Intentions - SF9 (30 page)

She secured the bag onto her back and tried to pass by the new lovers, stopping abruptly when Jordan's hand reached out and grabbed her jacket as she passed. "Wait for me," the tall blonde murmured, her lips just far enough away from Mia's to be able to speak.

Ryan rolled her eyes and walked across the porch slowly, waiting for Jordan with as much patience as she could muster. The blonde started to pull away, Mia still hanging on tenaciously as Jordan backed up. By the time they reached the stone steps, Mia was bending over, trying to hold on for yet another tender buss. Jordan reached out to gently break the suction. "Gotta go," she whispered. "See you…tonight?"

"Oh yeah," Mia drawled sensuously, crossing her arms across her chest to hold her robe closed. "I've got plans for you."

Blowing the curly-haired brunette a kiss, Jordan practically skipped down the sidewalk, catching up with Ryan as they reached the street. "Have a nice weekend?" the smirking brunette asked.

Jordan shot her a goofy-looking grin, then launched into a set of three cartwheels, finishing up with a neatly tucked somersault, landing gently on her feet, a laugh bubbling up from her chest. "Why wasn't I informed of how absolutely fabulous it feels to make love?" she asked, sticking her arms out and turning in a tight circle, intentionally trying to make herself dizzy.

"I don't remember you asking my opinion," Ryan smiled, slinging an arm around the happy blonde's shoulders. "I would have given you my enthusiastic endorsement."

"It's not just the physical sensations, Ryan," Jordan said earnestly. "It's…God, I don't even know what it is! It's looking into her eyes when you're touching her, and knowing that you're the one who put that adorable smile on her face."

Ryan just smiled at her friend, knowing exactly what she was talking about, but not feeling the need to give her any feedback. Jordan had grown so animated that she was running backwards while she spoke, trying to make sure that Ryan understood the importance of her point. "Jesus, Ryan, I had no idea it would feel like this! I thought it would be about what you did and how you did it…but it's not! It's about how you feel, and how you make the other person feel," she decided, sure that she had an insight into this mystery that few others understood.

"It is, Jordan," Ryan agreed, unable to keep the wide grin from her face. "It's all about feeling if you do it with the right person." She cocked her head a bit and asked, "So, did you do okay um…technically? You said you were worried about having to learn on the job."

Jordan looked at her with an amazed expression, obviously trying to come to terms with her feelings. "I was horrible!" she laughed. "I didn't have any idea of what to do, or how to do it, but Mia was so wonderful! She was right there for me, helping me to get over my nervousness …just making me feel wonderful. I got better as the weekend went along," Jordan smiled, "but I finally realized that it doesn't matter. You just have to show her how you feel, and everything works out okay. Isn't that weird?" she asked, still a little dumbfounded.

"Weird, but true," Ryan nodded. "All true."

"I kinda thought that I'd have to act like a guy-you know?" she commented, cocking her head quizzically. Ryan's eyes widened, and the surprise on her face made Jordan blush fiercely. "I know I'm a total dunce, Ryan, but you always hear guys talking about how big they are and how long they can last…I guess I thought that was the important thing-like there was some technique to pleasing a woman that I wouldn't be able to master."

"Not true," Ryan agreed. "Guys would do a hell of a lot better if they could understand that. Penis size doesn't matter…heck, I don't have a penis at all, and I've never had any complaints," she laughed. "It's not about equipment-it's about connecting emotionally."

"Yes! Yes! That's it!" Jordan cried, launching into another cartwheel. "It's about connecting emotionally! Too true!"

Ryan smiled at her friend's antics, having never seen Jordan act so free or jubilant. A thought flittered through her mind, and she spent a moment examining it.
It took me until I fell in love with Jamie to understand what Jordan's talking about. Is she just gifted, or is this little fling a lot more than a little fling?

"Hey, James? Is that you?" Mia called out when she heard someone walking down the hall.

"Yeah," Jamie replied. She entered Mia's room and immediately walked to the window, throwing it open to get a little air circulating. "I don't even want to tell you what this place smells like," she laughed.

"I bet it smells like twenty-four hours of some of the best sex I've ever had," Mia mused lazily. She was stretched out in bed, obviously naked under the sheet, her arms tossed casually over her head.

"Really?" Jamie asked, dying to learn some details. "I thought it would be kinda rough, what with her not having any experience."

"Well, technically, on a scale of one to ten, I'd honestly have to give her a negative six," Mia laughed. "She was so nervous on Saturday night that she must have lost five pounds just from shivering! She acted like she was lying on a bed of snow, Jamie! Seriously!"

"Okay…so where did the great sex come in?"

Mia looked up at her friend with a slightly puzzled gaze. "It's hard to say, to be honest. It felt so wonderful to be with her that way, Jamie. She was so nervous, and so hesitant, but the trust in her eyes just took my breath away." She shook her head as she said, "She was so tender and gentle with me, like nothing I've ever experienced before. She didn't just focus on making me come either…although she took instruction well," she added with a smirk. "I feel like I saw what's in her heart, James. I don't know how else to say it…I felt like I saw her heart."

Smiling at her friend, Jamie admitted, "I know how that feels, Honey. It's really something, isn't it?"

"It's the best, James. She holds me like I'm some fragile object that she treasures…I've never felt like that before."

Jamie approached the bed and gave her friend a hug, adding a kiss as she pulled away. "Everyone should feel like that, Mia. That's why they call it making love."

"I don't like this, Ryan," Jamie murmured into the navy blue nylon jacket that covered her partner's chest.

"I don't like it either, but it's really okay. As a matter of fact, I would prefer that you didn't come to the game tonight."

"But I've never missed one of your games if I could get to it," she protested.

"I know, but you said yourself that you can't afford the time. Even though San Jose isn't far, it would take at least five hours out of your evening, and with your accounting mid-term tomorrow, you really can't spend that much time."

"Will your family be there?" she asked as her resolve began to weaken.

"No. Da has to work, Rory's got a gig, and I told Conor not to come. He gets up so early that it's not fair to expect him to come down for every game. Besides, the whole clan is going to make an effort to come on Friday to watch Stanford kick our asses, so I'll see everyone then."

"Hey, you beat them last time," Jamie pointed out.

"Uh-huh, I know that,
Pumpkin
, but they haven't lost at home in over four years. No good reason to think we'll stop that string. I think we just caught them on an off night in Berkeley. We are their only loss, you know."

"Well I know you can do it. I have nothing but confidence in you."

San Jose State gave them no trouble at all and the mood was very upbeat when they straggled out of the locker room. Ryan took the time to take a shower since she didn't want to stiffen up on the long ride home, so she was the last to leave. As she poked her head out of the locker room she was amazed to find Catherine waiting patiently for her. "Catherine!" she exclaimed with delight. "I had no idea you would come tonight. I didn't even look up in the stands because I didn't expect anyone!"

Catherine gave her a firm hug. "Do you really think I would miss a game that was only an hour from my house? What kind of mother-in-law do you think I am?"

Ryan slid her arm around her shoulders as she replied, "The best kind I could ever hope for."

The equipment manager was just coming out of the locker room and she advised, "Let's go, Ryan, you're the last one."

"Oh, I've got to go, Catherine. I wish I could stay for a while, but they'll leave without me!"

"Will you stop for a snack on the way home?"

"No, not tonight. It's mid-term week so everyone wants to get home. I'll just get something there."

"Nonsense. Go tell them you've got a ride. We'll stop and get a snack, and then I'll take you home."

"But…" Ryan started to protest.

Catherine narrowed her eyes and said, "We're family, remember?"

Ryan pursed her lips and gave her a quick nod as she ran to tell the Coach that she would get home on her own.

"Hi," Ryan said from Catherine's cell phone when Jamie answered. She and Catherine were driving to an all-night deli for a snack, and she knew her partner would be worried about her if she wasn't home on time.

"Hi, Baby! How did it go?"

"I had a great night," Ryan supplied. "We won three-zip, and I got picked up by the most gorgeous blonde. We're in her car now, and I wanted to let you know so you didn't worry when I was late."

"Let me talk to that blonde right now," Jamie demanded, suppressing a giggle.

Ryan handed her the phone and Catherine said, "Hello, Dear. I'm taking the star of the game for a little snack. I'll return her as soon as I top off her tank."

"Thanks for going, Mom. I couldn't bear the thought of her not having anyone watch her play."

"I was planning on it anyway, Dear, but thank you for reminding me."

After studying the extensive menu, Ryan settled on a club sandwich and a chocolate malt. As usual, Catherine stuck with a cup of coffee.

They chatted about the game for a few minutes, but when the food was delivered Catherine said, "I wanted to make a proposal to you, Ryan, but I want to make sure that you understand that you do not have to agree."

"Okay," Ryan said as she put her sandwich down and looked Catherine in the eye.

"I want to call Jim and invite him to come home for the weekend. I know it would mean a lot to him to see Jamie play Stanford, and it might give you a chance to be around him so that he could get to know you a little better. I know that Jamie wants to facilitate a relationship between you and her father, and this seems like a perfect time to start." She blew out a breath after she got the thought out, and Ryan patted her hand to reassure her.

"Does it make you nervous to ask me that?"

"Yes, it really does," she conceded. "If I were in your place, I would have no interest in being in the same room with him. I feel a little uncomfortable even asking you this, but I think it's something that would make Jamie happy."

"Catherine, I would move to Washington and share an apartment with him if it would make Jamie happy. I'd think it's an excellent idea, and I'm sure Jamie will appreciate it."

"I haven't mentioned this to Jim or Jamie. I just wanted to see if you were willing before I did so."

"I won't say a word," Ryan said with a smile. "Why don't you see if Jim is interested, and then you can tell Jamie."

She shook her head slightly and stirred her coffee absently, saying, "Your capacity for forgiveness just amazes me, Ryan. I don't know how you do it."

"It's not really that hard, Catherine. To tell you the truth, I forgive mostly for selfish reasons. There's an old Irish expression that sums up my philosophy on the subject. 'Animosity is like drinking poison and hoping that your enemy dies.' I really do believe that, Catherine. I can't spend my life being wrapped up in this little drama. I have forgiven him, and I'm perfectly willing to move on."

Catherine tilted her head just a bit as she asked, "What does that mean when you say you forgive him?"

"Well, I'll tell you what it doesn't mean," she said. "It doesn't mean that I've forgotten what he's done-to any of us. He tried to hurt you, Jamie, and me, and I will never forget any of his actions. When I say I forgive him, it just means that I'm no longer invested in continuing the fight. I won't ever try to exact revenge," she explained.

"So you just mean that you don't need to get even or force him to make amends?"

"Yeah. That's about it. He can't really make amends because what he did will always be between us. I have a very, very long memory, and I am certain that I will never trust him. What he did was calculating and callous and terribly cruel. He fully intended to hurt you and me in any way that he could just to have his own way. That wasn't just the heat of passion talking. He meant everything that he did, and I have no doubt that he would have hurt me physically if he'd thought it would achieve his ends. It takes a certain kind of self-centeredness to act like he did, and that's not something that will ever go away. I'll always keep an eye on him."

"But you still forgive him?" she asked incredulously.

"Absolutely. To keep the wound open will only hurt me, and I refuse to participate in that. I can be perfectly civil to him, and I'm sure I will eventually even enjoy spending time with him. But I will never trust him, and I will never, ever give him the opportunity to hurt me again."

"I just find it remarkable that you are willing to do this for Jamie."

Ryan looked at her with her piercing blue eyes and leveled her gaze. "I would die for her, Catherine. Having a topically friendly relationship with her father is nothing compared to what I would do for her."

"I am so glad that she found you, Ryan. You've brought out the best in her."

"I'm the lucky one, Catherine. And to get you as a mother-in-law is just an added bonus!"

As they left the restaurant Catherine dangled the keys in front of Ryan and asked, "Care to drive?"

With reflexes as quick as a jungle cat's, Ryan snatched the keys away, just in case Catherine decided to withdraw her offer. "Can I drop the top?" she asked, her blue eyes dancing.

"For that smile you can drop the top and choose what we listen to on the stereo," Catherine said, linking hands with her daughter-in-law as they walked down the street to the Mercedes.

Ryan got the seat and mirrors adjusted to her satisfaction, then hit the button and listened to the cloth top secure itself into the trunk. "I love this car," she said, with a bright smile.

"It suits you," Catherine decided, thinking that the bright red convertible matched Ryan's personality quite well.

"Thanks," she grinned. "Now I'll just find some tunes I like, and we're off." She started to run through the CD's that Catherine had in the changer, giving her mother-in-law a slight frown as she did so. "All classical all the time, huh?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so, Dear. My knowledge of what songs were current came to a grinding halt around 1978, I'm afraid."

"One of my favorite years," Ryan smiled. "I actually have a few selections from your era in my bag," she indicated. "Would you pull my CD case out?"

Catherine did so, and she spent a minute flipping through the choices. "I don't recognize most of them, Dear, but I owned a few of these when I was in college. Why the interest in ancient history?"

"It's not so ancient. I like some of it because it's the music my mother liked," she admitted. "Some of it appeals to me because my cousin Michael got me hooked. It's hard to say why some music touches your heart, to be honest. I've never gotten into rap or hip-hop, and I hate the current group of pop artists, so I tend to go retro." She smiled as she added, "No offense, of course."

"None taken," Catherine assured her. "So what is your choice?" she asked shaking the CD case a little.

"Pick something that you know," Ryan urged. "We can sing together to stay awake."

The older woman smiled at her and chose a disc that she hadn't heard in many years. Popping it into the cartridge Ryan smiled and said, "I pulled this one out to work on a song I sang in honor of my cousin. The anniversary of his death was a couple of weeks ago."

Catherine gave her a sympathetic smile and nodded. "Jamie told me about that, Dear. She was very moved by your performance."

"Eh…" Ryan shrugged. "The choir was great, I just helped out."

The CD whirled in the player, song after song forcing Catherine to think back to her youth until she finally took the lyrics out of the jewel case to recall the words of the once very familiar tunes.

The pair sang along companionably, the brisk wind blowing their hair in the breeze. The night was clear and the stars were dotting the sky, the lights of the city obscuring all but the brightest of them. When Ryan didn't hear Catherine's voice for a few minutes she shot a look at her, dismayed to see tears streaking down her cheeks. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asked softly, turning down the volume of the player.

Catherine sighed, embarrassed to be caught in such a vulnerable moment. She shook her head briskly, trying to dry her eyes with a tissue and ignore the question. But Ryan was too determined for that, and she pressed the point. "Catherine? You can talk about how you're feeling if it will help. I'm a good listener."

Something about Ryan's soothing, gentle tone make her open up a little, sharing her feelings in a way she was only just now getting used to with Jamie. "I remember playing this album when Jim and I were dating," she said softly. "I identified very strongly with a few songs on here…especially 'Too Shy to Say.' It made me think of how it felt to be falling for Jim and not having the nerve to let him know how I felt."

Ryan moved her right hand from the wheel and gave Catherine's thigh a squeeze. "I like that song too," she said. "I felt a little like that with Jamie."

Catherine smiled and placed her hand atop Ryan's, feeling the smooth skin that covered her powerful but gentle hands. "It's hard to think that the song playing now had no meaning for me then," she said. "Now it's the only one that makes sense to me."

The song was entitled "It Ain't No Use," and as it continued to play, Ryan thought of how it must feel to have this sad song be the only one that stood out. She said nothing for a while, letting the words wash over her,