In His Command (15 page)

Plain and sueded on the outside, the softened band was the same dark fawn as his hair. Between two fingers, he felt the engraving on the inner surface. With the wide strap bent inside out, he rubbed his thumb over the words.

Not an assignment. C.C. 2070.

I started talking when a couple tears plopped onto the band, and he held himself rigid, the wet clicking of his throat closing off his words. “Got Hills to do it. Heard he was handy with his swivel knife cuts. I’d seen some of his work in the bartering hall yesterday.”

When he stayed silent, I asked, “Gonna put it on?”

After he snapped it over his wrist, he rushed forward, driving his lips to mine. “Never gonna take it off, Caspar.”

I’d dropped the last of my guard by calling him Nathaniel instead of Blondie, by giving him a gift that showed I cared for him. That night, what felt like our first and last night together all rolled into one, I kept my own vigil over him, watching him sleep. Later, when he began thrashing in the bed from the deep hold of a nightmare, I gently kissed his forehead and stroked his back. His fists loosened, hands finding me. Pulling him on top of my chest, all the while sending a hand up and down his back, I comforted Nathaniel. His breaths steadying with mine, I closed my eyes, filled with a sense of rightness, wishing this could last forever.

There was no fanfare or hell-yeah feeling in the morning. It was cold, cloudy, and the frost didn’t lose its brittleness as the day wore on. Blondie stroked his cuff and sent me a smile over breakfast, but he also spent a lot of time examining his biscuits and gravy. Before I could collect my scythe and head for a final day of fieldwork, the slow leak of stragglers from Alpha became a new flood of bum-rushed refugees.

“Mr. Cannon, Mr. Cannon!” a shrill voice called across the mess.

I rose quickly, in search of the girl shouting my name. Strawberry-blond hair curled over her cheeks, the same child I’d noted a couple days before. Her eyes were earnest when she grabbed my hand with both her tiny ones. “My daddy, Micah, told me to get you.”

I tripped over my feet, trying to limit my steps to her small ones. She braided us in and out of the melee just like her father had. “Right over here, Mister.”

Fuck me.

There was Leon, holding his mother’s hand and wearing a half smirk, not the full grin he used to bear. The fading bruises, the way he hugged the left side of his ribs, and the new maturity to his expression made my shoulders bend with the weight that I hadn’t been able to stop his torture by CO tactics.

I’d never been so happy to see the little fuck in my life, probably because I’d never been happy to see him before. Despite his shitty appearance he was alive, and Mrs. Cheramie, too, so my perma-grin battled my scowl.

“What’d you do, boy?” I pulled him inside my arms, patting him down, making sure all his parts were connected by the right pieces.

“
Mais
, I set off dat tornado alarm at the Amphitheater.”

“You stupid dickhead.”
Understatement.

He shrugged. “Bought y’all some time, yeah,
cher
?”

“And yourself a trip to the RACE brig. Don’t you ever try to play the savior again, hear me?”

His new wisdom lasted only so long. With his hands on his hips, Leon suggested, “Add to my bad-boy appeal. Makes me hot hot, for when you get tired of dat big handsome glaring over there.”

Evangeline smacked him with a “
Tête dure
.”

I swiveled my neck and once-overed Blondie. “How’d you break out?”

“Reckon your boyfriend had somethin’ to do wid it.”

I couldn’t stand Blondie hanging back. I took two steps toward him, until we were side by side.

Now that Leon was safe, I had another concern. “Where’s my bike?”

“I stored her. She safe in Alpha, waiting for you.”

“Yeah, I was thinking you could keep her.”

He cocked his head. “Why would you want me to do dat?”

It was a pretty safe bet I’d never return to Alpha, never find out what happened to Liz or her dad. Never water my dead plant or any of that shit. I wasn’t going to make it farther than the Outpost, if that far.

“You take care of her for me.” By her, I meant all of them. Evangeline, Eden, Kamber…Jonquil. All the children.

My man drew in a sharp inhale, and Leon’s brown eyes flipped open in surprise before narrowing with the shrewdness I’d first seen in Alpha when he was beaten black and blue. “
Mais oui bien sûr, mon petit
, do I rate a blow job for my efforts?”

Blondie cut between us. “No way, boy.”

“He your mouthpiece now?”

“His name’s Nathaniel.” I put my arm around his waist.

I could feel Blondie’s gaze boring into me, but before I could say anything else, we were swept up in the tide of bodies. What had been a trickle became a waterfall with shouts called overhead.

“Corps!”

“Coming our way!”

After our hang-free-and-easy time, it looked like the shit had finally caught up with us. Everyone was fixed on Darke, who stood beside Micah on the tractor that had throttled from the barn to the middle of the main street. “A division of Corps scouts found the trail from the latest batch of newcomers. My militia is leaving within the hour. We’ll cut them off. Rangers and Revolutionaries, we’re going to make it to Alpha. We will win this war!

“You all have a job. This is
our
land. The Company will
not
take it from us without a fight. Fortify the meeting hall with food and munitions. Women, children, and elders who are not fighting will regroup there with a contingent of guards. The rest of you warriors take to the forest and guard Chitamauga.”

Handing Evangeline over to Miss Eden, I worked our way backward out of the crowd. “This what you were waiting for?”

“Somethin’ like that.”

“We’re gonna head off the Corps troops?”

Blondie gave a grim nod.

For the remainder of the day, we worked beside the Freelanders. Off and on, I caught Blondie having quiet words with Hills, Hatch, or Miss Eden. I wanted to have words with someone, too, and tell them that I didn’t know what Blondie had up his sleeve, but we were going to make sure they stayed safe. I wanted to allay the fears of the children and elders, gloss over the realities of war with some reassuring words.

We set up blinds in trees for the scouts, handing weapons out to them. We secured the meeting hall so it would provide protection for the innocents when the time came. I taught offensive moves to a group of able young men and women, many of whom showed tenacity and talent in the tactics of warfare, having been brought up on it. Leon had a flair, too, so I made sure he received a weapon and adequate ammo, although I wasn’t afforded that fucking privilege, again.

I got a lesson in explosives made from their homegrown cotton, a little lightweight combustible called guncotton. We laid a perimeter of the projectiles around the entire commune.

Night fell with its own bleak promise.

At the caravan, we packed with the usual precision and stacked our gear by the door. My ammo had been returned, so I spent a fair amount of time cleaning and loading my weapons. The Glocks, my SIG P229s, the beautiful M4 rifle. I polished my brass knuckles and swept a cloth over my knife, keeping the extras out of sight. Sitting beside me, our asses to the floor, Nathaniel did the same, his arms and armament having been freed up intact.

All set and ready to head out, that just left Nathaniel, me, and a few hours of downtime. All day I’d sensed something was afoot. Maybe even since the moment I’d come to in the caravan. Whatever it was, he wasn’t as sneaky as he thought. But neither was I as smart as I used to give myself credit for, since using his given name at a time like this played dangerous games with my heart. Calling him Blondie had been my final barrier against intimacy.

I was sick and fucking tired of the fences I put up, the furrows I buried my shit in, the falsehoods we told each other. Tonight I wanted to feel.

I spun him toward the bed, both of us tearing at clothing. We were greedy, sloppy, shoving at each other’s arms, legs, and bodies until we were panting and naked.

I fell into bed, reaching for him. When my heels butted his hips, I crashed him down on top of me. “Can you take me now?”

In answer, he turned to his side and lifted his thigh, peering at me through that curtain of hair with wicked eyes. “You. All I need is you.”

Scrambling for the lube, I smeared it over my cock, using two fingers to warm and wet him, biting the nape of his neck to hold him still.

He shoved my hands away, spreading himself open for me. “I’m ready. Inside me, now.”

Goddamn.

The condom creased inside my shaky fingers, and I almost shouted in frustration. He took it from me, blew into it, and rolled it down my length, pausing to pinch my tip and bundle my balls between his fingertips.

With him lying on his side against me, I took him in one long slide. “Nathaniel.”

All day he’d hardly met my eyes, but now that I was pulsing inside him, he arched his neck and dove into my stare. His eyelids shuttered only fleetingly when I sped my thrusts.

So thirsty for him, I lapped his biceps, his back, his throat. I squeezed him against my chest and fucked him so fast I couldn’t breathe. I knew he was coming only when he clamped down on my cock, pressuring my own release.

Our climax was loud, lengthy, and unashamed.

The primitive communion didn’t end with just one fuck.

“Wanna stay right here.” He nestled against me.

I wanted that, too. Damn shame it wasn’t gonna happen.

I kept my watch again that night. This time my eyes were shut, but all my other senses were on high alert because I knew he wasn’t staying. A few hours into me faking sleep, Blondie was on his feet and slipping out the door with a stealth I admired. Maybe I’d expected him to return, to linger over me, because I stayed deep in the Blondie-smelling blankets for longer than prudent. Guess that’s what earlier had been about: goodbye with a good fuck.

The cold bit into me as I left the same way he had—silently, with my backpack on my shoulders and my holsters on full.

I went after him, because that’s what I’d been taught. Not by the Corps. Not by the CO, but a place inside me they hadn’t warped. When you cared about someone, you protected him until your last dying breath any way you could. Even if he didn’t want it, might not deserve it.

Honor.

Duty.

Loyalty.

The forest was asleep, stark in black-and-white shadows. The frost held the imprint of his footsteps. The way they were spaced out and pressed lightly, I knew he ran at a fast, even clip. I stole off to the left of Blondie’s path, ducking and weaving past branches trying to tackle me. Doubling up my steps, I veered right again when I figured I’d outrun him.

Six kilometers away from the village, I stopped and waited. When he appeared before me, I strolled from behind the dense arms of a fir tree. The big, cold moon pinpointed the spiny needles of pines. Icy crystals crackled between us.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked.

He didn’t show any surprise as he slowed. He probably had a dozen contingency plans all mapped out about how he was gonna ditch me. “Savin’ the commune. Savin’ you.”

I snorted at that last one. “Well, you’re not leaving without me.”

“I can see that.” Sorrow reached up into his eyes and dropped down over his shoulders.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“Not tryin’ to.”

“It sure stinks like that’s what you’re doing.” Then a miserable thought sideswiped me, the same one that had haunted me for a couple days. Man, I did not want to do this now.

Fuck that. I don’t want to do it ever.

I brushed a hand over my hair. My regulation buzz cut served only to remind me that the man wielding the shaver on me last time had been Blondie. And the haircut had ended in hot, wet kisses all over my neck, ears, and chin, finally my mouth.

My jaw clenched. “This about Eden?”

His sharp laughter landed in the pit of my stomach. “No, you idiot. It’s about doing what’s right and keepin’ the soldiers away from the commune.” There was no amusement when he stared at me. “It’s about you.” Closing in on me, he pointed his finger at my chest and shook his head. “You don’t need to be jealous of her, Caspar.”

My denial of jealousy didn’t make it past my mouth, because it was too busy gaping open, probably like my fish in its death throes. I was a schmuck for not putting it together before. Their quiet words, the blue eyes, same as flowers, their love of music and the way they’d played the song so seamlessly together during the harvest celebration, right down to the scathing look Eden had given him the morning he’d delivered me—bloody and beaten—to her healing hands.

Those lingering looks, not of lovers, but bloodline.

“She’s your mother!” exploded from me.

“Yeah.”

“Your mom’s a Freelander.” Against the pitch black of predawn, clouds of cold breath came from me faster and faster. “When we were ambushed, you were never in any danger. I took a goddamn blade for you!” That particular wound suddenly hurt worse than any injury I’d suffered in war.

I
stalked within decking distance of him, my fists white-knuckle tight.

He must’ve had balls of iron because he didn’t even back up. “I would’ve done the same for you. I tried to—”

He needed to shut the hell up. I was tempted to make sure he did with my hand wrapped around his windpipe, maybe some fingers pinching his nostrils closed for good measure. I was generous, opting for words before ass-whupping. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You don’t trust me, remember?” His features hardened until the rigid planes looked unbreakable. “Besides, the less you know about me, the better for you in the long run.”

And my patience was about to run out. “The fuck’s that mean?”

“Look, I already took a risk showing you the commune.”

“
Showing
me?”

He exhaled, long and deep, like he was the one getting frustrated.

That’s when I let my fingers do the talking. Grabbing him by his jacket, I pulled him in to my face. “I’m fed up with you playing me,
Blondie.
”

His head on recoil, he said, “I’m not goddamn playin’ you. I didn’t want you to have to go against your own people.” He peeled my fingers off him, the muscle in his cheek jumping. “I was only tryin’ to protect you.”

My hands moved over his chest to his throat. “You better start thinking about protecting yourself right about now.”

I went for his neck and squeezed. I got some satisfaction when his eyes widened in shock, then narrowed in hurt. The nimble fucker jerked his knee up between us, connecting with my stomach with such power my fingers released, giving him enough time to dodge aside and raise his hands, hands that were spread toward me when they should have been doubled up in fists. “Caspar,” he implored.

“Cannon,” I snarled, going at him. This time I got in a fast jab to his sternum that left him gasping.

When he looked up at me, the hurt was gone, replaced by rage.
Excellent
. He flew at me, all feet, fists, kicks, and hits. I feinted; he followed. I threw off my jacket, whipped it around his arms, care of that neat little lassoing trick Micah had so thoughtfully taught me back at the ranch.

Digging his heels in as I dragged him to me—his arms wrenched behind him—he tried twisting away but didn’t get far. I hauled Blondie to my chest and pulled back my fist. He was so furious, his lips were a thin white gash.

I simply grinned and asked, “Still not talking?”

We stared each other down, our torsos billowing against each other. Suddenly it was too warm, as if it weren’t the dead end of a frosty night. A drop of sweat rolled from his temple toward the corner of his mouth, the same way his flesh had teased me our first day on this goddamned mission.

“Fuck!” My fist that had been raised to pummel his goddamn gorgeous face opened and sank into his hair. “I swore I wouldn’t hurt you.”
And
I won’t, not like this, no matter what he has planned for me. Fuck!

The angry adrenaline rush turned into such fierce arousal, I let him go, steadying him when he stumbled, and tackled the buttons of his pants, flinging the material aside to get to his cock. Blondie gasped. The pain, hurt, and the anger bled from his irises, until all that was left was the same hunger surging through me.

His arms bound behind him, he watched while I traced the ridged contours of his penis stretching up to meet my hand. I palmed the domed head and a sticky drop of come pushed out. I used that slickness to ease the glide of my hand down; my thumb dragged over the softest triangle of skin just under the lip of his cock.

His pelvis swiveled, following the lead of my stroking hand. Hips that hypnotized me with the button points of bone and heavy cliffs of muscle tracking to the base of his thick cock. The honed muscles of his abdomen rippled when I yanked his shirt up.

My breath caught somewhere in my chest, a moan tearing out of my throat. “Goddamn you, Nathaniel.”

Shoving him against a tree, I attacked his mouth, biting his lips. Our tongues twisting together, I grabbed his hair and held his head still. I licked up his groan as his erection reared against mine.

With every one of our heartbeats
rat-a-tat-tatt
ing from chest to chest, I felt time speeding up, but there was no time left.

He grunted, struggling with his arms tethered by my jacket. I gave a yank to free him. Clouds of breath short-circuited between us, faster, hotter, harder. We scrabbled to get closer. His kisses scalded my lips, and his moans deafened me to all but the sexy sounds sending shoots of white heat into the base of my spine, through my balls to my unbearably hard cock.

Digging into my pack while I tore my pants down my thighs, I grabbed the first condom I reached. Turning back to Blondie, I ripped it open with my teeth, rolled it on, and grasped the firm rounds of his ass.

Lube. Goddamn lube.

Blondie pushed his bottom into my hands and arched his back. He widened his thighs and planted his feet solidly on the ground.

Fuck the lube.

I spat on my fingers and handled my erection. Rubbing my fingertips together, I dipped down to his hole and pushed inside that hot ring. With my arm around his chest, I guided him back until he was sitting on my thrusting fingers. A quiver raced down his spine and caught fire inside my cock.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whispered.

It always came back to that. I could take any pain thrown at me, so long as it didn’t involve my heart. And I didn’t want to be the cause of his pain, ever.

“Not hurting me.” He mashed his forehead to the tree trunk, his hands roaming to my ass, urging me on. “I need this. Need you.”

I wet us both once more and grasped his hips, pulling him onto my cock while I slowly penetrated, hissing as his body took me in. I lowered my cheek to his back, knocked his thighs farther apart, and plowed into him with long, forceful thrusts that came from the soles of my feet all the way through the tip of my dick.

My hand slipped down, enclosing his erection where it beat against his stomach, and his neck arched back. “
Uh
, Caspar!”

Pressing my fingers over his mouth, my voice was shaky against his ear.
“Shhh.”

His neck cranked aside, he bit his lip and curled forward, jets of come landing on my hand. I had the urge to laugh until the contractions of his wild climax sent a screaming release through my body. Rising onto my toes, lifting Blondie with me, I ground my hips to his ass. I reached low and cupped our testicles in my palm, tugging once. I erupted inside him, bending backward with a howl, leaving me shaking.

Steam rose from our breaths and bodies. Blondie fell against the tree with his chest heaving to tug his pants up.

My hands behind my neck, I paced around the circle of forest. “So, you brought me to Chitamauga to prove what?”

He stared at me, standing stock-still. “Not tryin’ to prove anything. You’d be too pigheaded to get it anyway.” He gathered his hair—a few tendrils were sweaty from our hot-and-heavy session, his smile just a twist of his lips. “I wanted to show you a different life, a choice.” Sure of step, he marched up to me. “We could have that life, together. I know you’re holdin’ out on me.” He crossed his arms while I digested the implications of his words. “Every inroad I make, you throw up another roadblock. I’m not stupid, Caspar.”

I massaged my chest.

He watched my hands. “There any room left inside there for me?”

I remained on target. “You meant to leave me behind all along, didn’t you? Even before the Corps decided to go hunting for Freelanders.”

He shrugged, the appearance of innocence all perfectly packaged in a cunning Company lie. “You got me.”

“That day. When I was chopping wood instead of going on a shooting spree on the Land Cruiser. You went off. You—holy fuck—you arranged the ambush.”

“You weren’t supposed to throw yourself at Kale! Why the hell would you do that?”

Why the hell was right. But I knew now.

“Keeping you alive,” was all I admitted.

“Yeah? Well, same here. I wanted to see you safe, for once. Happy.”

“You thought a multicolored nightmare of a tripped-out caravan was gonna do it for me?” I sniggered.

“Shut the fuck up.” He was the one pacing and pointing then. “I wanted to know you might still be alive after all this is over. I’m not gonna apologize for that.”

“I don’t need you to look after me.”

“I have no idea what hot hell awaits us at the Outpost. Can you understand that?” His brows curled inward. “Not after what we’re gonna do to keep the commune off the grid.”

“I’m in it all the way. I’m a big boy, baby. Don’t try to save me.” I pivoted and picked up my backpack. “I’m not worth it.”

I heard him mutter, “You are to me.”

I focused on straightening my straps, not the shot of warmth his quiet words sent to my heart.

From behind me, came a new whisper. “I wanted you to meet my momma.”

I couldn’t ignore that. I inhaled against my shoulder, my head half turned toward him. My clothes, my body smelled of him. He pushed his toe cap into the frost. His cheeks pinked.

Fuck me.

Taking in the stars rather than his unsure demeanor, I ate a piece of humble pie and called over, “I like her. I like Miss Eden, Nathaniel. And I’m not going to let her down. You’re going nowhere without me.”

He stuffed his arms into his pack and joined me, watching me instead of the stars winking out with the wakening dawn. “No surprise there. You’re too stubborn and I’m too selfish.”

“Fucked?”

“FUBAR.”

“Double that.”

Blazing our own trail, we took to the tree cover and headed toward imminent danger, care of the Corps recon subunit. Our D-Ps were down, but Blondie could’ve uplinked us. He didn’t want to and I understood that, because I was living in my own state of denial. There was nothing out there I needed to know right now. Every hateful, fateful twist of my life had come down to these final days. The last person to worry about was Liz, but if both of us survived this, she’d find me. If not? We’d meet at grave’s end.

Our guidance system came down to the maps I’d memorized while Blondie’s eyes had walked all over my body, first in Alpha and then at the commune. The ground softening as the sun rose, the cold crunch of our boot steps became the quiet pounce of running feet.

Hours later we came upon a creek cracking under a thin glaze of ice. Leaning over, I dipped my head into clear water and filled my canteen. Blondie was watching me again.

I backhanded my mouth. “So…Eden’s a Freelander?”

“Through and through.”

“How’s that work for you? You’re a CO lifer.”

“Not precisely.” He topped up his canteen and knocked his knee to mine. “We don’t have time to get into that right now.”

“But we had time to screw?”

“Didn’t think you’d take no for an answer.”

A gut punch doubled with guilt. Great. “I was pretty pissed off.” I pulled him in so I could brush my lips over his jaw. “But that’s no excuse. I’m sorry, babe.”

“I’m not complainin’.” Blinking at the sun topping the rangy forest, he got to his feet and gave me his hand.

But that wasn’t enough. Not then. I threw my arm over his shoulder. “Would you have said no?”

He grinned. “No.”

For those few peaceful moments, I held him against me.

Our hugging and hand-holding disappeared by midday. We’d be catching up to the troops soon. He asked, “You're willing to turn yourself in?”

“Yes.” I’d already run through all the ramifications and was ready to man up.

“For the Freelanders.”

“For freedom.” I repeated Darke’s call to arms. For Kamber, Micah, Hills—not so much for that cunt Kale. “Affirmative. I believe in them.”

Blondie’s searching ended at my eyes. His were glowing, saying silently what he wouldn’t out loud.
For me?

Even though his question was unvoiced, I assented. “Yeah.”

I could admit to one change of heart, just not everything, not yet. Besides, if I really wanted to do the whole introspection thing, which I wasn’t a huge frigging fan of, I’d have to admit I half hated, half worshipped the man.

Even with his “Eden’s my momma” reveal, I was leaning toward the latter. “And I never said anything about giving up.”
I won’t give up on you either.

His eyebrow arched. My cock rose at his daring look, hard as a plank of wood and about as useful in this situation.

I coughed and cleared my vision of repeat scenes of lovemaking. “Just gotta get their attention, then beat them to the Outpost, right? We’re gonna snare them.”

“They could outflank us.”

“They won’t. There’s only the two of us. Their unit on recon travels with twenty-four soldiers.” I swatted his ass. “We’re light on our feet, faster. No chance. You know how to maneuver as well as we…as well as they do.”

The corners of Blondie’s lips lifted, dimples shifting into place briefly before he cupped my shoulders and sank his head to my neck. “I'll make sure you get out of the Outpost. I'll take care of you.”

“Just like Leon.”

Nodding under my chin, he said, “Just like Leon.”

But he didn’t sound so convinced.

Late afternoon found us running at full stretch. The sun was a cool orb barred by the thick canopy overhead, but exertion made us sweaty. We went down to T-shirts and then bare chests, jumping over fallen logs and twisting through foliage, heading south and east to cut off the Corps team.

The ricocheting calls of birds sang a shrill
Time’s up! Time’s up!
Every snap of twig or brush of red, orange, gold leaf told our story. We had no time to cover our tracks. I didn’t like that.

With our packs’ weight diminished, we racked up the clicks. Most of our gear was left at the commune. We carried the basics: weapons, spare boots, a change of clothes, rations, water. The way I was used to, the way it was supposed to be.

Gnawing on some bread supplied by Eden, we jogged for a length, running through our plan, if by plan I meant knotting the noose around our necks with our own hands.

“Listen, big man, you keep us safe out here, and I’ll keep us safe once we reach the Outpost. Do your job.” Blondie was back in biz mode.