If Not For You (3 page)

“Peanut butter chocolate chip?” Henry smiled from the driver’s seat.

I smiled and shook my head at Mr. Tough Guy knowing it was he who wanted ice cream; he just dragged me along to make it look good.

“Sure Henry, sounds good.”

I sat in the front seat on the way to the park and held the ice cream cones. When we arrived at the park our favorite bench was empty and we sat watching children play and joggers run by, some with dogs, some without and a few wearing roller blades. The sun was warm and the slight crispness in the air felt good against my skin.

“You have everything you need for this cruise thing? Need me to do anything for you?” Henry was avoiding eye contact, I could tell he wanted to say something more.

“I have everything I need…what’s wrong Henry?” I broke up my cone and threw it on the grass for the birds as I waited for him to speak. He shook his head no and shrugged his shoulders, as if I was going to leave it at that.

“Something’s wrong, what is it?”

“I’m going to miss you. Nearly two months, this old guys going to go stir crazy without you. No one to chase after, no one to sneak around with,” he laughed, and I laughed along with him, he was so cute, so not old. He was only fifteen years older than me. More like a big brother really.

“You know what you should do?” I snuggled into his side wrapping myself around his large muscular bicep. “You go get laid.”

He furrowed his brow and slapped my hand. “Nice talk, Miss. Manning.”

“Oh please. You know you want to. Ask Leslie out she thinks you’re cute, she’d be an easy lay too.” I tried to encourage him as he pulled me off his arm and stood.

Leslie was our kitchen helper, it was well known that she slept with most of the male house staff and delivery men; in fact I even caught her giving the pool man a blow job in the change house once. Henry knew for a fact she’d jump his bones in a heartbeat.

“I
do not
need help with my sex life thank you!”

“Are you telling me you have a sex life, Henry?” I teased, knowing how incredibly uncomfortable he was on the subject.

“My sex life is of no concern to you, got it! Let’s go.”

“Alright let’s go home spoiled sport. But go the long way okay?” I was in no hurry to get home since my father had texted me earlier and said he’d be there for dinner and we ought to talk.

***

Just the thought that daddy wanted to talk made my stomach churn, you have no idea what talking to that man is like. He’s one of those my-way-or-the-highway kinds of father’s, a real hard-ass. My father wasn’t always this way; he used to be fun, the kind of real fun that memories are made of, you know?

Vacations by the seaside, Summers at the cottage, riding our bikes together, playing in the pool, even a silly scavenger hunt that Mom planned each fall when the leaves turned color and the air became cool. I can remember Christmas mornings when the house was filled with laughter and you could smell the turkey cooking practically the whole day. Yep, things were certainly different back then.

Now the house is cold and empty, there is no celebrating allowed anymore. The only activity in a day would be Grayson and the other staff members performing their duties like mechanical robots. My brothers Ryan and Caleb moved out a few months after mom died, got a nice apartment together near the university and my sister Alex went to live with Aunt Betty in Australia while she works on her Doctorate, she’s the really smart one in the family.

That leaves just me and him, a huge estate and at least a dozen staff members to run it. Not to mention, security staff and body guards, many of whom I have never seen or met, low profile and all.

See, my family is filthy rich, Daddy is swimming in it. My Great, Great Grandfather started it all, when he got into some investment thing, what I’m not too sure. I don’t pay attention and I don’t really care. My brothers will take over one day.

As for me, I work, or I should say I worked at Layton and Rusk as a Paralegal. I earn my own money and wish to keep it that way. Yeah there’s a trust fund and there’s money pouring out of my ass too, if I want it, but I’d rather make it on my own. I’m not like the others. Miss incurably Independent they call me, I guess they’re right.

The atmosphere in the house was different tonight; the air was heavy with testosterone. You could practically hear the whip cracking in the air and as I stood at the door, I could hear footsteps everywhere as staff scurried around taking care of his highness’s wishes. It made me laugh, at just how pathetic it really was in his world.

“Good evening, Miss. Manning.”

“Hello, Grayson,” I said, handing off my jacket.

“Your Father is waiting for you in the study,” he said.

In the study
, how stuffy did that sound? Like something you would hear in an old black and white movie being spoken by a little hunched over British butler. Carrying a tray of drinks with a crisp white towel over his arm, scuffling his feet over the highly polished hardwood floors directing the way.

I opened the door and barged in, not accustomed to knocking at a door in my own house, unless of course it was a bedroom or bath. If I had to do this, I was going to be as big a tough-ass as he was.

“Hello, Daddy, you wanted to see me? Here I am,” I said, with my arms folded across my chest and my head tipped just enough to say I’m-tired-and-let’s-get-this-over-with.

“Kitten, have a seat. Want something to drink?” he asked taking the crystal cork from the decanter on the side table and half filling a snifter with brandy. I threw myself onto the cold leather sofa and crossed my arms and legs waiting, my shoe swinging on the tip of my big toe.

“Nope, nothing for me thanks.” Brandy was one of those
firsts
that Tess and I had snuck from my father’s liquor cabinet and gotten wasted on in our youth. The sugary burning smell made me heave. Now whiskey, that was another thing all together, I enjoyed a really good whiskey from time to time. But he kept that for business dealings and private guests.

“So? I take it you’re still adamant about this cruise thing,” he said, like I was a little kid having a hissy fit and threatening to run away.

Cruise thing

He kept calling it that and knew that it annoyed me. He was an educated man, not some ignorant vagrant off the street. The man had been on his share of cruises, it’s not like he never got out. Unlike some of us, he had travelled the world and its seven seas. Now it was my turn.

“Yep, I’m leaving Friday.”

My father stared at my shoe waving back and forth; scowling until I stopped. He opened his top desk drawer and pulled out his fancy leather-bound checkbook. As he opened it, I imagined the sound of an old door creaking unused for years and a thick layer of dust blowing into the air and I almost laughed out loud.

He scribbled across a check with his gold Caran d’Ache fountain pen and slowly tore it out, handing it to me. Was he kidding? Was this some kind of a joke? Was he actually going to insult my intelligence? I could only imagine what was going through his head, his thick, stupid, controlling skull at this very moment.

“What is this?” I asked and held it into his view.

“Fifty Thousand Dollars, kitten.” He stared at me with cold blue eyes and a smug look on his mug.

“I can see that. Why?”

“Change your mind about this ridiculous cruise thing and it’s yours.”

“Ridiculous cruise thing?” I stood and tore the check in half, then carefully and slowly tore those two pieces in half again. I continued until I couldn’t tear it anymore placing the tiny pieces in my palm. I took a deep breath, held out my open hand and blew the pieces across my father’s desk.

Fury? Hell hath no fury like me when I’m pissed, and I was pissed with a capital P. And when my father stood and leaned on the edge of the desk, ready to roar at me I placed one angry hand in the space between our faces as a warning and then flipped him clean off. I was satisfied that he understood exactly how I felt. Exactly!

There was no doubt in my mind that every staff member in the house and every household for a two mile radius, knew that the wrath of Tandy had reared its ugly head, that all should quake in their boots and refrain from darkening my doorstep, or surely face an agonizing death when my bedroom door slammed to a close.

My head was pounding, the pain was immense and I rocked back and forth with my knees pulled tight to my chest as tears streamed down my face. I tried to take deep even breaths but my ribs ached and the feeling had left my hands all together by now. I don’t know when my body finally gave in and I drifted off to sleep, I just knew that Friday couldn’t get here fast enough.

Day 57

As it turned out, the past few days were spent resting and packing for my trip, avoiding all which was beyond the sanctuary of my room. Leaving only to take in nourishment and run a few errands with Henry, when I knew the old man was gone.

Today the girls were coming over for a Bon Voyage party. I made arrangements with cook for a Caribbean menu. Yeah I know I wasn’t going on a Caribbean cruise, but the girls wouldn’t know the difference and quite frankly wouldn’t give a shit with enough Mai Tai’s and Margaritas in them.

When Tess finally arrived, she was going to be late for her own funeral, the group was complete and the first of many drinks were served.

“A toast,” Tess announced, holding her drink high into the air and waiting for everyone to follow suit.

“To you bitch. May you get laid, correct that, may you
finally
get laid on the high seas! Here’s hoping!” Tess roared and everyone laughed, including me, the virgin Tandy.

“Seriously, Tandy, I’m going to miss you, have a safe voyage.” Tess said and took a sip from her drink before giving me a hug and sloppy wet kiss on the cheek.

“Okay my turn,” Lynn my friend who had married young and made us all jealous with the way her man caters to her every wish, he was hot and sexy and from what Lynn shared, hung like a stallion.

“I’m seriously jealous. I hope you find Mr. Right on board. Here’s to hot, sexy, sweaty men and the seas they ride on. Cheers!” Everyone clinked glasses and sucked back their drinks.

From her lips
, I thought. Just a brief encounter would be enough for me, with someone that didn’t know who my father was or gave a crap that he had money, on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean where my father couldn’t interfere, where he had absolutely no control over my life or its outcome and I could just be me. Not George Manning’s little girl.

Judy held up her hand and waited while the group settled down before adding her two cents. “You should’ve booked your holiday on Virgin Cruise Lines,” she laughed, the joke growing older by the minute.

“Promise me one thing Tandy?” She leaned in. “Take along plenty of condoms but don’t give it up to just anyone…Oh and lollypops.”

“Lollypops?” I asked totally bemused.

“Cause if you aren’t indulging in oral pleasures with some sex god, you should do something to occupy your mouth. You don’t want to get fat at the endless buffets,” she laughed, as I gave her a slap on the arm.
Smart ass bitch
, I thought.

She was in the group that had the most money riding on me not getting it on until my wedding night. They thought I didn’t know about the bet, this harebrained little virgin girl had very good hearing and wasn’t a fool.

“Is that all you guys think about, is sex?” I slowly shook my head pretending to be all innocent, even though I was hoping in the back of my mind that the big bad V wasn’t long for this world. Hoping that it was jumping overboard with any luck, on a certain cruise.

“Yeah!” They said in unison, loader than intended and we all laughed and cheered with our drinks.

Sylvia was the shy one in the crowd, she sat back not quite sure what to say. Judy nudged her arm and encouraged her on.

“I just wanted to say I hope you have fun, I always wanted to go on a cruise, aren’t you scared?” she asked, blushing.

“Scared? Why would I be scared?” I said.

“I can’t imagine going all by myself, that doesn’t scare you?”

“No. I never really thought about it.” I hadn’t really, until now.

I was going on a cruise alone, me myself and I, not a biggie. So what? What was there to be scared of? I mean, I knew I was going alone from the get go. I was okay with that. Should I be scared? Nah! Fuck that idea!

“No Syl, so not scared. Think about it this way,” I held up my hand and with each point raised a finger. “No one to answer to, I follow my own agenda. If I don’t feel like going for dinner, I don’t. If I want to lie around the pool for three days, that’s what I do. If I want to read in my cabin, that’s what I do. I get to see a big chunk of the world, tour exotic places and spend lots of money. It couldn’t be better.” I high fived Sylvia and everyone had to agreed it was the perfect vacation.

“I’m sorry I think you forgot one very important point Miss. Manning, my friend!” Tess interrupted. “If you want to fuck some gorgeous hunk, you fuck some gorgeous hunk!”

I rolled my eyes and watched my friends laughing and chatting as Camille filled everyone’s glasses. My girls were the best. The very best friends a girl could ask for, impending bet and all.

“You girls are un-fucking-believable and you’re the best, I mean it. You’ve been there with me through thick and thin. We really are the five musketeers. I’ll see you all in fifty five days. Cheers!” I held up my glass.

The day ended with me having an extra-long soak in the tub, feeling a little fuzzy and light headed from the booze. The afternoon ended with a blast after my father called and told Camille he’d be late. The girls stayed a little longer than planned and Henry drove them all home, well tanked, each and every one of them.

I lined my bags at my bedroom door and ran through the list of to-do’s, checking each off one by one before climbing into bed. I hadn’t seen my father all day, but heard him pass my door earlier, making no attempt to come to me and settle the rift between us. His problem I figured. I was leaving, he probably wouldn’t even miss me.