If Tomorrow Never Comes (Harper Falls Book 2) (32 page)

"I know it's frustrating, Alex. You spent ten years fixing problems, finding solutions, saving lives. You want to be able to do that for yourself—yesterday. Frankly, I would be worried if you
didn't
feel that way."

Alex leaned his head back and sighed. He was surprisingly relaxed.
That
at least was different than his visits to other therapists. Dr. Tolliver didn't fill her office with soothing water features or new age music, but it didn't look like a doctor's office, either. It felt like he was visiting someone's home. Bookshelves lined two walls. Yes, they were filled with technical books, but also contained well-worn editions of Dickens, Twain, and Steinbeck. She had achieved a nice balance between feminine and masculine, so both sexes felt comfortable settling down on the plush furniture and spilling their guts. Unfortunately so far, Alex's were nowhere to be seen.

"How are things going with Dani?"

"Great, better than ever."

"Any intimacy problems?"

Alex sighed again. "Look." He tried to keep the mounting frustration out of his voice. "I know you just said intimacy, but why do I hear impotency? Because believe me, of all my problems,
that
is not one of them."

"Men." Dr. Tolliver chuckled. "As long as you can get an erection you think all is right with your world."

"It doesn't hurt."

"No, but you're an intelligent man, Alex. I shouldn't have to tell you that there are all kinds of impotency. A flaccid penis is only one manifestation."

"I'm a guy, Doc, use the words flaccid and penis next to each other and all I want to do is thump my chest and yell,
Not me, no way, never."

"Never?"

Alex reached over and tapped her solid oak desk. "So far, so good."

"But you won't try sharing a bed."

"No."
That
he wouldn’t joke about.

"And Dani is good? Nothing has changed?"

"She understands," Alex said firmly.

"But…"

"Fine, you want to know my problem? Or at least my newest problem? I wonder why she's so understanding."

"Explain."

Alex got up and started to pace. Dr. Tolliver had noticed that it was something he only did when they were talking about Dani Wilde. On all other topics, he was cool, dispassionate. She knew the rest eventually would come out; he would break through that distance he maintained over his feelings towards the Army and what happened to him. But right now his woman was the only subject that brought his emotions to the surface. Which was why she made sure they talked about her at least once every session. It was her hope that the more he could openly express
these
feelings, eventually the others would follow.

"Shouldn't she be pissed off that I leave her after we have sex?"

"But you told me she had been upset. That only changed when you told her your reasons."

"And how crazy is it for me to want her to argue?" Alex stopped, giving himself a slap on the side of he head. "I have this understanding, sweet, kind woman and I want something else. I'm really starting to hate that about myself."

"So you're telling me you want to break things off with her."

"What? No," Alex practically shouted the word. "Then I
would
be crazy. I just want…I don't know what."

"May I make a suggestion?"

"If you don’t, this is going to be a wasted session because I've got nothing."

"You need to tell her how you're feeling. Chances are, she's just as frustrated as you, but she's trying so hard to be supportive that she's afraid to be honest."

"Dani is the most honest person I've ever known."

"I don't doubt that, but all couples go through this, Alex. Naturally, the subject matter varies, but it comes down to this: when you care about someone, telling them something that might hurt or offend or just rile them up is hard. We want to shy away from any confrontations that could result in an argument, or even worse, the ending of the relationship. What if I tell him he snores and he packs his bags, walks out of my life? I know that's an extreme example, but it is a natural fear."

"I'm not going anywhere." Alex's heart clenched just thinking about leaving Dani again. Never.

"Does Dani know that?"

"I've told her, but…"

"Yes?"

"I left before."

"So you're both afraid. Sometimes the only way to get rid of the monster in the closet is to throw open the door and confront it."

"And it rips your head off?"

"I won't make light of this and say that never happens," she said in her straightforward way. "But ninety-nine percent of the time the monster is much smaller than we imagine. Sometimes it doesn't even exist. Words really are power, Alex. Use them. Talk to Dani. Let some air into that closet. You'll be amazed at how much easier it will be to breathe."

"TELL ME AGAIN why we came back to be tortured by Attila, the Yoga Master?"

"Because I'm having an artistic crisis and I need to sweat out the toxins from my body in order to get my juices flowing freely in the right direction."

Dani looked at Rose for interpretation, but the other woman just shrugged.

"I'm just here for the cucumber water," Rose said, then gulped down the entire glass of liquid. Dani and Tyler both knew she was paraphrasing
Everafter,
but it would have been too much effort to start a movie conversation.

"Fine, but this was the last time. Once a month I somehow get dragged to this guy and I've barely recovered when I'm dragged back." Dani wiped the continuous flow of sweat from her face. They had been sprawled out for almost ten minutes and the liquid was still pouring from her body. If Tyler had wanted to get her juices flowing freely, she had succeeded and then some.

"Maybe if we came more often we wouldn't kill ourselves when we did."

Dani and Tyler looked over at Rose, both wondering when their friend had totally lost her mind. The first time had been to pull Rose out of a Jack-induced funk—she'd hated it. Now, all of a sudden she wanted to become a regular?

"Sorry," Rose said sheepishly. "They must put something in the water. Promise me, if I ever talk like that again you'll check my basement for the pod."

"
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
," Dani called out. Ah, her brain and mouth were finally getting back online.

"Hello, ladies. I noticed you struggling through class. You really shouldn't let yourselves go. After all, you are pushing thirty."

And the perfect ending to a killer workout? Jilly Underwood, town snark. There were just some people you would never get along with, and Jilly managed to be that person for Dani, Rose,
and
Tyler. Attractive and overindulged by wealthy parents, she saw herself as Harper Falls fairest of the fair. To her, the three friends were her competition. It was even more frustrating that none of the women she considered to be her chief rivals ever gave Jilly a second thought. It was hard to lord your perfection over people who, at best, thought you were a minor annoyance.

"And what are you pushing these days, Jilly? Last time I checked, we were all the same age."

"Yes." Jilly ran a hand across her toned abdomen. "But I have genetics and—"

"Collagen injections? Liposuction?"

"
Dedication and discipline
on my side." She continued on as though she hadn't heard Tyler's jabs, but the little tick in her corner of her eye said otherwise. Tyler was proud of her contribution to that tick. Years of knocking Jilly down a few pegs had really paid off.

"Well, you've got us, Jilly. You are officially the queen of the Hot Yoga class. Sorry I don't have anything to
crown
you with."

"Oh, you think you're so clever." Jilly rounded on Rose. "All those ridiculous songs you write, everyone acting like that takes
so
much talent."

"Well…"

"And you." Jilly pointed her red manicured finger at Dani. "Running around with that stupid camera,
Oh, I'm a photographer, my pictures have been in Time magazine."

"Do I sound like that?" Dani asked Tyler.

"Your voice is much lower."

"And you."

"Oh, good," Tyler grinned. "It's my turn."

"What right do you have to be so smug. Those lumps of crap that you call art? You couldn't even hold on to Drew Harper when you had the chance."

"Careful, Jilly," Dani warned.

"Well, I don't care. You can all take your fabulous friendship and exciting lives and eat dirt. I have a new man in my life that tops any of the sad losers you attract. And there he is now."

Jilly waved at a tall, dark haired man who was in the reception area. It was difficult to see much of his face—his eyes were covered with sunglasses—but he appeared to be fairly young and attractive.

"Eat your hearts out, girls."

"What set her off?" Rose asked as they watched the other woman bounce across the room and throw herself into her boyfriend's arms.

"I don't know. She found us breathing?" Dani speculated. It never took much where Jilly was concerned. "And I imagine she's still pissed that you stole Jack from her red-clawed grasp."

"Then she truly is delusional," Rose scoffed. "She was a never ran and didn't even know it."

"The deterioration of her brain cells started early with all that spray she used to lacquer her hair with. The fumes destroyed any reasonable thought. The yoga has just completed the job."

"Did either of you notice how that guy was looking over Jilly's shoulder at us? More specifically, at you, Dani?"

Dani sat up and looked over, but the couple was gone.

"Are you sure?" she asked Rose.

"Maybe. No," Rose said firmly. "Jack always says go with your instincts. I say he had his eye on Dani. Now, it could just be that he suddenly developed better taste in women."

"Normally I would say let Jilly's creepy boyfriend look to his heart's content, as long as he kept his hand to himself." Dani frowned. "But those damn bugs have put me on high alert." She waved, getting Boyd's attention and signaling him over.

"Did you notice that tall man with the sunglasses? He just left a few minutes ago."

"The one with the bleached blonde stick on his arm? Sure, why?" Boyd's rugged face lost all softness. "Did he try something with one of you ladies? I was sure I'd never let you out of my sight."

"No, we're fine. Rose felt he was keeping an eye on me. I just thought better safe than sorry."

"And that's the attitude that keeps people alive, Dani. I'm going to call Alex. I'll sit down with a sketch artist and then we can run that through H&W's facial recognition program." He took out his phone, walking a few feet away.

"Call Jack instead," Dani told him.

Boyd just gave her a
are you kidding me look
and dialed.

"Alex had an early session with his psychologist, today," Dani explained. "He always calls when he gets back." She quickly checked her phone—nope, nothing. "I don't see why Boyd can't wait until he's back at H&W before he calls him."

"Because he knows Alex would tear him a new one if he did."

Rose was right. Dani collapsed onto her back with a huff.

"I had no idea it was so serious," Tyler said, grabbing Dani's hand and squeezing. "Why didn't you tell me? And you?" she turned to Rose. "Jack must have kept you in the loop."

"Hey," Dani said, giving a reassuring squeeze back. "There's no loop, really. Besides my constant companion, Boyd, who you already knew about, there hasn't been anything to tell. And I doubt there is now. I'm just doing what Alex would want me to do—stay smart. I didn't expect Boyd to go all
Mission: Impossible
on me."

"Now that was Tom Cruise in prime form," Rose stated, lightening the mood.

"Good movie," Tyler agreed.

"Though I loved the second one, Dougray Scott made a yummy villain."

Dani let her friends talk, debating the merits of all four
Mission
movies. The twists and turns. She just hoped as villains went, she hadn't just seen her own.

"DOES HE LOOK familiar?"

Alex turned his head to various angles, stood farther back, then closer. He even tried squinting. Nothing helped.

"Not a bit."

He had just been pulling into town when Boyd called. Alex told him to keep Dani and her friends where they were until he got there, which being Harper Falls took all of five minutes. After assuring himself that everyone was fine, he and Boyd casually interviewed some of the club members and staff who had seen the man. In the end, the descriptions were pretty much the same and pretty general. Boyd's recollection was the most detailed and Alex wanted to get him with a sketch artist as soon as possible while the face was still fresh in his mind.

"I know a guy in Spokane. If he's not busy, he should be able to get here within the hour."

"Call him." Alex was about to contact Jack when he saw Dani waving, trying to get his attention.

"Did you remember something else?"

"No, but you forgot something." She looked at Tyler. "Do you want to tell him, or shall I?"

"He's your guy," Tyler shrugged. "I don't know him well enough yet to call him an idiot."

Impatiently, Alex sighed. He didn't have time for cryptic crap from the dynamic trio.

"Dani, if you have something to tell me…" And then it hit him. Well, okay, he was an idiot.

"And the light dawns," Tyler said with a grin.

"You're an artist." No harm in stating the obvious.

"And damn good one, if I do say so myself."

"Oh, I concur," Dani nodded.

"Me, too."

"Well, thank you, Rose. You too, Dani." Taking pity on him, Tyler turned to Alex, this time completely serious. "Not only can I get Boyd's description down on paper, but I saw the guy too. I'm your witness and sketch artist all rolled into one."

"How long do you think it will take?"

"I can do the initial drawing in just a few minutes. Then, I'll work with Boyd to get his input. Rose and Dani can add their impressions. Probably an hour, hour and a half."

Alex picked her up and gave her a big hug. Then he moved to Rose and did the same.