In My Skin (6 page)

"It's good to meet you, too, Chaise. Welcome to our home."

I gave him another quick hug of thanks, but didn't say anything as mom came bustling in then, a floral print apron tied around her waist.

"You're a little earlier than I expected, so dinner isn't quite ready.” She was smiling warmly, obviously having gotten over her disappointment. “Why don't we sit out on the back porch? I've made some fresh lemonade, and Ben and Robyn will be here soon"

Dad gestured to Chaise and me. “Sounds good to me. Ladies, after you.” He sounded just a little too jovial, and it made me unaccountably nervous.

On the back porch mom and dad sat in the swing while Chaise and I took the two cane chairs. We had arrived a bit early deliberately, knowing as I did that my mom would invite my brother and his wife over to meet my friend; I wanted to tell my parents before Ben got the chance to add his two cents.

"So, Chaise? I thought I knew all Anna's friends. How long have you known each other?” Mom poured the lemonade into tall glasses and handed them around.

Chaise took the glass with a smile of thanks. She looked perfectly relaxed, but I could see the lines of tension bracketing her mouth and dearly wanted to lay my hand on hers to reassure her.

"We met about six weeks ago, Mrs. Stuart. I have a coffee shop, Goddess, in the lanes? Anna's one of my regular customers."

"Customer? Really?” Mom raised an eyebrow. Dad might be the more observant of the two, but Mom's far from oblivious. I could see the speculation begin to form in her eyes and decided not to put things off any longer.

Putting down my glass, I turned my body so that I was looking directly at my mom. “Ma, I know that when I phoned to tell you that I was bringing someone over you thought I meant a man, right?” She nodded slowly, and as I paused to gather my will to go on, I fancied that I could actually hear the penny drop for her. The swing that she had been gently rocking came to a halt, and I saw her spine stiffen. For a moment I felt like I had the one time I had handed over a less than glowing report card, but I shook it off, determined to stay in the now.

I straightened my own shoulders. “I can see that you have an idea of what I'm going to say.” I looked at Chaise and she gave me a tight little smile that was no less encouraging for it. “Chaise and I have been dating for about a month now.” This time I did reach over and lay my hand on Chaise's and was gratified when she turned her hand over and linked our fingers together. There, it was out, and I genuinely felt like a weight had lifted off me. But I was still a little tense as I waited for mom's reaction.

She was quiet for so long, her face blank and paling by the second, that I felt the need to fill the silence. “I know that this isn't what you expected, or even what you wanted for me, Ma, but it's what's right for me. I've never felt so connected to life before—it's like everything has finally fallen into place for me.” Chaise's fingers tightened around mine as I spoke.

Without uttering a word, mom got up and walked into the house, her gait jerky and uneven. Dad got up to follow her, but I held up my hand. “Please, Dad, let me?"

He nodded and sat back down. I gave Chaise's hand one last squeeze before dropping it and following mom into the house. I found her standing in the kitchen, leaning on the counter by the stove as if it was the only thing holding her up.

"Mom? Aren't you going to say anything?” I stood just inside the door, hands tucked into the pockets of my pants, shoulders tight and pulse a touch faster than usual.

There was a long silence before mom finally turned, slowly. “What would you like me to say, Anna? Congratulations? I'm thrilled?” She sounded a little shell-shocked.

"I know it must be difficult, Ma; that's it's going to take time—"

She raised a hand sharply to cut me off. “Difficult?
Difficult?
Well, isn't
that
just the understatement of the year?” Her voice went up a notch at the end; almost a hysterical note.

"Ma—” I tried again, but again she interrupted as if I hadn't spoken.

"How can this be? How can you be—you've had boyfriends.” She sounded genuinely perplexed.

I tried to keep my voice low and even as I spoke. “I've never had a boyfriend for more than a couple of months, and none of them ever made me feel the way that Chaise does.” She flinched at that, but I continued. “I knew the minute I saw her that she was going to be important in my life. It feels so
right
to be with her, Ma. She makes me happy. Isn't that a good thing?” I had stood in courtrooms and argued for more clients than I could count, but no argument had ever been as important to me as this.

Mom just shook her head; not at me, I felt, but to clear her head. Her eyes suddenly widened and a hand flew to her chest. “Oh, dear ... what will Father Donovan think?"

Okay,
that
annoyed me. “I haven't been to Mass in years, Ma. To be honest I don't really care what Father Donovan thinks. I'm more interested in what you think."

She turned away again. “Well you might not care, young lady, but you don't have to face him every week. Maybe if you
had
come to Mass a little more often this wouldn't have happened.” It was barely more than a whisper, and I got the feeling that it wasn't meant for my ears. But I couldn't—wouldn't—pretend that I hadn't heard.

"I don't like where this is going, Mom. Please tell me that you don't subscribe to the ‘God hates gays’ theory?"

She spun around and pinned me with a glare. “God doesn't hate anyone! But there's right and there's wrong—"

"And what I'm doing is wrong?"

She shrugged and looked down at the floor. “I only know what it says in the bible.” She looked so pained that I moved toward her, reached a hand out and laid it on her arm. She flinched, and I pulled my hand back.

"I haven't changed, Ma. If anything I'm more than I was. I
love
. What kind of God is it who would condemn me for loving?” Until that moment I hadn't really thought about it, but I realized that it was the truth. I was in love with Chaise.

But as I was reveling in this little epiphany, I became aware of the dark frown that crossed my mother's face. I heard the loud crack before I felt the contact of her hand on my face. There was a shocked gasp—it could have been hers, or it could have been mine, I was too stunned to notice. She looked just as poleaxed as we stood and stared at each other for an interminably long minute. Then, suddenly, mom was moving. She turned on her heel and fled from the room. I was vaguely aware of the sound of footsteps, and of my dad passing on his way after mom, then I felt a hand rest on my arm and I jumped, startled.

"Are you okay?” Chaise's eyes were filled with concern, and she raised a hand to place it over mine where I was holding my cheek.

I nodded, but I felt myself begin to tremble and leaned into her.

"Do you want to go after her?” She gently stroked my hair and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

I shook my head. “No, not tonight. Let's just go, yeah?"

We left quietly; I winced as we walked through the front hall and I heard the muted sound of my mother crying from upstairs.

Outside Chaise held out her hand and I dropped the car keys into it. As we turned the corner at the end of the street I saw Ben and Robyn passing the other way. I sank down a bit in my seat, feeling suddenly wiped, but didn't ask Chaise to stop the car. The last thing I had the energy for right then was
that
conversation with big brother.

I didn't want to go home alone that night, nor did I want to wait for the phone to ring or the knock on the door that would herald the arrival of Ben to tear me a new one for upsetting mom. I knew that I was just hiding from the inevitable confrontation, but that night I simply didn't have it in me to deal with it. Mom's reaction wasn't exactly a shock, but it hurt nonetheless. I hadn't expected her to run out and join PFLAG, but neither had I expected her to lash out at me physically.

We went to Chaise's instead, and she ran a bath, lit some candles and poured us both a glass of Merlot before getting in behind me. I relaxed back against her and closed my eyes.

"I'm so sorry about this, baby. Maybe it was too soon for me to meet your parents?” Chaise balanced her glass on the side of the bath and wrapped her arms around me, rubbing her cheek against my hair. I put my glass beside hers and lifted one of her hands to my mouth, kissed each finger individually.

"I don't think the timing would ever have been right.” I turned her hand over so that I could place a kiss in the centre of her palm. I felt her shiver at the contact, so I continued until I reached the inside of her wrist and licked over the spot where her pulse was beating. “I'll just ... I'll give her some time to get used to the idea.” I'm sure my lack of confidence showed in my voice, but Chaise didn't call me on it, she simply nuzzled into my hair and ran her free hand slowly over my body. I felt my own pulse pick up a notch.

"Make it go away, Chaise, just for a little while?” I knew that I sounded like a child begging a parent to chase away a nightmare, but I really wanted to forget for a while, and I knew that if there was one place I was guaranteed to find some peace, it was in the arms of this woman who had come to mean so much to me.

She didn't say anything, but lowered her head to place a trail of kisses along my shoulder and up my neck to my jaw, where she nibbled lightly. Her hands moved to cup my breasts, and in spite of the heat of the water, I felt my nipples pebble under her touch. I bit my lip and arched my back, pushing myself further into her hands. She lightly pinched and rolled my nipples until I was moaning with need, while her tongue dipped into my ear. I brought my knees up and squeezed my thighs together as my pussy started to tingle. The movement sent a dart of pleasure straight to my brain. I wanted more ... needed more, so I took one of her hands, let my legs fall open, and guided it between them. While one hand continued to knead and caress my breast, the other cupped my mound, first one finger, then two parting my lips and skipping teasingly over my clit. I closed my thighs around her hand in an attempt to push her in deeper.

"Open your legs for me, baby. Let me touch you.” I complied with her request and let my knees rest against the tub. As her fingers moved deeper, one slipping inside me, I gasped my pleasure and let my head fall back against her shoulder. She took advantage of the exposed skin by licking a stripe from my shoulder to my ear.

"Chaise! Oh, God, you make me feel so good. I love having your hands on me.” I pushed into the hand on my pussy, squirmed and undulated my hips.

"You're so beautiful, baby,” Chaise's voice was soft as a whisper, right beside my ear. “I love the feel of your skin under my fingers. I love the way you respond to my touch—so honest and unrestrained.” She raised her own knees on either side of me so that she seemed to be completely surrounding me. “Do you like it when I put my fingers inside you?” She added another finger and fucked them slowly in and out of me. “Do you like it when I play with your nipples; make them all hard and tight?"

"Yesss...” My hands gripped her knees as my breathing became labored. “Yes, oh, so good."

Her thumbnail flicked over my clit and I let out a strangled moan. “Oh, God, Chaise. Make me come. I need to come!"

"Yeah, baby. Come for me. Let me feel you come apart in my arms. I want to feel your tight little hole squeezing my fingers.” Her caresses became faster, harder. I raised one arm, reached behind me and wrapped it around her neck as my body stiffened and convulsed; breath coming in short pants.

"That's it, that's it. Oh, baby, I love to watch you come for me. You're so beautiful."

Gradually my breathing began to return to normal and my muscles relaxed. Finally I leaned back against her, exhausted. She simply held me in her arms, caressing my body in a calming and soothing manner.

With my bones the consistency of wet noodles, Chaise helped me out of the tub and dried us both off. She blew out the candles, collected our glasses of wine and led the way through to the bedroom.

We curled up together under the comforter, and as I drifted off to sleep, Chaise's voice sounded in my ear with a dream-like quality. “I love you, too, baby."

I felt my mouth turn up in a tired smile.

I looked up from the papers I was going over when my phone buzzed. I hit the button and my assistant's voice advised me that my brother was here to see me.

Sighing, I rubbed a hand over my eyes. “Send him through, Pam.” I sat back in my chair and attempted to look composed even as tension invaded my body.

Ben's ten years older than me and has always acted like a second father, like he knew what was best for me. Most of the time he didn't so much talk to me as
at
me, and insisted on treating me like a ten year old. It's made for some pretty stormy confrontations between us, and I had the feeling that this one was going to be a doozy.

The door opened and Ben entered my office. He closed the door behind him, looked at me and shook his head. “Fuck, Anna. You really know how to stir the shit!” Then, the most unexpected thing happened. A smile began to turn up the corners of Ben's mouth. He crossed the carpeted floor and dropped into the chair on the other side of the desk.

"Dad says you love this woman?"

Feeling a little bemused, I nodded. “I-yes, yes I do. Chaise, her name's Chaise."

"How does she feel about you?” He looked at me intently, and for the first time in my life I got the feeling that he actually wanted to hear what I had to say. It was all very confusing to me, and not at all what I had been expecting.

"She loves me too—you don't seem to be very upset about this.” I frowned and leaned on the desk.

Ben sighed. “To be honest, I've come to expect the unexpected from you. You've never done anything predictable in your life.” He shrugged. “Dad said you looked really happy with this-with Chaise. I know you probably won't believe this, but I only ever wanted the best for you. So if this makes you happy..."

I had no idea what to say to this strange man sitting in front of me. My mouth opened and closed a few times, but no words came out. This seemed to amuse Ben, because he laughed and his eyes glittered.