INK: Vanishing Point (Book 2) (16 page)

The car ride to Eli’s is silent. I
have to figure some way to get out from under all of this. The
thought of having to wait to find out what happened to Aiden is going
to push me over the edge.

When we arrive at Eli’s, I’m
relieved that there are no cars in the driveway. Eli’s still at
work and I’ll have some time to myself. Exhausted, I sit down
hard on the couch and give Carl a pleading look. “Carl, please
tell me what’s going on.”

Keeping it simple is the best approach;
it’s not like he doesn’t know what’s going on in my
mind. At first it was charming, but now it’s just another
invasion of what privacy I had left.

Carl pulls at his suit pants to sit
comfortably across from me. “Even though McNab and Eli think
it’s a bad idea, I’m going to tell you what I can. But
you have to try to stay calm.”

He’s giving me that look that says
he knows I’m going to freak out anyway, but I agree.

“That night when I got there I was
sitting in my car because of the rain. But I’m pretty well in
tune with you so I knew you were doing okay. Well you were doing more
than okay.” His face flushes red, remembering the events of
that evening, which makes me want to know all that much more what
happened.

“Knowing that you were fine and
dandy tuning you out for a bit became a priority. Being privy to that
sort of activity is uncomfortable to say the least.” He squirms
in his seat as he says the words.

“Wait, what activity?” I ask
fascinated to know.

“You know what
activity
.”
His eyes round out bigger with each word.

“You mean Aiden and I were doing
it?” This I want to hear. I thought I was going to hold out
longer, but hey I’m only human and my feelings for Aiden run
deep. Then again, so do my feelings for Eli. My mind continues to
wander and I realize that maybe I am “in heat” like McNab
said.

Carl clears his throat to bring me back
to the conversation. “Could you try not to do that?” he
asks.

“Sorry.” I bat my eyelashes
and cross my legs, wanting to hear more but forcing back the rampant
thoughts of sexplorations out of my head.

“Anyway, I was meditating and I
felt a sudden surge of terror from you. I came into the house to see
Aiden shoot you the second time.” He has to stop himself from
reliving that moment.

“So he totally just shot me.”
My throat dries out and nausea tugs at my insides.

“He did, Shay, but it was because
he thought you were the Specter. He couldn’t see.” Carl
folds his hands together in front of him.

“Did I stab him?” My voice
is quiet and pained.

“You did, but it was an accident.
Aiden explained to me that you tripped while holding the knife and
you caught him in the side. You didn’t really ‘stab’
him, you pretty much just dropped a knife on him; well, in him.”

“Was he hurt badly?” I wish
numbness would take me away.

“No darlin’, he just needed
some stitches. There was a lot of blood, but the wound really was
superficial.”

“Why did he leave?” My
questions are quick and to the point. I just want to get this over
with.

“You have to stop torturing
yourself over this. It’s not that he doesn’t care about
you…” He trails off because I know he really has nothing
left to say.

“Is he coming back?” There’s
no real hope in that question. I know the answer.

“No, he isn’t coming back.”
Carl tries to console me with his tone. The ache I feel for Aiden now
has been multiplied by infinity and I may die from the sadness. My
breath ekes from my lungs trying to expel the last traces of life.
Wishing I had the balls that Elise had to do what she knew was the
least painful way out.

Funny how I’m giving her props for
killing herself since I understand her now. The weight of incredible
hopelessness on my chest makes me feel like things will never
untangle and be normal again. Tears stream silently down my cheeks,
no sobs, there are none left in me, only a waterfall of an
ever-expanding despair that radiates from the center of my soul and
reaches out beyond me.

Carl has tears in his eyes and shakes
his head “I’m so sorry for your pain, Shay.”

“I’m going to go lie down. I
think that’s enough for now.” Hoisting myself off the
couch, I turn back to Carl. “Please let me dream. I need this.”

***

Shay

The door closes with a soft click that
echoes in my mind. I reach into my backpack to get my phone to try
Aiden’s number one last time. A lump forms in my throat when I
hear the familiar tone followed by, “This number is no longer
in service…” I let the phone fall to the floor in
submission to the realization of his permanent absence.

My body falls hard on the bed I pull the
comforter around me and sob into it. Screams trapped in my belly are
released in a violent series of sobs. Pieces of my soul ride out on
incoherent utterances of emotions and words that would only make
sense to Aiden, but he’s gone. He’s gone forever.

My brain is on repeat, reciting his
absence. My heart’s broken rhythm knows it to be true even
though everything in my being wants to deny it. It doesn’t
matter how bad things have been between us, it doesn’t matter
how many times he’s left. I’ve always known he was coming
back, until now.

I don’t even bother trying to
convince myself that Carl is wrong, because something deep inside me
knows he’s right. It’s done. This is the only forever
that Aiden will ever gift me.

My sobs subside when I lack the energy
to shake, cry or feel anything. I sit for what seems like hours,
willing my heart to stop beating. A few times I feel the pulse of
blood through my neck slow to barely noticeable. But it just keeps
going. I just want to die; how do I die?

I’ve already died inside a million
times without him and here I am staring at the final death of our
love. My love for Aiden will live on through eternity alone, in
darkness and despair.

My lungs fill with a burst of air to let
out one last scream to try to rid myself of the agony. My scream
resonates through the fibers of everything around me causing
unnatural vibrations. The air around me grows heavy with humidity and
a thick swirling smoke forms around me.

There’s a tear in the middle of
the smoke, as a hand reaches out of the fissure for me. I’m not
afraid, just astounded. I raise my hand to meet it. Gently the
fingers interlace with mine and pull me into the void of darkness.

***

Carl

Watching Shay walk to the bedroom, her
emotions already weigh heavy on me. This is going to be rough. I need
to disconnect from her. I can’t take it; what she’s about
to release I can’t be near it.

McNab isn’t answering his phone
and I can’t leave her here alone. Bracing myself for the
onslaught of pain she’s about to feel, I lean back on the
couch. For a solid twenty minutes my body aches with the anguish she
feels. I feel it too. She loves him; what she needs to know is that
he loves her. He’s been feeling the same thing being away from
her. McNab says Aiden is barely holding it together. Above all else
he loves her and I understand why he’s not coming back. It’s
because of his love for her and has to let her go if she’s ever
going to be free of the Specter.

McNab has yet to explain it to me why it
has to be this way, but I trust him. The throngs of despair are
shooting through me like hot knives. I almost envy her for being able
to love the way she does. Almost.

Finally I succumb to the sorrow. Sobs
are crashing against me uncontrollably. Eli comes in the back door
and rushes to me.

“Carl, what’s wrong?”
He’s alarmed.

“I’m okay.” I manage
through the physical pain streaming through my body.

“Where’s Shay?”

“Bedroom.” I grab his arm
when he tries to head for her. “Leave her. Promise me. Let her
alone until she comes to you.”

Eli looks at me like I’m crazy,
probably because I’m clutching my heart from the pain. “Do
you need an ambulance?”

“No. I need to leave. But don’t
go in there. She’ll come out.” I’m doubled over
trying not to fall to the floor.

“I need to check on her.”
Eli’s torn on what to do, stay with me or go to her.

“
No
,
leave her. Promise me.” I grab at his shirt.

“I promise. I’ll let her
come out.” He’s exasperated and scared.

With each step away from her I regain a
small bit of strength to continue creating the distance. Before I
walk out the door I tell Eli, “Call McNab.”

I leave the house and stumble down the
street until my heart no longer feels like it’s being squeezed
and I can breathe again. More distance needs to be put between us to
break the bond so I continue to walk and try McNab again on the
phone.

***

Eli

Looking over the screened-in pool, I
contemplate my future, or lack thereof. My legal career has been
tanked in less than three years, even though I’ve only lost two
cases. Shay is totally screwed. I don’t even know if she really
wants me, or if she’s so desperate to get laid one last time
before she goes to jail she’s willing to settle for me.
Pondering her love for Aiden, I always have to remind myself that
he’s been part of her life for as long as I have. She never
asked for all of the complications that puberty brought our
collective friendship. I often wonder if she would have been better
off not knowing either one of us, or at least not falling in love
with both of us. He and I are both permanent fixtures in her life.
Neither of us has had the balls to give her an ultimatum that she has
to actually choose between us. I should have. Probably what she was
waiting for was one of us to grow a spine and demand that she make a
choice.

Now it’s too late for either of
us. Well, for me, since it’s looking like I’m the only
one left. They may be able to pin this on her. She’s just too
stubborn and volatile to listen to anyone.

Kevin’s dead. Jesus. “Kevin’s
dead.” It just doesn’t seem possible or real. What the
fuck is going on? The bottle of Johnny Walker stares back at me. I
didn’t bring a glass, as though that would deter me. I’m
not above drinking that bitch straight from the bottle. Wrapping my
fingers around the bottle’s neck feels good, it feels right.

This back yard represented what I
thought was Shay and my future. It’s where we talked about
putting the play fort for the kids, laying paver stones and painting
stripes down the middle as roads so that they could ride their bikes
in the safety of the fenced-in yard. We sat out here talking for
hours about the two beautiful kids we’d have. A boy and a girl.
We both agreed to name the boy Oliver and the girl Falon. It was a
perfect life we’d planned. Now it’s all gone, gone, gone.

There’s a noise in the house. It
catches me by surprise, because I thought I was alone. I’ve
been out here since I got home. Panic rises in me. I recognize that
it’s Shay, and she’s screaming.

When I reach the living room, Carl is on
the floor in front of the couch. He tells me he has to go and to
leave Shay alone. How can I leave her alone? Can he not hear her?

Carl makes his way out the front door
and I’m left standing here listening to her screams. I don’t
even know what’s wrong. There’s obviously a reason she’s
supposed to be left alone, but I can’t take this anymore. Her
screams are going right through me, pulling at my soul. When I get to
the hallway, her screaming stops. Replaying Carl’s words in my
head, I stop and slide down the wall next to the bedroom door. If I
can’t go in, at least I can be closer to her if she needs me.

The echo of her screams hangs in the
air. I want to go to her, pick her up and hold her. Kiss away the
pain. I’m sure this is mostly because of Aiden. She needs to go
through this alone until she’s ready for me.

A disturbed laugh rattles in my chest.
Figures; as soon as Aiden is really out of the picture, she’ll
be making a grand exit from my life. I have nothing to offer her but
love. She needs more than that. She needs someone who can take care
of her.

My eyes feel heavy. I rest my head on
the wall and drift off.

Shay

The tendrils of fingers intertwined in
mine curl up my wrist to my arm. There is so much darkness; it’s
like being in a haunted house with moist, black gossamer hanging from
above.

My stomach lurches, making me feel weak
and dizzy. It could just be the darkness, or the heavy humid air that
carries the stench of death.
What
have I done? Where am I?
I
can actually feel my pupils growing wider and then adjusting in an
attempt to conquer the darkness.

Two pinpoints of light hang in front of
me. My vision swims in confusion. There’s no way for me to tell
whether they are far away and huge or very close to me and small. The
hand that’s holding me tightens as the feeling of sickness
winds up to my throat. My arms shake violently to throw the hand off
me.

“My love, you willingly came to
me. You came to me here. This means so much to me.” The
familiar voice is in my ear. I can almost feel its breath on my neck.
My entire body stiffens with revulsion.

“Where am I?” My tone is
stern.

“You are in my realm, where the
possibilities are endless.” The voice sounds so hopeful it
sickens me.

“I can’t see anything. I
want to leave.” I’m trying so hard not to sound weak and
afraid, but I am.

“Oh my love, I can easily remedy
your problem.” Midway through his sentence a dull blue hue
illuminates the landscape, revealing the tattered world from a dream
I once had.

The trees are twisted unnaturally and
are blacker than coal. The ground is soft and muddy like a swamp, and
the sound of flowing water rises to my ears.