Infinite Devotion (6 page)

I straighten up with this news. “Did you send such a letter?”

“Of course not, and only a handful of people even knew of our meetings.”

“Who did you hear that rumor from?”

“One of Juan’s groomsmen was there when the messenger arrived.”

“Why did he not tell my father?”

“He did, and your father said the matter was closed.” Her eyes bat as if she’s trying to keep them from rolling.

I lay back and stare up at the sky. I don’t like to imagine it is possible.

Her playfulness returns as soon as she sees my despair. “You better write him back right away. We don’t want a visit.” She laughs.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

A month later, I’m running through the fields with Alfonso. Sancia shouts behind me, “You shouldn’t be running in your condition!”

“I’m fine!” I yell back.

Alfonso’s playfully tagging me and then running away. He’s too fast for me to catch, so I give up and walk to the top of the vineyard. The light’s glistening off the grapes, and the air smells sweet from the rotting grapes under the vines. Alfonso comes, gives me a tight hug, and then rolls all the way down the vineyard hill. I stand above with Sancia, laughing when Alfonso hits a tree at the bottom of the hill.

I carelessly start to run after him and begin picking up speed. Sancia runs behind me, telling me to slow down. My ankle turns on the uneven ground, and I know before I hit the ground that I’ve made a terrible mistake. Sancia’s so close behind me that she careens into me on the ground. I feel the pain immediately, and Alfonso’s to me in seconds. His face is white with fear. He picks me up and carries me all the way back into the palace to my bed. I bleed for days, and the doctor informs us that I lost the baby girl. Alfonso and Sancia stay with me for three days and keep my spirits high.

I’m pregnant again by the next month. Alfonso and Sancia are dancing after dinner one night as I look on, laughing every time Alfonso steps on Sancia’s foot, when we hear trumpeting and drumming coming up the drive to the palace.

Alfonso’s eyes dart to me. “Are we expecting an envoy?”

I shake my head curiously, and Sancia deduces, “Only one person I know would come unannounced with trumpet accompaniment.”

She’s right. As we stand on the balcony above the drawbridge, I see Cesare leading the procession gallantly on his black horse adorned and shod in silver. Four horsemen on his sides hold a large canopy of gold and scarlet above his head. The whole envoy’s sparkling in silver, and I’ve never seen such fine horses.

Sancia turns to Alfonso rigidly. “Are you going to entertain Cesare’s envoy?”

Alfonso watches at me and says, “Lucrezia’s brother is welcome here as long as Lucrezia wills it.”

“I’ve suddenly come down with something. I won’t be joining you all tonight.” She walks off the balcony.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

“Sister, you look as heavenly as ever.” Cesare comes to kiss me in our dimly lit entrance hall, and I see as he draws near that he has horrible pits and scarring all over his once handsome face.

I put my arms up involuntarily, and he draws back, but he says rather flippantly, “It’s only the French disease. I’m in its second stage, and this is what it does.”

Besides the scarring, he seems to have changed. Usually wearing the brightest colors in the room to be seen, he’s now all in black. He sits down at our grand banquet table, and Alfonso and I slowly settle beside him. The servants are rushing to light the candles and torches in the room and to accommodate the unexpected guests. The room slowly lights into a brilliant glow.

“You’re now the handsomest in the room,” he says to Alfonso. “So this is the little palace that has so captured the attention of my sister that she forgets to write and visit her family.” He leans back in his chair and peers around the room. “Lucrezia, you take motherhood in stride so well, it’s as if you’ve done this before,” Cesare threatens.

He knows I never told Alfonso about Giovanni Borgia.

After an uncomfortable pause, I take a deep breath and begin, “Brother, what brings you here so unexpectedly?”

He smiles. “Well, I know how much you love my surprises.” He then sits back up. “Where’s Sancia? Her seat lies empty,” he says in a sarcastic way.

“She’s feeling poorly,” Alfonso replies.

“Oooh, poor dear, you’ll have to tell her I missed her company.”

We are served our first course.

Cesare puts his spoon down beside his soup. “I’m actually on my way to France to marry the beautiful cousin of the French king, Charlotte d’Albret.” This news catches us off guard, and Cesare continues, “Well, after two years of pursuing your frigid cousin Carlotta, Naples has fallen out of favor with the Borgias.”

I start getting worried, and Alfonso stiffens at this new turn of events.

“Oh, you hadn’t heard? I see, well, yes, France has now become our greatest ally and has happily promised his cousin to me as a sign of good will to come.”

I know this means that my marriage has been to no advantage, and now Alfonso’s an enemy instead of a benefit. I can tell the fear Cesare sees on our faces only provokes him to continue.

“Alfonso, do you know that the French king has asked if the Borgias had any beautiful maids to marry? He’s been asking Father eagerly for a potential suitor for one of his cousins.”

Sancia walks in at this moment and must have been listening at the door. Cesare looks up, and his eyes flash at her appearance.

“A miraculous recovery!” He gets up to kiss her cheek.

“Yet, you’re still not recovered yourself,” she spits as she pulls away from him. “I didn’t even recognize you, you’ve changed so.”

They both sit, glaring at each other.

“I’ve come here to warn you about the growing hostilities between Naples and France.” He directs his gaze at me. “And my dear sister appears to be caught in the middle.”

Alfonso stands up. “I think I’ve lost my appetite now too. Lucrezia, you’ll have to excuse me.”

Cesare turns to Sancia. “You seem to be contagious.”

I kiss him and give him an apologetic look. He smiles sweetly and walks out of the room. Cesare watches with disdain.

“How manly of him, leaving you to discuss with me alone.”

Sancia speaks. “She’s not alone and will never be, as long as Alfonso and I am breathing.”

“Well, that is all it will take, then?” He gives a scary smile.

I stand up, wishing I’d left when Alfonso did, and say, “Sancia, I think Cesare wants to be alone now. Will you follow me up to attend to Alfonso?”

Sancia says, “Yes, I think Cesare should get used to being alone.”

Cesare laughs heartily and stands to kiss me. “I’ll be leaving shortly. I don’t trust closing my eyes in Naples.”

I give him a cold kiss back. “Be careful, brother.” More as a warning instead of a wish.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

A messenger from Cesare comes a week later.

Sister,
I so wish our visit had been longer, but with circumstances the way they are, it was best it was short. I was married two nights ago and disappointed you did not attend. Disappointed but not surprised, since you seem to have replaced me. Charlotte d’Albret is no doubt a beauty, but she seems to lack the grace and charm you possess.
Wanting to perform well on my wedding night, I was given a powerful aphrodisiac by a wedding guest and made Charlotte take double the dosage. It unfortunately had a laxative effect, and we were otherwise occupied throughout the night, but I managed to consummate it by dawn. Not the romantic wedding night I had planned but thought you would enjoy the story. My next visit may not be so pleasant, although you will always be safe while I still live.
Your neglected brother,
Cesare

That night, I have a bonfire lit in celebration of Cesare’s marriage, hoping it will satisfy him so he’ll leave us alone. I watch the bonfire spark and light up the night as Alfonso sleeps in our chamber within. Something catches my eye. A form emerges from the gardens and makes its way to the bonfire. The figure takes off its cape, and I see it’s a well-shaped woman. The woman lifts up her arms to the fire and sings. She slowly begins to dance while chanting and keeps pushing and thrusting toward one direction: France. Her dancing is beautiful yet eerie. It’s not a dance of joy or relaxation but has an air from another world, an ancient, forgotten world. When the woman puts back on her cape and makes her way back up the stairs to the palace, I lean over the balcony to catch her face‌—‌Sancia.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

I give Alfonso the letter, and a month later, we receive word that Cesare’s attacking the provinces of Imola, Forli, and Pesaro. I know Alfonso has to flee to safety, and after sleeping tightly all night, he kisses me and then my belly and leaves for Genazzano with the Colona.

By the end of the next week, I’m back at the Vatican for protection. Sancia holds my hand as I weep the whole carriage ride back, and each day I don’t receive a letter from Alfonso. When I stop eating entirely, Sancia panics so about the baby that she goes to urge Father to do something.

Father appears at my bedside. “Bring her a feast. She will eat tonight.”

Three servants rush from the room.

“Father, I can’t eat. Food has no taste for me.” I keep sobbing.

“Is this because Alfonso is away?”

“Away and hasn’t written.” I sob hard, and the baby kicks at the assault.

He brings a stack of letters out from under his robe, and I immediately see Alfonso’s handwriting and seal.

“I haven’t read them but kept them because I thought it would help you adjust. But nothing is worth losing you.”

He leaves, and I leap on the stack of letters and tear the first one open to read.

Sancia cries, “I knew he wrote to you.”

Sweet Lucrezia,
I do not know why you have not replied to my letters, but I can only guess that you have not received them, since I have such faith in you. I have been begging you to come for weeks, and with no messengers arriving from you, I’m sick without you. I worry about you and the baby and wonder if you’re safer in their protection or mine. I feel as though I’ve failed you, not having more power and riches to keep you safe by my side. I have decided I would rather risk great peril with you than safety without you. I am coming back as soon as I can gather a company. Give my love to Sancia and tell her I expect her to watch over you until I arrive.
Yours Forever,
Alfonso ∞

Chapter 9

I feel better instantly, knowing he’s on his way to me. He arrives home a week before I give birth to a son. His eyes tear as he holds him out to the people gathered in the courtyard. Rodrigo’s christened in gold with trumpets and oboes announcing the momentous occasion. For seven months, Alfonso, Sancia, and I stay secluded, doting on Rodrigo. Alfonso fears going out and stays close to his men he brought back with him for protection. I have the same nightmare repeatedly for a week:

A fawn walks down the steps of St. Peter’s in the moonlight. A dark hunter appears at the top of the steps and shoots the fawn in the back. The poor thing runs back frantically to the courtyard for shelter. But as it reaches the illusion of safety, a brown wolf pounces and drags the fawn under the bushes.

One morning, there’s a large commotion outside St. Peters. The triumphant son returns with horses, soldiers, and plunder of war. One of the pope’s grooms comes knocking on our door for us to greet Cesare and celebrate. Alfonso stays behind as I hurry down the stairs to stand next to Father on his balcony. Cesare leads the way in his usual black attire but with the addition of a thick gold collar and gold and black cap. Father yells to circle the Vatican to show Rome how victorious he is, and I see Father’s eyes well up with tears as he heartily laughs with joy. When Cesare goes around one side, Father runs to the next side to watch him go all around the palace, waving for me to follow him.

When the procession’s over, we hurry out to greet him, and he jumps off his horse. He gives father a quick kiss on both cheeks and then his ring and gives me two kisses also.

“Guards! Bring Caterina to dine with us,” Cesare yells back to his men, and two guards drag out a raging beauty: a dark-haired and brown-eyed slender woman with small faint freckles on her nose and under her eyes. She wears a crushed velvet dress with a pale blue robe, and she keeps struggling to free herself as she curses the guards.

Cesare motions for us to go in and not to wait for her, who I deduce is one of his prisoners. My stomach wrenches for what’s going to play out at dinner with the poor woman seated with us.

Father sits first, and then we all take our seats. The woman is brought in and tied sitting in her chair so that her back and legs are tight to the chair, but her hands are free. The knots are tied out of her reach behind her back. She looks fierce and angry, which is impressive, since Cesare hadn’t intimidated her yet. I sit across from her, and she stares at me while our course is served.

“You’re the lying whore who’s sleeping with her papal father and pig brother?”