I'm Holding On (8 page)

Brynlee

I’m freaking out. Drew and I
hinted about our attraction for one another last weekend at the park, but he straight up told me, while giving me a very seductive look. That same look I’ve been seeing recently from another sexy man. I jump when my phone buzzes. I pull it out of my bag and see that it’s Ian.

Ian:
I miss you already. Want to hang out?

Me:
Actually, I’m spending the day with a friend, and I have errands to take care of tomorrow. Can we meet up Monday?

Ian:
Sure. Maybe I can check out this coffee shop you work at. What’s the name of it? I’ll try not to distract you, but I can’t promise. Yes, I’d be giving you that look.

Me:
Settle down there, smooth talker. It’s Clark’s Coffee Grind.

I don’t hear back from him for a couple of minutes.

Ian:
Um, Clark’s. I know exactly where that is. I hope you have an enjoyable day, Brynlee.

Me:
Same to you. See you soon.

I hurry and throw
my phone into my bag. I’m praying Drew doesn’t ask who I was texting. I don’t want to have another conversation about my dates.

We grab some sandwiches at a deli and find our spot
under a tree at the park. Drew’s sitting on the blanket with his legs stretched out while I sit facing him. My butt is lined up with his thighs, and my legs are out the opposite direction as his as I lean back on one of my hands that is behind me.

I
’m holding my soft drink bottle in the other hand, reading something that’s on the side of the label. I glance up, and I think I caught Drew staring at my chest. Has he always done that? Surely, as bad as I’ve wanted his affection, I would’ve noticed.

I can’t believe he said he finds me att
ractive. I have to be reading more into this, and it’s probably due to my need to hold onto someone safe. Ian said something about me being scared.

Drew

I think Brynlee ju
st busted me looking at her rack. She has sensational tits, which I can’t help but eye often, so I was bound to be caught eventually, and if it’s going to happen, it might as well be today. We finish eating and make fun of some of the runners.

“Wow, I thought that sh
iny spandex went out in the eighties,” she says, laughing. It’s that joyful laugh that makes me smile and want to hug her.

“Hey, now. Give her some credit. She at least has the m
atching, hot pink band stretched around her big head.”

Bryn falls back on the blanket laughing and holding her stomach.
Dammit
, I just want to crawl on top of her.

“Somehow, karma’s going to get me, Drew. I’m going to trip and fall flat on my face one of these days when I’m here running, and there will
be other mean people like us who’ll laugh at me.”

“We’re not mean. They never know we’re doi
ng it, so I think you’re safe.” I give her silky, stretched out thigh next to me a squeeze. Seeing her lying on her back in this tiny skirt is driving me mad.

She suddenly sits up and looks in deep thought as she stares at the ground.
Our upper bodies are really close again. “Can I ask you something?”

“Lay it on me.” I say.

“Have you been with a lot of women?”

“Hmm. I’m curious what your idea of a lot is.”

“I don’t know. I mean, can you like count them on your fingers and toes?”

“Yes, I
can and only fingers, actually.”

“
Were some one night stands with women you didn’t know? How many dates did you wait to sleep with them? Did you regret having sex with anyone? Well, you’re a guy, so I guess that’s a stupid question.”

Shit, she’s wanting to sleep with
Ian. Either that, or he’s pushing her to. “Sorry, you said a question. That’s like four now.”

“Drew, I’m
serious. I told you what happened to me in college. That was a big deal, so I think you can share with me. I’m surprised we haven’t talked about this already since we share everything else.”

“First, give us men a little more credit. We can have regrets, too
, and yes to a couple of one night stands in college. As far as the others, it took longer than a few dates, but I can’t remember the exact number. Are you thinking about having sex with your new guy?”

“I know he wants to. He’s intense.”

“What do you want, Bryn?” I’m solemn with my question, angry that he’s pressuring her like I knew he would. She looks away and fidgets with her dress.

“I’m scared
, but I wonder if it’s because I’ve waited so long to try it again.”

“Being nervous and scared are too different things. I think you should be nervous when it finally happens, but you shouldn’t be scared. If you are, then you’re not ready
, or it’s the wrong guy.”

My heart hammers
as I cup her face. “You should trust the man you’re intimate with.” I drag my thumb across her bottom lip. “You should never be scared he might hurt you by not taking his time or fear that he’ll disappear after.”

I lean ove
r and press my lips to the corner of her mouth like I did a week ago, ever so close to her ruby reds. Our heavy release of oxygen shares space as I stare into her vivid eyes.

“If it’s the right guy, it won’t
be sex to him. He’ll make love to you since he’ll not only lust you but think of you as his best friend.” Her sweet, little lip is quivering again, so I put my thumb on it.

“
Someone like me, sugar. You’re my best friend, but I want you, Bryn, in every way.” I close the small gap between us and press my lips to hers. I hold them there as my fingers massage the space behind her ear. Her lips are pillow soft, and as I always imagined, they taste sweet.

I release her and take hold of her hands.
They’re trembling in mine, so I clasp them tighter. She stares at me, and I can’t take it. “Say something, Brynlee, please.”

She yanks her hand
s away and jumps to her feet.

“Please take me home.”

“Bryn, please talk to me about this.”

“You have terrible timing. You know that? Terrible.”

“I know I should’ve told you sooner, and you have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to or even tried.”

Her eyes are watery
, and everything I’ve ever feared seems to be rapidly happening.

“I need to go home. I–
I can’t think right now. I’m confused. You’re confusing, Drew,” she says angrily before tears roll down her cheeks. I feel a physical pain in my chest. I’ve never made her cry before.

“OK, I’m sorry. I’ll take
you home.” I pack up our stuff as she scurries to the car with her arms crossed. Without a word, she stares out the window on the ride to her apartment. When she starts to get out of the car, she stops but doesn’t look at me.

“I’ve waited two years to
hear those words, and you say them now when I’m falling for someone else.”

“Two years, Bryn!
Why didn’t you tell me?”

Her head snaps my way.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks, yelling. “When did you realize? Was it three months ago when you thought I slept with someone, or was it this past week when you became jealous because you weren’t going to have all of my attention anymore?”

“
Lord, Brynlee, I’ve liked you since the first day I met you. I was too chicken to tell you, and then we quickly became close friends. This right here is what I’ve feared. I was afraid I’d upset you and lose you as a friend. I couldn’t bear that if it happened.”

“
You asshole. I can’t believe you’re doing this to me now!”

“W
ait a second. You tell me all the time I should go on dates.”

She turns her body to face me and crosses her arms.

“Yes, to see if you’d say you didn’t want to date anyone else because you liked me. I was always fishing, but you never took the bait.”

“You’ve given me mixed messages too, Brynlee, and you know it.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this now. I don’t want to have to choose!” She slams the car door and marches up the steps to her apartment. I bring my fist down on the steering wheel, causing the horn to blow. That went horribly wrong. I can’t believe all this time we could’ve been together.

Ian

It’s Sunday, and since I read Brynlee’s text yesterday, I’ve been ill. She works with Drew. What if she’s the girl he’s liked for two years? Coffee shops have a lot of employees, but I have a bad feeling it’s her. She’s too damn perfect for it not to be.

I have to know,
and it’s not a conversation to have over the phone. If it’s Brynlee he’s cared for all this time, then he’s going to have to hear the bad news. I’m not walking away from her.

I never thought
I’d let a woman come between a friend and me, but this is possibly my future. She’s not some random chick we both spotted at a bar. I’d step aside any day if that were the case. No, she’s already my sweet girl.

I drive over to Drew’s and knock on the door.

“Ian, what are you doing here?” He looks upset.

“We need to talk.”
Letting out a heavy sigh, he steps aside, so I can enter. He doesn’t act surprised that my mood is serious, which is seldom the case when I’m with Drew.

Thi
s is a bad sign. “Shit, you know why I’m here. It’s her, isn’t it?”

He shuts the door and looks at me.

“Yes, she’s
my
Brynlee.”

“
Your
Brynlee, huh? How did you know? Did she tell you my name?”

“I wish that was ho
w I found out. Instead, I had to see your hands all over her at the bar Friday night.”

“You’re upset about it.
I was hoping your feelings weren’t that strong for her.”

“Why would you think
that, Ian?” he asks pissed. “I told you I’ve been hung up on her for over two years.”

“Exactly, Drew. You’
ve had two years to make a move and you didn’t.”

“Brynlee and I are very close and
spend a lot of time together. I was with her all day yesterday. Do you honestly think you can compete with that? Are you going to end the friendship you and I have to chase after her?”

“I think you’re underestimating her feelings for me. If I had known it was her initially, I would’ve ne
ver went near her, but I didn’t, so it’s too late.”

“
She’s only had sex once, and the guy hurt her. She won’t recover if it happens again. You’ll toss her to the side after you get what you want like all the other women you’ve fucked.”

He’s really pissing
me off. “She told me what happened to her.”

“
And I bet it was when she was trying to get your hands off of her.” He glares at me, and I see we’re not going to get anywhere with this conversation. I run a hand through my hair and take a deep breath, trying to rid my anger.

“I told you on
the phone that I feel differently about her. I have no intentions of hurting Brynlee. She’s one in a million, and I’m not giving her up, not even for you. Sorry, man, but she’s going to be with me. You had your chance and blew it. That’s not my fault.”

I watch
his fists clench as he marches back to the door. “I told her yesterday that I’ve had feelings for her all this time, and she said she’s felt the same. I won’t let you take her from me, so you need to get out, and then you better keep your damn hands off of Brynlee.”

I stroll out the door and turn around.

“You two don’t have the chemistry we do, or your hands would’ve been all over her a long time ago. She happily let mine wander in a very short amount of time.”

“You’re a
dick, Ian, and I swear I’ll hurt you if you sleep with her.”

“You’ve always been a chicken shit around women
. You don’t have it in you to win her over,” I say with a smirk before I leave.

For the first time in my l
ife, jealousy is eating me up. They’re closer than I thought, and I need to know if it’s true she has feelings for him.

Brynlee

Confused and sad,
I lie in bed all day Sunday. I completely lost it on Drew, but he’s had two years to make something happen between us. Granted, I could’ve done the same, but I never felt completely confident that he liked me.

Ian on the other hand, makes sure a second doesn’t go by without doing or saying something to sh
ow me how he feels.

I hear Andrea
before she knocks on my bedroom door. “Come in.” I wipe away tears from my face.

“Girl, what’s wrong? Did something happen to Gram?”

“No, and I feel guilty I’m not visiting with her, but I can’t. Want to hear a juicy story that’s ripping my world apart?”

Andr
ea sits on the side of my bed.

“I was gone two days. What in the hell happened?
”

I
tell her the whole story leading up to Drew confessing his feelings for me.

“I’ve always believed he liked you.
What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know
. I felt the sparks when Drew kissed me yesterday, and it wasn’t even a passionate kiss, but that’s one of the issues.

“H
e holds back, and I don’t know what that truly says about his feelings for me, whereas Ian and I have insane chemistry between us, and I’m not questioning that he’s into me.

“Then
there’s the friendship aspect. Drew and I have a terrific friendship, and it’s too soon to tell if Ian and I could have that, especially since I can barely see past how bad I want to jump his bones.”

“You have a major
dilemma, girlfriend. Actually, it sounds like you have two hot, rock-hard dilemmas.”

“Andrea, you’re not helping
. All I’ve wanted is to hear those words from Drew, but Ian and I have gotten close quickly, especially after the night we shared together on the couch. I want him in my life, too.”

“
Sorry, but it sounds like you need to spend more time with the both of them to figure it out.”

“I ca
n’t date two men at once. How would that even work?”

“I don’t think you have a choice, my friend.”

I put a pillow over my face and groan against it loudly. This truly sucks.