I Stand Before You (Judge Me Not #2) (24 page)

Finding the guy isn’t difficult. Apart from the description Kay gave me, he’s the only one whose face freezes in terror when he sees me coming his way. With the look I have on my face, he knows exactly why I’m here. The other junkies aren’t stupid either. They see my expression and disperse with haste.

Now, it’s just me and him.

Fireplug—Kay’s term, not mine—backs away. His hands are up as he retreats. “Hey, was that your girl, man? Things got a little out of hand. I didn’t mean to hurt her or anything.”

I say nothing, I am not here to fucking talk it out. Besides, I’m too busy estimating the number of steps to my target, counting them down in my head.

Ten, nine…

“I’m sorry, man.”
Useless babbling.
“I let her go, that should count for something, huh?”

Eight, seven, six…

“Please,” he cries, “I just needed the money.” I laugh.

Five, four…

He changes tactics, the real him emerges. “Fuck you, dude. You know what, I’m glad I hit the fucking cunt. I would’ve done more too.”

And that is the wrong fucking thing to say.

Three, two, one…

At the last second, this dick pulls out a knife and tries to stick me. But I am
so
much faster. My fist flies out and connects with his face. The knife falls and skitters away. The junkie drops. Blood pours from his mouth and his nose, but I’m just getting started. I see red, I feel black rage.

“Get up,” I growl, standing above him. “You get off on hurting women, you sick fuck? Get up and try me, pussy.”

This dude is dazed and whimpering, holding his bleeding face. With the hit he just took from me, he should be out like a light. But whatever drugs he’s taken keep him conscious. Good, I want him to feel my wrath unleashed. I’m not done yet.

Fireplug rolls, gets up on one knee, wavers, and finally straightens. When he’s upright he takes a swing that I easily step out of. I notice the left side of his jaw is askew. Fuck askew. I flex my fist, clench tight, and promptly shatter that shit all to hell. Now when the junkie falls, he stays fucking put.

I am wired on pure adrenaline, testosterone pumping. A primal, base instinct deep in the darkest recesses of my mind urges me to finish him off, to exert my full dominance and leave his whole body just as shattered as his jaw.

I am powerless to stop my actions when I draw my leg back; poised to deliver what will surely be a death blow to this scumbag’s skull.

Suddenly, someone jerks me off balance. I straighten my leg to keep myself upright and bloodlust is momentarily forgotten. It’s enough time to spare the junkie, but that doesn’t mean I am not still infuriated.

I round on whoever is fucking dumb enough to insert their ass into this volatile situation. “What the fuck?” I growl.

My fists are up, ready to lay another motherfucker out. But when my brain registers who just stopped me from killing a man, I falter. “Jesus, Kyle?”

My one-time dealer steps back away from me. “Gartner? Shit, man, fuck.” He looks as shocked to see me as I am to see him.

This man I used to party with—and buy fuckloads of drugs from—stands before me. Only four years have passed, but he looks at least a dozen years older. His brown eyes are black tonight, pupils dilated. He’s obviously high on something. His hair looks darker than I remember, but I think that’s only because his skin is so much paler. His clothes hang on his body. Kyle Tanner is skinny and reeks of body odor.

My one-time dealer chuckles and glances dispassionately to the junkie on the ground. “Chase Gartner, out of prison and down here fucking up my customers. Should I even be surprised?” He laughs. “Shit, I heard you were back, but I didn’t expect to see you so soon.” His dark eyes meet mine. “Now that you’re here, though…”

He doesn’t care about the broken man on the ground as anything more than someone who buys. And now he’s asking me if I want to buy too.

I shake my head. “No, I’m good. In fact, I’m leaving.”

I start to walk away, but Kyle puts his arm out. Like his emaciated ass could stop me.

“Brave,” I say, chuckling and staring him down.

He very wisely drops his arm. “Hey, that’s cool. Glad you’re good for tonight. But, if you ever change your mind, just know my door is always open, my friend.”

Kyle isn’t any kind of a friend; he sees nothing more than dollar signs when he looks at me. I was once a consistent paying customer, one who bought
a lot
of fucking drugs. But that’s all in the past. My girl is back at my house, waiting, and the desire to get back to her is so much stronger than any urge to use.

“I’m finished here,” I say, pushing past.

The junkie whose ass I just kicked moans, and Kyle calls out, “Wait.”

I reluctantly turn around. Kyle’s leaning over the junkie. I can see the guy is a mess. He’s bloodied and battered, and can’t talk to save his life. He’ll probably need medical treatment, but he’ll live.

Kyle’s dark eyes bore into me. “Something set you off, Gartner. You’re not so very different than you once were. You just keep telling yourself that you are, keep feeding yourself the lies.” I turn back around and start to walk away. I don’t need fucking Kyle Tanner getting in my head.

Still in earshot, I hear Kyle laughing as he yells, “I won’t mention your name when they want to know who did this. I owed you one, man. And now we’re even. You never told them where you got the X, did you?” I don’t answer, I just keep on walking.

Kyle is undeterred, he keeps talking. “I appreciate that, my friend. Come see me at the house. Anything you want, Chase. Blow, weed, pills, I got all your old favorites. First buy, it’s on me.”

I clench my fists and shut Kyle out. When I reach my truck, I jump in. I can’t get away fast enough. When I glance in the rearview mirror I watch the old life I revisited tonight fade back into the past. But, still, I don’t feel right, I am edgy and irritated.

To settle my nerves, I tell still air, “I have changed. That’s not me anymore. I
am
different.”

It sounds convincing to my ears, it really does. But if what I proclaim so easily is true, then why did I almost kill a man tonight? Why did I enjoy spilling his blood? I can’t lie—I thoroughly enjoyed breaking that junkie’s face.

But the bigger question, the one nagging at me the most is this: If I am so different, then why the fuck are my hands shaking when I think about Kyle’s offer?

Chapter Ten

Kay

I hear Chase return. The sound of the shower turning on down the hall rouses me from my half-asleep state. As exhausted as I am, it’s a surprise full sleep has eluded me thus far. But worry has kept me semi-alert.

I roll over and hold tight to the pillow that’s comforted me while waiting for Chase to come home. The smooth, cotton covering smells of my retribution-seeking man—soap, male, and also trouble. But it’s that propensity for trouble that has made him my hero this night.

Before long, the water stops and the bedroom door creaks open. I roll over. Moonlight casts the room in monochromatic tones and my eyes meet Chase’s in the silvery glow.

“Did everything go okay?” I ask. “Are you all right?”

Chase nods once and remains standing in the doorway. He has his basketball shorts back on, and, like earlier, the rest of him is bare. Dampness darkens his hair, and water he’s not completely toweled away beads on his wide shoulders. From what I can see, though, there’s not a single mark on him, no injury marring his beautiful, strong body. Everything must have gone my badass boy’s way down at the apartment lot.

I think about asking for specifics, but then Chase jerks his head in the direction of the stairs. “I’m going to sleep down on the couch. I just wanted to check in on you first. Do you need anything? Water? Another blanket?”

The night has turned kind of chilly, but I closed the window a little while ago, so I’m not in the least bit cold. Nor am I thirsty.

I sit up and lean back on my elbows. I shake my head. “No, I’m fine.” And I am, but that’s primarily because my guy is back, unharmed.

Chase turns to leave, but I stop him. “Stay?”

My words turn him around.

There’s no reason why he shouldn’t sleep in his own bed. I tell him this, and add, “Besides, I don’t want to be alone. Not tonight. You shouldn’t be by yourself either, Chase.”

It’s true, we should be together tonight. I pull back the covers and pat the side of the bed next to where I’m lying.

Chase doesn’t hesitate. He crawls into bed and lies down on his side, so that we’re facing one another. For the longest time nothing is said, we speak only with our eyes, blue on brown, conveying friendship, trust, love, and having each other’s backs.

When Chase lifts his hand to brush my hair over my shoulder I place mine over his. His knuckles are slightly swollen and I feel abrasions under my fingers. My badass boy has sustained injuries, albeit small ones.

Chase winces and I loosen my grip. “Sorry,” I mumble.

“It’s okay,” he whispers back, his voice low and rough.

“Was it bad?” I ask.

Chase knows what I’m asking. Not so much about the fight itself—it’s obvious he fared well—but, rather, I’m asking how difficult it was for him to return to that side of town, to be around drugs and users, to be back where he himself once used.

“I didn’t think about it much until I saw my old dealer,” he quietly says. “The guy I told you about…Kyle.”

The evening we were at the miniature golf course, across from the church, Chase opened up about the days and weeks before he was arrested. As I’d suspected, my boy made the pilgrimage down that well-traveled dirt road to Kyle Tanner’s house a number of times. He also told me that—though he was caught with forty-plus hits of X—he never actually dealt any drugs. He admitted he would have, he’d planned to that night, but he was arrested before a single deal was ever made.

Just because Chase never had the chance to deal drugs doesn’t mean he wasn’t in deep. My boy was fully immersed in his chemicals of choice at the time. He’s told me this and more. He said it’s still no picnic trying to stay clean, those chemicals still tempt him. Drugs call to him on occasion. That’s why I know seeing Kyle must have made an already bad situation—being in that part of town, fighting like he used to do—worse.

I tentatively touch the light stubble along his jaw, and ask softly, “Are you okay?”

He presses his lips together. “I think so.”

He sounds uncertain, and I venture, “What did Kyle say to you?”

“He offered me drugs, baby. That’s what dealers do.” Chase flips onto his back. He starts to run his fingers through his hair, but grasps hard instead. “He said I could have whatever I wanted. First buy, no cost.”

My hand is partway to touching his shoulder and I freeze. “You said no, right?”

He moves my hand and sits up, then scrubs his hands down his face. “Of course I said no, Kay.”

I sit up behind him and wrap my arms and legs around him. I lean the uninjured side of my face to the angel on his back. I press until I feel the texture of her against my cheek.

“I’m sorry for asking, Chase. I know going back down there had to be tough. And seeing Kyle, I just…” I sigh against his back and listen to his steady breaths. Inhaling and exhaling life. “I just wish there was more I could do to help you.”

I feel him relax slightly, and Chase whispers, “You do help me, sweet girl. Every day, all the time, you make me stronger. You give me the strength to be better. You’re a big part of why I said no to Kyle.”

“I wish you wouldn’t have even seen him,” I lament to the angel on his back.

Chase turns and faces me. He takes my hands in his. “He actually did something good, Kay. He stopped me from going too far with the junkie.”

His eyes meet mine. He’s not kidding.
Shit.
Chase might have killed someone tonight had it not been for Kyle Tanner.

I swallow hard. “You would have stopped, Chase, even without Kyle’s intervention.”

My boy stares at our linked hands. “Yeah, I guess,” he says, not convincingly at all.

Chase almost killed for me tonight. This knowledge is both heady and terrifying. I let go of his hands, and run my fingers along his shoulder, down his arm. Fingertips brush over the
As
I stand before you, judge me not
tattoo.

I don’t judge this man I love. His actions were in defense of me. And he didn’t kill anyone, he stopped. Whether that was because of Kyle, or if he would have anyway, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that nobody in my life has ever loved me enough to defend me with that kind of passion. I’ve never been the reason for anyone to unleash rage like that on someone who’s done me wrong. But Chase did those things for me tonight.
I
hold the power to unleash his passion. And what I want to do now, in this very instant, is unleash my badass boy’s passion for something positive, something that will heal us both.

I lean forward and press my lips to his. Chase sighs and lays me back with care. He settles his weight on me, slowly and tortuously covering my body. I wrap my legs around him, and he showers my face with kisses. As he grazes his teeth down my neck, I feel his arousal when he starts to gently thrust against me.

Tension builds as our kisses deepen. I know part of this is raw sexual buildup—from earlier tonight, from the other day in the school—but there’s something more. Chase is wired from fighting—hyped up from all that transpired down in the lot—and the resulting flood of emotions. And I am just as tightly wound.

Chase, breathing hard and rising to his knees, lifts the hem of my tee. His blues question before he continues. I nod my head, lift up slightly, and raise my arms. Chase peels my T-shirt up and off, then lays me back.

My boy, still on his knees, takes in my now-bare upper body as I lay before him. I part my legs, inviting him to come closer. He positions himself between them. With one hand under my bent knee, Chase urges me to open more for him. As I do, he presses his very hard to my very soft.

With his arousal pushing at my core, and even through the fabrics of our shorts, I gasp and pull Chase down to me, finding the warmth and wetness of his mouth. He kisses me hard, our chests touching—bare skin to skin. I can’t help but moan out his name. His shorts and mine have become nothing more than frustrating barriers, so I wiggle and squirm until my shorts and panties slide together partway down my thighs.

With that accomplished, I get to work on pushing Chase’s basketball shorts down. When my fingers hook under his waistband, I realize he has nothing on underneath.
Oh, God.

I rock beneath him, pushing my bare pussy up against his still-covered cock. “Take them off,” I plead.

“Baby, baby,” he whispers in my ear. Chase stills my hands at the waistband of his shorts. “Tonight doesn’t have to be about me, baby girl. Just let me love you.”

I assume Chase is hesitant because we don’t have any protection, so I tell him about the clinic and the birth control shot. “And we already know we’re both healthy,” I add.

“That’s not it,” he insists. “I want to be with you, but I want our first time together to be perfect for you. You deserve perfect, Kay.”

I would prefer “perfect”—whatever that may be—but I don’t want to not do anything tonight. I need more than kissing. I tell Chase this, and he laughs.

“Oh, baby girl, I plan on doing plenty to you tonight.” He raises himself to his elbows and pushes his arousal into me. We both moan.

“Fuck,” Chase groans and sits up.

My shorts and panties get tugged the rest of the way down until they gather at one ankle. I spread for my boy and he watches. I kick the fabric at my foot away, until I am finally nude before Chase Gartner.

Chase makes short work of his basketball shorts, then kneels between my legs. My eyes travel over his body as his travel over mine. I think we’re both in awe. At least, I am. Chase with no clothes on is something to behold. He’s hard and lean, all pure muscle.

And his cock…well…

The part of Chase that makes him all-male—
very
male—is glorious. He’s long and thick, and I just want to just touch him, worship him, and feel him inside of me. I reach down and grasp his length, stroking velvety skin over steel-hard male.

Chase pumps into my hand and places a hand on my knee. “Let me see you, baby,” he asks as he spreads my legs wider.

He stays on his knees as I continue to stroke his length. His fingers gently touch my folds, opening me with his movements as he glides back and forth, spreading my slick wetness everywhere.

“Beautiful,” he murmurs as he watches what he’s doing to me. “You’re beautiful opened up like this, Kay.”

His oh-so-talented fingers swirl at my entrance. He draws lazy circles around my clit that set me aflame. What’s already slick and wet gets slicker, wetter. His fingers make another pass at my slit and dip inside. I’ve mostly just been breathing hard, but now a moan escapes me.

“Is this okay?” he asks, pumping slowly, fucking me gently with his long fingers.

“Uh-huh,” I groan.

It is good, so good, amazing. It’s been so long, and even before it’s never been quite like this. Chase certainly knows what he’s doing. When his slow pace becomes too tortuous, though, I urge him with my hips to move faster. He complies, finger-fucking me hard, until I cry out and buck up against him awkwardly.

“Easy, sweet girl, easy,” he murmurs.

Chase continues to work me as he settles on one elbow beside my head. His dick is still in my hand, but I’m slacking. It’s just too hard to concentrate with what he’s doing to me.

“I’m sorry,” I say, my breaths ragged and shaky.

I feel like I’m so out of practice that I’m disappointing the man I love and wish nothing more than to please.

“Trust me, what you’re doing feels great,” he whispers, kissing the shell of my ear. “Just let me take care of you first. Let me make you feel good, baby.”

I tell him he’s already making me feel pretty amazing. He chuckles and moves my hand away from his dick. Then, he kisses me. With our mouths moving together, his fingers do incredible things that leave me moaning and panting.

Everything I heard that day in the library is true—Chase Gartner gives crazy-good sex. He makes me feel like I’ve never felt before. It’s like my pleasure is his sole focus in the world. Maybe it is. It sure seems so as my head spins and my body succumbs to waves of Chase-induced ecstasy.

I have no time to recover. Chase sits up and his fingers leave my body. He gets back in the position he was in earlier, kneeling between my legs. Kissing down my chest, he takes one nipple in his mouth. He sucks and licks, covering my peak in hot wetness. He moves to the other side and does the same. My nipples are wet with his saliva, and my hips rock of their own volition, wanting more.

I rock and rock, but Chase stills my movements with his hands. He smiles one of his heart-stopping smiles, then kisses down my body, over my stomach, and over one hip. He stops and nips at the bone, then moves lower still.

I think I know what’s coming, so I grasp at the sheets. When I feel his mouth where my need lies deep and ready for more, I look down so I can watch this beautiful man give me pleasure.

I smile as our eyes meet. Chase runs his tongue along my inner thigh mischievously.

“Sweet girl, let’s see how sweet you really are.” His words heat my cheeks. “Are you going to watch me make you come again?”

Rubbing the light stubble on his cheek gently against my leg, he glances up. I do want to watch, so I nod my head.

His wide shoulders shift and his muscles bunch as he cups my ass and lifts me up to his mouth. When his tongue touches me, my head falls back. So much for watching, I can barely think now. Chase licks and sucks and does things with his tongue that send me over the edge in no time. I scream out his name, but he gives me no reprieve. He continues his dizzying assault with his mouth until another climax builds and builds. But before he allows it to crescendo, he rises back to his knees and places his cock right at my entrance.

I push, too caught up in the moment to care about “perfect” any longer. The tip goes in a little, but Chase pulls back. He strokes himself and whispers for me to watch. “Want to get off together, baby?” he asks in a sex-raspy voice.

I’m so worked up I almost come again just hearing his words. I nod vigorously, up for whatever he has planned.

Chase rounds the tip of his cock at my entrance, teasing and taunting, stretching me open with his girth. I move with my crazy-good sex man until he almost slips in. He leans back and handles his length, stroking up and down a few times while I watch. His hand passes over the engorged head, and then he places the underside up against me. Chase holds himself there—still, unmoving—his eyes never leaving mine. “Don’t move, baby. Don’t move yet, okay?”