Idolism (43 page)

BOOK: Idolism

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The second video clip Mr Saunders introduced was a BBC News report of our wedding at Barnet Register Office two weeks later, one week before the trial. Then Mr Saunders called me to the witness box which—I was being told—was a bit of a gamble, because in sex abuse cases the defence usually tried to avoid having the victim go through the traumatic experience of having to relive their abuse in the witness box. But there was nothing usual about this case anyway, what with a wife accused of sexually abusing her beloved husband and everything, so Mr Saunders was satisfied that my testimony would play in our favour.

However, the bloody jury didn’t think so. They thought that with me being an impressionable, hormone-driven 17-year-old musician and Momoko being a famous TV personality, she had been in a position of trust, and she had betrayed that trust by not pushing me away when I came on to her. Momoko was found guilty as charged. The jury’s decision was not unanimous.

The judge was bloody brilliant, though. He frowned at the jury when they announced the verdict, and when he was about to pass Momoko’s sentence, he said to her, “Mrs Suzuki-Lewis, I understand you’re pregnant and that Mr Lewis is the father of the child.”

“Yes.”

“When is your baby due?”

“I am four month pregnant,” Momoko said. “Baby come in five month.”

The judge turned to me. “Mr Lewis, when will you turn 18?”

“On October 2nd, sir.”

“Right. Well,” the judge said. “While I will not deny that in my opinion this trial has been a disgraceful waste of the court’s time
and
of taxpayer money, in passing this sentence I am bound by the jury’s verdict as well as the law as it stands. It is a legal principle that the punishment has to be appropriate of the culpability of the perpetrator and the severity of the crime. I also have to consider whether or not it is in the public interest to separate a pregnant wife from her loving husband and father of her child to be, or whether it is indeed reasonable to have her give birth to her child while in prison. Taking into account all these aspects, Mrs Suzuki-Lewis, I hereby sentence you to a prison term of six weeks.”

“NO!” I shouted and jumped up from my seat.

“Mr Lewis, sit down and shut up. Counsel, will you please explain to Mr Lewis what that sentence means.”

“Yes, your honour.”

Mr Saunders explained to me that a six week prison sentence meant that Momoko could be released on grounds of good behaviour after only three weeks and then spend the rest of the time on probation. Good behaviour basically meant that she would have to refrain from sexually abusing any of her fellow prison inmates. I still thought three weeks in prison was too harsh a sentence for a victimless crime, but we decided not to appeal. Momoko served three weeks and was released two days before me 18th birthday.

After the summer, Ginger and Michael went back to school. They finished their A-levels, and are now eagerly looking forward to their first semester at uni.

Pope Pius XIII resigned. He is currently sitting in a jail cell in Rome, awaiting his trial for bribery and embezzlement. Four weeks after his resignation, the College of Cardinals elected a new Pope, John Paul III. Me mum went to Rome to see his inauguration. Neither me dad nor Chloe and I went with her.

Julian didn’t go back to school. He decided it would be a waste of time. He took the obscene amounts of money he had earned during our brief career as rock stars and started the Julian Monk Foundation for Common Sense. Continually travelling up and down the country, Julian keeps himself busy giving lectures at schools and universities. There is still great demand for him as a public speaker. The other day he’s received an invitation from the College of Islamic and Arabic Studies in Dubai to speak about the role of Jesus Christ in Islam. He’s still contemplating whether or not he should go.

As for meself, I didn’t go back to school either. After only six weeks of maternity leave, Momoko went straight back to her old job, and her daily TV show is more popular than ever. I’m a stay-at-home dad now, taking care of our new little home in East Finchley and of the baby.

Kento Michael Julian Suzuki-Lewis is now ten months old and already has a very refined vocabulary of three words: mama, dada, and uh-uh. We obviously couldn’t name him after Chloe or Ginger, so we made the two girls joint godmothers instead. Momoko is getting along great with me sister and—curiously—with me dad as well. Once a month we visit me parents for Sunday lunch. While me mum is still having a difficult time warming up to Momoko, she has very much taken to the baby. It’s quite an endearing sight to see her with Kento on her lap, showering him with grandmotherly love and genuine affection, the kind of affection she never seemed to have for her own children.

Mum was of course furious when we decided not to have Kento baptized, but we stood our ground on this one. Our reasoning behind this decision was that if anything should ever happen to the child, we wouldn’t want him to spend eternity in heaven all by himself. We’d rather have him close to us, down below in hell.

So do I still believe in heaven and in hell?

To be perfectly honest, I don’t know.

But I’m not taking any chances.

Thank you for reading
Idolism
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About the Author

Marcus Herzig was born in 1970 and studied Law, English, Educational Science, and Physics, albeit none of them with any tenacity or ambition. After dropping out of university he worked for bank, a utility company, and for Big Oil. He prefers sunsets over sunrises, white wine over red, beer over white wine, and pizza over pasta. Marcus is in a happy long-term relationship, so please stop sending him nude photos of yourself.

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Marcus Herzig also writes science fiction under the name Kieran Marcus.

The Eschaton Tales: Vol.1

The Eschaton Tales: Vol.2

The Eschaton Tales: Vol.3 (2015)

Table of Contents

The Gospel According to Ginger – 1

The Gospel According to Tummy – 1

The Gospel According to Michael – 1

The Gospel According to Ginger – 2

The Gospel According to Tummy – 2

The Gospel According to Michael – 2