Impulse (32 page)
“What you sensed back there was a misunderstanding, but it makes me wonder. What would happen if I
was
with another man? Is that the deal breaker with us?”
His eyes closed.
“You could meet someone Logan; your kindred spirit may be out there.”
“You
are
my kindred.” He sat up and tilted his head to the side.
“What makes you so sure?”
Logan cupped my face with his rough hand. “Because I know it in my bones. You are the only female I desire, the only water that will quench my thirst, the only sun that will warm my skin, the only lips that were made for mine.”
His thumb brushed over my mouth, parting my lips, and I jerked my head back.
“The feelings can’t be real, Logan. I’m a Mage, and maybe it’s exciting because it’s so taboo. If you thought I was your kindred spirit, then why hide it?”
His finger hooked around my belt loop. “I didn’t understand it; as you said, you’re a Mage. I thought I was…”
“Finish.”
“Being punished. But not like that,” he said quickly. “I’ve spent my life hunting and killing your kind. I thought no goodness could be salvaged in a Mage because you had no family, no ethics, and no sense of decency if the progeny you created were made out of necessity to strengthen your Creator and not out of love. When you discovered the box, everything made sense. Our blood must be in your veins.”
“My mother was human. That’s a fact. Grady was probably my father, or at least put his spark in a human’s sperm.” I groaned, thinking about the possibilities.
He took two sharp breaths. “Tell me what’s really wrong.”
“I want reassurance. Our relationship has to be a choice and I don’t want to feel threatened or pressured into making a decision. Does that make sense?”
He shook his head.
“What kind of man will you become if I deny you? So enraged by jealousy that you would turn to violent measures? Would I have to look over my shoulder in fear that you might attack any man I’m seeing? Would you become like Tarek and—”
“
Never
!” Rage made every cord of muscle stand out.
“But how do you know?” I wrung my hands together as we looked at each other.
“Does this mean that any man who wants to date me has to challenge you to the death? I can’t live like that. These aren’t my customs and I need you to trust and respect me enough to keep that temper under control. I don’t want to always be looking over my shoulder to make sure my boyfriend isn’t taking down the waiter for winking at me in hopes of getting a padded tip.”
Logan gave me a wolfish grin.
“What?”
“I’ve never been called that before. It’s not a term we use—boyfriend.
“What would you rather be called?”
He tilted his head to the side and a lock of hair slid in front of his nose. “Lover.”
His word wasn’t a suggestion—it was an invitation.
“The challenge to court must be mutual between both males. Tarek was seeing Katrina in secret when I met her. I made my intent public and sought her father’s permission. When Katrina chose me, Tarek did not throw down a challenge.”
“So she was allowed to date around? I’m just saying that’s a heavy load to place on me so young. It feels like you’re telling me that I’m your destiny and I’ll never date another man again. You have no idea how messed up I am when it comes to relationships. On second thought, you might have an idea, and whenever your temper explodes like that, it reminds me of him.”
Logan winced as if I had slapped him. He brushed a strand of my hair to the side and leaned in. “Tell me, then. What did he do?”
“I thought he told you while you were removing his manhood?”
Logan didn’t laugh. “Females are not abused in our families. When a girl is born, her brothers will devote their lives protecting her and live in the same house until she’s mated. A brother would turn on his own for striking his flesh and blood, and any male that dares hit a female will suffer heavy consequences. It’s something we don’t turn a blind eye to, like some of the races.”
With the tip of his finger, Logan Cross lifted my chin so that our eyes met. “So tell me, female, what did he do?”
“He was jealous of everyone I talked to.”
Logan’s eyes filled with understanding—that my apprehension over his behavior was not unwarranted.
“Most of it was verbal abuse and honestly—I just thought that’s the way things were in a normal relationship. Brandon was insecure, but it wasn’t like that when we first met. Not that he was Mr. Sensitive and bought me candy, but he seemed like a good guy. I trusted him, and things went downhill when we moved in together. People change, or maybe they just don’t show you who they really are until it matters.” I’d spent a long time trying to forget my past. Funny how that works, because your past never forgets you. “I didn’t put up with… He slapped me.”
A muscle in his face twitched. “What did the police do?”
I shook my head. “For a minor infraction?”
“I would hardly call striking a female… minor.” A suppressed growl sounded in his chest.
Logan was right, but law enforcement in that small town often turned a blind eye or expected you to kiss and make up. “Brandon had buttons that I tried not to push. You know how I am with my mouth.”
“And this is the world you miss,” he muttered. “That’s not all. Tell me the rest.”
I swallowed hard, because the last time I told anyone the story, it was over a pint of ice cream in Sunny’s living room.
I averted my eyes and my hands played with the end of my shirt. “One night we had an argument that escalated, and I threatened to leave. I got so mad that my hand started slamming on all his buttons. I might have just shut myself up in the bedroom if he hadn’t thrown Max across the room. That scared me, because he’d never done anything like that to Max and it was like a light went on in his eyes when he realized another way to get at me. He blocked the door and I just wanted him to move. So I made up a lie of infidelity. What man wants a woman who betrayed him? It’s the only thing I could think of that would make him let go of me, but it didn’t have the reaction I had hoped for.”
Logan threw his legs onto the floor and paced around the room like a caged animal. “I don’t know if I can hear this.”
“Can’t control your temper?”
Without slowing his pace, he backed me into the bed and flattened me out on top of the mattress. I was caged beneath his body and his hair showered down like a veil of secrecy. The blood rushed to his face as he looked at me with pensive eyes. “Finish. You have my
full
attention.”
The lump in my throat expanded. “He punched me in the side and broke my rib.”
After a quiet moment, Logan lifted my shirt and marked my ribs with a soulful kiss.
“I don’t measure up to the Chitah women you’ve bragged about. I don’t know why you treat me so—”
He cut me off with a soft touch of his fingers to my mouth and lifted his head. “What you lack in height, you make up for in character. Your lips are the softest I’ve ever known and the smell of your skin…”
The soft scratch of his jaw against my side created a ripple of light in still waters. Never before had I been seduced by compassion.
“You can’t expect me to behave like a kept woman. Can I live my life and make my own decisions? I’m sure that you want reassurance that whatever choice I make is without pressure or a shred of doubt.”
“Are you asking my permission to see other men?” He sat up, straddling me.
That’s not what I was asking, but it pretty much boiled down to that. The freedom of choice without retaliation was crucial, and this had nothing to do with my desire to see other men.
“I don’t want to feel like my life is an arranged marriage because of your claim; I want to have a choice.”
He twisted around and faced the door. “Of course you have a choice in this; you’re the
only
one who has a choice.”
“Levi asked me to join him and I obliged.”
“Your outburst at the table?”
“You weren’t exactly in control of your temper either, my sweet.”
Point to Logan.
“I can’t trust a man who isn’t in full control of his rage.”
“I am,” he assured me.
I stepped forward purposefully. “And I’ll challenge you to that. If I have to sit in front of you and make out with Simon to test that control, I will.” All jokes aside, my concern was that Logan was the kind of man who would rather shed blood than tears.
Logan hooked his arm around my waist and jerked me toward him. He growled, deep and low in his chest.
“Jealous?” I asked.
His eyes settled on mine and were full of fire. “Immensely.”
“I was never coddled as a child and it’s been a difficult transition to be put in situations where I have to learn to trust others and accept help. Especially when people I loved broke that trust. I’m stubborn and I’ll be the first to admit it, but it’s with good reason. I’m sure it’s a stretch from some of those needy sluts that were pawing all over you at the Gathering and probably have been for your entire life.”
He pressed his lips against the base of my throat. “You’re a spitfire. Those females want me for my family name, or they’re sizing me up because I would produce strong boys.” His lips traveled to that place below my ear that had me trembling when I felt the stroke of his tongue.
“I hope you know that I’m serious,” I reminded him, breathless.
He groaned, and feeling that vibration against my neck awakened tingles in my body.
“Good enough,” I said in a raspy voice. “Now tell me what
you
want from
me
.”
His eyes pulsed with amber fire as he carefully considered his answer. “All of you all over me.”
My hands threaded through his hair so that I could admire his cheekbones, strong nose, and hungry mouth. “I’m serious,” I said, tugging his hair.
So were his fingers that found their way up my shirt, his thumbs circling tenderly over my silky bra.
I stepped back, catching my breath before he stole it. “I want us to be able to talk to each other this way—honestly.”
“What?”
He sat on the bed and clasped his fingers together.
“Logan, tell me the truth. I also want you to agree not to maul anyone behind my back for my honor. Is that a deal?”
“Deal. No lies. No going away on secret missions like you did this week without telling me,” he said, skidding his eyes to mine.
“I’m sorry that you couldn’t know the truth, but it wasn’t my call. It was just a matter of my security and—”
“And you not trusting me. Did you think I was going to leap on a plane and lead Nero’s trackers to you? Have a little faith.” He tugged at my jeans, pulling me between his open legs. It was just a slight shift of our bodies, but the air between us grew heavy and hot.
“So you aren’t jealous about what happened with Christian?”
“A female is a sexual creature and I’ve been around long enough to know about needs.” The button popped free from my jeans, and his fingernail scraped along the zipper.
“What are you thinking?” I asked.
His hands wrapped around my hips and slid down my thighs—mimicking the feel of jeans sliding off. “Sometimes, Silver, I want you to let me wear the pants.”
“Justus is upstairs,” I warned.
His laugh sounded more like a purr. When he tried to lift my shirt, I crossed my arms.
“Why do you act so timid around me? Female, I
know
your body.”
My shoulders lifted.
He traced his nose along the line of my jaw. “Remember I once said that I enjoy a slow seduction?” He smiled, drunk with my fragrance. “Lay with me.”