Inappropriate Behavior: Stories (27 page)

But in St. Louis, in this economy, women have to justify the decision to stay home with their kids. And some do, and good for them, fine with that. Miranda doesn't even want that, George knows, especially if that means staying home with Archie all day.
She loves her son. She's said to George that she doesn't think she ever even understood love until Archie was born. But she does not want to stay home with him all day long.

And she likes to work, she likes her job. But George knows she doesn't like being the family's sole breadwinner. There's something wrong with that, and no rationalization or socioeconomic thinking will fix it. It's just not natural for a woman to go to work while her husband stays home and becomes less and less of a man every day. Another grievance for late at night.

But today he's got a job interview. A LinkedIn friend recommended George for the interview. LaShonda showed George how to get on LinkedIn. George doesn't know this person who recommended him for the interview, but they're LinkedIn. The guy wrote George a message, said he couldn't promise anything but an interview, but he knows the HR rep, and he'd get George on the list. George wrote him back and said thanks. The guy sent George a message:
Thanx? Thats it?

So George had to write back and thank him more, and tell him how great he was for doing this, and how much George appreciates him and his time, and thank him again. The man didn't write back.

But George assumes the interview's still on, so he's driving out Manchester Road in make-you-weep traffic because they've got Highway 40 shut down. The radio sings,
For a hole in your roof or a whole new roof, Frederic Roofing
.

Up ahead, someone's trying to make a left-hand turn. The radio says,
Thank you and here's my address
. George is running late for his first interview in weeks, for a job he's not qualified for and that he will not get. LaShonda says never to turn down an interview, no matter what. They're good experience, and you never know. Every interview is one step closer to the rest of your life. Every interview is one step closer to the next fulfilling chapter in your life. Every interview is one step closer to the next exciting chapter in the story of your life.

And George's cell phone rings. Something happens in his
diaphragm every time the cell phone rings now. It's a whole involuntary routine. The cell phone rings, his diaphragm feels like someone's popped open a soda can in his chest, he tells himself to calm down. His fingers start tingling. He takes two deep breaths while the phone rings again, he takes the phone out and checks the number, and while he's checking, he feels this popping sound in his shoulder and neck, like knuckles cracking in there. It's been a long time since George has seen a doctor for himself. He's forty-three, a little overweight, but he did quit smoking.

It's Miranda on the phone. As George pushes the button to answer the call, the diaphragm thing starts again, because there's no good reason why she'd call. She's already said good luck.

“It's Archie,” Miranda says. “The school called. Archie had some kind of freak-out. They've got him in a cool, dark room.”

“I'm on my way to an interview,” George says.

“Honey, I'm sorry, I know.” She's quiet for a second. “I just don't know what we've done,” she says.

She can't leave to go to Archie. Well, she
could
. Sure, if your kid gets sick, you're
entitled
to leave work. It's the law. Yeah, no problem, go ahead, of course. We'll just have to find a way to carry on without you.

“I'm sorry,” she says again. “Someday it's going to be all right,” she says.

George hangs up the phone and he's in traffic, and now he's the one trying to turn left, to turn around, and no one will let him in. Always program any contact info into your phone, LaShonda says. George didn't program today's interviewer's contact info into his phone. The radio says,
Heal your home with Helitech
. While he's trying to turn around, he's looking through all the paper on the passenger seat. Someone honks. George looks up and a woman in a blue Chevrolet is looking at him, raising her eyebrows and motioning with her hand, a cutting motion in front of her face. Go, go, he sees her mouth say. George goes. It still takes him another forty minutes to get to Archie's school. Just as he pulls up, he realizes the worst thing
about all this: he realizes he's delighting in an excuse to miss the interview, and hating himself for delighting in it, which is not delightful. Luxurious, maybe. He's luxuriating in the excuse—another grievance.

“He's just having an exceptionally bad morning,” the principal says, meeting George on the walkway up to the school. Someone's put an orange and black scarf on the concrete bulldog. Has he been checked for color-blindness? For light sensitivity? Two other concerned women are waiting for George and the principal in the school vestibule. One of the other women is the school counselor, Ms. Patti, who calls herself Ms. Patti because her last name is some consonant-thick Slovak impossibility. She believes that Archie needs several periods of tactile decompression during the day, so she takes him off to a converted broom closet to play with Lincoln Logs. The other woman introduces herself as Mrs. Bergeson, the school district's director of social work. The school is overwarm and there's a low-level, barely audible hum from something electric in the walls.

“Where is he?” George asks.

“He's taking a rest,” Mrs. Bergeson says. She hands George her business card. “He's comfortable and fine. Let's talk a minute, and then we'll take you to see him.”

Mrs. Bergeson leads George and the two other women down a hallway. A curly-haired little boy about Archie's age pokes his head out of a doorway, sees George and the women, and quickly goes back inside. A sign hangs from the hallway ceiling:
The Most Special Children In The World Walk Down These Halls
.

They go into an empty classroom. Mrs. Bergeson sits behind the teacher's desk, and the two other women quickly pull up little kid chairs and sit themselves down in them, exactly as though they enjoy sitting in these little chairs, as though they are perfectly comfortable there. George remembers the little chairs from parent-teacher conference night. He was afraid, sitting in one of them, that he'd split his trousers. He stands to the side of the desk.

“Mr. Putnam, they've brought me in from District to deliver some news,” Mrs. Bergeson says now. “I'm afraid it's not good news.”

There's a poster on the wall above Mrs. Bergeson's head that shows happy children, sunshine, green grass. There's a whiteboard covered in simple arithmetic. There's a bank of computers on screen saver, bubbles and waves and cosmic zoom.

“Won't you have a seat?” the principal says. She and the counselor still look concerned. George pulls up a chair and sort of squats above it, keeping most of his weight on the balls of his feet.

“This is all part of a process,” Mrs. Bergeson says, putting her hands in front of her and flat on the desk in what looks to George like some sort of soothing motion she was taught in a conflict-avoidance seminar. At interviews, unless someone puts something in your hands, you're supposed to keep your hands in a relaxed position in your lap. Do not put your hands on the table. “We've been in a process with Archie, right, Ms. Kuchar?” she says to the principal.

“We have implemented a process, as you know, Mr. Putnam,” the principal says. “We're just running up against the limits of that process, I'm afraid.”

“Well, of this particular part of
this
process,” Mrs. Bergeson says. She smiles in what seems to be a mechanical way. “And so now we need to start a new process. This is the part that's not great news, but if we think of it as a process, the beginning of a process, a series of steps, we can begin to get Archie to where we all need and want him to be.”

This is when Mrs. Bergeson opens the file she's been holding, which documents Archie's inappropriate behavior during his three-and-a-half years in the school system. This is where she talks about how Archie has become an untenably disruptive influence in the classroom and how he prohibits other students from learning to the best of their abilities.

This is when she talks about how Archie has failed to respond
to their interventions, and how George and Miranda's refusal to seek out appropriate medical alternatives and to ensure that Archie does not continue to disrupt his classroom has left the district with no choice.

This is when Mrs. Bergeson explains the new process, which essentially is that, starting with school on Monday, Archie will be removed from Barstow School and readmitted to Edgecliff, a division of the St. Louis County Special School District.

Edgecliff sits on Incline Road, right next to Edgemont, which is also run by the Special School District, in conjunction with the St. Louis County Division of Juvenile Justice. There's barbed wire around both schools.

This is where she talks about how Edgecliff and the Special School District have access to services Archie may not be getting at his regular school or at home. She talks about a complete battery of psychological examinations, physical examinations, psychiatric profiles, of tests, of access to doctors, of the really exciting potential of new medications. Archie will not be left behind, she says, and if things change down the line, Archie will be welcome to return to his regular school. I'm sure you have questions.

How much longer can this go on? What does it mean when a mortgage is “underwater”? How long can I receive unemployment benefits? What is a payday loan? What is foreclosure? Can you be turned down for a job because of your credit? Who can declare bankruptcy? What is the current interest rate on student loans? Can a person lose their job because of a DUI? What, then, is the American, this new man? What is a title loan? What is a credit derivative swap? What is manifest destiny? The greater part of what my neighbors call good I believe in my soul to be bad, and if I repent of anything it is very likely to be my good behavior: what demon possessed me that
I behaved so well? What is a short sale? How diverse is your portfolio? How many US soldiers have been killed in Iraq and Afghanistan? What is the current unemployment rate? How can I stop my car from being repossessed? What could they see but a hideous and desolate wilderness, full of wild beasts and wild men? What could now sustain them but the spirit of God and His grace? Where does the US rank worldwide in incarceration rates? Who were the Pinkertons? What is LIBOR? What are my rights in a foreclosure? Why does the US have secret courts? What were the Alien and Sedition Acts? What was the Camp Grant Massacre? What was the Bear River Massacre? What was the Wounded Knee Massacre? What was the Trail of Tears? How shall we know when to believe, being so often deceived by the white people? How can I appeal my child's dismissal from his school? What is robo-signing? What is Intermittent Explosive Disorder? What is a junk bond? Where'd you go to high school? Why have my unemployment benefits run out? What are my options when asked to perform a field sobriety test? What is the value of a college education? What is a stand-your-ground law? How do I apply for food stamps? Where does the US rank worldwide in fair labor practices? O, ye nominal Christians! Might not an African ask you—Learned you this from your God, who says unto you, Do unto all men as you would men should do unto you? Is it not enough that we are torn from our country and friends, to toil for your luxury and lust of gain? Must every tender feeling likewise be sacrificed to your avarice? Why does an American CEO earn 350 times the salary of the average worker? Because that's what the market will bear? What are we going to do? If my child's new school doesn't notice that his classmates have locked him in a broom closet for three hours, does that constitute neglect? Does nobody know poor Rip Van Winkle? What are the effects of homelessness on children? What happens if I default on my student loans? Where does the US rank worldwide in income inequality? What is a hedge fund? Why does a Nobel Peace
Prize winner have a “kill list”? What is a right-to-work state? If you haven't heard my personal, guaranteed secret for safely and legally building your wealth while paying off your debts at pennies on the dollar, what are you waiting for? What would we really know the meaning of? Do you guess I have some intricate purpose? Where does the US rank worldwide in the cost of medical care? How many drinks would it take a 128-pound woman to reach the legal blood alcohol limit in Missouri? How do I apply for Medicaid? Can we get you set up in a payment plan today? What is Section 8 housing? What is peonage? What is HAMP? What is HARP? What is TARP? Where'd you go to high school? What is the three-fifths clause? What was the Missouri Compromise? What to the American slave is your fourth of July? What was the Dred Scott decision? Is this the little woman who made the great war? Why are we so alone? What are the housing options for people who've declared bankruptcy? Who were the robber barons? What is the US's largest private employer? How many Americans are killed by terrorists each year? By guns? What is American exceptionalism? What was the Ludlow Massacre? Where does the US rank worldwide in income tax rates? What is wage garnishment? How long does COBRA last? What is General Anxiety Disorder? How can I disappear completely? What was the Gilded Age? Where does the US rank worldwide in the quality of its infrastructure? What is the current unemployment rate? Now, because this is the great inquiry of all men: what Indians have been converted? What have the English done in those parts? What was the Bisbee Deportation? What was the Columbine Massacre? What was the Columbine Mine Massacre? What is being done in our names? Are you saving enough for retirement? How many guns are there in the US? Who were Sacco and Vanzetti? How does one “walk” on an “underwater” mortgage? Do you just pack up and leave? Where do you go? Three hours, and no one noticed he was missing? What if I can't afford a lawyer? What was the Wartime Civilian Control Agency?
Why are they tear-gassing college students? When did the 2008 recession officially end? What was the cost of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan? What was the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire? What was the Red Scare? Then straight I 'gin my heart to chide, And did thy wealth on earth abide? Where'd you go to high school? What is going to happen? Where are the weapons of mass destruction? What is the suicide rate in the US armed forces? What is enhanced interrogation? Why should there not be a patient confidence in the ultimate justice of the people? Is there any better or equal hope in the world? What was the Citizens United decision? Where does the US rank worldwide in economic and social mobility? How can I get help paying for my child's medications? How many guns does the US export each year? What is mortgage securitization? Why haven't we closed Guantánamo? Is Missouri a no-fault divorce state? How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake? Who are the 1 percent? Have you, at long last, no sense of decency, sir? What are my rights as a patient? Is your money working hard enough for you? Do suicide rates rise during a depression? Why exactly did we go to war in Iraq? How does it become a man to behave toward this American government today? What is the greatest country in the world? What is the current unemployment rate? Where does the US rank worldwide in education? What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? What if I owe more in taxes than I can pay? Would you have me argue that man is entitled to liberty? How secure is your nest egg? What is the frame of government under which we live? What is Avoidant Personality Disorder? The first question I am tempted to put to the proprietor of such impropriety is, Who bolsters you? Are you one of the ninety-seven who fail? or of the three who succeed? What is the American Dream? What
can
you afford to pay? O! then, what will be the consequences? What will become of the poor worms that shall suffer it? Whose hands can be strong? And whose heart can endure? Don't you have any friends or family who could help you out, just till you
get over the hump? What are we going to do? What do you expect us to do? Shouldn't somebody do something about this? Is there then no superintending power who conducts the moral operations of the world, as well as the physical? The same sublime hand which guides the planets round the sun with so much exactness, which preserves the arrangement of the whole with such exalted wisdom and paternal care, and prevents the vast system from falling into confusion; doth it abandon mankind to all the errors, the follies, and the miseries, which their most frantic rage, and their most dangerous vices and passions can produce? Can you hear me now? What are futures? Where'd you go to high school?