Inconceivable (34 page)
Authors: Ben Elton
Tags: #Humor, #London (England), #Infertility, #Humorous, #Fertilization in vitro; Human, #Married people, #General, #Fiction - General, #Fiction, #Domestic fiction
Dear Sam,
L
ucy and I have been back together for six months. The happiest six months of my life, despite the fact that we’ve just been through our second IVF cycle and failed it. The doctors said that there were some signs of it having begun to work (they know this from the blood tests) but that ultimately Debbie and Dick Two could not hang on. Lucy was very upset, of course, we both were, but we’re OK. We had a wonderful holiday in India afterwards, no replacement, of course, but still absolutely fantastic and something we’ve always wanted to do.
I’m writing this sitting on the bed in a lovely little room in a country hotel in Dorset. Lucy is wearing nothing but a silk slip and is making my heart ache with love and desire. She’s packing up a knapsack with champagne, chocolates and a big rug. It’s a beautiful warm summer evening. In an hour or so we’ll creep out into the night and make our way up the hill to the great and ancient chalk giant’s penis. It might work, it might not. Either way, I can’t wait.
THE END
Table of Contents
Dear Penny,
Dear Penny,
Dear Book,
Dear Book,
Dear Penny,
Dear Book,
Dear Penny,
Dearest Pen Pal,
Dear Book,
Dear Book,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Self,
Dear Penny,
Dear Self,
Dear Penny Pal,
Dear Book,
Dear Penny,
Dear etc,
Dear Penny,
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!,
Dear Pen Pal,
Dear Self,
Dear Penny,
Dear Self,
Dearest Penny,
Dear Book,
Dear Penny,
Dear Self,
Dear Pen Pal
Dear Book,
Dear Pen Pal,
Dear etc.,
Dear Penny,
Dear Self,
Dearest Penny Pen Pal,
Dear Idiot,
Dear Penny,
Book,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dearest Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny
Sam,
Dear Pen Pen,
Yo, stud!,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Pen Pal,
Dear etc.,
Dear Penny,
Dear etc.,
Dear Penny,
Oh my God.,
Dear Penny,
Dear Self,
Dear Penny,
Dear Pen Pal,
Dear Book,
Dear Penny,
Dear Book,
Penny,
Dear Self,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Book,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Self,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Traitor,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Penny,
Dear Book,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Book,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Self,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny
Dear Self,
Dear Penny,
Dear Penny,
Dear Self,
Dear Penny,
Dear etc.,
Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Penny,
Dear Penny,
Dear Penny,
PENNY!,
Dear Sam,
Dear Penny,
Dear Penny,
Dear Penny,
Dear Sam,