In the Midst of Tribulation (20 page)

"Cold," Jay panted. She tried to clear her throat but winced from the pressure in her chest.
"You've got a fever."
Weak fingers plucked at the covers. "Not hot. Cold."
"Okay. Let me get another blanket." Susan opened up the cedar chest at the foot of the bed and pulled out a wool blanket. Laying it down over Jay, she sat down beside her. "Can you try and drink something?"
"Don't want to. Feel sick."
"Would you try?'
Ignoring the weakly shaking head, Susan tried to get her to sip from a glass of water. Jay began coughing deeply after only a couple of swallows. Rolling her over, Susan held her as she coughed and vomited up blood and stomach acid. When the spasm was over, Jays' pulse was very faint.
The next afternoon, Piper held a saturated sponge to Jay's lips. She mumbled something and licked her cracked lips. Once the water touched her tongue, her mouth moved, seeking more. Piper slowly dribbled more into Jay's mouth.
After the last try at drinking had led to a coughing bout, they had been doing everything they could to avoid a repeat. The water dripped slowly and steadily from the sponge into her dry mouth. Jay was able to swallow without coughing.
Her eyes opened briefly, blinked and then opened again to study the concerned face looking down on her. "Piper."
"Yeah." Wetting a cloth, Piper wiped her head and upper chest. The water seemed to dry instantly on the fevered skin.
"Not good."
"No, you're not doing so well."
"Back hurts."
"That may actually be from the fluid in your chest." Piper dampened the sponge. "Do you want more to drink?"
"Ice?"
"To eat?"
"Skin."
"Good idea. Will you be okay while I go get some?"
"Try."
Piper clattered down the spiral staircase. She went into the kitchen and began to crack all of the ice cube trays into a towel. She glanced up when she heard a noise from the living room.
"Who's there?"
Doris came around the corner. "It's only me. What's happening?"
The two of them hadn't been alone together since their kiss. Piper flinched visibly when Doris came closer and held the freezer door open. "Um. I'm collecting ice from the freezer to try and bring her fever down," she replied as she slid the water filled trays inside.
Doris debated for a moment before she asked, "Do you need help?"
"Sure," answered Piper. "Grab the towel and let's go upstairs." She led the way to Jay's bedroom.
Together, they placed several towels on the bed and under Jay. Piper and Doris worked together to place the ice under Jay's neck, around her head and over her feet and hands. Once that was done, they sat in silence and waited to see if their ministrations had any effect.
It wasn't too long before Jay began to fidget and moan. Piper pressed down on her shoulders. Shivering and moaning, Jay fought against the hands that held her down.
"Stop, Jay. We're not trying to hurt you." Piper brushed her hand across the struggling woman's forehead. "Easy, now."
Responding more to the soothing hand than to the words, Jay slowly calmed. She continued to shiver until they removed the ice melt and wet towels.
"I think she'll sleep easier for a while."
"Why don't you head to bed?" asked Doris. "I haven't pulled a night shift yet and I suppose it's time."
"Well, if you think so."
"I'll be fine and Martha will be awake soon."
Jay was struggling for every breath the next morning. Doris had elevated her further during the night, so that she was almost sitting up in bed.
When Martha took over, she decided to change the bandages. The skin was tight around the wound on her chest but swollen where the arrow had entered her back. She manipulated it carefully and was distressed when the blood that oozed out under pressure was watery.
"Jay, wake up. Come on, Jay. I need to talk to you." Martha gently slapped the flushed cheeks until the injured woman responded, albeit weakly.
"Why…you hitting me?"
"I need you to help me."
"Kay." Jay blinked owlishly.
"I think your lung has collapsed. What should I do?"
"Dunno."
"I was hoping for a little more than that." Martha clenched her hands in frustration. "Jay, help me here."
"Know how you can find out." Jay said between gasps.
"How?"
"Medic manual on cd." Jay closed her eyes for a moment. Reopening them, she panted. "Also, bottom of the closet…surgical supplies."
"The wound looks infected. What should we do?"
"Poultice. Garlic and onion, hot as…stand it." She lay still and gasped for a moment.
"How do we make it?"
"Boil water, make a paste…put a layer of gauze, then paste, more gauze and wrap in plastic wrap."
"Do I cook the garlic and onion?"
"No. Raw."
"Anything else we can do?"
"Willow bark tea. For the fever."
"Okay, I'll get to work on these. Can you try and stay awake? Susan will talk to you." Martha moved out the way and let her lover take her place on the bed. When she got downstairs, she waved Piper over. "Give me a minute to flip on the breaker and you can turn on the computer."
"What's up?"
"I think her lung collapsed and you need to figure out what to do."
"Why do I have to do the research?"
"Because you're doing the surgery."
"What?"
Martha held out her trembling fingers. "I can't do it. You have no idea what it took out of me the last time. I don't trust myself." Without another word, she went downstairs. After flipping the breaker, she grabbed the surgical pack out of the closet. On her return, she went over to the bookcase and pulled down a field manual on trees.
Calling the teenagers together, she pointed out the willow tree. "I need you guys to find me some of this plant. Bring me back some bark."
The three of them studied the book and headed out of the house. "We're going to try down by the creek," called Carol.
"Be careful. We don't know if whoever did this to Jay is still out there." Martha walked over and opened the closet. "Take a weapon each and stay on guard." She watched them leave with a heavy heart but knew that she couldn't spare the others.
Walking to the dining room table, she sat down with the surgical kit. She opened up the bag and saw a bewildering array of equipment. She could identify a clear tube, clamps, scalpel, forceps, and a retractor. The rest of the items looked more like devices of torture than healing. Seriously worried, she got up to see if Piper had had any success.
Piper was peering intently at the monitor. Occasionally, she would take notes on a pad beside her.
Leaning over her, Martha asked, "What did you find?"
"Lots of stuff after I changed my search."
"What do you mean?"
"Collapsed lung didn't bring up anything. She's actually got a pneumothorax. Also, we should have been making her cough."
"It hurts when she does."
"I know but the manual says that she has to."
"How do we deal with the lung?"
Piper swiveled in her chair to look Martha in the eye. "Oh, it's a snap. We just remove of the air from the pleural cavity by inserting a hollow plastic tube between the ribs, and attach it to a suction device." She sighed. "I basically have to shove a tube into the her chest and hope I hit blood before I hit a vital organ like, say, her heart."
"Just follow the directions."
"Yeah, right. I can't believe we're seriously considering this."
"I don't think we have a choice." Martha took a quick look over her shoulder. "She's dying."
"I know, I know. It's the fear talking." Sending the current document to the printer, Piper added, "I don't even know if we have the stuff to do the procedure."
"We do." At Piper's look of disbelief, she nodded. "You should see what's in the surgical kit. I think it's got everything we could possibly need."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Print out anything else you'll need and let's take a look together." Martha led the way back to the dinning room table.
Doris came over and stood with them. "What's happening?"
"We're trying to learn how to do surgery," answers Piper. "Want to join us?"
She let her hands touch the sterile packs. "I've never done anything like this before."
"Join the club. Neither have we." Piper picked up an armload. "Come on."
The two women carried all the supplies upstairs and heard Jay talking to Susan.
"How's Doris?" Jay asked.
Susan looked down at her. "Why?" she asked. "What's wrong with her?"
"They assaulted her. I couldn't get free. She okay?" Jay tossed her head in distress.
"I don't know, she hasn't said anything to anyone." Susan answered, turning to stare directly at Doris. "Maybe she'll tell us when she's ready."
"I'm fine."
Jay shifted slightly on the bed and looked around until she could see into Doris' eyes. "You were raped."
"You were shot."
"Sucks to be us, eh?" Jay swallowed and turned her eyes to the others. "What's the plan?"
"I'm going to stick this in between your ribs and we're going to siphon out all the air and fluid that is keeping your lung from reinflating." Piper held up the tube.
"Easy peasy." Wincing, Jay looked at the others. "Got to keep me still. This is going to hurt." She smiled at Piper. "Don't want you to miss."
"You and me both." Piper took a couple of deep breaths. "You all realize that I'm flying blind here, right?"
Martha reached over and began rubbing at the tension in the other woman's shoulders. "Actually, you're flying by manual. It makes all the difference in the world." She turned Piper around and gazed deeply into her eyes. "I have faith in you."
Nodding, Susan stepped up behind her and hugged her. "You can do this."
Gritting her teeth, Piper followed the directions from the manual on inserting the chest tube. It took all the strength of the other women to hold Jay down for the operation. After it was over, Jay was unconscious again. Susan stayed with her while the other women went back downstairs.
Sitting at the table, Martha opened up a bottle of wine. Pouring a glass, she drained it and filled it again before offering the bottle to the others. "Okay, we've got to get something for pain at the very next opportunity."
"I still don't know why we couldn't give her wine or tequila."
"Beyond the fact that it would take a lot to get her drunk enough to cut the pain, the alcohol has a sedative effect. It would make it even harder for her to breathe." Piper was still flipping through the pages she had printed out.
"What's next?"
"The text says that the lung will usually return to normal in 48 to 72 hours." She looked at the others. "So, we wait."
Martha nodded. "Maybe while we wait, you can tell us exactly what happened." She looked at her sister. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"Jay needed all your attention. I didn't want there to be any distractions."
"You call sexual assault a distraction?"
"It was only the one and, then, Jay killed him."
"Doris, don't try to minimize it. You were raped."
"She's in worse shape."
"This isn't a hierarchy of wounds." Susan came downstairs and gently squeezed her sister in laws clenched fists. "What can we do to help?"
"I'm fine," Doris insisted.
Martha, Piper and Susan looked at each other helplessly. Finally, Martha cleared her throat. "Okay. But if you're ever not fine and need to talk or anything, please come to one of us. No-one wants to see you hurting."
"Don't worry about me."
"You're my sister. Of course, I'm going to worry." She walked around the table and hugged Doris.
"I'll be all right. Now, we've got to set up shifts to see if what we just did is going to help or hurt the patient."
For three days, they took turns sitting vigil while Jay struggled to heal. They changed the poultice twice a day. Almost imperceptively and only because they could track the change in the journal, did she seem to recover. Eventually, the infection and her fever disappeared and she was able to sleep through the night.
On the seventh morning after the attack, when Susan came up the staircase with a cup of tea, Piper smiled. "It may be my imagination but I think she's breathing easier."
"Has she woken up?"
"She has been muttering this past hour. Should be any time now." Piper stretched and opened the curtains. "You've had breakfast?"
"Yep."
"All right. I'm going to get some sleep. Call out if you need anything." Collecting the empty cups and dry washcloths used that night, Piper headed downstairs.
"We alone?"
Susan was startled by the hoarse question. Sitting down on the side of the bed, she laid a cool hand on Jay's cheek. "Yes, we're alone. How are you feeling?"
"Wiped out." Jay tried to push herself up on her elbows. A sharp pain in her back, dropped her back onto the bed, coughing.
"What are you thinking? Stay still, you idiot." Susan helped ease Jay onto her side and held her through the spasms that racked her body. When she stopped coughing and her pulse began to climb back down, Susan rolled Jay onto her back. She watched closely as Jay's color improved before she offered Jay a mug of tea.
She drank the foul tasting drink of steeped bark, grimacing as she did so. "Who was it that suggested this?" she asked facetiously.
"It was yet another one of your good ideas."
"Good thing I'm so full of them."
"Hmm. I always thought that you were full of it." Susan busied herself taking Jay's pulse. "You really gave us a scare."
"Yeah. I think I scared myself. That whole not breathing thing is a tough way to go."

"Thank goodness you had the supplies and manual."
"Some antibiotics and pain killers wouldn't have been amiss."
"So, you're a dreamer, too"
Jay shifted slightly. "Have y'all seen any sign of those guy's friends?"
"No."
"Did you put out a guard?"
Shaking her head, Susan asked. "We never even thought about it. Do you think we're in danger?"
Jay lay quietly for a while. "I don't think we're in any more trouble than we were before. I don't know where those guys were from or where they were going. Hopefully, any friends they have won't want to borrow trouble by coming after whoever killed them."
"Are you okay about the killing?" Susan picked up the washcloth and began to wipe Jay down. "Doris said you blew them all away."
"I did what I had to do."
"That wasn't my question."
Rolling her head, Jay moved until she was able to look Susan in the eye. "I'm in no condition to second guess myself. Check in with me again once I'm back on my feet. Right now, I need to focus on getting better."
"I'll hold you to that." Susan laughed. "You know you can always talk to me."
"Thanks."
"No problem. Now, why don't you try to sleep some more?"
As she could barely hold her eyes open, Jay nodded and let Susan tuck the covers around her. Her breathing evened out and her muscles relaxed as she slumbered.
Chapter Seventeen - Tarry With Me
Deeper, deeper grow the shadows,
Paler now the glowing west,
Swift the night of death advances;
Shall it be the night of rest?
Words: Caroline L. Smith, 1852 Music: John B. Dykes, 1862
For a long moment after she woke up, Jay lay perfectly still. Only three days ago, she had woken up to a nightmare. She was only just now realizing that it wasn't just a bad dream.
One of the curtains wasn't closed all the way and there was a beam of sunlight shining directly onto her face. She winced when she tried to open her eyes. Closing them tightly against the glare, she listened intently until she determined that no one was in the room with her.
Opening her eyes, she confirmed what her other senses told her. The room was empty. Jay sighed, grateful for that small favor. She needed to get away. She didn't feel able to handle the clogging sympathy and concern that was being showered on her by the other occupants of the house.
They didn't understand that she wanted to be alone. She had to think about her narrow brush with death and she had to figure out what she was going to do if or when she recovered.
Taking in a deep breath, she held it tightly as she rolled on to her right side. Supporting her left arm against her chest, she pushed up and swung her legs off the bed. Hissing softly, she struggled up into a sitting position.
She had to blink quickly to clear the black spots from her vision. Wishing away the nausea, she stumbled over to lean against her dresser. Jay opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of pants. Balancing on one leg was a chore but she zipped up the pants and moved to the closet. There, she chose a soft flannel shirt and eased her arms in and it over her back. She struggled with the buttons and then sat up down to rest.
To finish dressing would be the hardest part. Taking a few breaths, as deep as she could manage, she felt up to putting her socks on her feet. When she slipped her feet into her boots, she nearly fell over as she bent to tie her laces.
Once she recovered from the dizziness, Jay made her way to the staircase and climbed laboriously downstairs, clutching the banister on either side to keep from falling face first to the floor. It was funny but she couldn't remember the stairs being so steep or so long before.
At the bottom, she looked over and saw Doris sitting at the dinning table sipping on a cup of tea. For a long moment the two women stared at one another. The ticking of the grandfather clock was the only noise in the house.
Doris blinked first. Nodding silently, Jay went to the closet and pulled out a jacket and a weapon. Gritting her teeth, she was able to slide her good arm into the sleeve and the other side over her shoulder. She missed her first attempt was finally able to put her automatic in her pocket with a handful of bullets.
For a moment, she considered going into the kitchen and getting something to drink. Jay was afraid that the sleeping members of the household would awake and stop her escape. Her need to get away overrode her thirst.
Never turning around, she walked out of the house. When she gently closed the door behind her, the dogs leapt and bounded around her. In a stern voice barely above a whisper, she commanded them to stay and guard. She didn't look back as she walked past the lake and disappeared into the woods.
"Where's Jay?" Piper shouted an hour later. She almost fell down the staircase, catching herself under one arm on the railing and nearly dropping the mug of tea that she had taken up for the patient.
"She's not up there?"
Piper rolled her eyes at Susan's question. "Do you think the room is so big that I could have missed her?"
"I was just wondering if you checked the bathroom."
"Can she even make it that far on her own?" Piper asked before turning to go back up the stairs.
"She went for a walk." Doris' quiet statement silenced everyone.
"What? She shouldn't be out of bed. How could you let her go?"
"Who am I to stop her?"
"You're right. Perhaps if you had been somebody who gave a thought once in a while to someone other than themselves, we wouldn't even need to be having this conversation." Piper's tone was scathing.
"What are you saying? That this is my fault?"
"Give the lady a cigar. Jay wouldn't be hurt and certainly wouldn't be out wandering around if it wasn't for you."
"Oh, and you had nothing to do with it." Doris sneered. "You kissed me."
"So I made an error of poor taste and judgment. What's your excuse?"
Doris' eyes filled with tears. "None of you have ever made a secret about how little you want me around. I'll just leave."
"Don't be an idiot, sis." Martha was impatient. "This isn't about you right now." She glared at Piper. "You aren't helping things either. Right now, we need to figure out what we're going to do about Jay."
"We need to go look for her."
"I think we should wait." Susan had her arms crossed tightly over her chest. "I think she needed to be alone."
"What?"
"Doris, did she say anything?"
"No. She just took off."
"All right, then. She obviously left under her own power. We need to wait."
"There must have been a reason," Piper wondered aloud. "She hasn't been able to be awake for more than a few hours at a time. Why would she leave?"
"We won't know that until she returns."
"And where?" Piper walked to the French doors. "Maybe her fever came back and she's out there, wandering around and out of her head."
Doris spoke quietly. "She seemed to know what she was doing."
"How do you know?"
"Her actions were very deliberate."
"Tell me exactly what happened." Martha sat down at the table. "Don't leave anything out."
"There isn't much. She had a little trouble with the stairs. We looked at each other and she went to the closet and got her coat." Doris drew her finger through the water rings on the table. "She put her pistol in her pocket with some ammunition and went out the door."
"Oh, that's just great. She's out there with a weapon."
Susan barked, "Calm down. Have you ever known her to leave the house without some form of personal protection? Her having a gun doesn't mean anything."
"Doesn't it?"
"Not really. I think she just needed some time away from us."
"Why? What did we do?"
"Think about it. She's been alone here for a long time. We come and she not only has to baby-sit us but she now has to recover from a life threatening injury. She doesn't like feeling dependent at the best of times."
"Are you sure about this?"
Susan shook her head. "No. But it's a plausible explanation."
"I still think we should look for her."
"Give her some time to get it out of her system. We don't want to her to think that she is a prisoner."
"And you're willing to risk her life on your idea that she just wanted a time out?"
"We have to honor her decisions."
"How long are we to wait while she is out there, dying out in the woods?"
"Give her until after lunch."
"I hope you're right."
"So do I. So do I." Susan glanced out the window and offered a prayer that she was doing the right thing for her friend.
When Jay left the house, she headed down the hill. It was not because she had a destination in mind but because it was easier in her weakened state. She was hardly out of sight of the house before she started to struggle, feeling the burn in her lungs and ache in her muscles. Once she hit the road, she followed it for about a hundred yards until she came to an abandoned drive. She left the road to make her way down the steep incline to the stream.
Crossing the stream took the last of her energy and she sank to the ground at the base of tree. Her back to the smooth bark, she closed her eyes. While she waited for the frantic pace of her heartbeat to slow, she concentrated on the breathing in the fresh scent of the woods.
When she opened her eyes again, the sun had moved overhead. She was grateful for the warm sunlight as the sweat from her earlier exertion meant her shirt was cold upon her back. Cracking her knuckles, she had no more cause for delay.
She pulled the pistol from her pocket and hefted its weight in the palm of her hand. The black metal felt almost too light for the amount of power it contained. Gripping tightly, she considered how best to hold it.
In her entire life, she had never contemplated suicide before. She had no religious conviction about her body and soul belonging not to her but to God nor did she have any particularly Kantian objections about the irrationality of using her free will to destroy her freedom. At the most basic level, she was just too damn curious to ever close that door altogether.
But this was different. She was bone tired and in constant pain. Jay knew that her recovery had hardly even started. Without the medicines that had been available just a few years prior, she knew that she was looking forward to months of agony if she was going to ever return to full health.
And that was her real problem. The Big If. She abhorred the thought of having to give up her independence and identity. She fuzzily remembered the smell of infection and thought the stench of death lingered on her skin. Her body had never failed her before and the cold that settled into her very joints felt like the beginning of the end.
Like Hamlet, she felt the seductive pull of an endless sleep. She lifted her bowed head and knocked it against the tree at her back. Looking around the clearing, she watched a bird take off. Searching for what had disturbed it, she was surprised to see a large, feral cat staring across the space at her.
"Hello." Jay smiled. "Are you here to bring me some kind of message?" The cat's tail twitched. "You're kind of scrawny for a spirit guide."
The two of them stared at one another for several moments before the landing of another bird distracted the cat. Completely ignoring the woman, the cat stalked its prey. It crouched with only the tip of its tail twitching. With a graceful lunge, the feline landed on the bird and made quick work it, despite its struggles.
Jay watched the cat eviscerate the bird and carry the remains out of the clearing. She sighed. "Well, that was a pretty confusing portent. Am I supposed to identify with the bird and worry about what happens when I get distracted? Or perhaps, I'd be better off remembering that the cat lost one meal before the second nearly landed in his lap." She drew up her knees and balanced the pistol on them. "Harrumph. You're probably just making a statement about the frigging circle of life. The question I have for you is whether I'm coming or going?"
Sitting quietly, Jay listened to the sounds of the forest. She could hear the birdcalls, the music of the river, and the wind rustling the tree boughs. Becoming even more intent, she listened to the sound of the insects and the far off rustling of the cat returning to its den. Peering at the automatic, she grimaced. "Do I even belong here?" she asked.
With deadly economy, Jay ejected the magazine and quickly took the weapon apart before reassembling it just as quickly. She fed a round into the chamber and switched off the safety.
For the longest time, she stared down the barrel of the gun. The hole seemed to grow until it filled her entire vision. Finally, she turned it away from her face and ejected the unused cartridge. Sliding the bullet and the weapon into her fanny pack, she climbed to her feet.
She took one last look around the clearing before she turned and headed back the way she came. Stopping at the river, she made the laborious effort to sink to her knees. Leaning over, she took a long drink from the river before she rinsed her face and hands in the cold stream. The water tasted extraordinarily good and felt refreshing on her skin.
She made her way back to her feet and started back up the hill. It was difficult to keep her feet on the gravel road but she made it to the top without falling.
The effort used up nearly all of Jay's remaining strength. She had to hold onto one of the saplings on the shoulder and gasp for air before she could take another step. Gritting her teeth, she growled to herself before having to laugh. Not even an hour ago was she considering ending it all. Now, she was mad when it seemed like she wouldn't make it back to the house. Pushing off, she lowered her head and concentrated on putting one foot ahead of the other.
Piper stepped across the bridge and saw Jay. Her head was down and she was cradling her left arm against her stomach. Moving quickly to close the distance, Piper called out, "Jay!"
Jay's steps were erratic and there was a copper taste in her mouth. She startled when Piper suddenly appeared in front of her. "Hello."
"Hey."
"Where'd you come from?"
"I was looking for you."
Jay nodded. "Are you the only one?"
"No. We all went out in different directions." Piper slipped her shoulder under Jay's right arm. "Where did you go?"
"Didn't I tell you that I had an important appointment?"
"It must have been left off the calendar."
"We need to fire that secretary." Jay had to stop talking to concentrate on staying on her feet.
As they walked, Piper took more of Jay's weight. "Just lean on me."
"It's hard."
"Are you in pain?"
"Yes, thank God."
Piper was confused. "You're thankful you're in pain?"
"You bet." Jay panted. "It means I'm still alive."
"Well, I'm glad you're okay."