In the Raw (12 page)

Chapter Twenty-Three

Ethan

I jammed the whisk attachment into the mixer, cursing when it wouldn’t lock in. Why did baking require so many machines? Finally it clicked into place and I twisted the metal bowl, seating it in the base.

“Rough day?” The low male voice sent my whole body on alert. Lassiter.
Jamie.
Whatever I wanted to call him. I closed my eyes and straightened up, bracing my hands on the stainless-steel work counter.
Remember your plan
,
asshole.
You don’t need anyone.
You don’t want anyone.

“What do you want?” I growled.

“Last night was...interesting.”

I could feel my jaw clench.
Interesting?
“Do you need something? I’m busy, Lassiter.”

I heard him exhale. “Wanting and needing are two different things. I think we need to talk but I’d rather talk to your face and not your back.”

I swallowed hard and turned to face him, crossing my arms over my chest. Today he looked ragged and worn down. Blond stubble covered his jaw like he’d forgotten to shave.

“Why did you kiss me?” I had to hand it to him, he had balls.

I looked away and crossed my arms, deciding to go the evasive route. “Wasn’t the best decision after drinking, I’ll admit.”

He shrugged. “That’s the answer you’re going to go with? Too much beer? Come on, Ethan. We’re friends, right? You could at least be honest with me.” He kept his face blank as he waited for me to respond.

Friends?

“Listen to me very carefully, Lassiter. I don’t want to be your friend.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and mirrored my stance and glare. “Okay. So we’re not friends. That’s it? You kiss me, decide to go back to asshole Ethan, and I’m supposed to accept it?”

“We’re partners in class and I got you a shift in the restaurant. Other than that, I don’t know what you’re looking for, Lassiter.”

“I want you to tell me the truth, Ethan. Why? Why me?”

Why him? Was he fucking serious?

“Why do you care? I’m a menial dishwasher, remember? It’s time you realized the difference between us.” I expected him to agree. Instead, he squared his shoulders, a determined look crossing his face as he moved closer.

“My whole life people have told me what I should do, who I should be, who I should like. No one has ever asked me what I want.”

“What do you want?” I swallowed hard, fighting the urge to keep him away.

He took another step closer, and I felt my back bump the prep table behind me. The memory of our reversed roles from last night flooded my system. Every self-protective instinct I had screamed for me to run. Cornered like an animal, I had two choices. Lash out or run.

The intense look left his face. Lassiter sighed and shook his head. “Ethan, you can be annoying as hell, infuriatingly stubborn, and frustrating.”

I snorted, unable to disagree with the truth. “Well...yes.”

“You’re also protective. You look out for Claire even when she doesn’t need it. You stuck up for me even when no one else ever has. When you’re not being an ass, you’re fun to hang out with and you have the snarkiest sense of humor. You’re cocky as hell but you have the talent to back it up. The thing about you I envy the most? You know exactly who you are and you don’t pretend to be anything else. It’s sexy.”

Lust flooded my body as the panicky feeling slowly began to fade. This, I knew. Jamie leaned his weight into me, pressing my back against the edge of the prep table. Need spiked through my system at the way he took charge.

“Tell me you don’t feel this and we can go back to ignoring each other.”

While I blinked, Lassiter’s lips met mine, soft and tentative. My fingers curled into the fabric of his fleece jacket, pulling him closer. The hands cupping my face were gentle, as was the way he brushed his lips against mine, the faint scrape of his stubble heating my skin.

He turned his head, his bottom lip dragging over mine slowly as I felt my eyes close. My breath stuttered as he parted his lips, his tongue touching mine. I growled in frustration when he kept the kiss from deepening further. Leaning forward, I nipped his lip and sucked it between mine.

Jamie made a noise low in his throat and pulled back, his eyes searching my face. He licked his reddened lip and I held back a moan. What was it about him? Just the feeling of him close had my whole body buzzing. One look and I wanted to bury myself balls-deep inside him and never let go.

Cheeks flushed and his eyes heavy lidded, he stared at me. “Nope. Nothing. Well, at least we tried.” His voice breathless, he stepped back.

I raised an eyebrow. “It was a very good try. Too bad it didn’t make either of us hard.” I stared at his body hungrily, pointedly stopping at the obvious bulge in his pants.

“Too bad,” he murmured. No one had ever looked at me like he did. Hungry, needy, desperate. But it wasn’t just lust. It was more.

My hand slipped under the hem of his jacket and hooked on his belt. My fingers curled around the leather as I yanked him close. I turned us and shoved him up against the table as bowls and dishes rattled with the force. His eyes widened in surprise as I slid my hands around to cup his ass, lifting his weight up onto the table. I stifled a groan when I felt his muscles shift against me. Nothing was sexier than feeling his body against mine.

“What do you want, Lassiter?” I kneaded his ass harder as my teeth grazed the skin under his jaw.

Want me.
Please.
Want me for this.
Want me for more
,
for everything.

His head tilted back as a guttural moan escaped his lips when my teeth marked his skin. Jamie impatiently tugged my mouth back to his, his mouth desperate as mine. My fingers scrambled to tug down his jacket zipper and burrow under his T-shirt. We both moaned as my palms flattened against the warm skin of his flat stomach. When he sucked in a breath, his abs tightened under my fingers and his mouth grew rougher on mine.

I broke the kiss to pant for breath. He gasped and pulled me closer, his head tilting to the side to give better access as I kissed across his jaw. The sexy woodsy scent I always associated with Jamie grew stronger as I traced the hollow of his throat with my tongue, earning a full-body shiver and a gasp. He shifted, then tilted his face back down to mine, his eyes dark as he watched me. He parted his lips and took a deep breath, when we heard the classroom door slam shut.

“Well, well, well. Looks like someone takes extra credit very seriously.” Reed Jackson’s smug voice accompanied the sound of a camera clicking. I pulled back, anger flooding my body as Jamie’s face flushed with mortification.

“What the fuck do you want, Jackson?” Turning, I tried to shield his body from Reed’s view.

He waved the camera at me.

“I knew having this with me would come in handy. Isn’t this priceless? The golden child and the penniless line chef. I wonder if conservative Father Lassiter knows his only son and heir is gay and slumming it with our resident bottom-feeder? I’m sure he’ll be appalled once he sees this picture. Who would have thought it would be so damn easy to find you in a compromising position, Jamie. I mean, your parents suspected you would disgrace them but even this is beyond what I’d expected from you. It’s so deliciously scandalous.”

Seething rage surged through my body and Reed’s eyes widened when I advanced on him. The smug look on his face was replaced with fear before he hid it with an attempt to look tough. I shoved him hard enough he took a step back.

“You’ve got more problems of your own right now, Jackson.” I got in his face as he blanched, lowering my voice to a menacing whisper. “The best part of having nothing? I have nothing to lose. If you even think of hurting him I will end you.”

“Threats and intimidation? Just what I expected from trailer trash like you, Martin. Don’t worry, I won’t need to use this picture if your little boyfriend does me one small favor.” He sidestepped my body and leered at Jamie. “Your dad was right to be suspicious about who you were hanging around with. After I show him this picture, he’ll see what’s going on with his precious perfect son and I’ll make him see I’m someone who’s willing to do anything to get the job done.”

He looked back at me and laughed mockingly. “Sorry, Martin. I’d send a copy to your dad, but since no one knows where he is I guess he doesn’t give a shit his son is a colossal screwup. It probably won’t be a surprise to him, though, since his daughter is a waste of space too.”

I gritted my teeth and shoved him hard, watching as he stumbled against the wall. “Say another word. Move a muscle and I will destroy you.” The look of fear in Reed’s eyes was almost as satisfying as the feel of his body shaking as I pinned him against the wall.

“Ethan, don’t. It’s not worth him having anything else to use against us.” I heard Jamie hop down from the table and walk behind me. When I turned to look at Jamie over my shoulder, my stomach churned. Concern and embarrassment was written all over his face. I wondered if he’d regret anything. I shoved Reed one more time, let go of his shirt and backed away before I changed my mind and hit him like I was aching to.

He glared at both of us before making a hasty retreat out of the classroom. I swiped my arm across the table, sending bowls and flour flying as I heard the door click softly behind us. Reed was gone.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Jamie

After Reed left, Ethan knocked his cake pan to the floor and batter flew everywhere. “Shit!” He buried his hands in his hair, tugging hard.

Everything Claire had said during our talk echoed through my head. I wanted him, he wanted me. But was it enough?

“Jackson is the worst kind of asshole imaginable. He has no right to hold any of your personal shit over your head like it’s something to be ashamed of. You and me? It’s nothing you should have to hide from your parents. Who cares if you’re gay?”

I sighed and looked away. “I care. I know you don’t get it, Ethan, but this, all of this, is all I’ve ever known. If they disown me, I’d have nothing left. No family, no money, nothing. I’m not saying I haven’t thought my life might be easier without them breathing down my neck all the time, but I’ve never done this—” I waved my hands between him and me, “—before. It’s a little overwhelming.”

The look on his face morphed from confusion to shock.

I sucked in a breath when I realized what he thought I meant. “I’ve been with guys. I’m just not...out. To my parents. Shit, Ethan. They still think I’m straight even though I haven’t looked at a girl since third grade. My mother still tries to set me up with vapid socialites she deems acceptable to carry on the Lassiter name.”

He settled his hands on his hips and rested against the counter. “Why do you care what they think? You shouldn’t have to hide who you are. I’m out and no one gives a shit one way or another.” The anger in his voice grew more tangible with each word he spoke.

I sighed and leaned back against the counter next to him. “You don’t get it. You’re you. You’re not afraid of anything or anyone. My parents are overbearing, micromanaging assholes. Trust me, I get it. But they’re still my parents. I’ve been trying for as long as I can remember to make them proud of me but it’s never enough. I just don’t know how much longer I can keep it up when I feel like a part of me is dying.”

He opened his mouth to interrupt but I turned toward him and held up my hand. “Hear me out. I’m not like you. I wish I didn’t care what people thought about me, but I do. Being around you makes me want more. And I’m trying, believe me. But I need time to talk to them in person before Reed can show them the picture. Can you understand that? I want to be the one to tell them. Not Reed, but me.”

He was silent for a few painful seconds as he stared at me with a mixture of sadness and pain. When he did speak, it was in a low voice. “Does this mean you don’t want us to see each other outside of school? I can’t be around you all the time and pretend I don’t...” He closed his eyes and scrubbed at his face in frustration. ”Anyone who looks at us can see how much I want you.”

I stared as he rambled on, his expression fierce.

“I don’t want your name or your money or a job with your dad’s company. I’m a temperamental bastard and most of the time I don’t know why you and Claire put up with me. I’ve never met anyone who could wind me up like you can and you’re the only person I can’t stop thinking about. I want you more than I ever expected to. I have no idea where this is going or what’s going to happen past tomorrow. But I’ll be damned if I let Reed Jackson or anyone else fuck this up before it’s even begun.”

I felt my heart pound hard at his words and warmth flooded my chest. “Ethan? You’re rambling.”

He sent me his death glare. “Crap, Lassiter,” he snarled, “I’m trying to bare my soul to you like a civilized human being and you’re telling me to shut up? Christ almighty, you drive me crazy.”

I felt the barest hint of a smile quirk my lips. It felt good to hear the words.

“Ask me again what
I
want, Ethan,” I said softly.

He stepped closer. “What do you want?”

“You. I want you.”

He closed his eyes, letting out a relieved breath. “Thank God. I was worried you were going to steal my dumbass move and run.” He pulled me close, wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my neck.

“You
are
kind of an idiot, Martin. That was some kiss you bailed on.” My voice was laced with amusement. I chuckled when he groaned and squeezed me tighter. “I never figured you for a cuddler.”

He murmured against my skin. “I don’t think I’ve ever been one before. Don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation as a menial labor whore to keep up.”

He tilted his head back and gave me the smallest of smiles. When my body finally relaxed against his, he loosened his hold. He groaned when he glimpsed the messy workstation we’d demolished behind me. “Oops?”

He laughed, releasing his hold on me completely as he went to pick up one of the bowls we knocked over. “My cake is completely destroyed and my concentration is shot.”

I picked up the cake tin off the floor and shook my head. “It would have been a perfect cake too. How about I help you clean up and we do one more practice run, together? Then you can buy me lunch. But no bars. No chicken wings. And no one else. Just you and me?”

“What? Like a date?” he asked almost shyly. Had no one ever asked him out before?

“Of course. You think you can charm your way into my bed without a real date first?”

He set down the bowl he’d been holding. I smiled when he hooked his fingers through my belt loops to pull my body flush against his. Slowly, he leaned forward and captured my lips in a soft, sensual kiss. The frantic need to feel skin against skin was replaced by this simple moment of honest attraction and desire. As my body gently pressed against his, I felt all the confusion, hurt and tension of the past twelve hours fade away. I allowed myself to feel what I’d been craving since I’d first laid eyes on him. He slowly stroked my tongue with his as I ran my hands up to his neck. I felt his smile against my lips before he broke the kiss and bumped his forehead against mine.

“That should have been our first kiss. No confusion. No indecision. And no running.”

I tilted my head back to smile back at him. “Thank God, there’s no running. But I have to disagree. Our first kiss? In-fucking-credible.”

He looked at me in shock before letting his head fall back as he roared with laughter. “Golden Boy has a golden tongue. In more ways than one. You never cease to amaze me.”

I grinned sheepishly at him and ducked out of his arms to begin clearing up the disaster we’d made before Reed’s interruption. I’d have to deal with him and my parents soon. But not today. Today, I simply wanted to enjoy this moment with Ethan. No one, not even Reed Jackson, was going to screw this up.

I stacked the dirty bowls and cocked an eyebrow at Ethan. “Ready to do this?”

He paused while wiping down the counter and gave me his trademark smirk. “Let’s get this show on the road. The clock’s ticking and I have lunch to pay for.”

I tossed a dirty washcloth at him as I grabbed some fresh supplies. “And then some, Martin. I have a feeling you’ll be paying all day long.”