Innocently Evil (A Kitty Bloom Novel) (31 page)

“As if you would understand,” I said miserably, dropping my hands from my face and turning back to face the mirror.
I dabbed my fingertips under my eyes, mopping up any little beginnings of tears and tried to harden my expression.

“
You’d be surprised,” he said, as he stopped close beside me.

I took a step back from him and spun aggressively to face him.
“Right,” I said sarcastically. “As if anything in your world never goes to plan? You’re a vampire, Max. You can do whatever the hell you want and no one can question you, without you killing them, of course.” I pursed my lips and threw my hands on my hips as Max nodded slightly at me.

“True,” he said, softl
y. “But isn’t that more of a reason for you to want to be like me? Think of what you said. You would be able to do anything and get away with it. No more conscience, no more care. The world would belong to you.” He took a step closer and reached a hand out towards my face.

“The world belongs to no one,” I spat, then turned around and walked away from him.
I stopped a couple of steps away, crossed my arms across my chest and closed my eyes tightly. Clenching my jaw, I tried hard to fight back all the aggression and anger I was feeling, because letting it out in this situation never seemed to get me anywhere.

I let out another forceful sigh, trying to expel all my fury with it, and then o
pened my eyes. Feeling a tiny bit calmer, I turned around to face Max and gave him a fierce, tight-lipped grin. “You and your father took away the only living thing I loved in this world,” I snarled. “And you parade her around in front of me like a proud pet. So, what can I say, I have no desire whatsoever to become another toy for you to play with.”

I jutted my chin out at him
defiantly and peered down my nose at him. “I would rather die,” I growled slowly, “than become a vampire like you.”

Max’s hands left his pockets then drifted carelessly behind his back, and he took a threatening step towards me. A menacing grin twisted his lips and he glared at me through dark, narrowed eyes.
“You may get your wish,” he murmured.

I furrowed my eyebrows and pursed my lips at him
, disgusted with the arrogance he was projecting and astonished by his cruel remark. “Oh, will I,” I asked, challengingly. “And pray tell, why would you or your father be so generous as to kill me and not turn me?”

Max’s intimidating posture straightened and
he held his head high as he raised an eyebrow and grinned at me knowingly. “I never said you
would
get your wish,” he said charmingly. “But in a way you partly will. It is necessary to stop the heartbeat of the person intended to be turned, physically killing them, before we can bring them back as one of us. So, tonight you will die, and then become a vampire.”

             
His grin grew smug and I had an overwhelming urge to slap the conceited look off his face, but couldn’t seem to move from where fear had frozen me in place. I didn’t really want to die. I might have preferred it over being the living dead, but I didn’t want my life to end now. I still had so much to live for.

             
That’s when I finally realized that I wasn’t ready to give up. After everything I’d been through, after finding out that there was a world beyond my own, that I was a daughter of Lilith—half good, half evil, after being pushed and manipulated and broken by creatures that shouldn’t exist, and after all the death and destruction of my once happy life, I still didn’t want to give up. This was my life, no one else’s, and it was mine to live and control, and I was beginning to get sick of everyone else trying to live and control it for me.

             
Feeling a sudden surge of mixing power, of my good and evil sides colliding and melding once again, I began at last to defeat the smothering disease of depression and hopelessness that had infected my being. A balance within me seemed to be restored, while the strength and courage that I’d forgotten I had, began to fill me. The bitter taste of unclaimed revenge licked at the back of my throat and the warmth of my evil side’s supernatural power filled my veins. I was going to give the Tiennans, my mother and all their guests quite a show.

As if on cue, Max’s face fell blank and his posture became more submissive, and then he took a step towards me.
“They are ready for us,” he told me, as if he was getting his information from a source only he could hear. He walked towards me, a light smile returning to his lips and I didn’t back away as he neared.

As his fingertips brushed my arm a tingle of power jumped between us and his expression filled with worry. He took his fingers from my arm and looked at me, properly.
“What happened,” he said, as a slight hint of fear seemed to fill his voice.

             
“Nothing,” I said sweetly, smiling cheerfully up into his face. “Everything’s fine.”

Max’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he bit his bottom lip then looked towards the decorative, double door entry way and back to me.

“Kitty,” he said anxiously as he reached for me again.
His hand cupped my right shoulder and a jolt of electricity shot between us for a second time. He stared at me with worry and something like compassion filling his warm amber eyes, but he didn’t remove his hand. “I have to tell you,” he said, as he shook his head slightly and glanced down at the floor, “that the first time we met was in London.”

             
My happy grin weakened and I narrowed my eyes at him trying to figure out where he was going with the topic and whether or not he was being honest with me.

Max licked his lips, glanced at me for a moment
, his eyes looking hurt at my expression, and then he stole his gaze from me once more. “You were about fourteen then,” he said, as though he was confessing to something damaging. “I had come to London with my father. He was on his way to meet with your mother about the cure.”

             
He frowned and shook his head in what looked like annoyance. I swallowed deeply while I watched him, trying to take everything in, but still suspecting his usual lack of sincerity.

             
“While my father ran off to begin his plan,” Max sighed, “I went to visit you.” Max licked his lips again and sighed. Then his dark amber eyes met mine and he stared at me firmly, as though he was trying to find the courage to tell me the truth. “Your mother had left you home alone,” he explained, steadily. “It was eleven or so at night and you were already in bed. I sneaked inside and went up to your room. All I wanted to do was to see you.”

             
He paused and took a step closer to me, forcing me to see the guilt in his eyes. “I didn’t know he was there,” Max said. “I didn’t know you had someone watching over you. When I entered your room he came at me. Of course he suspected the worst and I thought the same of him. It’s strange but in the dark shadows of night, everyone seems evil.”

             
A half-hearted smile crept over his lips, but was replaced once again with shame. “We both thought the other was trying to hurt you,” he explained, “and before we knew it, we had woken you up. When we realized what we’d done, we both moved to you trying to explain, but only scared you more. You ran from us before we could catch you and in the dark you tripped and fell.”

             
Max swallowed and his eyes seemed to go glassy as they dodged mine. “You fell down the stairs,” he whispered. “We were both right behind you, but neither one of us caught you in time. When we got to the bottom, you were still. If it wasn’t for the faint beating of your heart, I would have thought you were dead. I moved to help you and opened a vein to let my blood heal your body, but Sam stopped me and threw me from the house.”

             
With a deep breath in, Max dropped his head low and stared down at our feet. My heartbeat was rampant as my mind struggled to understand what Max was telling me. I didn’t want to believe that what he was saying was true, but a distant part of me, the protective part of me that had turned the truth of this painful memory into a dream, was telling me otherwise.

             
“I didn’t fight to stay with you,” he said, quietly. “I was so ashamed at what had happened that I just—left. I knew you would be in better hands with him than with me and I didn’t want to ruin your life anymore than I already had.” His head rose slowly and he looked deep into my eyes, as his hands took hold of mine.

A spark of power shot between us again as our hands touched, but neither of us chose to pull back. Max frowned at me apologetically and shook his head.
“And now look at me,” he said sullenly. “Look at what I’m doing to you. I’m ruining your life again for my own selfish intentions and this time I am actually going to get you killed. What must you think of me?” His troubled amber eyes dropped from mine, as I felt the cold skin of his hands leave the warm skin of mine and he stepped away from me.

             
I watched him, calmly at first, and then everything seemed to hit me again all at once. On the outside, my body was still with shock but on the inside, my mind was racing with questions, while my heart pounded aggressively in my chest and sent a cold, numb feeling through the tight veins of my body. I couldn’t quite believe everything that I’d just heard. My mind repeated all the facts over and over again in my head until I started to discover even more questions, such as why Sam didn’t tell me any of this. What had he done to heal me? Why did Max tell me all of this now and what was I supposed to do with this information? My mind was beginning to fry from mental overload, when I suddenly realized that the most important thing in all of this was that Max actually had a conscience. He actually cared for me and cared about his mistakes, even though he was an evil bloodsucking vampire.

             
I stared at him, at his remorseful posture and forlorn expression, as he stared hard at the intricately weaved carpet beneath his expensive, black shoes. Max looked as though he was preparing himself for me to throw him to the wolves or banish him from my sight, even though in our current situation he was the one with all the power to do that to me. It was as though the real Max was finally shining through again, the Max for whom my evil half had deep, unresolved feelings for. This was the Max I could see myself with. Unfortunately, previous experience had proved that this side of him never lasted long enough for me to trust him entirely. A mean rejection or betrayal would usually blast me back to reality and confirm that his change in personality had been too good to be true. Yet this time, I couldn’t seem to help myself and although I knew I’d probably regret it, I took a step to fill the space between us, laying the palm of my right hand on his cheek.

Another jolt of energy passed between us, this time much softer, and Max raised his sorrowful eyes to mine.
“How can you touch me,” he asked grimly, “After what I’ve done to you, after what I’m about to do. You should hate me.”

             
I sighed deeply and stared up into the gloomy warmth of his amber eyes, and then smiled weakly. “I do hate you,” I said softly, “but what can I do, when the other half of me loves you.”

             
His sad eyes widened at me, appearing a little astonished by my words and the innocence in his expression made my smile grow.

I moved forward and pressed my forehead lovingly to his and stared firmly into h
is eyes. “If you would just stay like this,” I explained, as I moved my head gently against his. “Like the Max I know you should be. Then things would be different.”

             
A soft, regretful smile covered his lips and his eyes stared compassionately into mine. “I wish I could,” he said sadly. “But I am never good enough like this. He always expects better. If I am not hard and forceful and aggressive like him or if I don’t manipulate and control and follow his plans as I am told, then he will punish me, reject me. And he is all I have.” Max’s eyes turned glassy again and for the first time I felt his pain, an agony in him that seemed to mirror my own.

             
“Him who,” I asked. “Your father? Louis?”

             
His amber eyes shone painfully into mine and he nodded slightly moving his cool forehead against the warmth of mine. “I have to be like him or face an eternity alone,” he sighed. “He is my only true family, what am I without him?”

             
I raised my other hand to his opposite cheek and pulled his face closer to mine. “Without him,” I said, slowly, “you are your own person. No one should ever make you act otherwise. He has no right to control you or turn you into a copy of him. No one should ever make you feel less for being you.”

             
Max stared deep into my eyes, as his expression seemed to become slightly more contented and relieved. Then he closed his eyes for a moment and let go of a tense sigh. “Thank you,” he said softly, with his eyes still closed.

             
A comforting moment passed and then the impending events of the evening came flooding back to me. Sure, I may have survived one problem, but that wasn’t likely to rescue me from the rest. Even after our deep and meaningful, I had no real assurance that Max wouldn’t jump if Louis said so. A person controlled for most of their life doesn’t usually change their spots that quickly. But at least I might have secured one ally for the evening, and besides finally facing the inevitable doom in the other room, there wasn’t much else I could do.