In My Arms Tonight (2 page)

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IN MY ARMS TONIGHT

Bailey Bradford

9

It was the same dream—nightmare, it was a nightmare—that woke him up every night. When he’d been in the ‘clinic’ his parents had stuck him in, he’d usually been too drugged up to fight his way to consciousness. That had been a particularly nasty hell, unable to escape the hands hurting him, and other things he couldn’t think about.

James shuddered hard enough that his teeth clacked as he shoved himself up and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. His ankles twitched, the skin going cold. His heart was hammering in his chest. The unreasonable fear of something grabbing his ankles overwhelmed him and he hitched his legs up, scooting back onto the middle of the bed. He looped his arms over his knees, noticing the dampness of his pyjama bottoms. The night sweats were another common experience. He woke up drenched and terrified and both were secrets he didn’t want to share.

If Chase found out how fucked up he was, James would never have a moment’s peace.

Granted, Chase would nag and badger him with the best of intentions, but James did
not
want to talk about what had happened. He didn’t want to think about any of it, and the fact that his damned mind kept spilling the horrific experiences he’d had night after night was pushing James close to an edge—one that he couldn’t be sure of surviving a fall over.

That scared James more than anything else, really. He’d never been any kind of a quitter, had always been level-headed, but his world had been tipped off its axis and nothing felt stable, not even the friendships he had. Chase was the only one he really knew here, but he was involved with Xavier—and James was glad for him, he really was—but he didn’t quite know how to handle it. A happy, smiling, loving Chase was kind of an alien creature, although it made James smile every time his friend gave Xavier that sappy-in-love look.

He’d heard Adam Masterson lived somewhere close by and had fallen for a cop named Les Stanton. James cringed when he thought of seeing Adam, though. Not that Adam had done anything wrong, at all. But it had been Adam who’d almost been assaulted by Mitch Rollins Jr, the son of James’ boss at the law firm he worked for. Mitchell Rollins Sr had www.total-e-bound.com

IN MY ARMS TONIGHT

Bailey Bradford

10

been a powerful man. Adam had ended up in jail for defending himself. Money and threats had kept the younger Rollins from ever being prosecuted for his crimes. Jr had a propensity for raping any young man he could. Once James found out the truth about his boss aiding in his son’s crimes, James had known Mitch Rollins Jr had to be stopped.

He’d turned to Chase for help, and Adam had become involved too. Hell had rained down on the three of them once Jr had been busted. James, Chase and Adam had become targets for Rollins Sr’s revenge. James wasn’t sure what all Adam had suffered, and he just couldn’t deal with finding out at this point. At least he thought Adam was mostly okay since he had a man who loved him, a man he could trust.

Nick was here, somewhere. James didn’t really know him, though. He’d thought the older man attractive when he’d met him months ago, but it’d been obvious Nick was hung up on someone else and had plenty of personal problems to boot. Once James had met the man’s mother, not long after Nick’s visit to the office, James had understood why Nick might be a bit of a mess. His mother was a world-class bitch—but the foreman who’d come in with her, Carlos something-or-another, he’d been hot in that craggy, rough way that James sometimes found appealing.

James shied away from such thoughts now. He didn’t want to think about anything like that. He closed his eyes and rocked jerkily, his forehead pressed to his bony knees. When the images started he began humming an old lullaby his mother used to sing to him. The comforting tune chased off most of the terrible memories even as it brought up questions—

like why had his parents, who’d always loved him, stuck him in a hellhole only a step or two above the one Rollins had held him in? Until he talked to them, James wouldn’t have the answers he needed, but the idea of calling them or seeing them just yet was too much to cope with. He needed time to recover, maybe get himself together if he possibly could.

James stopped humming long enough to laugh at that idea. At the rate he was going, he’d be able to have that chat with his parents in a couple of decades, if he was lucky. Their betrayal—and that’s what it was to him, no matter how he tried to reason it out—hurt as much as what had been done to him by the others who’d almost destroyed him. They knew him; they should have known, should have seen past the drugs given to him to keep him practically comatose, for God’s sake!

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IN MY ARMS TONIGHT

Bailey Bradford

11

“The north wind doth blow,” James mumbled, singing the nursery rhyme in a soft, shaky voice, since humming just wasn’t cutting it tonight. He wondered if this nursery rhyme, like so many he knew of, was really about something scary. He didn’t see how. It was a simple song, and he didn’t want to dwell on ways it might not be simple after all. Two sentences, that’s all there was, and he wouldn’t let them mean anything other than what they actually said. And the little robin he’d worried about every time his mother sang this song?

That little bird was going to wake up to a warm, sunny day full of good things, damn it.

And so, by fucking God, would he.

The pounding on the front door threatened to demolish James’ vow of hours earlier.

Crusty eyes cracking open, he moaned as he unfolded. He’d fallen asleep sitting hunched over. There wasn’t a part of him that didn’t seem to ache, and he hated being woken up by loud noises. And Chase was definitely raising a ruckus. If James had any doubt as to who was rattling the door on its hinges, Chase’s hollering his name would have eradicated it.

“Coming!” James shouted as he stumbled away from the bed. His knees were throbbing from being bent for hours, and his forehead felt sore, tender from being pressed against his knees. “Jesus, Chase, cut it out!” he snapped when the pounding continued. “I’m not going to open the damn door if you don’t stop!”

“You know I can get in anyway,” Chase called out, and James grunted. Chase could have got in without all the noise, but James was glad he hadn’t. He didn’t want to think about how he’d have reacted if he’d woken up and found someone, even Chase, in the room with him. Maybe he’d have done fine, but he was more afraid he’d have freaked out and wailed and curled into a shivering, quivering ball.

He could live without that humiliation.

James wiped sweaty palms on his probably stinky PJ’s then started unlocking the door. By the time he got the final lock undone he’d managed to wrangle his temper under control and thought he’d be able to pull off acting normal. If he could remember what that was.

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IN MY ARMS TONIGHT

Bailey Bradford

12

Except, as soon as he opened the door, he realised he’d failed to take into account how shitty he must look after another bad night, and he hadn’t thought about how he must smell like stale sweat and fear—because if anyone could detect such a scent, it’d be Chase.

Chase’s bright eyes narrowed as he stepped inside. James wanted to hide from that knowing stare, but forced himself to keep his limbs loose and a half-smile on his face. And if Chase’s eyes narrowed any more, he’d be glaring at James through his eyelids. James crossed his arms over his chest before he could stop himself.

“What?” he bit out as he shoved the door shut with his foot. He uncrossed his arms long enough to lock the locks, then he fought an internal battle to settle his hands at his hips rather than taking that defensive pose again.

Chase merely stared at him for another moment. “You look like you’ve had a rough night, James.” He said it so softly, his voice laced with so much concern, it made James’ eyes burn.

He turned away before he did something embarrassing, like beg Chase to hold him while he cried like a baby. “Haven’t had any coffee yet,” was the only excuse he could come up with. “You woke me up.”

“James…”

A bare on his shoulder made him tense before he could stop himself. He tried to play it off, act like he hadn’t flinched, and hoped it didn’t look like he was running to the coffee pot. It wasn’t that he couldn’t stand to be touched—Chase had hugged him, touched him like a caring friend would, but James always saw those touches coming. It unnerved him to be touched without knowing it was going to happen—and he wasn’t going there. This was supposed to be his sunny, warm, happy morning, damn it.

Chase moved up beside him and this time, when his fingers brushed over James’

shoulder, it didn’t startle him. Still, James kept his gaze trained on the filters that didn’t seem to want to separate. At the rate his fumbling fingers were going, he’d end up with half a dozen of the filters in the pot and there’d be a hell of a mess to clean up.

“I’ve got it, James,” Chase said as he eased the filters out of James’ grasp. “Go on and shower, or whatever you need to do. I’ll make the coffee and get something going for breakfast. Go on,” he added when James only stood staring at his hands, as if all the answers to his fucked up problems were buried there in his fingerprints. Chase nudged him gently www.total-e-bound.com

IN MY ARMS TONIGHT

Bailey Bradford

13

and James finally grumbled, muttering about pushy friends, but Chase’s bossy attitude wasn’t really that bad, and honestly, it felt kind of good to have someone fuss at him, someone who was really concerned with what was best for him and not trying to rake in the big bucks by fucking with his head.

“Yeah, that’s what they were doing,” James mumbled to himself as he pulled the bathroom door shut. That had to be it, because there was no other reason he could think of for that so-called clinic to have kept him there, doped to the damned gills. No doubt his folks had paid a pretty penny to keep him there, thinking he was getting the excellent care his fragile mind needed. “Whatever.”

James stripped out of his PJ’s, leaving them on the floor. Once he’d pissed and washed his hands, he moved over to the sink and grimaced at his reflection. He had that pale redhead’s skin, with just a few very tawny freckles over the bridge of his nose. But his normally milky skin had a sallow look to it, tinting it almost green, and the circles under his eyes, while setting off the green of his irises, really made him look like someone had clocked him good. He wasn’t even going to look any further than that. Bathing himself was a horrible chore because it turned his stomach to feel the ridges of his collar bones, ribs and hips. He wasn’t just thin, he was skeletal and he hated it.

Every time he washed himself, a wave of fury would rear up in him, threatening to have him screaming and putting a fist through the wall. He hated what he’d become, hated the way he looked, and if he could gain back the weight he’d lost, he would, but food held little appeal and trying to force too much of it down was generally counterproductive since it then came right back up. It pissed him off that it wasn’t just his head that was messed up.

Even knowing that he’d eventually be able to eat, if he learned to cope with what had happened, didn’t help, because right now he couldn’t ever see getting to such a place.

Couldn’t see untangling the mass of fear and pain and hatred and rage that bubbled and throbbed inside him.

Couldn’t see ever having his life back again. As he stood in the shower, trying to ignore the way his body felt beneath his hands, he shoved the fury down and instead let the tears he’d held back fall.

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IN MY ARMS TONIGHT

Bailey Bradford

14

The need to see James was like an unscratchable itch under Glenn’s skin. Because of it, he actually took extra precautions on making his way down to Texas—and he was glad he did. This was too important to screw up, and the car that had been tailing him, Glenn had found out with a quick phone call, belonged to a private investigator hired by James’ parents.

Being followed had caused a small glitch in Glenn’s plans, but only a small one. It’d been relatively easy to arrange for his sister Veronica to leave her brother-in-law Bob’s car at the Walmart automotive department to get new tires. Bob had been trying to sell the SUV, which worked out perfectly for Glenn. He’d never particularly cared for Bob, but the Tahoe was nice, without too many miles on it. And it wasn’t in Glenn’s name.

Glenn had left his own car in the parking lot after slipping in the front entrance and exiting the side of the building once the Tahoe’s tires had been replaced. He barely resisted the temptation to wave at the PI slouched in his little car not fifteen feet from where Glenn had parked. The guy definitely could have used some lessons in stealth.

Glenn drove pretty much straight through, only stopping for naps at the occasional rest area. He couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d done since he’d fallen for James. He’d risked his career and was damn lucky to have gotten his retirement, all because he felt something for a man who had cringed every time Glenn had been around him.

Whether it was years of repressed need that had pushed Glenn to take such a risk, or just James himself, Glenn wasn’t quite sure. He was afraid and exhilarated to think it was probably the last one. There’d been other men Glenn could have fucked, maybe even had a relationship with, but none of them had ever been so irresistible. None of them had been worth pushing himself out of the shell he’d surrounded himself with.

And it was hard, so very hard, to think of coming out after hiding for so long. What would people have thought at his work? What would his family think? Glenn wished he couldn’t imagine, but he could. To say co-workers and family members would be shocked would be an understatement. At least Veronica supported him. She’d listened to him, then promptly told him it was about time. Glenn hadn’t asked, his sister had always known him www.total-e-bound.com