I Got This (8 page)

Wow!

That’s about all you can really say after hearing something like that from Ms. Oprah Winfrey. That phone call was the beginning of a much-cherished relationship I now have with “Mama O.” I always tease her and say that she is the queen and I am a princess. Oprah is one of the few people I’ve come to know through my career who will take the time to talk to me and tell it to me like it is.
Whether I want to hear it or not, Oprah tells the truth. And if you’re smart, you’ll listen. I say a lot of “Yes, ma’am”s when we get together. Oprah will say what she has to say
one
time. She’s not out to convince me of anything other than that her heart is always in the right place. It is up to me to accept what she says or not. And let me say that when Oprah talks, I listen, because she has a lifetime of insights and experience ahead of me that would be foolish to ignore. Oprah reminds me so much of my own mother, because that is exactly the way Mama was with me, too.

So, I had played my first role in a feature film, the role of a lifetime. I had been to Cannes. I had been told I could get an Oscar nod for the work I did. I had received a call of congratulations from Ms. Oprah Winfrey. What more could a girl ask for? I was already blessed beyond my wildest dreams. But more was coming, more than I could imagine.

A
fter Cannes, the buzz on
Dreamgirls
really got going. I was feeling so much love from Hollywood, something I was completely not prepared for. It was all really flattering, but also a little confusing and overwhelming at the same time. The big girl with the big voice was getting congratulated on her success, and not told that she had to lose weight to fit the right image for a celebrity. I thought that sentiment would last, but just in case, I tried to enjoy it for as long as I could.

After the movie wrapped production I went back home to Chicago for the summer and tried to get back to life as I once knew it. I lost the twenty pounds I had gained for the film doing what I had always done—eating brown rice, chicken, and broccoli, and getting up every day at 5
A.M.
to run. I was back on the same cycle
that had worked for me before. I spent that entire summer working out on my own in the morning, and then again at a local gym in the afternoon. I was doing what basketball players refer to as “two-a-days.” I thought I was doing everything right, eating the right things, exercising the right way. My system was effective, because by the end of the summer, I got right back to where I always landed—a comfortable size 10.

I continued working on my album, spending most of my spare time recording in the studio. Sometime toward the end of the summer, the producers of
Dreamgirls
called to say they wanted me to come back to Los Angeles to do some pickup shots they needed to finish the film. Pickups are small or minor shots that are filmed after a movie is wrapped to augment existing footage. This sometimes is needed when the right shot isn’t available during the editing process or when the studio wants to tweak a scene because it doesn’t play well once they’ve put the pieces together. I was happy to do whatever they needed me to do, of course. In fact, I was happy to step back into the role of Effie.

And then they dropped a real bomb.

“You have to gain back all of the weight you’ve lost,” the producers said.

I didn’t even have to think about it. “No way,” was my response.

I had worked hard to lose those twenty pounds. Too hard to pack them back on again. I was feeling good, back in my size-10 clothes. I thought I looked good, too. Plus, gaining that much
weight in such a short amount of time couldn’t possibly be healthy. They only needed me to do one or two quick shots. Surely they would be able to work something out without me having to gain back all of the weight I had just dropped! I stood my ground, and though it was a bit of a struggle, the studio finally let it go. They solved the problem by shooting close-ups of me, so the audience could not see the difference in my body.

B
ack in Cannes, I had been introduced to a Hollywood agent at the special screening for the film set up by the studio. After the movie ended, she came over to talk to me.

“Has Clive Davis ever heard you sing?” she asked.

As far as I knew, the answer was no. Clive Davis is the legendary music producer and musical genius behind the careers of so many talented singers, including Whitney Houston, Alicia Keys, and Kelly Clarkson, just to name a few. The agent assured me that as soon as she got back to the United States, she would go straight to his office and tell him all about me. I figured I’d wait and see if that really happened. I thought that I was in the right place to meet the kind of person who could make such a fantastic connection for me, so I felt cautiously optimistic.

By November 2006, Clive Davis had bought out my existing recording contract with another label and signed me to Arista Records. Clive took me under his wing and has treated me like a
daughter from day one. In his own way, Clive let me know that I didn’t stand a chance of becoming a superstar performer if I stayed “fat.” It was actually Walter who shared this with me. I think he dreaded saying it to me, but as my best friend, he knew he had to. My response was, “When was someone going to tell me?” But as tough as it was to hear, I knew it was tough love coming from Clive Davis. I also knew that Clive Davis understood the music business far better than I did. I also knew that he had an understanding that image sets the standard in the record industry. If Clive doesn’t like your image, he isn’t signing you. So the fact that he believed in me enough to say what he said made me take it to heart.

I announced my record deal on
The Oprah Winfrey Show,
where I shared my plans to get into the studio to record my
official
“first” album in early 2007. It was during that same show that I received a videotaped apology from none other than Mr. Simon Cowell for being so tough on me on
American Idol
. “Don’t forget to thank me in your Oscar acceptance speech!” he joked. To be honest, though, I had never harbored one moment of anger or disrespect for Simon or any of the other judges from that show. They did exactly what they were supposed to do. They offered advice, which was mine to accept or reject. I was eternally grateful for the chance to be on
American Idol
, now more than ever, because I know I got to stand before the world as Effie White because of the chance that show gave me to sing in front of millions of people.

I
was so excited to start work on my first real record, but before I could do that
Dreamgirls
was going to open, and I would see myself on the big screen for the first time. Just before the worldwide premiere of
Dreamgirls,
the reality of what had happened suddenly hit me. It was early December 2006. I was sitting in a parking lot one night just thinking,
Oh my God
. I just did a major motion picture. I got the part of Effie White and the world is about to see what I can really do. I have a record deal with Arista and Clive Davis. I am beyond fortunate. What else could be in store for me?

Dreamgirls
had a limited opening in theaters on December 22, 2006, and its national release on January 12, 2007. Studios will sometimes release a film early in a small number of theaters so it can be considered for the upcoming awards season, and DreamWorks had high hopes for
Dreamgirls
.

In the fall, I attended premieres for the film in New York, Los Angeles, and London. These evenings were amazing, like a dream. I wore gorgeous gowns, walked the red carpet, and tried to live in these once-in-a-lifetime moments. Not once during any of the premieres did I hear a single comment about my look. I hoped those days were behind me.

I wanted to watch the film with regular moviegoers, not with
just my family or other industry professionals, to see what it was like. The first time I watched the film with strangers was around Christmas. Julia, Jason, and I went to a theater in my old neighborhood in Chicago and snuck in after the film started so no one would know I was there. We stood off to the side and watched the audience’s reactions. I was dying inside, waiting for that moment when I sing “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going.” I knew what that scene meant to me because of the way I had connected to the emotions to create that moment, but I had no idea how regular folks would react. It was like being naked and exposed up there with hundreds of eyes watching and judging me. When the time finally came for that scene, I wanted to crawl under a chair and hide. Thank God my brother and sister were there.

On the heels of my last note, everyone in the audience stood from their chairs and clapped. I got a standing ovation—in a movie theater!

I was stunned by their response. Absolutely, positively taken aback.

It was so honest, so real. It was a completely different type of applause than I had ever received. It was tender, moving, and fulfilling in every way. I was emotional but very happy.

I will never forget that experience because it opened my eyes to the journey I was taking in a way I couldn’t otherwise understand or see until that moment. If it weren’t for the fans’ reaction and
their support, I am not sure I would be where I am today. And for that, I will be forever appreciative and grateful.

Dreamgirls
was an instant smash hit with both audiences and the press. I was being called the breakout star of the film for my role as Effie White. The studio called to tell me they were going to put a big push behind me for the Academy Awards category of Best Supporting Actress. I could hardly believe what I was hearing.

Were they really talking about me?

Jennifer Hudson…Academy Award–nominated
actress
?

Singer I could wrap my head around. But this was difficult to comprehend.

By mid-January, I attended my first press event in New York City to kick off awards season. I was back to my regular low point of size 10, and feeling really good. I stood in the middle of a large room filled with members of the press, all there to see the breakout star from
Dreamgirls.
Suddenly, someone turned to me and said, “Wait a minute. Who is this? This is not Effie!” I was stunned. Was I
that
unrecognizable? I had lost only twenty pounds!

As I was leaving the event, my publicist turned to me and said, “The producers really want you to gain back the weight. You no longer look like Effie. The press and media feels connected to Effie. If you want their support, you have to get into character.”

I was shocked. First of all, the irony of the situation was almost too much to take. I remembered the comments about my weight during
American Idol
. I remembered not getting the Barry Manilow job. I remembered the comments from the audience during my Final Notice days about my outfits not fitting. Now here I was in Hollywood, in a town where a size 10 is considered plus size, and I was being told to put
on
weight! I had been lauded for my role as Effie. Why couldn’t my performance speak for itself? Why did what the scale said when I stepped on it
always
come into play, either one way or the other? I was at my comfortable size. I couldn’t win for losing. Literally.

“They want me to do what?” I asked. My publicist could see that I wasn’t at all happy with the request. She explained the process of the awards season—Golden Globes to Oscars. She explained that everyone wanted to see Effie. Not Jennifer.

“It’s not going to happen,” I said to my publicist.

“You are the leading contender, Jennifer. You have the potential to win every award you’re nominated for. You don’t want to do anything to affect your chances, do you?”

I told her, “It is what it is.” And even though I knew it was a risk, I stuck to my guns. Oh, yes. Jenny Kate had made a decision. I was so tired of losing and gaining weight to please other people. I was going to let my work speak for itself.

I
had learned a lot of lessons over the years, but especially since my time on
American Idol
. They are the two notions I cling to always—and you’ve heard me refer to them before in this book.

They are:

I was done being judged for my appearance. It shouldn’t matter if I weighed the same, fifty pounds more, or a hundred pounds less. Effie was a
character
I
played.
When I look back at pictures of me as Effie, I see a heavier version of me, but she wasn’t me. I thought the difference in my appearance only helped to show off my range and commitment as an actress. I wanted people to understand that Effie isn’t Jennifer and Jennifer isn’t Effie. I certainly didn’t want to get pigeonholed as a plus-size actress. I wanted to demonstrate that I did what I had to do to play Effie, but now I was moving forward with other plans. And my gamble paid off because despite my weight at the time, I was nominated for an Oscar after all.

I
transformed my look all throughout awards season. For the Golden Globes, I left my hair down in soft waves and wore a navy blue Vera Wang gown with a deep V-neck that twisted at my waist. I was going for old Hollywood glamour that night, and I felt truly glamorous when I received my award for Best Supporting Actress.

Then came the Grammys, which I attended for the first time in February 2007. I was asked that night to present an award with
Justin Timberlake. I chose a tight red dress that I knew really showed off my curves. This was Jennifer’s big night out. That night I was J-Hud! I loved that look and felt like I was showing off who I really was outside of Effie White.

And finally, on February 25, 2007, after a whirlwind of accolades, I won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress.

When George Clooney announced, “And the Oscar goes to Jennifer Hudson!” I was frozen in my seat. I was positive that I was the only one who heard my name. But then everyone was looking at me in a strange way, clapping and waiting for me to do something. Bill Condon, who escorted me to the awards ceremony that evening and who was sitting next to me, hit me to get up.