In My Dark Dreams (52 page)

None of these expensive toys mean anything to the babies, although the pony and monkey are objects of intense interest. But the mothers ride the carousel with their babies on their laps, feed the babies the gourmet baby food, nosh on the adult catered food, and swig down glasses of champagne.

Amanda’s eyes sparkle with happiness, which is not a common condition for her these days. Salazar’s arrest for the second murder has taken all the wind out of her sails. She is still bankrolling his defense, but she has no enthusiasm for it anymore. The tide is running in the prosecution’s favor, and is threatening to sweep the defense out to sea. The latest setback was the sudden emergence of Armando Gonzalez, the phantom television thief. He was arrested on a burglary charge in Texas, and extradited to California. In exchange for immunity on that earlier charge, Gonzalez has sworn that not only was Salazar his willing and knowing accomplice, but that the exchange of the sets from him to Salazar on the night Salazar was caught happened earlier than Salazar swore it did. That means there would have been enough time for Salazar to have had a rendezvous with the victim who was found that night, kill her, and gone on his way.

Joe and I have chatted about this new development over the phone. We are both of the opinion that it’s bogus, another jailhouse informant buying his freedom. But unless Abby Lench can completely discredit Gonzalez, he will be another nail in Salazar’s coffin. The word on the street is that Abby’s main objective now is not winning outright, but trying to avoid the death penalty.

Not my concern anymore. My new job is not as exciting as my old one, but it’s very time-consuming. I don’t leave at five o’clock on the dot, and I read briefs on the weekends. My clients call me whenever they feel like it. Some of them are on the East Coast, which means my phone can ring at four in the morning. If I’m awake feeding the baby, I’ll pick up. Otherwise, I turn it off, and check for messages when I wake up.

Amanda and I have not talked about Salazar since he was arrested, except to acknowledge that it doesn’t look good for him. She has had no contact with him, or his family. When he finally goes to trial again, she will not be there. She tries to hide her anguish, but this ordeal has taken its toll. She is aging before my eyes.

One thing I know for sure now. Money can’t buy happiness, not always. One child who will never recognize her, another who is probably a mass murderer. How much guilt does she carry around over that? A ton, I’m sure.

But there is a silver lining, which will bring her light for the rest of her life. My daughter and I. The daughter she never had, and the granddaughter she loves as if she were her own. Which little Amanda is, emotionally. The baby is always happy to be with her namesake. Sometimes I have to literally pry them apart, they are so attached to each other. Which is fine with me. I never had a family, either.

Amanda takes the baby from my arms and carries her to the carousel. She takes a seat on one of the rides, a graceful swan, and hoists her namesake onto her lap. The baby whoops with laughter as they rise and dip to the music.

One of the servers, an awkward young woman eager to please who reminds me of myself when I was twenty, asks if I want more champagne. I hold my glass out in answer, and she fills it. I sip—it’s delicious. My shoes are off, and I feel the soft grass under my feet. It doesn’t get any better than this.

Tonight, my baby and I will take a bath together. Then I will read to her until she falls asleep. I will carry her to her crib and tuck her safely in. Then I will go to bed.

I still sleep with my gun nearby. Just in case.

I am greatly indebted to Kimberly Curran, Deputy Public Defender, Los Angeles County Public Defender’s Office, for her help and guidance in writing this book. She has been my eyes, ears, and overall guide in leading me through the great labyrinths that comprise the Los Angeles legal system and community. Any mistakes I have made in legal or other procedural matters are strictly mine, and do not in any way reflect on her.

I also wish to thank Robert Kalunian, Chief Deputy Public Defender, L.A. County, and Laura Green, Assistant Public Defender, L.A. County Public Defender’s Office, for their help as well, and for introducing me to Kimberly. I am also grateful for the assistance I received from the Los Angeles Police Department, the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department, the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Office, and the Los Angeles County Coroner’s Office.

Carole Baron and Christine Zika of Madison Park Press, my editors, have done a wonderful job of helping me shape this book, and have been extremely supportive during the entire process of writing it. The same applies to Gail Hochman, my agent. Georgia Freedman, my daughter, herself a fine editor, provided additional editorial help. Susan Lee Johnson’s copyediting was superb.

Finally, I want to again thank Markus Wilhelm for initiating this book, and for being my strongest supporter in the publishing business from the beginning of my writing career.

J. F. Freedman is the
New York Times
bestselling author of
Against the Wind
,
The Disappearance
,
House of Smoke
, and
In My Dark Dreams
, among other titles. He is also an award-winning film and television director, writer, and producer. He lives in California.

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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2008 by J. F. Freedman

Cover design by Angela Goddard

978-1-4804-2415-9

This edition published in 2013 by Open Road Integrated Media

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