In This Life (23 page)

“I can understand that. It’s a very normal response for someone under extreme stress.”

I studied her for signs of stress now, along with the erratic behavior Logan warned me about earlier. None of that seemed present. In fact, Mrs. Reynolds appeared companionable and pleasant. On the surface, I knew she wasn’t telling the entire truth, but that was expected with clients sometimes. Sometimes, it just took them a little longer to feel comfortable enough with their therapist to openly share their feelings.

“Where are my manners?” Mrs. Reynolds stood. “Can I get you something?”

“It’s not necessary.”

“It’s fine, Doctor Morgan. I truly would like to talk with you, but it is time for my early afternoon tea. I have a cup every day after lunch. Would you care to join me? I believe my maid has arranged a lovely green blend in the kitchen, and I would be more than happy to bring you some.”

It was the first ordinary thing someone had asked me to do in days and, not wanting to appear ungrateful, I agreed.

When she left the living room, I turned to Logan. “Your mother doesn’t seem ‘spooked.’ In fact, she seems in a very pleasant mood.”

Logan glanced toward the doorway and listened to the noises coming from the kitchen. “I swear something’s wrong.”

“What do you think is wrong?”

“She wasn’t like this before you came. She was freaking, big time, saying stuff about how the only way she could resolve anything was if she got to you before Paul did. Do you know this guy, Doctor Morgan? Coz my mother made it sound like you did.”

Mrs. Reynolds returned with a gold tray laden with fine china, a sugar bowl, two filled cups and a small teapot. She handed me a cup and offered sugar, which I declined. When she settled into her chair, she mixed sugar into her own tea and sipped. I did the same. It was hot and tasted like berries.

“I am grateful we were finally able to come together,” she said, placing her tea on a nearby table. “I’ve been considering family counseling for a while now.”

“To be honest, Mrs. Reynolds — ”

“Please, call me Casey.”

“Logan said you were upset before I got here, Casey, and that’s the primary reason I came today. Did something happen?”

“Logan has a tendency to exaggerate. I was watching a television program, one of those reality shows, and I guess I got a little passionate about it.”

I glanced at Logan, waiting for a reaction, but none came.

“I’d like to provide family counseling for you both,” I said, “but, as I mentioned before, I also want to make sure that everything is okay. I’d also like to use this time to better understand your relationship with Logan, if you’re open to that.”

“That would be nice.”

I placed my half-empty cup on a nearby table and the room swayed as I sat up. I braced myself until the dizziness passed and tried listening to what Casey was saying but was having difficulty concentrating on her words. I felt memories tug at me again, trying to pull me back in time, and I wondered if this was what Galen meant when he said his own regression hadn’t been easy.

The dizziness passed and Casey’s voice eased back in. “I would like to talk about Paul first, if you don’t mind.” She placed her empty cup beside mine. “He’s the gentleman I’ve been dating and, well, Logan hasn’t exactly warmed up to him. I believe he is one of the primary reasons there’s a rift between me and my son.”

“You’re so full of shit,” Logan said. “We had a
rift
before Paul came around.” He looked at me. “In case you didn’t figure it out, Paul’s also my mother’s psychiatrist.”

My mouth went dry as I received confirmation that Paul had lied to me about his relationship with Casey.

“Have you been seeing Paul for a while?” I asked.

“About two months.” Casey refilled her tea and looked at me through the steam that curled up from the cup as she drank. “I know you had a relationship with him, too. Paul told me about it.”

A burning sensation tore through my stomach and I swallowed over my growing distress. “Did you know that a sexual relationship between a psychiatrist and patient is unethical and grounds for suspension or revocation of license?”

Casey put her cup and saucer down again. “Yes, and that’s why I came to you initially for help.”

I thought back to the excuse she’d used, about Logan committing suicide, when she first contacted me a few days ago. “Why lie about it?” I asked.

“Told you that already,” Logan said. “She was trying to get your attention.”

Casey sighed. “Paul started threatening me, saying he wanted to end the relationship, and I was afraid he might get abusive and I didn’t know what to do about it.”

“Did he get physical with you?”

“No, but I was worried that he might. And that’s why I lied to get your attention, but it was only because I knew he had an affair with you and I hoped you would help me because you’d known him so intimately. For obvious reasons, I couldn’t come right out and say what I needed from you because I couldn’t risk Paul losing his ability to practice psychiatry.”

She swallowed and her features softened with tenderness and affection. It was then I realized Casey was in love with Paul.

“Given that Paul has threatened you, Casey, I’d like to discuss him in more detail. I think there are some things you need to know.” I dug into my back pocket and fumbled for his cell phone. I blinked several times, trying to fight double vision and another bout of dizziness, and finally tugged it free. “This is important to me because he’s been threatening
me
, and he’s been using his cell phone to do it.”

Logan moved in to get a better look and took the phone from my hands. “That’s not Paul’s cell. That’s the phone David snagged from me yesterday before the cops took me in. It belongs to my mother.”

The burning sensation crawled up from my stomach into my throat. “I don’t understand.”

I waited for an explanation but was overcome by a feverish sweat that left my skin wet and clammy. I blinked through a haze that distorted Casey’s features, splitting her into two women and then three. She was looking at me. I glanced at the teacups and saw six of them, and tasted the remnants of the green tea in my mouth along with a subtle bitterness I didn’t notice before.

I clutched my stomach, moaning over pain that tore through my abdomen, and fell to the floor.

“I need … help.”

“Doctor Morgan?” Logan raced to my side and tried helping me sit up but my arms and legs started convulsing, and I couldn’t make the convulsions stop.

Casey shoved him away.

I peered up at her, rolled over, and threw up.

Logan turned on his mother. “What the hell did you do to her?”

“I gave her what she deserved.” Casey squatted down next to me, smiling now. “How was the tea, Shemei? Does it meet with your pleasure?”

I remembered the voice — the woman — and all the years she had asked me that very question. How she soothed me when I was sick, and encouraged me when I was sad. How she sounded pleased when my makeup was exceptionally applied and my sheer linen sheaths were perfectly styled. I remembered her teaching me the ways of satisfying a man, and her excitement when she discovered I had given myself to Bakari — and used what she’d taught me to please him.

I remembered her anger when she thought I’d told Pharaoh about her affair with Haji, and her disdain the day she discovered my infidelity to Bakari. And I remembered her smile of triumph when Pharaoh, embarrassed by my transgression before his people, allies and enemies, ordered my execution by Bakari’s sword.

I rolled over and faced Casey again. Pain tore through my belly once more.

“Yes, Shemei, it is me,” she said, brushing my hair from my cheek. “And I must say, I’m so disappointed in you. You have betrayed so many men in your lifetimes.” Casey’s eyes softened and I sensed the love she once felt for me so long ago. “I understand you’ve been experiencing your own regression very recently. Paul helped me through mine when we met two months ago. Isn’t it amazing how our lives have come full circle?”

My body convulsed again and a tingling sensation swept through my legs and arms. Then my limbs fell limp and numb. I looked up at Logan. “Call … for help.”

Casey stroked my cheek. “You look so much like Shemei, it’s truly amazing.”

Behind Casey, Logan started moving away from us.

“Please,” I rasped over a ragged breath. “Call. Help.”

“I miss those days, don’t you?” Casey asked.

I wanted to shake my head and tell her no. I wanted what I had now. What was so precious to me and that I might never get back, for a second time.

“But I don’t miss all of them,” she said. “You found out about my relationship with Haji and told Pharaoh.”

I didn’t tell him.

“You betrayed me in a past life, and you have betrayed Paul in this one.”

No.

Logan stood at the doorway to the foyer now, shifting on his feet.

Tears filled Casey’s eyes. “I love Paul, as much now as I did when he tutored you.” She kept stroking my cheek. My hair. “But he loved you instead. You never knew that Haji loved you, did you?”

No.

“Or that Paul still loves you now?”

I searched for Logan. He wasn’t there.

“You betrayed me, and then slept with Kemnebi even when you weren’t sure what had really happened to Bakari.”

It was a mistake.

“Then you told Pharaoh about Haji and had him taken from me.” Casey’s tears fell to my face. “It was because of you that I lost him. And so I told Pharaoh about you and Kemnebi. I had to make sure that you felt the same pain and loss that I did.”

I felt it. More than you realize.

“That is why I’m going to get you out of the way now. Only then can Paul truly be mine.”

Logan. Please. Where are you?

“You won’t take him from me again, Shemei.”

Casey grabbed a poker from the fireplace and raised it overhead, and I saw it all. Swimming in the river. Drinking stolen wine. Time spent alone with Bakari, learning of love near the Nile beneath a brilliant starry sky. The heat and passion in Kemnebi’s body and how it perfectly molded to mine. The pain I’d caused Bakari when he found out what I’d done once Kesi told Pharaoh. The tears that ran down his cheeks when Pharaoh ordered my death, and the glint of his sword angling down toward me.

Kemnebi, pleading for my life and demanding that Bakari should take his instead of mine.

And Bakari’s last words to me.

I am yours and you are mine. For always. Forgive me, as I have forgiven you.

Casey aimed the poker and swung down.

I closed my eyes and left this life.

Forgiven.

Someone was whispering my name.

I felt fingertips brush the hair from my face, coaxing me back. My eyes fluttered open and I discovered David sitting beside me. His green eyes were filled with concern but his smile was relieved and tender.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Okay, I think.” I took the time to ground myself and figure out where I was. “Emergency room?” I asked over a raspy throat.

David nodded and handed over a small cup of water that I downed in three gulps.

“How long?” I asked.

“You’ve been in and out of sleep since you got here fourteen hours ago.” David took the empty cup and set it off to the side. Then he swept a gentle hand over my hair again. “Do you remember anything?”

I nodded, remembering too much, and shot up in bed, realizing what I didn’t. “Where is Logan’s mother? And Logan? And how did I get here?”

David hushed me and coaxed me back into the pillows. A monitor beside the bed beeped in time with my heart and an intravenous line was hooked up to my left arm. “Take a few minutes first, okay? Moving too fast isn’t a good idea right now.”

“David,” I persisted, “please tell me what happened.”

He frowned but gave in. “After I got your call, I raced back home. Nat told me what had happened between you and Paul and that you went to Logan’s house after he phoned you. I followed you there.”

“Why?”

“After I packed and left the house, I started poking around the PROs database for information on Paul and Mrs. Reynolds. She popped up in the system with a long history of drug-related charges, mostly abuse related to antidepressants. And guess who the prescriber was.”

“Paul?”

David nodded. “I had a gut feeling about her and when Nat said that Logan was having an issue with her, I started doing the math. That’s why I followed.”

“And that’s where you found me?”

He nodded again. “I called an ambulance when I found you unconscious and followed you to the emergency room. The doctor said you had elevated levels of bupropion in your blood.”

“Bupropion? That’s an antidepressant.”

“Yeah, that’s what they told me. They said you were lucky because you could have overdosed, but the hospital staff monitored you through the night and said you’ll be fine. They’re going to discharge you sometime today.”

I looked at the wall clock. It was almost six in the morning.

“Casey Reynolds tried to kill me,” I said.

“Yes. And she almost succeeded.”

“Where is she now?”

David stared at me for several drawn out seconds. “Dead.”

I didn’t have to ask how she died. The resolute look in his eyes gave me the answer.

“You saved my life,” I whispered.

David caressed my cheek, his warm fingertips lingering there as if he still needed to be reminded that I had survived.

“What happened to Logan?” I asked. “And Paul?”

“Logan disappeared. There was no sign of him when I got to his house, but if the authorities find him he’ll be dealt with.”

I remembered the note he left for his mother, about wanting to leave home and not wanting to be found. Sadly, it looked like Logan had gotten his wish.

“Paul was taken in by the cops. He’ll be brought up on charges. I’m sure of it.”

“I’ve failed again,” I said. “First with Deborah, now with Logan and his mother.”

“You can’t save everyone, Lottie.”

But how I wished I could.

David took my hand and I thought about the things I’d learned recently. That past lives really did exist. That, for some reason, certain people returned to a new life so that they could continue learning. To keep going on a specific journey until they were ready to move on.