyes. I will myself to be happy and believe him, to believe he’s not cheating on me. If I tell myself this is enough I’ll eventually believe it.

My hands travel up and down his back, making my way up to his shaggy, brown hair. Playing the part of his loving, devoted wife is easy, but with these moments all I can think about is kneeing him in the balls and stepping on his dick with my Louboutins.

Slightly pushing away, his eyes focus on my chest as I breathe in and out. His hands cup my face. “What’s on your mind?”

I need to tell him I know what he’s been doing, and I’m okay with it, but I have my own set of rules. “I need your credit card,” I sweetly smile. “
Gucci
came out with a purse that I must have, and I’m thinking I need some more clothes.” Still smiling, I hold out my hand, tilting my head. “You want to keep me happy, right?”

“Of course. Anything for you.” He hands me his Visa and kisses me on the cheek. Might as well get what I want before slapping him with divorce papers.

He kisses me again, so soft and gentle. “I miss you.”

We stand like this for a while, until I give him one final kiss and tell him I’ll get his protein shake ready for him. Heading downstairs, I push out those thoughts and focus on what I’m going to do today. I make Henry’s breakfast protein shake, thinking about our little moment upstairs, wondering if he has any idea I know what’s going on.

Taking out my phone, I send Beverly a text asking her if she’s free. I need my best friend with me while I shop.

SITTING AT THE COMPUTER, I stare at the email from my PI, Matt. Cutting into my delicious seared sea scallops, I take a sip of my Pinot Grigio, and click on the email. Running my hand through my hair, letting out an exasperated sigh, I push aside my food thinking about how to respond to his email. Frustration and anger course through my body. “Where are you,” I whisper, expecting an answer, but never getting one.

I’ve been on the search for Ayden for so long. He has to be here somewhere. So far there hasn’t been anything about him. I’ve hired the best PI and still nothing. I respond back to my PI, hoping he’ll get the message.

Matt, keep trying. FIND HIM! I pay you good money. I need answers, and I need them now. Please!

Pressing send, I lean back in my chair, closing my eyes and seeing his smile. I always see his smile. Sometimes I feel him near me, and I keep my eyes closed because I don’t want to wake up and face reality. I haven’t thought about Ayden since leaving Atlanta after my parents’ funeral, but now, after finding out about Henry, he’s all I think about. Everywhere I go I wonder if I’m going to run into him, which would be impossible, but I’m still hopeful.

“Thank you for letting me love you, Baby.”

“Ayden, I’m the one who should say thank you. You’ve given me so much, and I don’t know what to say.”

“Say that one day we’ll be married and have our forever.”

“I promise.” Lifting his right pinkie finger to my left pinkie finger, he connects them. “You’re so cute, Ayden,” I laugh, pulling him down to me. Our lips meet, and it’s like we’re kissing for the first time. So sweet and gentle, full of love. I’m lost in his kisses as his tongue expertly explores my mouth. Little moans escape, and I can’t help it. I want more. I need more. Lifting my hip up, his breath hitches.

“Not yet, baby.”

“Why?”

“Because,” he starts to say, slowly drawing a heart on my cheek while looking into my eyes. “When you give yourself to me we’ll be in a romantic setting, not the back of my beat-up car. You’ll be on the softest bed, at a five-star hotel. I’ll have rose petals with candles surrounding the room. I’ll have time to cherish every inch of your body and remember that moment because it’ll be the best moment of my life. Feeling you, connecting with you,” he closes his eyes, “I’ll wait for that perfect moment.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

A knock on the door brings me back to the now. “Come in!” I yell, knowing it’s Beverly.

She comes in, all pregnant and cute, sitting down on the couch looking at me. She kinks her brow, staring at my computer screen. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

I shrug, “I don’t know. Because I need to know.”

“Why?”

Getting up, I throw my hands in the air, “he left without a word, WITHOUT ONE WORD, Bev. When you love someone, you don’t pull that shit. Nothing makes sense! I’ve played that night in my head over a million times. He said to meet him at 9 o’clock on the bridge. He
never
showed up. And then his phone got disconnected? Come on! Something’s not adding up.”

“Listen, I get it. I think about him all the time, but you can’t live in the past. Move on and try to be happy.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“But you don’t know. You’ve been trying to find him for
years
! Move on, Cam. Do something with your life instead of wishing for the past and leave Henry! I don’t know why you’re with him.”

I smirk, “I like your new
Michael Kors
purse.”

She hugs it to her body, “Well, besides that. You can’t do this forever you know. You’ll have a closet full of
Gucci
,
Prada
and
Louis Vuitton
and for what? To be in a loveless marriage?”

“He loves me,” I mutter, knowing that he does. Why else would he still be with me?

“Love doesn’t make you do these things. Sometimes I wish Ayden were here so you wouldn’t be like this, but he’s not and you need to get over that, Cam. I know I’m being a bitch and you wanna punch me. I’m your best friend, and this is me being real with you.”

I sigh, throwing myself onto the couch next to her. “I get it and I know you’re right, but I
have
to find him. Matt’s the best, and I can’t give up. I need answers, answers only Ayden knows.” The familiar tightness in my chest returns. I get what she’s saying, but I’ll always want to know what happened. There are so many unanswered questions. How can he fall out of love with me? Did he love me at all?

Getting up from the couch I walk into the kitchen and pour myself another glass of wine.

“Cam, it’s only noon.”

“It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, Bev.” Bringing myself back to the living room, I sit down next to her, curling my legs underneath me. “Hungry?”

“Of course! Eating for two!”

Touching her tiny bump, I smile, so happy for my best friend, but devastated I don’t have a baby of my own. “I’ll whip us up something good.”

“Can you bake brownies?” She pouts her full pink lips, batting her long lashes.

“All right.” Trying to hide my smile, I head into the kitchen and start whipping up lunch and dessert for us. I can never say no to her.

Pulling out a box of pasta, and filling a pot with water, I lean back against the counter remembering Ayden and his love of my chicken pasta salad. Dazing off, I hear his voice in my head.

“Best salad ever. When we get married you can make this for me all the time.”

“Married?”

“Yep. I’m gonna marry you one day, Baby. Believe it.”

Sobs try to escape my chest, but I shake my head and swallow them, along with the memories, for now.

Monday mornings suck. Plain and simple. Walking into my office with my Starbucks latté in my hand, I turn on my computer and wait for it to load hoping I don’t have too busy of a day today. My head’s still spinning from the martinis last night with Natalie. I keep repeating to myself I’m not 21 anymore, but I don’t listen to me.

As soon as I log into my computer my email pings. It’s an email from Sharp.

Camila,

Heard you had a nice time with Natalie. Hope your head doesn’t hurt too much. I like what you did with One Key’s site — good job. Don’t get too thrilled that I complimented your work, which is supposed to always be flawless.

Here’s some more sites to review. You know what to do.

-Sharp

Sharp,

You always say the sweetest things to me ;)

Yes I’ll be fine. I have my latte and ibuprofen so I’m ready. Side note, I always do a great job, that’s why you still have me, HA.

-CAM (stop calling me Camila. You’re annoying)

Pleased with my email, I start my work. It’s going to be a long and oh-so-fun day.