I'll Sing for my Dinner (6 page)

If only I could get over the feeling that she was attracted to me because I was the only man who ever treated her like a human being. The way she looked at me sometimes was embarrassing. I’d seen that same look on the face of a teenaged girl meeting her rock star idol, and on the face of a nun praying to a crucifix. I was sure I was reading more into it than it deserved. Surely, it was impossible for me to be an object of worship. And the fact that I could even think that made me feel ashamed of myself.

It wasn’t just my imagination that she was interested in crawling into my bed. I took her out riding, and it was obvious from the beginning that she had no idea how to ride a horse. But she liked it and was willing to work at it. The first day, we rode down by the creek. I took it easy, and Lightning wasn’t too happy about it. Maggie, however, was a perfect lady, until we got close to the creek and she could smell the water.

Lightning broke into a trot, and Maggie followed him. I looked back and saw Cecily bouncing around in the saddle like a sack of flour. I winced. When we reached the water, cool and lined by willows on both sides, she was flushed and laughing.

“I need to teach you how to post,” I said. “There’s a way to ride a trotting horse that doesn’t bounce you around like that.”

“Oh, I don’t mind,” she said. Then she giggled. “Now I understand why girls like horses so much.” She leaned down and patted Maggie’s neck. “I never expected that I’d get my first orgasm at the Top Hat Ranch from another girl.”

She gave me a pointed look, and I felt my own face flush.

On our way back to the house, I broached a topic that had been on my mind. “Would you be interested in playing more?” I asked. “Kathy and Jared and I have been talking, and one idea we’ve considered is having you start on Thursday and Friday at five. We’ve noticed people coming in after work just to have a drink and hear you sing.”

It would be a long pull for a performer. As it was, I felt guilty. She was supposed to sing from six to eight, but she often played until eight-thirty, and as late as nine on the weeknights. People would keep asking for one more song, and she always obliged them. And sometimes, especially when Jared played, she’d get up and sing with the band. It seemed she never got tired of being on that stage.

“I could pay you another fifty a night on those nights.”

“Sure,” she said, her face lighting up. “I like to play.”

I gave her an old hat of my Dad’s to use for her tips. Kathy checked it a couple of times, and said on weekends Cecily was making as much on tips as we were paying her.

One night, an old girlfriend of mine came into the bar. Jeri and I had been a hot item, and we’d given our virginity to each other. Even after we went away to college in different states, we still got together when we came home for holidays. But six years away playing soldier was a bit too much, and she had gotten married. And divorced. Since I came back, we had gotten together a few times, but it just didn’t seem right to me. I didn’t love her anymore, and as good as the sex was, Jeri wanted more than I could give her.

Jeri was physically almost the opposite of Cecily, tall and busty with dark hair and eyes, she drew stares everywhere she went. Cecily ended to fade into the background unless she was playing, and I think she did it on purpose. Jeri was an extrovert, almost to the point of being an exhibitionist.

She came into the bar right after Cecily finished playing. I was on the floor, taking a tray of drinks to one of the waitress’s tables. As per usual when Cecily was playing, the place was packed. Jeri walked up to me, threw her arms around me, and gave me a kiss.

“Damn, I swear you get better looking every day,” Jeri said. “How the hell have you been doing?”

I laughed. “My mother warned me about women like you.”

“No she didn’t,” Jeri said, “she warned you about
me
. There aren’t any other women like me, only pale imitations.”

Wrapping her arm around my waist and laying her head against my shoulder, she walked with me back to the bar. “I hear you got a new girlfriend,” she said. “I’m devastated. You should at least give me a chance to arm wrestle her for you, or something.”

Cecily swiveled toward us. “That’s probably me,” she said with a smile. “But I’m not his girlfriend. I just want to be.”

I cringed.

Jeri laughed and walked over to her, extending her hand. “Me, too. I’m Jeri.”

Cecily shook her hand, and Jeri sat next to her at the bar.

A large hand fell on my shoulder. “You are so screwed,” Jared said in my ear. “What in the world were you thinking letting Jeri in here?”

“I couldn’t get to the door fast enough to lock it when I saw her coming across the parking lot,” I said.

“I’d consider whether you should find somewhere else for Cecily to be. You don’t want Jeri sinking her claws into her. If Jeri decides to get nasty, I don’t think Cecily can stand up to her.”

Remembering Cecily sleeping with that damned knife clutched in her hand, I said, “Don’t sell Cecily short. I have a suspicion her claws are bigger than you think. Jared, if anyone ever gets physical with her, step in quickly, but do it carefully. And if you ever decide to spend a night at home, be careful. The girl sleeps with a big-ass knife in her hand.”

He gave me a shocked look.

“As a matter of fact, I think she’s wearing it right now, on a thong around her neck.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“No, I’m not. Have you noticed that she never wears low-cut dresses or anything without a collar? When she’s asleep, treat her like a combat vet. I don’t know where she’s been, but wherever it was, she didn’t feel safe.”

He watched the two women chatting as if they were old friends.

“So instead of the cougar and the lamb ...”

“I think you’re looking at the cougar and the lynx. I may be wrong. Cecily might crumple in a confrontation, but I don’t think so. She’s smart, and although we haven’t seen it, I have a feeling she could shred someone with her tongue.”

I watched Jeri and Cecily. They sat there and talked almost all night. When Jeri got ready to leave, she walked over to me, put her arms around my neck, and kissed me again.

“You know, Jake, I think you’re a fool for not wanting me in your bed tonight. I’m really not as crazy as you think I am.”

Stepping away from me, she said, “But you’re not only a fool, but a damned fool and a mean one for keeping that little girl around and not giving her what she wants. Either send her packing, or tell her you love her. Don’t torture her. The Jake I know would never be as cruel as you’re being to her.”

Then she walked out and didn’t look back.

I remembered that conversation with Jared a couple of weeks later when a drunk started heckling Cecily on stage. I was hurrying toward him when she stopped singing.

“Oh, my,” she said. “You must be the guy people have been telling me about. Are you the guy who fell in the pig trough and got his balls chewed off? Is that why you want to pick on a girl?”

The audience laughed him out of the bar. I only had to steer a little bit.

“I’m terribly sorry about that,” I heard Cecily say as I shoved the drunk out of the door. “Some people can’t hold their liquor very well. And you know what happens then, don’t you? They open their mouths and let everyone know how smart they are. It’s usually a disappointment. Does anyone have a request?”

~~~

Chapter 6

Cecily

I had a conversation with one of Jared’s girlfriends at the bar one night. Jake told me that Jared and Karen had been on and off for about two years. I went to get a glass of fruit juice on my break and sat down next to her at the bar. Kathy took my order and brought my juice.

“How’s it going?” I asked Karen. She looked kind of down.

“Hell, Cecily, I don’t know.”

“What’s the matter?” I was still somewhat surprised that women here liked me. I never had girlfriends, but Jeri, Karen, and a couple of other regulars at the bar, along with Kathy and the waitresses, seemed to accept me and treat me like I belonged in Greeley, Colorado. I never felt that people treated me like an outsider.

“I’m just getting tired of Jared treating me like an afterthought,” she said. “I know he’s allergic to commitment, but sometimes, I think I should stop being a fool and move on.”

“Do you love him?” To me, the question wasn’t a formality. A woman might stay with a man for a lot of reasons.

“Yeah, I do. I know I’m a damned fool, because he obviously isn’t in love with me, but every time I break it off, I end up running back to him.”

I asked what to me was the most important question, and I watched her face carefully, “How does he treat you?”

“He treats me like a queen when he’s with me. He never forgets my birthday. Even when I broke up with him, he still bought me a Christmas present. But he’s not with me enough, and every time I turn around, he’s screwing someone else. I’m just tired of it.”

“Well, I guess that’s something you have to decide,” I said. “For me, I’d rather have a man who treats me well and makes me feel loved one day a week, than one who abuses me seven days a week.”

I wasn’t sure what I said wrong, but both Karen and Kathy looked a bit shocked.

“You wouldn’t mind being part of a harem?” she asked. “How would you feel if Jake had a harem of women?”

“I wouldn’t care,” I said, “as long as I was part of the harem.”

I got up to go back to the stage and play my next set.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that with Jake,” Karen said. “He’s the kind of man who doesn’t screw around. All he wants is one special girl.”

My breath hitched in my throat. Maybe that was the problem. I just wasn’t that girl. “You think so?”

There must have been something in my voice, because Karen shot me a look. “Of course,” she said. “Everyone knows he’s head over heels about you.”

It was suddenly hard to breathe, and my eyes filled to where I couldn’t see very well. “Everyone except me,” I managed to say, and then fled to the restroom.

I leaned against the wall next to the sink, holding my stomach and sobbing. I thought I had it so well together, but I couldn’t deny how much it hurt.

Kathy came in and stood in front of me. “Are you okay?” she asked. “What did Karen say?”

“She didn’t say anything. She was just complaining about Jared,” I said, trying to get myself together. I pushed off from the wall and started drying my eyes with a paper towel.

“I told her that I would rather have a man who treated me like a queen one day a week than a man who was around all the time and treated me badly.”

“Has Jake been treating you badly?” Kathy asked, and I could hear the incredulity in her voice.

The question shocked me. “Jake? Of course not. He doesn’t treat me any way at all. He treats me like a little sister. I think I’m sort of a substitute for Mary.”

“Ahh,” was all Kathy said.

I washed my face, dried it, and went back out to play my set. But I started thinking that I should change my situation. It had been a very long time since I wanted a man to touch me, and now that I did, he wouldn’t.

Jake was preparing the bar for Fourth of July, and had been running ragged all week. I needed to go to the store for tampons before going to work, and Jake picked me up late. Since then, I had been thinking about talking to him.

A month before, I finally pulled the money together to set up an appointment with a gynecologist. Everything checked out okay, and the results of all the tests were negative, for which I heaved a huge sigh of relief.

We were eating breakfast one morning when I decided I had to say something. When I got up that morning, I felt a bit depressed. I couldn’t talk to him, or tell him anything about myself. Usually I didn’t think about that too much, but that morning it hit me hard. He obviously didn’t feel what I did.

“Jake, I’ve saved enough to get an apartment in town,” I started, watching his face closely. “Don’t you think it would be better for me to look now, before all the university students come back to town?”

“You don’t need to move out,” he said. “Save your money.”

“Well, I think it would be best.”