Incandescent (27 page)

If she only knew.

“I wouldn’t either,” she continues before I can answer her. “I just ran into him and a whole lot of male hotness. They nearly gave Jan, at the nurses’ station, a heart attack. All that leather is dangerous.”

I smile at her description of the Knights Rebels. Dangerous is an understatement.

“Have you heard any news about my friend?” I ask, hoping she has something more to tell me. No one is saying much. I know Holly just came out of her second surgery last night, but I can’t get a solid answer if she is going to survive. The thought that she might not live is tearing me up. I don’t think I will ever cope if she doesn’t pull through.

“She’s going to be okay. She woke up in the middle of the night.” She delivers the news I’ve been so desperate to hear.

Holly has had two surgeries in the last twenty-four hours. One to take out the bullet Zane put in her and the second to relieve a second bleed. She was rushed down last night for emergency surgery. If Sy and Jesse hadn’t come to save us when they did, I don’t think we would have survived.

The crack and thud of the bullet going through Zane and his body landing on me were the last things I remember. It took me a few minutes to come to with Jesse kneeling over me. I tried to get to Holly, but the pain in my chest was too unbearable. I felt like I was drawing in razor blades. I just remember Holly’s body lying in a pool of her own blood across from me, Sy working her chest trying to make it start again.

“Don’t you fucking die.” His words still ring in my ears as he yelled them repeatedly. The light and sounds of emergency services drowned out by those four words replaying over and over. “Don’t you fucking die.”

I know Nix doesn’t want me to blame myself with what happened, but I can't help but feel responsible. Zane was my crazy ex. I forced her out that night and it all comes back to me.

“You’re awake.” Nix’s voice coming from the door pulls me from my thoughts.

“Hey,” I say, watching as he nods to the shy nurse as she leaves us alone.

“I brought some people who wanted to see you,” Nix announces, moving aside to let Z, Jesse, Sy, Brooks, Beau and an older-looking man past. Oh, God, just seeing their faces, sends a runaway tear down my face.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Jesse comes to me first, leaning down for a soft kiss to my cheek, wiping my tear with his thumb.

“Don’t cry,” he shakes his head.

I nod, trying so hard not to break down in front of them all. I know they have wanted to see me, but with the club on lockdown and all Nix’s attention on me, they’ve had to keep things running smoothly. In the short time that I’ve known these men, they've come to mean so much to me. Jesse helping me through my darkest hours after the fire. Brooks being the big brother I’ve always wanted. Sy, my savior, and Beau, well, Beau is still pissed about me sneaking out, but still.

“Hey, Jesse," my voice croaks from the tears stuck in the back of my throat, causing Jesse to flinch.

He moves back, allowing Brooks to approach next, his hand coming to mine squeezing it lightly.

“Hey, doll, you doing okay?”

“I’m good. How’s your head?”

“It’s fine,” he dismisses my concern. “I’m so sorry,” he leans in and whispers.

“Don’t,” I say, knowing he will be feeling bad for what happened. He holds my stare, his eyes fighting with wanting to argue, but doesn’t.

Beau pulls up a chair next to me. He smiles slightly, his dark hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. “Still the prettiest thing I’ve seen,” he mutters, reaching out to grab my hand. Even though Beau and I started off on the wrong foot, I’ve come to see what a great guy he is. He’s loyal and fiercely protective of his club, but most of all, he’s Nix’s best friend. They have been through everything together.

“Thanks, Beau.” He nods, his eyes no longer holding that calculating stare he likes to give me. “Am I forgiven?” I ask hopeful. I don’t think I can handle him acting indifferent to me, when I’m becoming so close to the rest of the guys.

“Yeah, we’re cool, but if you pull that shit again, I will have to spank your ass.” I gulp down my gasp. He wouldn’t?

“Watch it, brother,” Nix rumbles from the end of the bed, as Beau starts laughing, I don’t know where to look. I feel the heat of my blush break out over my cheeks, the men all looking at me. Shit. I focus my eyes on Z, who stands awkwardly at the end of the bed next to his dad.

“Hey, Z,” I smile at him, reaching my hand out for his. He looks so unsure. His father nudges him forward, telling him he won't hurt me. He steps closer, slowly making his way to me. This little man has worked his way into my heart, and seeing him affected by what happened to me breaks me. He finally comes forward, close enough for me to touch. “It’s okay, Z. You can't hurt me,” I tell him. He takes my hand, coming to stand next to me. “How was the lake house?” I ask, trying to keep everything normal.

“It was good. Dad, Pops and I did some fishing on the lake.”

“Cool. You catch anything?” I continue asking questions, wanting him to be comfortable.

“No,” he shakes his head. “Just Pops did. Are you okay?” He softly questions, his eyes filled with concern. His big heart is more worried about me than talking about his time away.

This boy melts me.

“I am now that you’re here,” I tell him and watch as the smile spreads across his face. “I missed you this week,” I confess, hoping he gets that I feel the same way as he does.

His smile brightens more, filling me with light. “We missed you too. We were coming home early to see you. It didn't take too much to persuade Dad.” I laugh, the sound getting caught in my swollen throat. Beau reaches for my water, handing it to me to help soothe the burn. Z shows concern again. His smile now gone, worry lines currently replace it. All the guys’ faces are filled with anxiety, anger and even rage.

“Hey, I promise I’m okay,” I tell them all, looking into each of their eyes. They don’t look convinced, their tight nods telling me they won't push. My eyes connect with the older man who I now recognize as Nix’s dad. He smiles then comes forward.

“Hello, beautiful girl, hate seein’ you in this bed, but I’m glad I finally get to meet you. Between my son talking my ear off and Z telling me all about your baking, I was feeling a little left out.”

I smile at his attempt to make me feel comfortable. “Thank you for looking after them, Mr. Knight.”

“Call me Red, or Pops, but either way, please don’t call me Mr. Knight.” I laugh and nod my head. He pulls back to stand next to Sy against the wall.

“Hey, Sy,” I awkwardly wave. He nods, and then looks over at Nix, a silent request that has him moving everyone out of the room. Before I get to say goodbye to them all, the nurse comes back in, topping up my drip. Jesse notices the nurse first and his cheeky persona comes out to play.

“Can you escort me out, nurse?” He looks down at her chest, slowly moving his eyes to the rectangle nametag, “Nurse Belle?” He smiles his panty-dropping smile. I can see the shade of crimson that flashes down her face from the bed. The poor girl doesn’t know what’s hit her with the massive flirt. She shakes her head, letting him know she won’t before hightailing it out of there so fast, I wonder if she was even in here in the first place.

“Play nice, Jesse,” I warn, as he follows closely behind her. He waves me off, nowhere near ready to play nice.

Brooks and Beau go next, telling Nix they'll meet him later at the clubhouse. Z leans in and kisses my cheek, telling me to hurry up and come home. I promise I’ll try my hardest to get better and watch him leave with his Pops.

“How was your sleep?” Nix takes Beau’s vacated seat next to me, holding my hand.

“As good as one can with a broken rib,” I tell him. Looking across the room, I see Sy still standing to the side, quietly taking everything in.

“How are you doing, Sy?”

“Been better. Not as bad as you.” He winces like he just said the wrong thing.

“Thank you,” I tell him, knowing it’s nowhere near enough.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t get there sooner,” he says, a hard gaze coming over his face.

“You saved my life,” I choke out. “Saved Holly’s life.” At the mention of Holly’s name, he slumps back.

“I wasn’t fast enough.”

“Sy, you saved us. You need to understand that. This isn’t on you. Words won't ever be enough, Sy,” I tell him, watching as he nods, not needing to say anything. He pushes off the wall and walks to the bed.

“I wish I got there sooner. Wish I could take it all back.” He leans in kissing my temple. Before I can reply, he promptly turns and leaves Nix and me alone. Turning back to face Nix, I see his concern for his friend written all over his face.

“Will he be okay?”

“I’ll keep an eye on him.”

I nod, knowing that I trust that he will. He won’t let anything happen to his brothers. “Have you come to take me home?” I ask, hoping to get out of here. If I have to stay in any longer, I’m going to scream.

“Not yet, babe, you got one more night. Then you’ll be free.” I pout at the thought of another night here. I can’t even scream; my lungs, chest, and sides hurt too much.

“Well, can you at least take me to Holly?” I ask hopeful.

Nix clears his throat, an uncertainty crosses his face.

“Umm, Holly’s not takin’ visitors,” he informs me, shifting in his chair.

“What do you mean she’s not taking visitors?”

“Her brother’s guardin’ the door. No one's allowed in.”

“Well, he has to let me in,” I argue back, certain he will be fine with me seeing her.

“Babe.”

“Don’t babe me, Nix. She is my best friend. I'm not leaving her alone in this. Take me to her room,” I demand. Panic starts to rise. I know Holly. I know she won't want me turned away.

“Okay, Kadence, just calm down.” He moves forward, pushing the button to call for the nurse.

I need to see her, need to know she doesn’t blame me for what happened, even though I blame myself.

***

F
ive minutes later, Nix is wheeling me down to Holly’s room, my drip still attached to the pole extending from my wheelchair. Belle came when Nix pressed the nurse call button, and after seeing me in my crying mess, agreed to organize a wheelchair. Holly’s parents stand outside in the hall with their eldest son, Sam.

“Oh, Kadence.” Holly’s mom comes rushing forward to me. The tears come harder, knowing it’s not just my life affected; they too hurt because of me, because of Zane.

“Hey, Mrs. McAdams.” She barely contains the gasp when she hears my voice and sees my injuries up close. I haven’t looked in the mirror, but the look on her face shows me it's not great. Geez, the boys didn’t even flinch. Much.

“How is she?”

“Not good, dear,” she tells me, worry etched in her brow.

“Can I see her?”

“No!” Holly’s older brother yells out, stepping away from the door.

“Sam,” his mother scolds him.

“No, Mom, if it wasn’t for Kadence, this never would have happened.” I drag in a sharp breath at his words, while Nix steps up beside the wheelchair.

“Watch yourself.” The threat is louder than his voice. “I know you mean somethin’ to my girl, so I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt here, that you’re just messed up with your sister in that room. You’re not thinkin’ straight, but you don’t get to put this shit on her,” Nix tells him.

“Like fuck I don’t,” Sam argues back, stepping forward into Nix’s space. Sam is tall like Nix, but lacks the build. However, the fire burning behind his eyes suggests he wouldn’t care if he was up against the Hulk; he just wants to protect Holly. “Her ex shot her. She lost the baby,” he chokes out.

My breath stops for a moment. The thumping sound in my ears rings loudly, blocking everything around me. My heart feels like someone just twisted it out of my chest.

“What?” the word barely comes out as I push it past the bile rising in my throat.

“The baby,” he repeats. “You didn’t know?” He asks incredulously.

Is this why she has been acting strange the last three weeks? I knew something was up, but this?

“Baby?” I choke the word foreign to my lips.

“She was seven weeks along,” Holly’s mom cries softly beside me. “She only just found out. I only just found out,” she adds.

I can’t believe Holly didn’t tell me; that she kept it from me. I know Holly likes to date, but I also know she is very careful. Who is the father? Does she know? Is that why she didn’t tell me?

“Let me in, Sam,” I demand, the urge to see her growing with every question my head keeps throwing out.

“No, she doesn’t want to see you.”

“Bullshit,” I say, not believing the lie.

“Kadence, she won’t see anyone,” he sighs, his features drained. “You need to give her time.”

“No, I’m not leaving. She was with me every step of the way when I needed her. You know she’s not thinking straight. She needs me, Sam. Don’t make me let her down,” I plead. If anyone knows just how much Holly means to me, it’s Sam. He lived through the nightmares of me pushing everyone away. Holly is my person. There is no way in this world I'm going without letting her know I’m here. I won’t leave her alone. He must see through my plea, the agony on my face. My best friend is mourning the loss of a child alone and only twenty feet away from me

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He steps aside, letting Nix push me forward.

“Go away,” Holly’s voice calls out as soon as Nix opens the door, and pushes me into the darkened room.

“No,” I simply say. I’ve been in this situation before; the realness of it so raw, only this time we’re on opposite sides.

“Kadence, I don’t want to talk,” she snaps as Nix pushes me closer to her bed. Leaning down, he brushes his lips to my temple. “I’ll just be outside the door.” I nod, letting him know I’ll be fine.

“Fuck off, Kadence,” Holly sneers.

“I’m not going anywhere, Holly,” I calmly tell her, even though I can feel her pull away.

“Holly,” I begin, ready to apologize, wanting her to see that if I could take it away, I would.

“Kadence, I don’t want to talk about it,” she warns; her cool and angry state slowly starts to slip.

“That’s okay, Holly. We don’t have to talk, but I’m not leaving you, babe, so shut up and let me be here for you.” She looks over at me, her eyes empty. It stings my eyes and burns my throat that she looks broken, so defeated. A runaway tear rolls down her face, the slow descent followed by another.