Indelible (21 page)

“What do you want, Ruby?” Luna sounded more irritated than she intended.

“To talk, lover. I’ve missed you.” Ruby followed Luna’s movements with her eyes, and the thorough inspection made Luna feel a little dirty.

“You don’t get to call me that anymore,” Luna answered softly. She didn’t want an ugly confrontation. She found Angie’s jacket and headed toward the door. Hopefully Ruby would move out of the way.

“Why not? I’ve called you that forever.” Ruby didn’t step aside for Luna to pass.

“Angie wouldn’t like it.” Luna waited a few minutes. “I need out, Ruby.”

Ruby took a step forward. “You want me to move?”

Luna shifted to the side and edged against the wall to let Ruby pass. She pointed at the door. “Angie’s waiting.”

Ruby stepped closer to Luna, trapping her. “I just want to talk.”

Luna dropped Angie’s jacket and put her hands up. How the hell had she gotten into this position? She blinked, hoping Ruby would prove a bad hallucination and would disappear if she cleared her vision. No such luck. “What could we possibly have to talk about?”

Ruby relaxed and eased away, her arms no longer boxing Luna in. “About us. I don’t like where we left things.”

“Neither do I, but nothing has changed.” Luna couldn’t believe it. Now, when she should be home with Angie’s clothes halfway off, she was having
this
conversation with Ruby.

“We were good together.” Ruby crossed her arms.

“We were convenient together.” Luna didn’t want to hurt Ruby, but she wanted to be clear. Ruby had a habit of hearing only what she wanted. “Nothing more.”

“I wanted more.” Ruby picked up Angie’s jacket and smoothed the wrinkles. “I still want more.”

“It never would have worked.” Luna took Angie’s coat. Angie wouldn’t want Ruby caring for it. “I need someone who needs me, someone who thinks about more than just herself.” Luna wondered about her statement. She wasn’t sure Angie would ever admit to needing her, but Luna was determined to prove she could.

“I needed you.” Tears threatened to spill from Ruby’s perfectly made-up eyes. Luna hoped she could hold it together.

“No, Ruby, you didn’t.” Luna spoke softly. She would tell the truth, but she really didn’t want to be cruel. “You needed to get off. Occasionally you needed to be held afterward, but you never needed
me.
”

“I could tell her that you’re still in love with me.” Ruby’s eyes narrowed. “She’d believe me, you know. She’s about two steps away from running as it is.”

“That’s not true.” Of course it was true. Angie told her all the time.
Wait. I don’t know when I can see you again. Not yet.
Luna felt as if her life was on perpetual hold waiting for Angie to decide she was worthy. Still, she’d rather wait for Angie’s approval, her love, than to settle for second-best with Ruby. “Even if she left right now, we’d still be over. You need to understand that.”

“Luna, be reasonable. Since when do you want children?”

“For a while.” Luna looked away. She couldn’t bear the confusion and underlying sadness in Ruby’s eyes.

“She’ll string you along and then she’ll leave you.” Ruby took half a step toward Luna. “She doesn’t want, let alone
need
you.”

“Yes, she does.” Even if she wouldn’t admit it, Luna knew the truth. She knew from years of watching her mom struggle. Angie needed her. No doubt about it.

“You sound so sure.”

“I am.” Luna hoped she sounded more confident than she felt. Just because she knew Angie needed her didn’t mean Angie would ever tell her.

“I think I’ll ask her for myself.” Ruby looked toward the partially open door. “You planning to join us?”

Angie stepped in, closed the door behind her, and turned the lock. “Just in case.” She gave Ruby a half-smile.

“How long have you been there?” Luna braced herself. She hadn’t even heard the door open, let alone been aware of Angie’s presence.

“Too long? Not long enough? Depends on who you’d ask.” Angie forced herself to breathe slowly, evenly. Finding Luna shut in a bedroom with her ex-lover wasn’t the end of the world, but Angie could think of about five thousand other things she’d rather be doing at the moment. “I was looking for you.”

Luna held up her jacket. “I came to get this.”

“I see.” Angie reached for it. “Thank you.” She allowed Luna to help her into the light fall coat and used the time to order her thoughts. They flitted from one to the next without ever grabbing hold of one.
Ruby loved Luna. Luna thought Angie needed her. Ruby would always be there, waiting for her to fail. Luna wanted children.
She’d need time to put them in order, make them make sense. “Do you need a few more minutes? I can wait in the car.”

“We’re done here.” Luna took a step in her direction and Angie mentally sighed in relief. She didn’t want to leave Luna alone with Ruby for even a second longer.

“No, we’re not.” Ruby reclined against the wall. Her body language said she was relaxed, but her eyes were all predator and focused on Angie. “You don’t appreciate her. You’ll tie her down and wear her spirit until she can’t take it anymore, then she’ll leave. Why don’t you save all the suffering and let her go now?”

“You don’t know me.” Angie clung to her shredded self-control. “Don’t act like you do.”

“I know
exactly
who you are. A little know-nothing, have-nothing fuck-up who couldn’t keep her legs closed in high school, then couldn’t keep her hands off my woman.” Ruby pushed herself close to Angie. “You’re a nobody. I know it. You know it. Eventually Luna will know it.”

Ruby’s words, combined with the overpowering scent of expensive perfume and top-shelf gin, made Angie’s head spin. She reacted before she could think. The loud slap of her palm against Ruby’s cheek shocked both of them to silence.

Ruby cupped her face protectively, her breath ragged. “You bitch.”

Angie could hear Ruby’s voice behind her as Luna guided her from the room and closed the door.

*

“That was awkward.” Luna pulled to a stop in Angie’s driveway. They’d sat in uncomfortable silence the entire ride to her house. Luna was desperate to break the tension, to figure out how Angie was reacting.

“To say the least.” Angie gave her a weak smile.

Luna laced her fingers with Angie’s. The contact soothed her. “I’m sorry about Ruby.”

Angie shrugged. “It’s not your fault.”

It
felt
like it was her fault. She knew how nasty Ruby could get, yet she hadn’t shielded Angie, hadn’t protected her. “I wish I’d done something to stop her.”

“She uses the truth as a weapon, doesn’t she?” Angie sounded sad, like a woman with regrets. Her tone made Luna nervous.

“Nothing she said was true, Angie. Nothing.”

“Mmm.”

Luna didn’t know how to convince Angie. Ruby had been lashing out, plain and simple. The woman did not fight fair.

“I should walk you to the door.”

Angie shook her head and pulled her hand free. “You don’t need to.”

“Of course I do.”

Angie stared out the window and didn’t respond.

“If you factor out the fifteen minutes with Ruby, tonight was really fun.” Luna squeezed Angie’s hand. “Let’s do something with Oliver again next weekend. We can take him to the movies. Or maybe hiking. I know some great trails.”

Angie pulled away. “I don’t think so.”

Luna pushed her hands through her hair. It was tangled at the bottom. Angie frustrated her so much. When they were alone together, Angie was so passionate, so
present
. Luna couldn’t get enough. When the rest of the world encroached, Angie fled. Luna wanted more. She wanted to be a part of the family that Angie guarded so fiercely. She wanted to
matter.
One thing was certain, she couldn’t continue on the emotional scraps that Angie doled out.

“Angie, what are we doing? You and I? I need to be more than just an afterthought in your life. I want to build something real together.” Luna held her breath and waited.

Angie looked her in the eye for the first time since leaving the party. “I don’t think we should see each other again.”

“What?” This was not the outcome Luna was hoping for.

“Ruby was right about a few things.” Angie looked at her feet, then up again to meet Luna’s gaze. “I can’t let you break my heart.”

“I won’t.” Luna shook her head once, hard and with certainty. “That’s simply not an option.”

“You will. Eventually.” Angie gripped the door handle and cracked the door open. The dome light came on. “It’s easier this way.”

“You’ve been looking for a reason to run away from this, from
us
,” Luna gestured between them, “since the beginning. Please, Angie, I need you to find a reason to run
to
us.” Angie had this wall of eerie calm around her and Luna didn’t know how to crack it.

“Why?” Angie’s eyes glistened in the dim light, her bottom lip trembled slightly.

“Because I love you.” The words slipped out. Very true, but very unintended. Luna straightened her shoulders and waited.

“I wish that was enough, Luna.” She climbed out of the car and walked away into the night, leaving Luna behind. Tight bands of loss circled Luna’s chest and the weight was crushing.

If love wasn’t enough, what was?

Tuesday, September 22

“It’s perfect.” Perez spread her arms and spun in a circle.

Luna inspected the warehouse with slightly less enthusiasm. It wasn’t that she didn’t like it. She did. But since Angie told her they shared no future together, her life had been covered in cellophane. Her emotions were still there, she just couldn’t quite touch them. Still, Perez’s hard work and excitement deserved acknowledgment.

“It’s great.”

“Great?” Perez shook Luna’s arm. “It’s way better than great, Luna.”

The industrial building had a spacious, open floor plan that could easily be partitioned off. Luna mentally placed the reception area and eight private rooms. That left more than half of the available space unaccounted for. “It’s more space than we need.”

“That’s true.” Perez pulled the folded property listing from her pocket and smoothed the creases. “But it costs less than other places with half the room.”

Luna didn’t understand why. The neighborhood wasn’t great, but it wasn’t the worst in Portland. Hell, the crime rate was probably a little lower than it was at their current location. The building didn’t appear to have any major structural problems, but an inspection would determine that for sure. “Why is that?”

Perez shrugged and looked at the real-estate agent, a cheerful woman named Jean.

“The current owner is very eager to sell. Some unfortunate personal events make quick turnover more important than a big sale.”

Luna tried to remember the numbers that Perez had laid out in the car. She’d outlined in detail the asking price, required deposit, and projected monthly payment. It had turned into a jumble of numbers in Luna’s head. “Tell me the numbers again.”

Perez broke it down for her. Luna’s income alone would cover the mortgage, but not much else. Between her and Perez, however, a piece of cake.

“And this is the place you want?” Luna was in no shape to make major decisions, and maybe she was making a serious mistake leaving it all to Perez to decide. She was willing to find out.

“Hell, yes.” Perez nodded, momentarily abandoning her normal cool.

Luna looked around again, trying to take it all in, force order into the chaos in her head. She sighed. “I don’t know, Perez.”

Perez stared at her, then turned to Jean. “Can you give us a minute?”

“Take your time.” Jean smiled. “I’m heading across the street for a cup of coffee.”

Perez waited until the door closed behind her, then said, “It’s been a week. Have you talked to her at all?”

Luna hated how absolutely dependent on Angie she’d become so quickly. More than that, she hated how obvious it was to others. She was a wreck and Angie could fix it with one word.

“She won’t return my calls.” Luna had phoned nonstop for the first couple of days. When she realized how desperate her actions were, she forced herself to slow the pace. Now she held herself at a strict limit of ten messages per day. She was pathetic and she didn’t care.

“Have you seen her?” If Perez was annoyed at suspending their business dealings, it didn’t show. She was all concerned friend the moment Jean left the building.

“No.” Unless she counted watching Angie walk past on her way to and from work. She’d stared longingly from behind her window, willing Angie to open the door and come in. Since Angie didn’t so much as look in her direction, Luna didn’t consider those non-encounters worth mentioning.

“Why don’t you go to her house?”

Luna looked twice to make sure Perez was serious. She was. “Because she’ll call the police. You gonna bail me out?” Luna was only half joking.

“Her dad won’t let her do that.”

Luna liked Jack, and he seemed to like her. But most likely his affection didn’t extend far enough to shift his loyalty from Angie to her. At least she hoped not. It would break Angie’s heart. “I’m not willing to take the chance.”