I Saw Her Standing There (33 page)

“He’ll respect my wishes.” As she said the words, Lucy hoped that was true, but suspected Cameron was right.

“I hope it’s okay I told Hannah, Ella, Charley and Molly to come by for some wine and snacks tonight. I thought it would be fun to give Hannah something to do during Nolan’s bachelor party, but if you don’t feel up to it—”

“I’m fine, and that does sound like fun.” She welcomed anything that provided a distraction so she didn’t have to think about what it would be like to say the words to Colton, to crush him after he’d been so amazing to her. Telling herself it was in his best interest—and hers—didn’t make it any better.

While Lucy helped Cameron put together some appetizers, they talked about everything other than the topic that had upset Lucy earlier and continued to weigh on her more than an hour later. It stayed with her all evening, during a fun get-together with Colton’s sisters and mother, who made her feel like a part of the extended Abbott family. They acted like she was one of them rather than a temporary visitor.

She felt like she’d led them on the same way she’d led Colton on.

“So I have something to tell you guys,” Hannah said, glancing at her mother.

Molly smiled and reached for Hannah’s hand.

“Do you want to tell them, Mom?”

“Oh no. It’s your news, honey.”

“Someone had better tell us,” Charley said.

“I’m pregnant.”

The women erupted in screams and tears and hugs that Lucy watched with an odd sense of detachment. She wouldn’t be a part of this. She wouldn’t get to see Hannah round with pregnancy or visit her in the hospital after she had the baby. Colton would want to be there with his sister and the rest of their family, but she wouldn’t be with him.

“Congratulations, Hannah,” Lucy said, hugging her. “I’m so happy for you and Nolan.”

“Thank you. We’re so excited.”

“And you’re feeling all right?” Ella asked.

“I’m so tired and nauseated pretty much all the time. But other than that, I feel great.”

“I propose a toast,” Cameron said, “to the new mom, the new grandma and the aunts. This will be one very lucky baby.”

“Hear, hear,” Lucy said, forcing a cheerful tone. She ached from the desire to be part of it all, to be there at the moment when Colton found out whether he had a niece or a nephew, to see him holding the fragile little body in his big hands. Her chest ached from the pain of the desire to see that.

“Lucy?” Molly studied her intently. “Are you all right, honey?”

She was going to cry. There was no way to stop the flood that was coming. “I, um, excuse me.”

Default Sugarhouse Cleanup Music: Paul Simon’s
Graceland
. Default Music to Boil By:
O Brother, Where Art Thou
; any of William Elliott Whitmore’s CDs.

—Colton Abbott’s sugaring journal, after the boil

F
ighting to control her emotions, Lucy got up and went into Cam and Will’s bedroom. With her hand on her chest, she sat on their bed and fought to get oxygen to her air-starved lungs.

She sensed a presence in the dark room. “I’m okay, Cam. Really. Go have fun with your family. I’m good.”

“You don’t look too good.”

Shocked to hear Molly’s voice, Lucy tried to pull herself together. “Sorry. I’m fine. Just PMS and stuff.”

Molly came into the room and sat on the bed next to her. “I used to suffer terribly from that. I know how awful it can be.”

Lucy nodded in agreement.

“I also know how awful it can be to find yourself in love with a man who wants to be somewhere other than where you are.”

“Wow. You saw right through that PMS thing, huh?”

Molly flipped on the bedside light and winced at the carnage that must’ve been evident on Lucy’s face. “Ten kids. I’m good at this.”

Lucy hadn’t expected to laugh, although she shouldn’t have been surprised. Colton was one of the funniest people she’d ever met, and there’d been nothing but laughter during the time she’d spent with his family.

“Linc was on his way to Oxford when I met him. All he talked about was going to England. He was so excited. It was his dream. To spend time in England, to live and study there.”

Lucy listened, although she couldn’t figure out where Molly was going with this.

“I loved him, you know? Nothing in my life had ever been more instantaneous than the way I felt about him. It was like lightning striking, and he was going to England for two years. God, that sucked. It was all I could think about. It colored every minute that I spent with him. I kept asking myself, ‘What’s the point?’ But oh, Linc . . . He was persistent. I’ll give him that.”

Her smile was infectious, and Lucy couldn’t help but return it. “His son gets that from him, then.”

“I’d imagine Colton can be quite persistent when he has his heart set on something.” Molly reached out to push Lucy’s hair back.

The gesture stirred poignant memories of what it felt like to be mothered.

“He has his heart set on you, Lucy. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yes. Yes, I know.”

“And your connection to him was every bit as instantaneous as mine was with Linc. His father and I saw that the night we went to dinner with you two. I told him on the way home that I’d felt like I was intruding by being there, and he agreed.”

“We were that obvious, huh?”

“Oh yes. Am I being presumptuous to think you might have your heart set on him, too?”

Lucy shook her head. “You’re not being presumptuous.”

“It’s a difficult situation. I’m not making light of that. Cameron was coming after you, but I asked if I could. I wanted you to know I’ve been where you are, and I know how hard it is.”

She didn’t want to cry all over Colton’s mother, but Molly was so kind, so caring and so understanding. Lucy covered her mouth to muffle the sob that escaped from her tightly clenched jaw.

Molly put an arm around her. “It’s okay, honey. Let it out. You’re among friends here.”

“I’m sorry. I’m a hot mess tonight. And hearing that Hannah’s pregnant . . . I wondered if I’d get to meet the baby or see Colton hold it. He’ll be a really great uncle. You should’ve seen him with my niece. She’s more in love with him than I am.”

“You know what I think?”

Lucy shook her head and wiped at her tears.

“I think if it’s important enough to both of you, you’ll find a way. You’ll figure it out. Like we did.” As she spoke, Molly continued to stroke Lucy’s hair, and Lucy wanted to purr from the pleasure of being tended to by a professional mother. “Linc didn’t go to England. At first, I didn’t agree with that decision. I thought he’d regret it and grow to hate me because I kept him from following his dreams. But you know what he said when I told him that?”

“What?”

“He said dreams change. He said he had a new dream now, and that dream was me.”

“For what it’s worth, I would’ve married him, too.”

Molly laughed. “I know, right? Who says no to that?”

“Did his dream also include ten kids?”

“Oh hell no! That just sort of happened. By the time we figured out what was causing it, we had ten kids!”

Once again, a gurgle of laughter took Lucy by surprise.

“I’ve never once, in thirty-seven years married to him, caught even the slightest hint of regret coming from him. Not once.”

“You guys are really lucky.”

“We are lucky. We’d never deny that. But we were also willing to do whatever it took to be together. He doesn’t know this, but if he’d gone to England, I was going with him.”

“You would’ve done that?”

“In a New York minute,” she said, winking at the play on words. “But he made his decision first and seemed to be at peace with it, so it never came to that.” She paused before she added, “I don’t want to be dramatic or overplay my hand, because we’re talking about my beloved son here, and I’m biased where he’s concerned. But things like this, what you have with Colton, they don’t come along every day. Although the obstacles might seem insurmountable, I assure you they are not.”

“I want so badly to believe that, to hold on to it with everything I’ve got.”

“But?”

“But I can see this ending badly down the road when the distance gets to be too much, and if it hurts this badly now, what will it be like then?”

“None of us can predict the future—and thank goodness for that. I’ve got all I can do to live in the here and now. I can’t help but wonder if you’ve considered the other possibility. That it could all be fine and work out swimmingly.”

“You’re quite convincing, and you make me want to believe that anything is possible.”

“Anything is possible—if you want it badly enough.” She gave Lucy a kiss on her forehead and patted her shoulder. “I’m here if I can help.”

“Mrs. Abbott?”

“Please, call me Molly.”

“Molly . . . I just want to say thank you. I miss my mom a lot, especially lately, and . . . Well, thank you.”

“My pleasure, honey.”

After Molly left the room, Lucy took a few minutes to pull herself together. When she rejoined the others, she was incredibly thankful that no one said a word about the obvious evidence that she’d been crying.

Hours later, after Hannah, Ella, Charley and Molly had left and Cameron had gone to bed, Lucy lay awake staring at the ceiling in the loft thinking about everything Molly had said. She wanted so badly to believe that Molly was right, that anything was possible and no obstacle was too great to overcome when you were facing the challenges with the right person by your side.

But she kept circling back to the same thing over and over again—a vision of herself months in the future, wrecked by the breakup she’d seen coming all along. Tears leaked from the corner of her eyes as she allowed her mind to wallow in the pain of that far-off inevitable moment.

Her brain spun around in circles until she finally dozed off only to wake sometime later to realize she wasn’t alone.

“It’s me.” Colton kissed her face and lips as he drew her in close to his naked and fully aroused body. The scent of fresh air and smoke from the fire came with him into bed.

“Colton.”

“Were you expecting someone else?”

“Of course not, but I wasn’t expecting you either.”

“Will, Nolan and I snuck out and came back to town. I couldn’t stand to know you were a few miles away and sleeping alone.” He kissed her cheeks and eyes. “Why do you taste salty?”

“Do I?”

“Uh-huh. Have you been crying, Luce?”

“Maybe a little.”

“How come?”

What could she say? She couldn’t very well tell him she’d been crying because she’d been thinking about how best to end this thing with him while she still could.

“Lucy?”

“I’ve been thinking.”

“About?”

“This. Us. All of it.”

“Why do I get the awful feeling I’m not going to like what you’ve been thinking about?” His hand slipped beneath the long T-shirt she’d worn to bed. As always, his touch set her on fire.

She heard Molly’s voice in her head, reminding her that things like this didn’t come along every day.

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“You know I love you, right?”

“Yes, Lucy. I know. And I love you more every day.”

“That’s just it. I love you more every day, too, and I keep thinking about what happens a few months from now when it all goes bad. When living between two places gets to be too complicated. When we decide we can’t do this anymore. I’m afraid of that day, Colton. It’s all I can think about as I seem to get deeper into this all the time.”

“I want you to know that I understand what you’re saying, and I get why you’re afraid. We’d both be a little bit crazy not to be afraid of what’s going on here. But I’m asking you to trust me, to have faith in me and in us for a little while longer. Will you do that for me?”

“I want to have faith. You have no idea how badly I want that.”

“I know, honey.” He kissed her then, pouring all the love he felt for her into a kiss that made her body hum with the kind of desire that only he could arouse in her.

She needed to get closer to him, to hang on to the one thing that made sense in all of this. The T-shirt disappeared over her head into the darkness, followed soon after by her panties. His lips and hands were everywhere as he made her forget everything other than the powerful connection they’d shared from the very beginning.

He grasped her hands and held them over her head as he entered her in one smooth thrust that had her biting her lip to keep from crying out.

“Shh,” he whispered, his mouth curving into a smile against her lips. He pressed deeper into her, and Lucy arched her back. “Lucy . . . God. I love you so much. You have no idea.” He barely moved, but he touched her everywhere.

“Love you, too.” Lucy tugged her hands free and wrapped her arms around him. She held on tight, her fingers sifting through the hair he’d cut for her as his muscles flexed and his chest hair abraded her nipples. He overpowered all her worries with sweetness and tenderness that brought new tears to her eyes when she imagined how empty her life would be without him.

“Stay with me, honey. Give me this week. I promise you won’t regret it.”

“Okay.”

Her acquiescence seemed to spark a flame in him. Without making a sound, he took her somewhere she’d never been before, somewhere she already knew she’d never go with anyone but him.

*   *   *

The week passed in a flurry of activity that led up to their departure for Burlington on Friday. Every night, there’d been some sort of gathering with the friends who’d come to town for the wedding. Though Hannah had intended to keep her pregnancy a secret until after the wedding, it didn’t take long for the whole family to hear about the baby who would arrive in the spring.

While they spent a lot of time with Colton’s family and friends, they also spent much of their time alone on the mountain. Lucy powered through a ton of work during the day while he took care of his own work outside. He came in at lunchtime for what he called “conjugal visits.”

By the end of the week, Lucy had succeeded in pushing aside most of her worries about the future, mostly because she hadn’t had the time to dwell on them. With everyone around her in high spirits as the big day approached, she had no desire to be a downer in their midst. The Abbotts had waited a long time to see Hannah happy again, and though the weekend promised to be emotionally fraught for them, Lucy was determined to enjoy the celebration of two people who deserved as much happiness as life could bring them.

“Are you ready to go?” Colton asked her when he came in from securing the retail store for the weekend.

“Just about.”

“Elmer and Sarah are waiting by the truck.”

“I can’t believe everyone is bringing their dogs.”

“The Abbotts go nowhere without their dogs. You should know that by now.”

“But still, Colton. A wedding?”

“Wouldn’t be a family occasion without everyone there.”

“You’re nuts. You’re all nuts. I bet that huge house is going to get awfully small with everyone there.”

“That’s why we’re not staying there.”

“We aren’t?”

“Nope.” He came over to her and slipped his arms around her. “I want you all to myself this weekend with no prying eyes or ears anywhere near us.”

“We need to talk about all of this at some point, Colton. We’ve been in this dream state all week, pretending we don’t have anything to worry about when we both know that isn’t true.”

“You’re trusting me, remember?”

“Yes, but—”

He kissed her. “No buts about it. I promised you it would be okay, and it will be.”

“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“I never do. Let’s get going. The rehearsal dinner is at five. We don’t want to be late.” He picked up her bags and headed for the door.