In Love with a Thug (20 page)

“Baby, the drugs are going to stop. I promise you I will get a real job only if you give me the time. Anything you need from me—you have it. Rehab, time to yourself—Baby, you got it. Just put in a little bit of faith, J.J.” We both stood silent as the music from the jazz band played on.

“Listen, Baby, I love you and I would do anything in this world for you. You saw that I took care of Melissa; not just because of what she did to my daughter but for what she's done to you.”

The waitress came back to the table. “Oh, are we smiling now,” she said jokingly. “May I now take your orders?”

Bryant looked at me with a sexy smirk on his face. “Baby, you order first.”

“Okay.” I briefly looked over the menu. “I'll have the stuffed duck with a side of orange rice and cabbage.” I closed the menu and looked in his direction. “And what will you have, honey?,” I said in a way to see his reaction. He shocked the hell out of me when he seemed not to mind that I had called him out in public. He looked over the menu himself as he palmed his hands underneath the table.

“I'll have the roast chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy,” he said, closing his menu and handing it back to her. “We will also have two glasses of your finest wine,” he added without taking his eyes off me.

“Okay, I'll take your menus and be right back with your drinks.” The waitress smiled. The mood got quite silent for a minute before he began to speak.

“J.J., I need to say this. You're the most honest, beautiful, and most considerate person I've ever met. I'm truly sorry for ever laying a hand on you the other day. And not to offend you by any means but even with a bruised face, you're still beautiful,” He glimmered as his eyes matched my soul. I smiled at his lovely demeanor.

“Well, Bryant, I can honestly say that this morning, I hated you. But after seeing one of my friends get murdered today, it made me think about life and how short it is. And there is no time to walk around holding a grudge against someone that I truly loved. I had to realize that the person I love is you.” I held my head high as I spilled my guts to the man who would in the future make me happy.

“You know, J, I'm glad to hear you say that because I want to take our commitment a step further.” He smirked.

“A step further; what do you mean by that?” I asked as the waitress came back with our drinks.

“Here you go,” she said, setting the glasses of red wine in front of us.

“Thank you,” I said before directing my attention back to my b-boy. “Now back to what you were saying. You would like us to move a step further?” I was anxious to know what he meant.

Again his put his hands on top of the table and I placed my hands in his.

“I want us to move in together.” He squeezed my hand and smiled. I almost jumped out of my socks.
Does he
really
mean that he wants us to move in together? Does he realize what he's talking about? If he is to move in my apartment with me then this will definitely be a step in the right direction to making him all mine.

“Bryant, are you serious?” I asked reassuring that I wasn't dreaming. My eyes were as bright as the sun as the flames from the candles danced back and forth on our tabletop.

“Yes, Baby, I'm serious. I can move today, if need be.”

“Bryant, I really do need you in my life right now. I love you and I do forgive you for everything you've done to me.” I thought about the prayer I'd said this morning. “Yes, I would love to have your presence in my home.”

He squeezed my hands a little harder before letting them go and picking up his glass and holding it out to toast. I picked up my glass by the stem.

“A toast.”

“A toast,” I said, repeating after him and smiling.

“To a new beginning of us,” he said. We both let our glasses clink as we held them to our mouths and swallowed slowly. This was the first time I could say that I was in love or might I say
we
were in love.

 

“Sir, please hold up a minute,” said Bryant as he ran behind a man selling flowers on the corner of Conshohocken and City Avenue. He slipped the guy a twenty and the guy gave him a dozen red roses.

“My queen,” he said as he handed me the roses.

“Aww, Bryant. Thank you, I love you so much. Now gimme a kiss,” I said as he looked around a few times, then planted a soft kiss on my lips.

“Man, you gon' get me killed out here,” he said as we began to walk faster to my apartment.

“Bryant, it's dark out here and plus, ain't nobody worried about us this time of the night.” We walked in the vestibule of my apartment building.

“Good evening, Trudy,” I said, holding on to Bryant's arm and trying to carry the roses at the same time.

“Good evening, Mr. Jiles. How are you this evening?” she asked, holding her earpiece in her ear as she stood behind the clerk's desk.

“I'm fine now. Can you hold any visitors for me tonight and I'll be putting the DO NOT DISTURB button on my telephone, so please take all my calls. Thanks.”

“Will do,” she said, getting right down to business by typing my information into the computer.

“Damn, that's one bad-ass Asian chick,” Bryant said, giggling as we got onto the elevator.

“Shut up! I'm the only person you should be looking at,” I said, giving him a great kiss, tasting his delicious tongue. We kissed and grinded all the way to my floor. I could have sworn I felt his dick jump when the elevator beeped.

“Look at you. You're so damn drunk that you can't even get the key into the knob. Here, let me get it for you,” he said, moving me to the side so he could open the door. Those martinis I had at dinner, plus the bump, really had me feeling fine.

Soon as we entered the apartment, without even turning on the lights, I threw the bouquet of flowers on the floor and I went down with them dropping straight to my knees. I couldn't wait to taste his big daddy in my mouth. As soon as I unzipped his jeans his dick was already out of his boxers. All I had to do was insert it into my warm, liquored-down mouth. I closed my eyes as I took all of him in without him even budging for me to stop. In fact he lifted his T-shirt so I could get a good suck as he pushed the back of my head into him. His dick smelled sweaty and musky and I loved it. I would call it a sports dick because it smelled like he played sports. He grabbed both of my ears as he fucked my face so hard that he busted all in my grill.

I swallowed his ice cream whole as we began kissing again and taking off all our clothes and walked slowly toward the bedroom. I made a mistake and kicked the Jesus nightlight from the socket as we eased down the hallway and into my room where we intertwined and fell on the bed.

“Baby, I want you,” he said in a seductive tone.

“I want you too,” I agreed. He sucked on his bottom lip and began kissing me again.

“Naw, I'm saying, I want you. Meaning, I want you inside
me
tonight.” I was so distraught at what he'd said because the thought had never crossed my mind that I was gonna fuck
my
man.

“You want
me
to fuck you?” I asked for assurance. He looked at me with his bedroom eyes and began to suck on his bottom lip again.

“Yeah, Baby, what's wrong with that?” he asked as he began to massage my waistline.

“Nothing. I mean there's nothing wrong with that.” I started kissing him as my whole feminine demeanor changed now that I was the top. I kissed him hard as I licked all over his lips while massaging his ass cheeks getting me prepared to enter the dark tunnel of love.

I turned him around and laid him down on the bed, then went over to my dresser where I kept my KY Jelly.

“Put dat ass in the air,” I said as I poured the jelly on my dick and rubbed some on his hairy anus. The one thing about Bryant's ass was that it was perfectly round and ready to be stuck. I moved his body toward my torso so I could fuck him doggy style while I stood with my knees touching the bed. I used my strength to pull his body forward as I smoothly stuck my dick in his rectum.

I tried to look at the expression on his face from behind to see if he'd ever done this before but I couldn't. I then pulled out as his eyes opened.

“What the fuck is up?” he yelled.

“Chill,” I said. “I'm gonna look for a CD to groove to while I'm tearing that ass up,” I continued. I walked around the room with my dick hard as a rock. With every step I made sure that I stroked it so it wouldn't get soft by default. I looked at my CD collection and passed by TLC, India Arie, Chaka Khan, and then stopped at Johnny Gill.

I pulled the disc from the holder and inserted it into the disc player and pressed
random
. The first song that started to play was a “Quiet Time to Play.” I walked back over to the bed where Bryant was ass naked posted on all fours.

“Are you ready for wifey?” I said, rubbing my finger up and down his asshole preparing to finger-fuck him. I slipped my finger in his anus and pushed it all the way in until I couldn't go no farther. Then I replaced my finger with my hard dick.

I slowly pushed myself in as his face cringed a little. But when I pulled it out, he seemed to have exhaled. I pushed it back in, then began pumping to the beat of the song.

“Ahh shit,”
he moaned as I pumped to the rhythm. I grabbed his bubble butt and started long-stroking him as if I was in charge. Now I knew the true meaning of “a pancake ain't done unless you flip it” or “the chicken ain't done unless you cook it on both sides.”

“Damn, boy, that feels good,” he said as he began jerking his dick while I pumped his ass harder. I knew that it was starting to feel good to him when he started to throw that ass back to me. I closed my eyes and began fucking the shit out of him. I began thinking all the things that a thug stood for. I was fucking a nigga with a head full of cornrows to the back. The same nigga that stood posted up on your corner selling that shit. He moaned seductively as I stroked my pipe in and out his wet-ass thug style. Yes, I was getting ass straight up from the same nigga that had baby moms out there in the streets that were in love with them. They would never know that I had their man doggy style. Mariah would never think of a day when her man was getting fucked in the ass.

“Do you want me to stop?” I said as the sweat beads formed on my forehead with Johnny pouring his heart out in the background.

“Naw, nigga, keep going. I'ma bout to nut,” he said as I flipped him over, pushed him up on the bed and raised his legs putting one over each shoulder. I was in it. I was tearing up those thug guts.

“Shit, J.J., I didn't know that it would be like this,” he said while catching his breath. I looked him in his eyes as I pumped faster.

“You want me?” I said with sweat pouring down my face. He held his eyes shut tight as I tore up his insides just like he did mine.

“Huh?”

“I said do you want me? You heard what I said.” I was trying to sound dominant.

“Yeah, J.J, I want you,” he moaned as I knew he could feel me in his stomach. I leaned over and kissed his lips and kissed him hard until my bust and cream coated his entire stomach.

While I lay on top of his chest after our escapade, I definitely knew that I was in love with my thug.

T
he butterflies in the pit of my stomach got worse as the limo pulled up in front of my parents' door. The family decided to wear white, a symbol of purity, rather than black to seem dark and gloomy.

All of my aunts, uncles, and cousins had come in from out of town to share this house full of food. The smell of turkey, chicken, collard greens, sweet potatoes, and mac and cheese filled my nose as I sat in the kitchen rocking back and forth from nervousness.

“Juan, Baby, you got so big. Stand up and give your Aunt Ada some sugar,” she said, extending her arms out to me to hug her. As she kissed the side of my face I could smell that she had overdone it on the perfume. “Stand back and let me take a look at you. I saw you in one of those magazines. Your momma must be real proud,” she stated, looking over to my mother who smiled and agreed with her. “Do you still own your own shop?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm, I need to come down there and get something done to my hair,” she said, patting her hand on top of her head where her wig sat.

“Okay, y'all come on now. The car is outside,” said one of my boy cousins walking into the kitchen sporting a cream suit similar to the linen suit that I wore. I stood up and my mother came over to me.

“Mom, I don't think I should go,” I said, shaking my head when my Aunt Ada overheard me.

“Yes, you have to go,” Aunt Ada snapped. “Because if you don't then you're gonna regret not having closure. You will start to have bad dreams and they will never go away. Now you love your father, don't you?”

“Yes,” I responded as a lonely tear fell from my eye and down my cheek.

“Well, let's go say good-bye to your father.” She grabbed my hand and led me into the living room with my mother tailing behind rubbing my back.

The living room was crowded with my family from both sides. My uncles sat on the couch as they discussed the Eagles game that had aired last week while my little cousin sat talking about boys.

I walked on the porch where the neighbors were waiting for my mother to come out. Half the project was out looking, waiting for my family to make an entrance into the limo.

“How are you feeling?” asked my little homie Rondell standing with a basketball in his hand. Rondell and I were the best of friends while growing up. I was his big brother when I'd volunteered for the Big Brothers and Big Sisters program of Philadelphia. But by the time he turned eighteen he'd gone off to college on a basketball scholarship and now some bigwigs up in New York were having talks about him being drafted to the NBA. He was now twenty-one. We hugged and gave each other dap.

“I'm fine for right now,” I said. “But I really don't wanna go to the funeral,” I added.

“How are you not gonna go to your own father's funeral?” he asked, bouncing the basketball.

“Because, Rondell, I can't imagine my father lying in a casket. I thought I would at least be in my forties or fifties when either of my parents died but I'm in my twenties and this shit don't feel right.”

He turned to face me as he held the basketball in his arm. “Look, when my grandmother died, I didn't know what I was gonna do. I didn't know where to turn but I knew I needed to be strong for my mother. Just pray and know that things are gonna work out. Remember! That's what you used to always tell me.”

I looked at him and smiled. One thing I can say about Rondell is that he always knew what to say to make me feel better.

“You know what, baby boy, you're right.” I looked at him and smiled. “So you do listen when I talk to you, huh?” I teased.

“Well, someone has to keep you on your toes,” he said as he gave me a long hug. “Now go ahead with your family to your father's funeral and act like the fuck you know,” he demanded.

“Nigga, don't be cursing at me. Sometimes you forget that I'm
your
big brother,” I said.

“No, I'm
your
big brother,” he teased as he began bouncing the basketball.

“Go ahead, dude, I'll check you later.”

“Alright, Rondell.”

“One.”

“Juan, come into the house so we can have prayer,” yelled my Uncle Lewis from the doorway. I ran back into the house so I could say a prayer of comfort for me and my family.

The ride to the church was as dreadful as watching Rob lie on my office floor having his life slip away. One of my aunts had forgotten her bottled water in the house so that gave me more reason to stall.

The front of the church was decked out in wreaths and flags and there were a lot of people waiting for our arrival—mostly distant family and friends who had begun to line up outside the church. The driver got out of the limo and walked around to let my mother and me out first.

I don't wanna go,
I thought to myself with my eyes filling up with tears. I grabbed a hold to my cousin Nicole's hand as I screamed to the top of my lungs.

“I don't wanna go in there,” I yelled with tears falling down my face. My mother stood in front of me, holding on to my uncle as the funeral director led us up the red steps and into the church. Everyone was at peace with the fact that my father had been sick but it still hadn't set into my mind. My tears were falling as we two stepped into the church as the director recited the “Lord's Prayer.”

My legs felt so weak, I couldn't stand. Another cousin, Mona, stood on the other side of me and we slowly walked into the church. I looked up through blurry eyes to see the flowers that lay on top of the open casket. I couldn't do this. This was one funeral that I was not ready for. The closer we got to the casket the more tears fell from my eyes.

“Oh my God,” I yelled as the rest of the people in the church looked on. By the time my mother got to the casket I began to fall down. I saw my mother bend down to kiss a man on his forehead and that man was my father.

The funeral director motioned to my cousin and me that we were next. Somehow I was able let go of both of my cousin's hands. I turned and hightailed out of the church. I ran through the crowd—out of the door and down the steps skipping two at a time with Mona, Nicole, and Bryant running behind me. I got to the bottom of the steps and screamed loud as I thought of my father teaching me how to climb trees, sitting me on his lap while driving in a car and, most of all, telling me to kiss his cheek every morning before school.

I just couldn't do it. I could not go back into that church. I sobbed, lying my head down on Nicole's double D's after she'd caught up with me.

“Calm down. Everything is gonna be alright,” she said, running her hands through my hair.

“Look, Bryant and Mona are here with you. We're all gonna go in there together,” said Nicole, grabbing my hand and walking with me slowly up the steps and back into the church. I grabbed her hand and squeezed as tight as I could as my Aunt Lucy grabbed my other hand. I sobbed loudly all the way to the front of the church. I passed by all my family members that sat on one side of the church while my dad's neighbors and family and friends sat on the other.

I regretted this day from the bottom of my heart. I loved my father very much, no matter what he'd done or said to me in the past. My heart felt heavy as I approached the tan-colored casket looking at my dad lying in a brown suit. His eyes were closed tight and his hands were folded very neatly over his stomach.

“See, your dad is at peace,” said Nicole as she held me up by the lower part of my back. “He's at peace now. Here, touch him.”

My face was wet from tears, sweat, and snot. I held my hand out to touch his cheek. I fixed his tie that seemed to be a little crooked. I looked down at his shoes to make sure they matched his suit. My daddy was lying there dead. I looked up to the ceiling of the church.

“Oh, God, I can't breathe,” I yelled as Bryant, Mona, and Nicole walked me over to a seat next to my mother who was being comforted by her brother, my Uncle Lewis. I laid my head down on Nicole's shoulder and the choir began to sing as the ushers passed out the programs.

I looked down at my dad's picture on the front and thought,
this can't be.
The tears would not stop. One of the ushers handed Nicole a Kleenex and she handed it to me to dab my eyes.
Oh, God, why my daddy? w
ere the words that flowed through my mind. After about twenty minutes my eyes cleared up as I had come to realize that I should not question where God puts a period.

 

“So I know you're happy that you're going home today,” I said to Anthony as I helped him pack his bag while we waited for his discharge papers.

“You're damn right I'm happy. I'm tired of lying in this bed all day and I'm tired of eating this hospital food,” he joked, trying to get up from the bed but needing help. Since Anthony had been in the hospital he had lost a lot of weight and his bones were quite frail.

“Here, let me help you,” I said, helping him from the bed into the wheelchair. He looked up into my eyes after he'd sat down.

“You know, I'm so sorry to hear of your dad and your friend passing.”

“Thank you,” I said, getting him together. “That's okay, Anthony, because both of them are in a better place now.” I reached over for the remote to turn off the TV.

Knock, knock.

“Come in,” said Anthony in a weak tone. A young Caucasian lady with long, jet-black hair entered the room wearing a long white lab coat.

“Hey! How are you today?” she said, squatting down to Anthony's eye level.

“I'm fine, just happy to be going home,” Anthony responded cheerfully. I sat on the side of the bed waiting for the doctor to hand Anthony the discharge papers for him to sign.

“Yeah, I know you are but here's the thing. Um, I need to speak with you about something very important,” she said in a low tone.

“Sure, what's up?” Anthony shot back excitedly. I made myself comfortable on the bed because I had a feeling that this was gonna be a long drawn-out discussion on how he needed to take care of his new kidney once he was released.

“Um, it's kind of personal. Do you wish to have someone in the room while I talk to you or would you like us to talk in private,” she said, looking over at me and then at him. Anthony turned to me with a smile on his face.

“Juan, can you please step out of the room for a minute while I talk to the doctor?”

“Sure,” I said, getting up from the bed and setting his bags down. “I'll be right out in the hall if you need me.”

“Okay, love you,” Anthony said.

“Love you back.” I walked out the door closing it behind me.

I walked around to the snack machine and bought a bag of my favorite candy, M&M's with almonds. Ohhh, I loved them. By the time I got back around to Anthony's room I heard a loud scream.

“Aaaahhhh,” yelled Anthony from inside the room. I knocked on the door before opening it and walking in. Anthony was now in a wheelchair and screaming hysterically.

“Can you please stand outside?” the doctor asked as I tried my hardest to follow her orders but couldn't because my friend looked as if he was in pain.

“Aaaahhhh,” Anthony continued to yell. “Juan,” he cried out to me raising his arms for me to lift him up from the chair. I ran over to him.

“Anthony, what's wrong?” I asked as his tears fell from his face as if he was in excruciating pain. The doctor backed away and walked toward the door.

“I'm gonna go get some tissues,” she said as she walked out the room closing the door behind her. I grabbed Anthony and gave him a hug. I held him tight as he sobbed in my arms.

“Anthony, tell me what's wrong,” I begged.

“I'm gonna die,” he yelled as his cries got louder. The tears in my eyes started to swell.

“What do you mean you're gonna die? What's wrong”? I held on to Anthony as tightly as I could without him falling from the wheelchair.

“I got AIDS,” he cried as he continued to hold me tight. I gathered him up and laid him down on the bed.

“Anthony, please calm down,” I yelled with tears falling from my eyes. The doctor came back into the room with a box of tissues.

“Ahhh,” continued Anthony as he grabbed the pillow and held it tight. I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve.

“Doctor, can you please tell me what's going on?” I asked. “I'm his next of kin,” I added.

Anthony continued to yell as he bit into the pillow on the bed. The doctor reached for his chart that was on the bed.

“What's your name, sir?” she asked.

“Juan. Juan Jiles.”

“Okay, sir, I see your name. Is he your brother?”

“Yes, my brother.”

“Well, sir, your brother has AIDS.”

“Oh, God,” I yelled as the doctor grabbed me. My head was beginning to hurt. I felt weak. The next thing I knew, I was out cold on the floor.