Imminence (3 page)

I slowly backed into the cubicle and closed my eyes. Surely I had to be losing my mind. The previous night’s anxiety and fear returned. I took deep breaths until my pulse slowed down. I opened my eyes and stepped out of the cubicle again. I hadn't imagined it, this was real. Both men were still hanging close to the fitting booths, but they had now been joined by two others. The newcomers were noticeably younger and had arrived due to curiosity rather than any other motive. I could sense how their minds were filled with hundreds of questions and how they were itching to approach me. The younger men’s excitement was different from that of the two others; there was nothing threatening or frightening about it and I found myself taking a step towards them. At the same time, the black-haired man moved towards me and turned his black eyes on me. His every muscle tense, he slowly approached me.

“Carson a tha eagal ort?” he said in a low, rough voice. I looked at him in fear. His eyes seemed to be filled with the smoke from hell. For each step he took towards me, I took one backwards.

“Carson a tha eagal ort? Cha chaomh e cron ort idir,” he barked. I had no idea what he was saying. The words and the language felt familiar, but my mind was unable to understand a word. My brain refused to function, as if my thoughts had been packed into a heavy wooden armoire. I knew I was meant to understand him, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't interpret the words.

“I cannot understand you. Are you lost? Can I help you?” I asked, confused.

He grinned, beast-like, and the other men smiled. I couldn't back away much further than a few steps and my back would hit the wall. I had to quickly decide what to do next. I experimentally took a few steps sideways. The men were already very close. A few strides and the black-haired one could grab me. I took a few more steps. The men stopped. Even though it was noisy in the shop, I could hear their breathing and sense the impatience underneath their relaxed exterior.

“Feuch, Sofia,” the men were saying.

“Feuch,” the black-haired man repeated.

I was totally confused. This seemed like a B-class movie, a very bad one, and I could've laughed at this but I dared not. My head was beginning to ache and I felt as if I were feeling my way around in a fog. I was close to grasping the words and could almost understand them, but when I felt the fog lift, I lost my grip again. What did this mean? Who were these men? They weren't my nightly threat, I was quite sure of that. I had a relatively clear idea who was looking for me, whose mind was trying to find me last night, and I was completely certain I would recognize him no matter what shape he chose. I was getting ready to run when the black-haired man rushed to me and took my arm roughly. He shook me and shouted at me. I saw the shop guards approaching the men, but they made no move to run.

“Feuch! Sofia! Feuch!” The man was shouting and I found myself screaming back at him.

“Stop! I am trying!”

It became completely silent. I noticed I could really understand these men. Now that the fog surrounding my thoughts had dissolved, my head was filled with noise. I realized I could hear what the men were thinking, all of them, and that I understood them perfectly. We could share our thoughts and converse without speaking a word. Amazing. They were like me. Shape shifters. It had been nearly two hundred years since I‘d had anything to do with other shape shifters. Especially with the kind who were born as wolves, like myself. I had consciously been running away from them so that he could never again find me. I had thrust Gaelic deep into the recesses of my mind and hadn’t dared use it since the day I’d left him. Moreover, I had not delved into the minds of other people until last night and it didn’t come easily to me right away – otherwise I’d have recognized them immediately, long before they came close to me.

Now that my mind had opened up again, I noticed I was able to control it easily. I could share my mind with the other shape shifters if I wanted to, but I could also block them completely. I could talk to them in many languages but Gaelic was the easiest to us all. I didn't know where they had learnt it or who had taught them, but they mastered it perfectly. I was curious, as none of them seemed to be old enough to be descended from my mother’s lineage. I did not know if Farkas or Gur, my mother’s brothers, had found themselves new spouses and passed the ability to shape shift on to their descendants. It felt unlikely that my parents would have managed to produce a new litter of shape shifters, but I couldn't know that for sure and the idea frightened me. Had I made the wrong choice when completely deserting my family? Could I adapt and connect with these young shape shifters? I had to know more about them.

I was still afraid. I didn't know at all what these men wanted from me. I knew now that they understood my language completely. The only way of waking the memories in my mind was to force me to speak the language I had used throughout my childhood. The language my mind would never forget. My mother’s tongue, Gaelic. The words were now flowing easily back to me and I wanted to ask the men about so many different things. But the guards were getting close and the men scattered swiftly, disappearing into the maze of the mall. I went to the check-out and paid for my purchases. I spent the rest of the day wandering around the shopping center and trying to locate the men. I sensed that they were still there and at times I felt their black eyes staring threateningly from the darkness. However, the men did not show themselves again and in the end I had no choice but to head back home.

I was totally exhausted. I dragged myself up the stairs and acknowledged faintly how quiet our house was. On the table there was a note saying that the girls had decided to go and stay with David’s parents for at least one night. Perfect. I needed some time alone and as it was so late, I knew David would be in a deep sleep. The events of the day in the shopping center had taken all my strength. I’d had time to think of many things during my drive back home. I couldn't understand who the men were and how it was possible that my instincts hadn't warned me about them. The appearance of so many shape shifters in the same place at the same time ought to have rung at least some kind of a primal alarm in my head. The only reason I could think of for this was that the men belonged to his pack. No doubts about it.

He had finally found me, but I couldn't understand how it was possible. How had he found me now? For almost two centuries I had managed to escape him. I had been extremely careful and covered all traces of my shape shifts. After he lost his mind and started hunting human children I had not been in Sweden. Not once, even though every cell of my being longed for the uninhabited forests of Sarek. I longed to run in the hills for days on end and to hunt prey. To wander on the steep hills and to enjoy the stillness of the hours before dawn. I longed for the solitude that was only broken by the call of an owl or the sound of its wings when it flew over the surface of a calm forest pool. I longed to drink from mountain streams and to frolic with my pack. To breathe the dazzlingly clean air and to be free from all the restrictions of human life.

I sighed and shuffled to the bathroom for a wash. I threw all my clothes carelessly to the floor. I stepped into the shower and let hot water pour all over me. I wanted to remove all traces of him before snuggling into David’s warm arms. I dried myself and slipped into our bed. David was already deeply asleep, as I had thought. Thankfully so, as I wasn't in the mood to explain the day’s events or the reason I had come home this late. I slid my naked body against David’s and closed my tired eyes. My head was already throbbing but I tried to prevent the impending ache by gently massaging my forehead. David moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I tried to relax, but the events of the day were rolling in my mind and I felt restless. It felt like everything was not in its right place.

“David,” I whispered tenderly. For a reply I only got incomprehensible mumbling.

“David,” I repeated, a bit louder. I heard a low rumble close to my ear.

I tried to feel David’s mind but couldn't get hold of it, which was very strange. I opened all my senses and cautiously sniffed the air. I caught no familiar scent of my husband. Still, another scent jolted my memory. Suddenly my eyes flew open.

“Gunward!” I screamed. “What are you doing in my bed?”

“Taking what´s mine,” Gun rumbled into my ear. I attempted to free myself from Gun’s hold, but his grasp of my body was like steel.

“Your wiggling is a real turn-on, keep going,” he urged me with his deep voice.

His steely grip around me tightened and his other hand stroked my body. I forced myself to lie absolutely still, even though I could feel a hint of pleasure in my lower belly. My body still recalled Gunward well, as he had been my first love, my partner who was meant to share my immortal life.

“Stop it! Stop it right now,” I hissed. “You don´t belong in my life anymore. You haven´t belonged in it for over a hundred years and it was your choice.”

“If I go, you´ll never find out where I took your dear husband and whether he´s still alive.” I knew Gunward was enjoying the situation and grinning like a beast behind my back, so I decided to keep still. Nothing aroused him like a good fight and I had no intention of giving him the smallest cause for anger. I only wanted to know what he had done to David and whether he had hurt him.

“What do you think he will think when I tell him how willingly you came into my arms? How your body responded to my caresses. You, my love, are mine forever. It has been so since the day you emerged from your mother’s womb. It has always been you,” Gunward whispered.

I shivered in his arms. I couldn't help remembering how we used to run on the mountains together, the cool night air caressing us. How we had hunted together and enjoyed our freedom, the solitude of wilderness, yet knowing we would never be alone. We would always have each other, forever. My body remembered how well it fitted with Gunward’s, how it had joined with this magnificent creature. It could not have been any other way. I was made to be Gunward’s partner as he was made to be mine. I was meant to carry his litter, which would be like us, shape shifters. But then everything changed.

Gunward had gone off into the forest alone and wandered too close to a human village. The darkness had reached him. He had sneaked into the village to bring some food for me. A delicious chicken or lamb. But outside the cowshed there had been a little boy. About three years old. The boy had smelled more delicious than anything Gunward had ever hunted before. The child had frozen at the sight of the hunting animal. Then he had broken into a run and Gunward had torn his little body into shreds. Madness in his eyes, he had torn at the child until there was only a bloody mess on the grass. And then, when the beast had had enough of the child’s blood, it had lifted its bloody snout into the air and howled. A victorious and ferocious howl, which other wolves nearby had joined. I could have forgiven it as a momentary lapse in the darkness, but Gunward had gone completely mad. He had never tasted anything so good and he went hunting again. Only after he had killed nine children did the darkness leave his mind and he returned to me.

But as we were one, I was with him on his gruesome hunts. My mind experienced everything he had, the same craving imprinted into his brain when he tasted a human child. I knew I had to escape. The only way to achieve this was to leave Sweden permanently and to take a form whose mind would be out of Gunward’s reach. I transformed myself into a sparrow hawk and flew into a small forest on the slopes of a nearby fell. I stayed there for days, sheltered by the trees. I struggled deeper into the forest with my little wings. My little heart was hammering in my chest. I felt Gunward’s mind search for me, felt how mad with rage he was. I was lucky that the mind of a bird was too simple for him to find me. My heart quivered and my body ached, as I knew I had lost him forever.

“That day will never come. I´m married to David. You have made your choices like I have made mine. We no longer belong to each other, is that so hard to understand?” I hissed, trying to wriggle out of his grasp

“You cannot ever belong to anyone else,” Gun barked dangerously and tightened his grip so that I felt a whiff of panic in my mind. He must have felt it too, for he quickly loosened his grip and let me draw slightly away from him. “But I´ve never taken you by force and I won’t do it now. I´m going, but not far. If you really want to, you can find your beloved David in your wine cellar. I locked him in there like a rabbit. Does he know who you really are?” I remained silent.

“I thought so. Your dear husband might not want to be with you if he knew you are a wolf and no closer to a human than a dog,” Gunward snapped impatiently.