I Rize (11 page)

“When I was told I would never be able to have children, I didn’t give up. I went to teach the next morning with a smile on my face. My students,” she pointed in his direction, “—you— are my inspiration.”

Miss Nora looked down and rubbed her cross necklace and gently kissed it before continuing. Her mother gave her the necklace from her deathbed. Breast cancer took her life years prior because every woman in the family had a genetic disposition to it. “I want you to study over the formulas tonight and come back tomorrow afternoon and retake this. Losing people you love does not mean you lose yourself—it means you keep going no matter how impossible the situation may seem.”

As Junior left the classroom, he stared at Adny’s seat. Walking to second period, he witnessed Madison shove Gracie’s books out of her hand. He would usually run by her side to help. Today, he stood looking, no emotion in his eyes.

Gracie looked up at him, teary-eyed, as Mickey reached down to help her. Mickey and Junior’s eyes locked for a split second, causing Junior to steer in the opposite direction.

Madison walked near him, shoving his shoulder, mouthing the words, “
Tick
.
Tock.
I’m still waiting for you to watch me blow up.”

J
unior sat in Adny’s hospital room for thirty minutes, hoping her grandmother would come to tell more amusing stories. Not only did the stress affect him internally, but externally, as well. Dark acne marks were present on his face from the many pimples he attempted to pop. Showers rarely occurred, and his hair smelled from lack of washing. Attempting to untangle the web of emotions seemed impossible the longer she was in the hospital.

Watching the IV fluid pass through her veins always gave him a weird feeling. A gentle touch of her collarbone felt like it increasingly protruded from her body. He brushed her hair back from the front of her face and chuckled under his breath, thinking about the many times he would ask her to cut them, trying to lighten the situation on his heart little by little. “Miss you so much, Bangs. I lost you and Mickey in the same week. I lost myself. How is any of this possible?”

As the nurse checked Adny’s vitals, Junior pulled out his laptop.

I’m very happy sophomore year is almost over. This year has been long and miserable. At least the picture fiasco is finding a slow death.

This will be a marvelous summer when my escape from this mental institution we call Valley High is executed. I’ve been planning my escape since sophomore year. Some students need to live here permanently because I am tired of walking the halls in the land of the crazies. It would be super awesome if Madison, Shandi, Terri, and all their other minions, could be confined in strait jackets and forced to live here against their own will. At least in that scenario, bullying wouldn’t exist anymore.

Junior chuckled to himself.

Tonight was the annual school play. I know it’s more fun to stay home and make fun of it, but Jace was cast as Romeo. I couldn’t miss his performance.

He rolled his eyes about to stop the video when she mentioned his name. “Yeah, I bet you couldn’t.”

Throughout the entire play, Jace kept staring at me, and I back at him. I couldn’t stay long because people were being too harsh about the final kissing scene approaching. Everyone started chanting ’Chubbs,’ over and over again before they could finish the scene. For that one moment, my tormentors focus was on someone else. I felt relieved, but then felt bad for Gracie. I know what her tears feel like.

He looked away from the laptop for a moment. “I know what those tears feel like, too.”

She ran out crying through the double doors. I followed her to Thalian Hall. I have never stepped foot in the building, but it illuminates bright against the night sky. It looks like a grand castle where only rich and powerful people are allowed to live.

I walked in and saw the massive ballroom with tablecloths lined in gold material. A group of people pointed me in the right direction. I looked in the theatre room and saw Gracie sitting at the piano playing a soft tune. As I got closer, the more I could hear her voice. She is such an amazing singer whose talent will take her far in life.

“I hope she will let me hear her sing one day.”

She sang a song I had never heard of, but the words were so beautiful. I closed my eyes, and sat in a distant chair, so she wouldn’t notice me. I took it all in sitting in the empty room. I could feel the pain through each word, which sent chills up my spine. Her voice is like a delicate angel. My voice is the sound of a cat dying over and over again.

A tiny smile inched across Junior’s face. “Don’t feel bad, Adny, you and I were born shower singers and will die shower singers.” He watched as tears welled in Adny’s eyes while talking about hearing Gracie’s singing for the first time.

You probably would have cried too if you heard the beautiful, never-ending story. Being there reminded me of Miss Nora’s classroom because my problems seemed to vanish magically. She heard me crying and abruptly stopped playing.

When I was having a crappy day at school, I would see her crying or with her head down. I would come and talk to her for a while to make her feel like she mattered to at least one person at Valley High. We all need to feel accepted.

I told her I loved her voice and wanted to know her inspiration.

She told me how during the Christmas holidays, her family would take her to see the Nutcracker. I wish you could have been there to see her face light up while talking about how magical it was the first time she saw it at eight years of age. Ever since then she knew she wanted to go to Juilliard. I told her how it I believed in her, but it wouldn’t make a difference if she didn’t believe in herself.

She took a while to respond, but eventually admitted how she still has to learn how to love herself. She called me one of the nicest people at the school and didn’t understand why people treated me so horribly.

I can’t believe she always thought my life was perfect from the outside looking in.

Dang, I wish it were.

When the nurse finished, he leaned down beside her bed, rubbing her cold hands between his warm fingers. “I know you always lean on me for support, but I need to lean on you now.”

Each passing day the black hole in his heart filled with indifference—detachment toward everyone in his life grew larger.

D
ETECTIVE MILLER woke up to the sounds of his alarm clock. His wife turned over and joked around. “Are you ready to be a psychologist for a week?” He playfully threw a pillow at her before getting dressed.

His wife plopped the pillow off her head and pointed to the manila folder on the nightstand. “How long have you been working this case?”

“Why do you ask?”

As he looked into the mirror struggling to straighten his tie, she came up behind him to fix it. “I know I shouldn’t be breaking violations, but I asked because Adny Storm was my patient. I prescribed her Zoloft for her depression, but she only came to one session.”

A blank expression came over Detective Miller’s face while pushing her hands away. She forced her hands back around the upper part of his shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

While checking the contents of his briefcase, Detective Miller said, “Your patient, Adny, was the young girl who tried to commit suicide last week.”

His wife’s hands fell effortlessly back onto the bed. She was speechless. While he left for work, she placed her head on the pillow and stared at the ceiling for the remainder of the day.

M
adison skipped school to visit her mother in the hospital. Her mother was in and out of the hospital for the past year. Principal Cooper never visited his hurt wife. Madison’s mannerisms and attitude completely changed around the close confinement of family. The wall blocking her emotions was nonexistent.

She walked in, sat on the chair beside her mother, and rolled up the blunt from her purse. “You’re looking better. I see the bruise around your neck is more flesh tone.”

Her mother struggled to keep her eyes open as she talked, still weak. “Hopefully I will be home again, and we will all be a happy family.”

“Dad needs to stop hurting you. I’m tired of keeping this ‘perfect’ family act up. Shit is getting old.” Madison could feel her phone vibrate in her pocket from an incoming text.

I’m waiting outside for you pretty thang.

The nurse on duty walked into the room and the strong marijuana smell caused her to cover her nose. “Excuse me, Miss. Smoking is not allowed in or anywhere near the hospital. You are going to have to leave.”

Madison rubbed the remainder of the blunt on the bottom of the seat and placed the leftover ash in the nurse’s hands, smiling. Before she walked out her mother said, “I love you.”

No response came from Madison’s end. The door slammed behind her, causing the picture to shake out of place on the wall. As she walked down the hallway into the waiting area, everyone looked back at her, presumably from the strong smell of marijuana on her clothes. She ignored them all. Her gaze was directly focused on the white truck waiting outside.

In the passenger seat, she stumbled over remembering his name. He was one of her repeat customers whom she solicited private for money.

“What’s your name again?”

“Mike.”

He paid large amounts of money, along with drugs, for compensation purposes. The only job was to give him what he wanted in return. Real or fake, didn’t matter. The days spent alone together in her room, were the days she didn’t care about anything else but money. Sex meant nothing. It didn’t take away the problems like the drugs did. This was their third casual encounter. The money drove all focus, as his age was not a factor.

They both walked into the room with his hands around her waist. Initially, walking into her room was a constant reminder of the first time she witnessed domestic abuse. At the age of fifteen, the room became her sanctuary to escape from the real world. Mike turned her to face him, bringing her mind back to reality.

You ready, pretty thang?”

“Yeah, whatever. Let’s get this over with.”

The sex was a business transaction. The rewards were not for pleasure. Every time he was on top of her, all she thought about was how much marijuana to buy. The solicitation started during sophomore year. There was no turning back because her life was anything but normal. No one knew or suspected.

The intensity of the sex increased. She was on her stomach, constantly staring at the alarm clock, pretending to be interested. When the thirty minutes were over, she took a sigh of relief. He placed $200.00 on top of her pillow.

“My dad will be home soon, so you need to leave now.”

She quickly got up and showered. Hunger consumed her body after a smoke session or sex. She sat at the kitchen table eating a sandwich when something made her look at the carpet in front of the television. Walking over to the living room, she noticed the bloodstain remained. It was the same blood her father forced her mother to clean, after he punched her in the face. Principal Cooper hit his wife against the carpet repeatedly when the blood never came out. It faded over time.

Madison fought back the tears down memory lane while rubbing her hand over the bloodstain.

Principal Cooper walked in and saw her on her knees. “Stop wasting your time.”

“Go to hell,” Madison said as she grabbed her purse and keys.

He ignored her comment, grabbing her arm. “Where are you going?

She shoved him off. A mix of vulgarities from her father’s mouth could be heard after shutting the door to leave for the therapist appointment.

M
adison was twenty minutes late for the appointment. She signed in at the receptionist desk and waited to be called in. After five minutes of impatience, a blunt was rolled up until her name was finally called. The outside of the door read:
D. MILLER
. The assistant motioned for her to sit down and quietly closed the door.

“Madison, we meet again.”

Her lips poked out when she initially heard the voice sitting behind the desk in the leather chair. Detective Miller turned around.

“Let me guess, you are going to record this, too.”

“No, Madison. If I feel you are ready after three sessions, you will never see my face again. Do you need me to repeat? The last time we talked, you had a hard time following directions.”

Madison sat sideways in her chair with her arms folded, staring at the wall near the window. “I’m not a five year old. I get it.”

“Unless the curtain covering the window is more entertaining, I need you to look in my direction.”

Madison slowly turned, scratching the chair on the wooden floor with her arms still folded.

“Are you happy with your life?”

“Yes, seeing people cry gives me a great feeling.”

The detective’s eyebrows lowered when he heard the response. He rummaged through a few pages in her file and noted the anger management sessions she was signed up for during high school. “What other emotions do you feel?”

“I don’t feel a specific emotion. I’m just satisfied during their time of misery.”

On the next page, he noted the domestic abuse between her parents. “Madison, do you have a good relationship with your mother and father?”

“Mother, yes. Father, no.”

“Why isn’t your relationship with your father strong?”

“He gets angry and hits my mom. That shit pisses me off.”

Detective Miller made a quick note on his writing pad regarding the shift in the tone of her voice when she talked about her father. “Your chart says you grew up in New York. What brought you here?”

“I miss living in New York, but we were forced to move.”

During Madison’s freshman year, her father got fired for hitting her mother in front of staff during a PTA meeting. Money and connections were used to gain a principal position at Valley High School in North Carolina.

Detective Miller kept looking back and forth from her chart. “Do you think the reason why you enjoyed hurting Adny was because your father enjoyed hurting your mother?”