In Ecstasy (10 page)

Adele is a majorly smart girl. I'd always been a bit intimidated by her. She looked like some boring study geek with no social life, but when I got to know her I realised she was a lot more than that. True, her priority is doing well at school, above all else, but I have to admire her determination. She knows what she wants and isn't going to let anything stand in her way. And she has fun too, once the studying is done.

Adele was having a party on the same night as Lewis Scott's. Not that there would be any conflict for anyone about which party to go to, because the two groups were socially miles apart.

I was kind of excited about Adele's party. It was an opportunity to test myself, to see if I could still have a social life and not be so terrified all the time. And that was something I really wanted. I was getting sick of the isolation. Dom's absence, after just one day, made me painfully aware of that. And I figured if Adele and Dom were capable of juggling everything, so was I.

It seemed like Mia really wanted me at Lewis's, and not just to show off as Miss Popularity. I didn't want to tell her I was going to a different party. That would've been like acknowledging our friendship was over. I couldn't bring myself to admit that yet. I didn't want to tell her how different we were now, how we had nothing in common any more. Part of me still hoped that when she broke up with Lewis I'd be there for her and she'd go back to her old self.

When she suggested it could be like old times I realised she missed us too and wanted our old friendship back, so I agreed to go. I wasn't imagining everything would suddenly be fixed between us but it could be a start, a reminder to both of us that what we had was too important to forget. I figured I could just stay for an hour, then slip away to Adele's.

The party was everything I thought it would be—totally pumping from the minute I walked up the footpath. Lewis's parents were rolling in cash, and there was something grotesque about the display of wealth. I felt uncomfortable before I even walked in the front door, and the feeling worsened the minute Mia greeted me. I guess she toned it down a bit at school because that night I saw the new Mia in full force. I saw in her face how proud she was of what she thought she'd become. She acted like she owned the place and it made me feel sick.

I had a drink to take my mind off it all. And then I had another one and another after that, and I guess that's what did it. It was the first time I'd drunk anything since that night at Glenn's. I was starting to relax and having a good time. I
wanted
to have a good time. There were people I knew, and the house was rocking. I made a decision to stay for as long as I was having fun.

By ten the drinkers were trashed and the pillers rolling along nicely. I escaped to Lewis's room to use his toilet. The loos downstairs had queues, and why should I have to wait with the rest of them? I pushed open the bathroom door and Lewis turned around, startled.

‘Hey, Mia, I was just coming to look for you.'

‘What're you doing?' I asked, eyeing the lines on the vanity top.

‘I got some coke,' he nodded towards it. ‘I promised Sasha she could have some.'

I looked past him at Sasha perched on the edge of the toilet seat and my guts tripped out. I didn't know what to say. It felt like something was going on, like I'd just busted them, but I didn't want to say anything and see it all blow up in my face. Lewis's head was down, his blond fringe flapping forward as he snorted the line.

‘Here, babe,' he said as he handed me the rolled fifty, but he was looking at Sasha, not me, and frowning slightly.

Now I looked at her, trying to smile, and she gave me a weak smile in return.

I snorted the remaining two lines. ‘Oh,' I said, like I'd just remembered, ‘sorry, did you want some too?'

Sasha left the bathroom and I made out with Lewis. It seemed really important to get him hot for me. After about fifteen minutes I pulled away and straightened my hair.

‘We'd better go back,' I murmured.

‘In a minute,' he said, grabbing me around the waist.

Back downstairs the party was even wilder. I let go of Lewis's hand and watched him walk towards a group of mates. I felt supremely confident again. I saw Sasha sitting in a corner with Lara and smiled to myself.
Stupid bitch, trying to compete with me.
I got a drink and walked through to the games room. Some guys were playing pool and I saw Sophie leaning against the bar. I'd hardly seen her since she got here.

She was talking to Glenn. After our near-drug bust at Two Tribes, he and I seemed to share a bit of a bond. But he was into much harder stuff than Lewis and me, and sometimes he made me nervous, especially when I'd smoked weed—it can do that to me, make me a little paranoid.

As I got closer, Soph began shouting at him. She sounded really pissed. Glenn was shrugging, shaking his head at her. I thought she was going to smack him in the face. He put his hand out to touch her but she hit it away really violently. When I reached her she was crying and mascara was running down her cheeks.

‘Soph, Soph, what's the matter? Chill out, Soph,' I said, trying to bring her down.

‘That guy is a fucking rapist,' she spat, pointing at Glenn and swaying wildly. ‘He can't get chicks unless he drugs them and gangbangs them with his fucking mates...'

I was just thinking how pissed people never realise how drunk and stupid they sound when, at exactly that moment, I was distracted from Sophie's incredible accusations by Tower. He‘d lurched into the middle of the room, knocking into people and making this wild gurgling noise. He was foaming at the mouth and his eyes were rolling in his head.

People started to move back. Tower stood alone in the middle of the room, shuddering as the foam spilled out of his mouth.

Someone shouted, ‘Good one, Tower!' and then everyone started laughing with relief. My immediate horror evaporated. Typical Tower, the practical joker. Foam sprayed from his mouth as he continued to jerk, and people kept laughing until he crashed into a coffee table and dropped to the floor with a ground-shaking thud. Tiny shards of glass surrounded him like teardrops. And then he started to convulse. This was not a joke. I was frozen in horror. It was the most terrifying thing I'd ever seen.

I ran over and crouched down next to him. He was a mass of jerking, twitching limbs and his body spasmed in ways I'd never have thought physically possible. His eyes were open and fixed on the ceiling as the foam spluttered from his mouth. It's an image I can't shake—those shiny whites of his eyes. He kept jerking, almost to the beat of the music. The laughter had stopped. Everyone was paralysed.

‘Quick!' I screamed, suddenly finding my voice. ‘Call an ambulance! Someone call a fucking ambulance.'

Glenn grabbed hold of my arm, hard. ‘Don't be so hysterical,' he warned.

Somebody was trying to restrain Tower and clear his airway. The convulsing stopped.

Roger, a friend of Lewis's, ran up with car keys jangling in his hand. ‘Get him into my car. We'll take him to Emergency.'

Lewis had him under the arms and Roger had his feet. The music still pounded, yet it suddenly seemed deathly quiet. I watched them carry Tower through the doorway, foam still sputtering from his mouth, and ran after them to the car.

Roger raced us through the streets, driving wildly, darting in and out of traffic. I was turned in my seat watching Lewis cradling Tower's head in his lap as he sporadically twitched. Every now and then Lewis shook him hard. ‘Wake up, mate,' he shouted at Tower. ‘Wake up.'

I stayed in the car in the ambulance bay as Roger and Lewis carried Tower into the emergency room. I was one hundred per cent sober now. I kept seeing Tower hit the floor and convulse. I was terrified he would die. And as the moments dragged by I realised everything would be exposed now. The cops would be called in. My parents would find out. I shook and shook. I couldn't stop. I knew it was all over.

I was just opening the car door to go inside and see what was happening, when Lewis and Roger came running back to the car. They jumped in and were still pulling their doors shut as Roger took off in a squeal of tyres.

I looked at them in amazement. ‘That was quick. What did they say?'

Roger was driving as fast as he had on the way to the hospital. My fingers clutched the door handle tightly. Neither of them would look at me.

‘You told them what he'd taken? They need to know.' I looked from one to the other. Neither one of them said a thing.

‘Say something,' I screamed. I was freaking out. Their silence was terrible. ‘Lewis, did you speak to anyone?'

He shook his head. ‘We don't know what he took, Mia. It could've been a combination of anything. If we'd hung around we all could've got into serious shit.'

I couldn't believe what he was saying. ‘Roger?'

He took his eyes off the road for a second and glanced at me. ‘Lewis is right. They'll know what to do.'

I shut my eyes. What had they done? ‘I can't believe you guys. He's your friend,' I screamed at Lewis, my eyes filling with tears.

Finally he looked at me, stony faced. ‘Fuck, Mia, if you're going to party like an adult you're going to need to grow up.'

It was all over that night. There was no friendship left between Mia and me. What she did to me, you don't do to your friends. I felt abandoned and discarded and totally betrayed. I'd risked so much to go to that party for the sake of our friendship but she didn't care about me at all. I was nowhere near as important as her drugged-out loser friends.

I knew when I agreed to go that Glenn would probably be there. I figured one day I was bound to bump into him and at least this way I could be prepared. Glenn was a covert operator. I, on the other hand, am not. No way was I going to accept a drink from someone I didn't know and trust. I wasn't frightened of what he could do to me, it was the thought of seeing him at all that freaked me.

But when I did see him, leaning against the wall, I wasn't scared. Not one tiny bit. I was mad. I was really mad. I'd had a few drinks and that probably gave me a strength I might not otherwise have had. He was so sleazy, so smug, it enraged me even more.

‘Hey, Sophie Spencer,' he eyed me up and down, ‘long time no see.'

‘Funny about that,' I said through gritted teeth. ‘You're lucky you're still around.'

And then he touched me. His heavy, disgusting hand touched my arm and immediately jolted me into a state of panic.

‘Don't you dare touch me.' I hit his hand away really hard. ‘You fucking disgusting pig.'

And then he laughed, that same amused giggle he'd made when I'd run terrified into his screen door.

‘Settle Sophie, it was only a bit of fun. You know how much you wanted it.'

If Mia hadn't appeared I would've punched him in the face.

She was trying to calm me down, and I guess I must've looked pretty crazed. And then all of a sudden I knew what to do. Tell the truth. Right now. It seemed so obvious. Once she knew, that old Mia, hidden deep inside Miss Plastic Fantastic, would quickly rise up to support me.

But even as I began I faltered. Immediately her eyes were filled with that same look I'd seen before when I'd tried to have this conversation. A look of judgement and disbelief. The patronising look of someone who wishes you would accept responsibility for your own mess.

How had things got so bad? We weren't bad people. But Mia had turned into a total stranger. What she did and thought wasn't on any wavelength I occupied. It was ironic that she should think I had no control over my actions—that I was some cheap slut who did it with anyone, anytime. In spite of her sceptical face, I continued. She had to know what had happened.

But as I tried to explain how Glenn spiked drinks and assaulted girls, some party-hard giant staggered into the room with foam spilling out of his mouth. It was disgusting, and everyone was laughing. I thought, who are you people? How is this funny? And Mia laughed along with them. She didn't want to know that I'd nearly been raped, that a friend of hers had drugged me. She didn't care how I felt. She turned her back on me to join in with the joke.

I left then. I didn't need it spelled out any clearer than that. I knew, without a doubt, it was over between us. For good.

The house was empty when we got back. The lights were on, the music was still pumping and the front door was wide open. I walked up the path behind Lewis, remembering the first time I'd entered his house. Inside, my heels clattered over the cold white tiles. Lewis turned the music down and I stood in the middle of the lounge room, arms wrapped tightly around myself, not knowing what to do. There were half-empty drinks and bottles all over the place. Glass crunched under my feet, and I automatically started to straighten the room.

‘Leave it,' Lewis said. ‘I've got cleaners coming tomorrow.'

I couldn't look at him. Suddenly his voice made me sick. Of course Lewis wouldn't clean up this mess. He'd get someone else to do it. I held back my tears.

'Here,' he said, more softly. I looked at the pill in the palm of his hand and then I stared into his face. He looked like a little boy who'd been caught doing the wrong thing. He almost seemed surprised when I shook my head. ‘Thought it'd lighten the mood,' he said, shrugging his shoulders.

He disgusted me. ‘You should have spoken to someone,' I muttered, willing myself not to cry.

‘That's what they're trained for, Mia. It's their job to figure it out.'

I couldn't believe him and his friends. Everyone had abandoned Tower. Dump him and run, save yourself. Nothing was what I thought it was. I wiped away the tears that were sliding down my face.

Lewis stood coldly watching. ‘He'll be all right. Don't be such a fucking drama queen.'

Tears blurred my vision as I looked for my bag. I didn't even know who he was. I watched him walk out to the back yard, then I opened the front door and let myself out.

At home I sat in my bedroom in the dark and cried and cried. I felt deluded and deceived and I had no idea how I'd ended up at this point. This was the scariest thing I'd ever experienced and no one could fix it. I thought of Tower alone in the hospital and prayed someone had rung his parents. I hated the idea of him being there on his own. I willed him to be all right. I lay on my bed feeling empty and hollow, thinking about how seriously wrong everything had gone, and I cried over Lewis, because he wasn't the person I thought he was.

I thought about Sophie too, and what she'd said about Glenn. I pulled the covers up to my chin and hugged my knees through the sheets. I couldn't believe that Glenn had raped her. Maybe she had done it with him, but then regretted it. After all, she hadn't told me, or gone to the police. But I'd never known Soph to lie before. I was so confused, I couldn't figure it out, and I knew I'd never sleep. Everything was so seriously wrong.

In the morning I sat in my bedroom, still crying. When I left Lewis's all I'd wanted was to get the hell away from him, but now? I didn't want to split up. Outside my window it was a bright sunny morning, and it seemed to me now that Lewis had done the best he could. He'd only been protecting everyone. I should've stayed with him. I needed to ring him. I was terrified I'd blown the best thing in my life. I picked up the phone when suddenly it rang loudly. I jumped and almost dropped it.

‘Mia.' It was Lewis and he sounded awful.

‘Hey.' I breathed a huge sigh of relief. ‘I'm so sorry about last night.'

He was silent. I listened to his breathing and felt myself panicking. This was it. He was breaking up with me.

‘Lewis,' I said loudly, ‘is everything all right? Can we talk?'

I heard his breath again and then a small noise.

‘Lewis?' I whispered. I didn't want to speak. And I didn't want him to tell me it was over. I held my breath.

He cleared his throat. ‘He died, Mia.'

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. My breath jagged in my throat. I tried not to cry out.

‘He had a massive heart attack. I just spoke to his dad. Will you come over?'

I stood under the hot spray and sobbed. Tower was dead. I turned off the taps and sat on the edge of the bath.

Tower had died.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I was scared.

Slowly I towelled myself dry and got dressed. I'd told Lewis I'd come, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to see him. Maybe Tower would still be alive if Lewis had told them everything we knew he'd taken. Maybe nothing would've made any difference. But it didn't really matter. Tower was dead.

‘You okay?' Mum asked, her voice full of concern. ‘You look terrible.'

I shook my head, not sure if I could speak or not.

‘Did something happen?' she asked, sitting next to me.

‘Lewis and I split up,' I said finally, allowing more tears to spill down my face.

‘Oh sweetie,' Mum grabbed my hand, ‘why?'

I shook my head, like I didn't really know.

That weekend was the worst of my life. Mum left me alone, believing my tears were due to my break-up with Lewis. There was no way I was telling her about Tower. I lay on my bed listening to music—real music with lyrics, about love and betrayal and break-ups. I didn't think it was possible to cry as much as I did. Lewis rang again when I didn't turn up but I shook my head at Mum.

‘I don't want to talk to him,' I said, waving her away.

I couldn't be near him and I couldn't listen to his voice. I know he hadn't thought Tower would die, but I couldn't believe how cowardly he was. I'd thought he was a god. He was none of the things I'd believed. He hadn't even tried to save his best friend's life. I was convinced that if only he and Roger had stayed and told the doctors what Tower had taken, he would have survived. And I blamed myself for just sitting in the car, waiting. I'd done nothing too.

On Monday morning I seriously considered wagging school. I didn't want to run into Lewis or any of his mates. And I was nervous about seeing Sophie. She'd know what had happened. Everyone would.

I avoided the canteen area, walking halfway around the school so as not to go near it. People kept looking my way but I turned my iPod up and ignored them all. Outside maths I saw Sophie.

‘Soph,' I called, running to catch up to her.

She stopped and turned. ‘What?'

‘Sophie,' I said, reaching over to touch her arm, ‘I'm sorry about Saturday night.'

But she looked at me meanly. ‘Just forget it,' she spat, and turned her back.

I grabbed hold of her arm. ‘Soph, what happened with Glenn? Please talk to me. You can trust me, honestly.'

She narrowed her eyes and glared at me. ‘You didn't want to know when I tried to tell you. Don't try to pretend you care now.'

She couldn't be serious. She'd seen what had happened.

‘But Sophie,' I pleaded, ‘Tower was overdosing.'

‘I guess that's the risk some people take,' she said coldly. ‘Go and talk to your new friends Mia. I'm not interested in anything you have to say.'

And then she went to the other side of the room and sat next to someone else. I stood in the doorway in a state of shock. What the hell was the matter with her? How could she be so heartless? A person had died, for Christ's sake.

I sat on my own at the back of the class, pushed my earpiece in and turned the music up. I noticed people looking my way but I pretended to ignore them. After everything we'd been through, Sophie's betrayal was ultimate. And then it occurred to me maybe she didn't know that Tower had died. Maybe when she knew that, she'd soften.

At lunchtime I went to our bench outside maths but Soph didn't show up. It was a beautiful sunny day but I felt cold. I sat on my own and listened to the shrieks and shouts of people having fun on the oval, the crack of a cricket ball, and I had no idea what to do with myself.